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Tweak says, "Luke, I am your father."

Ianto Jones (readystopwatch) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-08-07 07:00:00

Entry tags:

ianto jones, spike

Day 439 (Backdated) | Action | Closed to Spike
[Ianto has barely hung up on his call with Tyki before he's staggering out of the library towards the Blood Shack. He'll have to talk to jack soon as well but right now he just can't take being alone with this and while Jack could be anywhere in the dome he knows exactly where he can find Spike. What's more he's the one who has a past with Tyki, the one who might actually try to talk to him in person and the idea of him being hurt is all he can think about.

The walk to the Blood Shack is a blur, one more thing that's impossible to focus on with his frantic pulse ringing in his ears and the barely controlled panic coursing through his whole body. He's genuinely terrified by this turn of events and he couldn't hide it even if he tried. He's white and his hands are shaking enough to make him struggle with the door. When he's finally inside he doesn't know what to say or do except stagger around the bar and into his arms.]

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chipswiththat
2017-08-09 02:54 pm UTC (link)

[ He gives Ianto a squeeze around the shoulders, filling up his glass again. This is one of the downsides to dating a vampire - no sense of what alcohol will do to your innards in the long run. ]

I don't blame you. [ He fakes a sigh, torn between wanting to give context to why he thinks Tyki is done for, and not wanting to give Ianto unnecessarily grisly details. ] I saw him, after. It... it was pretty brutal. Worse than for me, that's for sure.

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readystopwatch
2017-08-09 03:00 pm UTC (link)

[Fill away. He's starting to get just enough of a buzz from this to decide that getting too drunk to walk home is a really brilliant plan. He wants an excuse not to hurt or think for a few hours.]

I suppose I should be glad he was suffering but I'm not. It's hard to feel satisfied about it from my end. It isn't as though it changed any of what happened. [He plays with his glass for a moment before asking hesitantly.] Did he feel any remorse for what he'd done? Was it like when you got your soul back?

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chipswiththat
2017-08-09 03:51 pm UTC (link)

[ No one can blame him for that and when the time comes, Spike will scoop him up like a sleepy child and get him into bed safe and sound. ]

It's not the same. [ Said with some hesitation, because he's not entirely sure what's going on. ] Can't say what was going through his head that day, but he was resigned to it. He was... human. [ He pauses again, but maybe it's important to paint the whole picture. ]

A human full of flesh eating butterflies, trying to chew their way out. Poetic justice, I guess.

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readystopwatch
2017-08-09 03:59 pm UTC (link)

[Most of that hesitation is coming from how similar what they did to both of them was, and it leaves him feeling mixed up and miserable about it all. He never had time to see what their actions did to Tyki. He was gone so soon after that they didn't have to worry about consequences, consequences he's watched Spike struggle to live with every day since then.]

I don't think it is. Justice, I mean. There wasn't any for either of us after what happened. I was just the only mess anyone had to worry about cleaning up until today.

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chipswiththat
2017-08-09 04:07 pm UTC (link)

I asked him about it, you know. The Noah, if he wanted it back and he couldn't give me a straight answer. In that sense, I think we're the same. Was the same.

[ Because Spike's done the work to move away from that state of limbo where you have no purpose and there's a hole in your chest and nothing you do can fill that aching void because everything is pointless and why didn't they just kill you instead of condemning you to this cruel and unusual punishment? ]

Not that it matters much now. I don't think he has it in him to cause trouble, and after tomorrow night I'll probably know for sure.

[ He reaches for his cigarettes, changing his mind half way and ends up just laying them on the table. Can't exactly smoke with Ianto pressed so close to him. ]

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readystopwatch
2017-08-09 04:16 pm UTC (link)

It took you some time to decide if it was worth having your soul back. We just never gave him the chance.

[He slides the cigarettes back over to his reach. There's something comforting about it, that smell of smoke and blood and leather coat that is so distinctly Spike. Anyway he's making steady progress on this bottle of whiskey and has already reached the point of being too out of it to really care.]

I wish I could say I hope he's changed or he can start over but I think that would be a lie. I'll never be able to forgive him or trust him so I suppose I don't really care one way or another. It's not satisfying to know he's suffering, but I don't feel any pity for him, either. I don't want anything to do with him at all.

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chipswiththat
2017-08-09 04:45 pm UTC (link)

[ If the smell of blood is comforting, he'll be in for a treat tomorrow night. That's all in the future though and for now Spike's grateful for the gesture, knocking one out against the table and lighting it one-handed, never really letting go of Ianto. ]

I'd say that shows you're handling it pretty well. Not saying you're over it, but maybe ready to move on at least. [ Or he's just burying his emotions, but who is Spike to judge for that? It was horrifying. ] Forget about him. From the sound of it, he seems just about ready to forget about you too.

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readystopwatch
2017-08-09 04:53 pm UTC (link)

I thought I was moving on until today. [He really was. Spike knows first hand he's more or less stopped having nightmares about it. And as odd as it sounds his experiments with bondage he and Jack have been exploring have made him feel more confident, like he really has moved past the fear of being overpowered and helpless. And all it's taken is one little conversation with Tyki to tear all of that down and destroy it. He can feel tears of frustration and misery prickling at his eyes and squeezes them shut to keep any from leaking out.]

I hate that he can forget about me and I can't do the same. I don't want to let him have this power over me. Feeling this way makes me feel like I'm back there that night all over again. I'm just as helpless to get over this as I was to get away and it's so damn frustrating.

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buh html

chipswiththat
2017-08-09 05:06 pm UTC (link)

You're not. [ It may sound like he's about to argue that Ianto isn't helpless and that he'll get over it no problem and there's no reason for him to worry, but we all know Spike doesn't operate that way. ]

You got something you didn't that night — you got me and there's no way in hell Tyki'll get through me. You hear? [ He tightens his grip over Ianto's shoulders. ] And that's something you did. You got me here. Without you- I don't know where I'd be right now.

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readystopwatch
2017-08-09 05:13 pm UTC (link)

[This sort of thing has always been a strength of theirs. Emotional support, talking, just being there even before they were anything more than friends. He leans into that grip, head finding his shoulder.]

I feel that way also. [They both know how much he leaned on him in the days after the attack. He doesn't think he'd be this functional without that support. Back then it felt easier because Spike wasn't someone close to him, and he approached things so differently. Now it's different, but no less important. And those words were something he really needed to hear now..] Thank you. I'm glad we got each other here.

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	chipswiththat 2017-08-09 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	Me too. You have me a reason. [ He presses a kiss on Ianto's head, quite content to leave the topic of Tyki Mikk alone for the night unless Ianto brings it up again. He'll know more tomorrow night, just like he'll know then that this is the last time they'll ever sit together in the Blood Shack. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

So much nostalgia with that thread!

readystopwatch
2017-08-09 05:39 pm UTC (link)

[If they're going to have a last time in the place this moment just now feels like a good one. In the middle of all the pain and fear this, right here, feels perfect and for just this instant he feels reassured and maybe even safe. He was alone last time but he isn't now and that makes it possible to sit here in his arms, and maybe eventually even doze off enough for Spike to carry him home.]

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