Nathan Harris (questionofwhen) wrote in marinanova, @ 2014-04-16 19:27:00 |
|
|||
day 267, action
[Nathan is out walking. Again.
There's no destination. There never is. Walking is more than a distraction: it's a compulsion. Whenever the thoughts in his head threaten to morph into actions, the fifteen year-old has to move. Maybe, subconsciously, he's trying to get away from his demons, but no amount of distance will shake them.
It's been worse since Reid's return. Even when the doctor was gone, there was some hope that he'd return and fix things. This new Reid that came back isn't capable of fixing anything. He can't help anyone, which means that no one can help Nathan. He's going to have to live with the intrusive thoughts--with the sick fantasies--for the rest of his life, however long or short it might be.
The boy has tried to focus on other things--things that aren't blades and blood and guilt for things he hasn't even done yet. He has friends, or people who are more like friends than anyone at home was, to talk to. He's been supplementing his writing with drawing, encouraged by the art class he went to. Nathan found a copy of Gray's Anatomy to look at and is learning about what's inside the human body, just under the skin. The drawings are macabre at best, but getting what's in his head out on paper makes him feel better. He even dissected one of the tribbles and drew its insides. Taking the creature apart was as fascinating as it was disgusting. He'd hoped to figure out how they multiplied so quickly just by dismantling one; all he got out of it after the blood was cleaned up was a guilty conscience and pictures of organs no book could help him name.
He doesn't hide the drawings. Kitty and Reid are good about giving him privacy, but he almost wishes that they'd see them.
Drawing, writing, and reading are fine, but Nathan always returns to walking. It's the only thing that really soothes the restless, relentless monster in his head. He has to walk. If he doesn't, he knows that all of the energy and anxiety inside him will take control and someone will get hurt--maybe someone he kind of likes, since the monster's victims of choice are absent (if there are prostitutes in this dome, they're a lot quieter about it than the ones at home). But no, he'd kill himself before hurting anyone else. He'd try to. Nathan knows where to cut now, and Reid can't save him anymore.
Walking is better than sitting with his thoughts.]
[ooc: Run into a serial killer in the making?]