InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Can I have four beers?"

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-13 21:52:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), spike, ton phanan

Day 375 — Open Action/Private Video

[So much happened yesterday, but they were only dreams. Only dreams that she still remembers almost as vividly as memories even hours after waking up. Only dreams that everyone who shared them will also likely remember. Only dreams where she told at least three different men she loved them and none of them were Reid. Only dreams that are making her feel small and confused and violated today.

She doesn't blame anyone who made an appearance. She's trying not to blame herself, but that's easier said than done. No, this is on the warden's and the way they play with their minds and emotions. Which, that's all they are right now, isn't it? Their bodies are locked away in tanks and their minds are a playground for their robotic overlords. She's angry, but the anger isn't on the surface yet. There's too much guilt and worry and hurt...and longing on top of it.

Of course she dreamed about being with people. About openly saying she's in love. It's what she's been wanting to get back to with Reid. It's simple, right? Why doesn't it feel simple right now? Probably because she's locked herself up in her room with no one to talk to about any of this. She's either slept with all her friends or their significant others. And then there's Reid. She wants to see him. Wants him to hold her and tell her it's all okay, but she's afraid she'll hear, "I just can't do this." That doesn't leave a lot of people to lean on.

Not terribly long ago her reaction to this might have been doing something brash and impulsive. Maybe even reckless and self-destructive. She doesn't want that now. But she's not sure what she wants in place of it other than not feeling like this anymore.]

[Private | Logan]
You wanted to talk? I want to drink. Maybe we combine those.

[Action | Open]
[She finally makes her way out of the apartment, taking a long route to the Defense Force headquarters if only to avoid passing too closely to other apartments and popular sites. Who would be in the cemetery, right? When she gets to her office she gathers some things up to work on, not interested in staying long.]

(OOC: If your character would make a private call to her following the dreams please feel free to do that here too!)

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	PRIVATE VIDEO foreverjack 2016-05-14 08:45 pm UTC (link)
	[It's later in the day, but he does call, especially since he missed her during her brief visit to the Defence Force. He looks a mixture of sheepish and concerned.] Hey. You okay? (Reply to this) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

kitty_has_claws
2016-05-14 09:00 pm UTC (link)

[Seems like he's the only one who missed her then. She looks at the transmission for a moment before letting it connect. She's back in her room. Sitting on her bed, fully dressed and curled up on herself. There are books and papers around her that may come into view as she shifts. They're just distractions that aren't being very distracting.]

I want to say yes, but I also don't want to lie to you, so I'm not sure what to say.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-05-15 11:42 am UTC (link)

[He takes in what he can see of her surroundings, and smiles ruefully.]

You don't have to lie to me. I know it must have been pretty hard on you, however good it was a the time.

[She'll probably be able to see that, somewhat ironically, his own surroundings are part of the Quatro Park, where he's headed after getting a take-out coffee from Bean Crushers, partly to see if he can find the actual tree from yesterday or whether it was just a virtual (even more virtual than this) one.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-05-15 01:55 pm UTC (link)
	[Oh god, Jack, what are you doing there?] What about you? [Because it's annoying to be the one who needs to be checked on when these things happen. And why are these just things that can happen to them? Doesn't he feel any of the loss or confusion? Okay, he's Jack, so maybe not the confusion.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-05-16 09:13 am UTC (link)

[He's not completely okay. He's not as broken down by it all as she is, because he's not coming at it from the same emotional place as she is, but yesterday has certainly revived feelings he's been trying everso hard to shove down, especially given how hard he's trying with this new thing with Spike.

He's just had a LOT of practice at not letting these things out. It's what he does.]

I'm all right. [It would probably be better if he admitted he wasn't, but that's just not him. Instead, he gestures about him.]

I can't find our tree. Not sure if that's a good thing or not.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

kitty_has_claws
2016-05-17 01:13 pm UTC (link)

[It definitely doesn't make her feel any better to hear he's "all right" even if she doesn't entirely believe it. She doesn't want to be alone in this even if maybe she should be. Maybe that makes it less likely to be "a problem" between them. And it's not like she wants anyone she cares about or even doesn't care about to be hurting, but she already feels alone enough today.]

...You're looking for our... for the tree? [Jack Harkness, what's wrong with you?]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-05-18 08:44 pm UTC (link)

[He gives her a rather helpless look that might indicate he's not quite as together as he's trying to seem.]

