InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Is that punishment?"

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-13 21:52:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), spike, ton phanan

Day 375 — Open Action/Private Video

[So much happened yesterday, but they were only dreams. Only dreams that she still remembers almost as vividly as memories even hours after waking up. Only dreams that everyone who shared them will also likely remember. Only dreams where she told at least three different men she loved them and none of them were Reid. Only dreams that are making her feel small and confused and violated today.

She doesn't blame anyone who made an appearance. She's trying not to blame herself, but that's easier said than done. No, this is on the warden's and the way they play with their minds and emotions. Which, that's all they are right now, isn't it? Their bodies are locked away in tanks and their minds are a playground for their robotic overlords. She's angry, but the anger isn't on the surface yet. There's too much guilt and worry and hurt...and longing on top of it.

Of course she dreamed about being with people. About openly saying she's in love. It's what she's been wanting to get back to with Reid. It's simple, right? Why doesn't it feel simple right now? Probably because she's locked herself up in her room with no one to talk to about any of this. She's either slept with all her friends or their significant others. And then there's Reid. She wants to see him. Wants him to hold her and tell her it's all okay, but she's afraid she'll hear, "I just can't do this." That doesn't leave a lot of people to lean on.

Not terribly long ago her reaction to this might have been doing something brash and impulsive. Maybe even reckless and self-destructive. She doesn't want that now. But she's not sure what she wants in place of it other than not feeling like this anymore.]

[Private | Logan]
You wanted to talk? I want to drink. Maybe we combine those.

[Action | Open]
[She finally makes her way out of the apartment, taking a long route to the Defense Force headquarters if only to avoid passing too closely to other apartments and popular sites. Who would be in the cemetery, right? When she gets to her office she gathers some things up to work on, not interested in staying long.]

(OOC: If your character would make a private call to her following the dreams please feel free to do that here too!)

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

wraith_7
2016-05-14 06:02 pm UTC (link)

[HELLO BEST FRIEND HE HAD A SEX DREAM ABOUT LAST NIGHT EVEN THOUGH HE'S MARRIED. Just here to restock the Defense Force first aid kits since they're getting low after the raptor thing nothing to see here no awkwardness move along he's not scuttling through the halls like he's trying to be invisible and not be seen by you nothing to notice here everything is fine just fine.]

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-14 06:38 pm UTC (link)
	[She wasn't ready to see him either. But the obvious pretending not to see her when they are both right there is worse somehow.] Ton. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wraith_7
2016-05-14 09:02 pm UTC (link)

Sorry, who is Ton? Do I know you? What now? Nothing awkward to discuss here! [He spent exactly zero seconds debating whether or not to pretend he doesn't remember the dream because she knows him way too well and would see right through that. Instead he decides to throw himself wholeheartedly into the awkwardness until he overloads it and it gets better. That should work.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-14 10:00 pm UTC (link)
	[Maybe it is helping. She burst into tears when she talked to Chekov. Here she reaches for sarcasm.] Uh huh. If it helps I had sex with Jack twice as much as you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-15 01:32 pm UTC (link)
	[Sarcasm has always been his coping mechanism and right now he needs it because he is very much not okay with their dream. Part of its being married, part of it is their friendship. Either way it's freaking him out.] Oh yes I feel so much better now that I know in lower down on the list. Awkwardness avoided. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-15 01:59 pm UTC (link)
	[It was a pretty long list, and honestly, she probably did anticipate less awkward with Ton. She doesn't even know why. Just because he's Ton? They've always been so effortlessly good. Is that why it's awkward is feeling...something? Is she? With everything else she hadn't really stopped to examine it.] Is Chuck mad? [Did you tell Chuck?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-15 05:44 pm UTC (link)
	Ummm... [Nope he did not tell her. Mostly because they had such a good dream and he saw her family and her home and it was great and you don't just ruin that the next morning with an oh by the way I slept with Kitty in a dream oops.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-15 05:52 pm UTC (link)
	[She knows him well enough to feel that's the ummm of he didn't tell her and not the ummm of she took it badly.] Right. Not yet or not ever? [She's not sure what she wants to hear, but she figures it's up to him. It was just a dream. You don't really have to account for those. Then again, they don't normally feel like that or get remembered like this.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-15 06:01 pm UTC (link)
	I will, I will! [Once the awkwardness fades. Or something.] We just had a really nice dream. I got to see her home and her aunts and I didn't want to immrdiately ruin that. Or maybe I freaked out, hard to say for sure. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-15 06:15 pm UTC (link)
	Are you? ...Freaked out? [She doesn't mean to look so sad right now. It's just a thing her face is doing without permission. He had every right to be freaked out. It was a freaky thing.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-15 06:25 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah I'm freaked out because I'm married and makes me feel weird, but it's nothing personal. I also don't want it to make things weird with my best friend so there's that freak out aspect, too. [Don't look sad, he's too awkward to hug you right now so he'd probably have to do a sympathetic punch or something.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-05-15 06:37 pm UTC (link)

