InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Shtako."

Tear Grants (mysterymelody) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-09-18 18:35:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, annabelle, buffy summers, hei, hikaru hitachiin, kitty pryde (aoa), matt donovan, sougo okita, spencer reid, tear grants, toul, yuuki kuran

[Day 237] Fear of Abandonment Therapy mingle
[The call to those placed in abandonment therapy simply says to head to the Sector 5 prayer facility, and that's all-- not even that this has to do with those insecure feelings of yours. Posted arrows point the way down to the meditation room that has been filled up with several tables, two completely lined with coffees, teas, and bite sized refreshments ranging from cookies and pastries to sliced fruit and veggies. Plates and napkins are stacked up, and if you want a fork, they're there too.

The third table is larger and round, for that feeling of closeness, with chairs set up and for each seat a set of papers is waiting neatly on the table surface along with a pen. Topmost is a questionnaire with instructions to put detailed responses, be honest, and discuss with another attendee, with questions such as:

Do you get anxious if you cannot see or speak to someone close to you at any given moment?
Are you constantly haunted by the idea that someone may eventually leave you?
Do you put up with negative or even abusive behavior from someone just to keep from being alone?
Did someone important to you exit your life when you were young? How did you feel?
What exactly are you afraid of, beyond the indistinct label of "being abandoned"?

The second is a page with the heading "Make a list of all the people in your life, and determine how devastated you would be if those people left and why. Try to cut the unhealthy relationships, and distance a bit from even the good to build your independence!" and a few extra blank sheets of paper in case the one isn't enough.

Small cards are also scattered in the center of the table, printed with positive tips to help the process of healing.

"Often when people are abandoned (whether because someone leaves or even dies), they feel utterly hopeless and helpless. But you are never helpless.

Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy where you're at and whom you're with.

Abandonment issues aren't always easy to recognize, but can be worked through in a loving relationship.

Try to challenge yourself to be alone for extended periods of time without giving into the urge to reach out immediately and connect to someone."

[[ooc: mingle! you know how it goes by now, use these examples or come up with better ones if you want!]]

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neverhurthim
2013-09-18 08:53 pm UTC (link)

[Anna? Is not a happy camper. She usually adjusts pretty well to new situations, but this is a little much even for her. She does not need therapy. She doesn't know if any of these other people do or not, and really, she doesn't care that much. She just wants to go back to her place. She misses both her mother and Jeremy terribly, but aside from that, Anna is used to being alone. She prefers it that way, with the exception of those two. But she'd adjust to being without either of them again. Even if it sucked.]

[She's seated in a chair, arms folded across her chest, and a blank expression on her face.]

Did someone important to you exit your life when you were young? How did you feel?

[Seriously. This was a terrible, horrible idea.]

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bottomless_pit
2013-09-18 11:54 pm UTC (link)

[ Hei answered immediately, almost glibly, but honestly, it's just mostly due to the cookie he had just consumed. ]

My friend and sister. I was devastated.

[ re: he had nearly drunk himself to excess and the bodies had stacked ever higher... but he swallowed those words down as he licked his fingers free of chocolate traces. That was not the question she had asked after all. ]

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	neverhurthim 2013-09-21 05:51 pm UTC (link)
	[She's almost surprised by how quickly he responds. Anna hasn't yet consumed any of the food or drinks. She's not quite sure how to react to the honesty.] How old were you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bottomless_pit 2013-09-24 11:26 pm UTC (link)
	[ he pondered the question, already reaching for another cookie off his plate. His was a bottomless pit of a stomach after all. ] Nineteen. My sister was younger. [ and his girlfriend, essentially, was older although she may not have looked like it. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

doesntdamsel
2013-09-19 01:41 pm UTC (link)

[ Buffy doesn't want to be in this class, possibly even more so than she didn't want to be in the relationships issues class. However, she's quieter about this class over all because this class is hitting a nerve that she does't like to pick. She thinks of herself as strong and independent, which she is for the most part. She also thinks that she is very easy to leave. Apparently the Wardens picked up on that and it landed her here.