I don't know, I was wandering around after getting my coffee and I thought I'd just look to see if it was there.

[He shakes his head, giving it up, and sits down on a low wall with a sigh.] How much of yesterday do you think came from us and how much from those meddling AIs?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-05-19 02:27 pm UTC (link)
	[Her eyes soften, but she doesn't look away even if part of her wants to.] I don't know. ...But I think it could have come from me. From us? [A confession even if it won't be too much of a shock. At least she doesn't think it will.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO foreverjack 2016-05-20 09:24 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. [Spoken on another sigh. Not a shock at all, on either of their parts. He chews on his lower lip for a moment.] It's not the first time I've dreamed about you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-05-27 01:30 am UTC (link)
	[Normally this is where she'd be pushing back. Distancing herself from what she feels, but after everything that happened yesterday she can't bring herself to do it. Maybe too worn down. Maybe just ready to explore whatever she's really feeling because there's too much to just lock away in some neat package now.] ...I'm not always asleep when I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-05-27 08:31 pm UTC (link)

[Well, there they are, then. Everything out in the open (rather like their dream sex yesterday) and finally being talked about.

It really is about time.]

Me neither.

[And with anyone else it wouldn't bother him. He's enjoyed plenty of wanks fantasising about various people here, people he would have slept with pre-blue bands and his closer relationship with Ianto, but also people with whom it would have been mostly just about the sex. With Kitty, there's a whole lot more to it than that.

He spreads his hands helplessly.] ...Where do we go from here?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-05-27 08:39 pm UTC (link)
	[She laughs because what's left to do but laugh unless it's cry and she really doesn't want to cry.] Want to run away together? I bet no one would find us on the floating island for awhile. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-06-07 07:17 am UTC (link)

[He laughs too, and it's as mirthless as hers.]

Wouldn't work, I'm afraid. Sensors and wristbands and all that. [Lifting his blue wristband to emphasise the point, even though he is tempted, at least for a little while. The thing is, it would only be temporary. He wants Kitty, but he wants Ianto and Spike too. And Ianto, at least, he wants more. And here, he has to make the choice.]

I'm sorry, Kitty. In another world, another place, you know I'd be there like a shot.

[The anguish and longing in his eyes show just how much he means it. And it's probably a good thing they're doing this by video, because otherwise he'd have his hands on her shoulders in an instinctive attempt to comfort that would probably backfire by bringing them far too close together to avoid instinctively moving in even closer...]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-06-07 11:55 am UTC (link)
	[She nods. It wasn't a sincere offer. She doesn't want him leaving Ianto and she doesn't want to leave Reid (sob)] I guess we'll always have our dreams. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PRIVATE VIDEO

foreverjack
2016-06-07 08:33 pm UTC (link)

[He nods.] They can't take those away from us.

[Well, actually, they probably can, but he's trying to be comforting here.

In another time, he would have offered to share some of his 'dreams' with her, perhaps engage in phone sex or record her videos of himself 'dreaming' of her, to get around the AIs' stupid sex rules. But the rules aren't the only thing keeping him faithful any more and he gets more than he ever used to why it would be bad to encourage Kitty to do that to Reid too.

So he just looks at her helplessly.]

I should go.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-06-07 08:37 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. ...Jack? It'll be okay. [She doesn't even know if she believes it, but she wants to because losing him—having to stay apart completely—is so much worse than not having him.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO foreverjack 2016-06-09 10:35 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. [He's not sure how much he really believes that, but he does know he's going to do everything he can to make sure this doesn't ruin things between them.] I'll see you soon, okay? Don't worry, I can still manage to be your DF Captain and your friend. Call me if you need me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PRIVATE VIDEO kitty_has_claws 2016-06-09 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	You better. Those are non-negotiable. ["Manage" wow.] I will. [But there won't be a call at least not for awhile.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: PRIVATE VIDEO foreverjack 2016-06-10 08:06 am UTC (link)
	[He didn't mean it like that. Or perhaps he did. Things have never been exactly simple between them but they're even further from it now. Still he drags up a smile.] Absolutely. [A tip of his finger against his forehead in a smaller imitation of his usual smiling salute.] Catch you later, Kitty. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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