I'm happy for you and Chuck. I don't want to change anything about that or us. Really. [She can't tell him she didn't mean anything she said. The nuances were wrong in places for sure, and she played some things up more than she ever would have, but some of it was true. She had experimented with his body. And she did love him, but it wasn't that kind of love.

If timing had been different... Well, what happened in that dream felt like something that maybe could have happened, but she's not mourning it. Of all the confusing things that came up yesterday it's one of the less intrusive, difficult ones.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wraith_7
2016-05-15 06:51 pm UTC (link)

I know that. I'm freaking out because it happened, not because I'm confused by it or conflicted or anything like that. [He actually manages one of his smirks at her. He's not surprised she played with his body when they swapped, and even though that day was weird and a mix of emotions for him at the time a lot has happened to make him more happy in his own skin now. It doesn't bother him much. He like their dynamic, he likes their friendship and he's not worried about what they said. He loves her as a best friend as as family and as someone he trusts absolutely, and that's what matters at the end of the day.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-05-15 07:47 pm UTC (link)

Yeah...

I try to tell myself that it was a dream, but then all of this is virtual reality so it's all kind of a dream and I cling to it being real because we share it and remember it. So if we share the dream and remember it, how can I dismiss it?

...But they changed the rules in there. [Made it easy to make it all just make sense for each person. If she needed to forget Reid then she did. There wasn't a single dream where she knew she was cheating on him because she wouldn't.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-15 08:16 pm UTC (link)
	I am so far past trying to make sense of things here or overthinking them. [He never would have gotten married to someone who could potentially vanish at any time if he was. He just goes with things.] So it happened and it's weird and it will get less weird over time and we're still friends. Right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-15 08:18 pm UTC (link)
	Of course we're still friends. [He called her his best friend like twice. That means a lot to her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-16 01:12 pm UTC (link)
	I know we are. It's just weird right now. [He's thought it more than he's said it. Either way it's true.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-17 01:10 pm UTC (link)
	[She tucks back her hair.] A lot of things are weird right now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-17 02:59 pm UTC (link)
	[Sigh. She looks so sad, she gets a hug. Chuck and her hugs must be rubbing off on him.] Who else are they weird with? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-17 03:16 pm UTC (link)
	[She hugs back tightly.] Um, Jack...twice, Chekov, Chuck. Oh, I mean, boy Chuck, not your Chuck. Well, her too because of us. There were also some people who saw my parents get murdered so, that's not unawkward. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-17 03:40 pm UTC (link)
	Hold on, let's pause right there at the murder thing. Did you have to see that, too? And if so why is the sex thing what is bugging you today because k would definitely be more focused on that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-17 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	[She's quiet for awhile not because she's unsure, but because she knows how the answer sounds.] Because I always see that. [Not every night, but also not only at night.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-17 03:48 pm UTC (link)
	[Well then have another hug.] Better focus on the awkward sex instead then. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-05-17 04:07 pm UTC (link)
	[She rests her head on his shoulder.] It hasn't been bad since after it happened. [For the first year or so. By "bad" she means that she doesn't let it noticeably affect her anymore. It's always a part of her. It was worse after she started sleeping alone again, because lots of things were worse then. Why not pile on?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wraith_7 2016-05-17 04:36 pm UTC (link)
	It can still be bad after all this time. [She knows he's an expert at hanging onto the bad things.] Was it better or worse having people see? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)