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Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-01-23 17:54:00

Entry tags:

ianto jones, jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), peter parker (stnas)

Day 412 The rewind
[Video/Action | OPEN]
So that...happened.

I've been here for awhile and for those of you who are on the newer side of things, I wish I had some keen insight for you, but that's just one of the games they play. It was kind of a remix of some of their old ones. [She's seen people remember more future before and seen people think they were connected to others in new ways. She had a husband for a day once before.] I think it's just important to remember who you are without their toying and lean on people when you need to. We're in this together.

I don't think what we saw was a real future even if parts of it seemed like they were. There were some conflicting outlooks. Of course, that hasn't stopped me from trying to remember exactly how we overthrew them in mine. [It hasn't stopped her from thinking about a lot of things it brought up.]

Anyway... [She hopes you're all okay. She would have been better at saying that yesterday when it was still twenty years from now. So, she just ends the feed there and you might find her out and about looking particularly thoughtful. Maybe absently walking through solid objects including you! As one does.]

[Action | Closed to Chekov]
[Before her broadcast or any other calls there is just a girl waking up next to a boy. Everything feels right at first. She snuggles closer and the details don't feel important. Are they still in the future? Was yesterday a dream or an experiment? It doesn't matter yet. She's only half awake and warm and comfortable.]

[Video | Closed to Jack]
Hey, so, how are things? [Concerned but also unsure how to ask if yesterday ruined his relationships for real.]

[Video | Closed to Ianto]
Need a coffee? [Code for "let's talk."]

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-30 01:47 pm UTC (link)

And he lost them all. I haven't been alive for centuries. I'm still young for a regular person. But I've lost more than my share of people and it's not something that gets easier. For me, it doesn't make me more open. I have to fight to stay open to people because I know it's important. It makes it worth going on, but my impulse is to close myself off. To not let people get in so that when I lose them it won't hurt so much. Maybe he just isn't sure how to change. There aren't a lot of guides for it.

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readystopwatch
2017-01-30 01:55 pm UTC (link)

I understand that, Kitty, I really do. I'm not saying he has to share every deepest darkest secret he has. I just want to be able to feel like I can have an actual conversation with him once in awhile. And right now I don't. Whenever something is bothering me, even if it's something between the two of us I go to Spike with it, and I'm starting to think that isn't healthy. For any of us.

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-30 02:05 pm UTC (link)

Ianto, I love you. [The reach of yesterday is great. She means it. She just wouldn't normally say it without more provocation.] You're a great friend and confidant. I want all the best things for you. And I definitely want you to feel like you have someone, more than one someone even that you can go to. But think about what you said.

You're the one making this choice to not go to Jack with these things. He isn't getting the chance to fail or succeed with them. I understand it not being easy and I'm sure Jack is part of that. But right now you don't really know how it would work if you actually did it.

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readystopwatch
2017-01-30 02:23 pm UTC (link)

[There's a long silence, because some of that sounds a lot like what Jack was saying. When he finally does answer it's much more quietly and shaky than before.] It's just hard to even know how to approach him. He's so intense, and a part of me is always going to feel like I should just be grateful he's even noticed me and not ask any questions. Another part of me is always going to feel like he's my boss. It's hard, putting all that aside sometimes. I've never really learned how.

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-30 02:32 pm UTC (link)

[She reaches out to put a hand over his, giving it a squeeze and holding on.] You are every bit worthy and deserving of being with him. And he loves you. I think he sees that and if he doesn't I'll help you kick his ass. But he chose you.

The boss thing... I can't believe I'm about to say this and you can go back to pretending I didn't in a minute, but maybe you could try some roleplaying in bed as the boss? I think he's better at communicating with physical touch anyway. It might give you more confidence and help him see things from another perspective.

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	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 02:43 pm UTC (link)
	[That second comment actually gets a very small smile from him.] Believe me when I say we have thoroughly exhausted every possible sexual combination of employer/employee scenarios. I know he loves me. I know we work well together. But I also know I want to find a way to fix this, to actually improve it instead of just going back to how things were. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 03:03 pm UTC (link)
	I'm so glad we're having this conversation. [She shakes her head, more amused than embarrassed.] [She gives his hand another squeeze before moving it away for now.] That sounds like a good plan. Just... Make sure Jack knows that's the plan. If I were him I would be so afraid to lose you right now. And probably doing and saying stupid things because of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

readystopwatch
2017-01-30 03:08 pm UTC (link)

Afraid of losing me? [He sounds faintly disbelieving, like he can't believe she just suggested it. Sure, Jack said something similar after he slept with Spike that first time but the idea of him leaving seems just as laughable now as it did then. Jack is always so confident, so sure of himself. There's no way he could really think that.] I find that hard to believe.

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kitty_has_claws
2017-01-30 03:16 pm UTC (link)

He loves you and you've found this thing you need—which, to be fair, is a pretty common and normal thing to need—in someone who isn't him. And it's a blind spot for him and even confident people can get insecure about things we aren't good at. [Lumping herself in there.] And we just spent a day feeling the weight of twenty years where you did leave him. It's not that easy to shake off.

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	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 03:18 pm UTC (link)
	So how do I tell him that in a way he'll understand? [Share your confident person ways with him.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 03:23 pm UTC (link)
	I mean, whatever feels right to you. And however you think it will feel best to him. You know him best. Something like telling him you love him and you want to be with him and you're committed to making it work and you just want to make it work better for both you. And maybe include some touching since that's the language he understands? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	I don't suppose you could just go tell him all that for me and make it easier? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 03:34 pm UTC (link)
	I feel like me doing the touching part might send mixed signals. [Also, she did a lot of the touching of him yesterday.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 03:48 pm UTC (link)
	I suppose I could handle that part of it if you do the rest. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 03:54 pm UTC (link)
	You gotta do it yourself. [Smiling at him.] And soon but then maybe back off for awhile because I think the twenty years thing is still making us all a little weird. I hugged you when I got here. Not that you aren't extremely huggable. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 04:06 pm UTC (link)
	I'm really not extremely huggable. [Really not his thing at all.] I'll sleep on it. Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 04:09 pm UTC (link)
	Sure. Soooo... Did I mention Chekov told me he loves me? [Because that wasn't super recent, but it was also 20 years agoish so it's hard to remember what she might have said.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 04:16 pm UTC (link)
	Yesterday or today? [Either way it's a big deal.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	...Both. And then also before yesterday. [All big, different deals.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 04:25 pm UTC (link)
	And did you tell him you loved him back? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 04:26 pm UTC (link)
	I did on one of the three. If you guessed it's the one where I was married to him in the future you'd be right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 04:27 pm UTC (link)
	Did you only feel that way in the future? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2017-01-30 04:32 pm UTC (link)

[She takes a deep breath and leans back in the chair.] Right now I feel like I'm in love him. I almost said it back this morning. I felt it. I wanted to say it. But... I feel like I've been in love with him for a long time. Like the lines of yesterday and today are blurred. I know I wasn't sure before and I'm afraid in a week I won't be sure again and I will have already said it and it would be worse. Which is what I told him.

The first time he said it I told him he was very important to me.

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	readystopwatch 2017-01-30 04:43 pm UTC (link)
	I can understand that. [He still dosent know if the problems he and Jack are having just now would ever even have come up if it wasn't for yesterday.] How did he take all that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2017-01-30 04:50 pm UTC (link)
	Amazingly. The way he handles everything. He's so good to me, Ianto. [She smiles.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)