She folds her lips into a thin line and exhales through her nose. ]

How young is young? I mean, I was sixteen when my parents divorced and Dad did the summer time father thing for a year then he just sort of exited my life. He didn't have time anymore. He was working too hard. [ in a slightly smaller voice ] I was too much trouble.

After that, it seemed like people just kept leaving. Angel broke up with me the week before prom in a sewer then he left Sunnydale. Riley left. Mom...died. Giles left....it sort of never ends, you know?

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neverhurthim
2013-09-21 05:59 pm UTC (link)

[Anna's pretty sure that no one there really wants to be there. But this is the first group she's been to and she's really not sure what to expect. She doesn't know anyone, and she doesn't understand how the AI's know about this being such an issue for her. It's incredibly unsettling.]

It doesn't say. But sixteen is young. [Especially in comparison with Anna, who's been a vampire for over five hundred years. She's irritated that she actually feels bad for the blonde woman, because feeling empathy for someone always leads to complications that never turn out well for her.]

[At the mention of Buffy's mother's death, though, she visibly winces and looks away. She can relate to that far too easily. It is one of her wounds that she doesn't think will ever actually heal.]

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

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	doesntdamsel 2013-09-21 09:06 pm UTC (link)
	[ She hasn't met Anna, but they did talk when she first arrived. Buffy doesn't expect her to remember. It was just voice and Anna had a lot going on with having just arrived and all.] It seems like life gets a lot harder right about that age though. Maybe it was just my life. [ Buffy sees that wince, but she's not sure how to respond. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverhurthim 2013-09-21 11:12 pm UTC (link)
	[Anna shakes her head and looks at Buffy once more.] It isn't. Just your life, I mean. [She doesn't want to think about these things, much less talk about them. They're things she hasn't thought about in a very long time.] My whole family except my mom -- they were killed. When I was fifteen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	doesntdamsel 2013-09-24 06:50 pm UTC (link)
	Well that's comforting. [ Buffy talks too much about them sometimes. She rambles and rants and words get away from her. Of course she generally does this with people who already know about her life. Her expression falls and there's nothing but sympathy on her face for Anna. ] I'm so sorry, which I know doesn't--yeah. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

neverhurthim
2013-09-24 07:01 pm UTC (link)

Sorry. [She's surprised to realize she actually means that.]

[Anna doesn't mind the talking. She's already revealed more about her own life than she'd intended, and she'd rather Buffy do the talking. But as she sips her coffee, she can't help but talking more. It bothers her a little less this time.]

It was a long time ago. It's...not as hard anymore. It was harder losing my mom.

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	doesntdamsel 2013-09-26 02:07 pm UTC (link)
	[ She nods a little at that. ] You're never really prepared to lose her, are you? No matter how much you think loss can't take you by surprise, losing your mom always does. [ It's been years and Buffy still tears up, voice going a bit choked talking about it. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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neverhurthim, 2013-09-29 10:23 pm UTC

stuck
2013-09-22 01:40 pm UTC (link)

My dad's never been in the picture, and my mom -- let's just say that she never should've had kids, because the life she leads isn't really mom friendly. We learned to fend for ourselves pretty early on, and she didn't even bother to show up to my high school graduation, so that's... that. My sister died not too long ago, and for a while we thought she was just missing, that she took off mom-style, wanting to do her own reckless, stupid thing.

[ matt scoffs, shakes his head. ] Little did I know she had already done something reckless and stupid. She was dead before she was dead.

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neverhurthim
2013-09-22 01:52 pm UTC (link)

[She's not terribly surprised to hear about Matt's mom's lack of parenting ability. In that way, Anna considered herself incredibly lucky. Despite being vampires, they'd always been very close, and her mother had never willingly left her behind. She listens to Matt, keeping her eyes focused on his face as he speaks. She contemplates for a moment the benefits and drawbacks of revealing who she is to him, and looks down at her coffee cup for a moment, then takes another sip. He'll probably dislike her, like most of the people from Mystic Falls do, but he'll find out one way or another if she isn't honest anyway.]

I assume you mean the drugs and alcohol thing. Because the vampire part -- that wasn't her fault. [No, Anna knew that burden lay solely with Damon Salvatore, whether he felt guilt over it or not.]

