Saix (_moonrise_) wrote in marinasylum, @ 2010-10-12 21:13:00 |
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Current location: | Sector 0 |
Entry tags: | :action, axel, nepeta leijon, saix, yosuke otoha |
[Action|Open]
[Isolated locations seem best for introspection. Considering what extra abilities are required to reach the top of the bell-tower, it certainly qualifies. In a way it seems like trespassing; perhaps he has some unconscious desire to be stumbled across by those who already laid claim to this place, for its familiarity to what they’d left behind. Twilight Town had never been more than another world to him, just like all the others. He’d resented Axel for making attachments to that place—their home was destroyed, why was he replacing it? But that was a lifetime ago, in perception if not reality.]
[He’s shelved far too much, pretending certainty and conclusion when there was none. It’s easier to repeat that he’s sure, that he’s already decided, that he knows what he’s doing and what he wants. Even if he can’t tell whether or not it’s a lie. It was bound to erode eventually, and it seems eventually is now.]
[Day 67]
[He’s been in this place, this underwater bowl on some unknown world, for more than two months. He’s grown complacent--allowed this place, these people within it, to invade his sense of self to a point that is…..alarming. How much was carelessness, how much was self-delusion? How much of it was him clinging to what was within reach as substitute for what he couldn’t have?]
[Had he managed to form anything meaningful at all? He’d gotten very good at playing the role of one complete; hunting through memories—fragmented or otherwise, all well-worn from constant revisiting—for the appropriate reactions, expressions, and words had become reflex. Sometimes he hardly noticed what he was doing anymore—such a departure from the Castle of Never Was, where he’d only put forth the effort if goaded or coaxed into it by Axel.]
[Axel. Always Axel, at the root of all complications. Every powerful emotion Isa had ever felt could lead back to him in his earlier form. It had been hard enough before having Axel’s letter burning a hole in his pocket and in his mind. How did he know it wasn’t just an echo? Fou-Lu had asked him that, once—he’d been very sure of his answer then. Where that certainty had come from—where any of it had come from—he still doesn’t know. It shouldn’t have been at possible. Yet Axel seldom intruded into his thoughts when the two of them were together, and hadn’t at all the night Acumen had still been offline. When morning had come his concern had been for the silence where three small words would have fit in perfectly, but had remained unfilled. Not for any physical impediment—nothing prevented him from silently mouthing the syllables (though, self-conscious as always, he’d only done it once, alone…..just to prove that he could)—but for fear that those words would ring hollow.]
[Would hollow describe all the other connections he’d formed? How meaningful could a patchwork of memory and mimicry be? If there was so little distinction between Isa’s interaction with the people of Radiant Garden and his own here in Marina, could they have any meaning at all? Could he really claim to have cared for Namine, when so much had been borrowed from how Isa had spoken to the red haired girl who picked flowers in front of the castle? Did he really have a sense of loyalty to Sentience, or was it just a result of speaking to her like Isa had spoken to his mother? Others were more muddled, built of more fragments, but in the end he can still trace each one back to someone he’d once known…..even if he’d long since forgotten their names.]
[He still has the seashell Namine gave him. Just a shell, completely indistinguishable from the hundreds of others on the artificial beach Sentience had constructed. Objects only have what significance they were given. He’d managed that, managed to imbue a mundane object enough meaning to make it precious. What did that mean for him?]
[He’d wondered before, why people willingly make themselves easier to hurt. Attachments meant weakness: another potential loss, potential hostage, potential heartbreak. Having more, by logical extension, means having more to lose. At the zenith of his isolation in Never Was, he couldn’t fathom why anyone would do that to themselves. Now…]
[Now it’s one of the few answers he does have. They do it because they can’t bear not to.]
(((OOC: Up on the bell-tower you'll find Saix. Just picture him sitting there looking vaguely concerned, with a gigantic thought ballon over his head full to the point of bursting; he's having the Nobody version of an existential crisis. Feel free to interrupt him! Bonus points if your character's method of getting up there is unorthodox and strange)))