[She waits for his reaction to her knowing that about his sister.]

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stuck
2013-09-22 05:00 pm UTC (link)

[ matt looks up, startled. he hasn't said a word to anyone about vicki having been a vampire, yet this girl knows -- and she knows it wasn't vicki's fault, either. it was the drugs and alcohol that led vicki to damon, but damon's impulsive nature that led to vicki becoming a vampire. vicki's addictive nature was amplified by the vampirism and she became a hostile, unpredictable force. he's still bitter about the fact that stefan had been so quick to stake his sister when they did everything to save others who became vampires, to help them get control over their new lives. vicki never had a chance. ]

Partly. How the hell do you even know?

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neverhurthim
2013-09-22 05:07 pm UTC (link)

[Anna pursed her lips, watching him for a long moment before leaning forward just a little. She's probably done more than startle him -- he's likely upset and she doesn't really blame him. He doesn't know her at all.]

I'm Anna. [She hesitates now, looking down before meeting his eyes.]

I sort of know you. I was on the Other Side and you were around Jeremy a lot. [She's pretty sure that's enough for him to realize who she is now.]

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	stuck 2013-09-22 05:26 pm UTC (link)
	You're Anna. [ his lips form a small "o" as the realization hits him. this was anna, this was the other girl that jeremy had been seeing besides his sister. this was the vampire girl he was involved with after vicki died, the one his uncle john staked. matt's been told some about her, but most of it is a mystery. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverhurthim 2013-09-22 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	[She nods a little, knowing he probably has a lot of questions.] Yeah. I am. [Anna's not used to feeling nervous, but she can't help it right then and she doesn't like it. She reaches up and tucks some hair behind her ear.] I'm sorry. About Vicki. [And she really means that.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

stuck
2013-09-22 05:37 pm UTC (link)

It's not your fault. Any of it. The vampire thing or the ghost thing. She was-- She was just misguided and selfish. She wanted things for good reasons, but didn't really get that she'd be seriously screwing people over in the process.

[ "i'm fucked up and i fuck people over in the process: the vicki donovan story." ]

Thanks. For trying to warn us about that, and I'm sorry for the part I played in all of that, too.

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neverhurthim, 2013-09-22 05:45 pm UTC

kitty_has_claws
2013-09-22 06:35 pm UTC (link)

Just my parents. [It's not all that uncommon for Kitty to toss out a shocking or off-putting statement or reply. She often uses honesty as a method of pushing people away—keeping distance. No one gets close. No one gets hurt. Today, she feels like she's being a little less defensive with it and a little more reckless maybe? Still, it just feels easier to put the truth out there than anything else, and she flows along with it even if she is telling this stranger her parents exited her life when she was young.] Unless I still count as young in which case I'll need some time to count. [She is still young by most scales. She just doesn't feel it.]

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neverhurthim
2013-09-22 10:15 pm UTC (link)

[Anna's not at all shocked by her response. She's well acquainted with defense mechanisms, but she doesn't know the girl at all so she's not that concerned about it. She's not about to let people close at this point -- not really. Plus she appreciates the bluntness. No reason to beat around the bush considering they're forced to be there.]

I don't know if you still count as young. How old are you? [Because one thing she knows is that appearances are often very deceiving.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2013-09-23 12:11 am UTC (link)
	Nineteen. [She'd guess she was slightly older than Anna, but she'd be at least a little surprised to learn she was a good distance off the mark.] Thirteen when they died. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

neverhurthim
2013-09-23 08:02 pm UTC (link)

[Thirteen was a young age to lose your parents. She'd lost her dad and her siblings when she was only a year older than that, and human. As awful as that had been, losing her mother, much more recently, had been worse.]

That's still young, I guess, yeah. [She leans back in her chair, looking at the next question on the paper she's holding. She doesn't really want to ask, but she knows participation is mandatory.]

How many people have you lost since then?

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	kitty_has_claws 2013-09-29 05:18 pm UTC (link)
	[Kitty, for her part, wasn't human when she lost them. She was never really human. She just thought she was until shortly before all of that.] People I was close to? People on my team? People I was trying to rescue? [She shrugs.] I stopped counting. [The food she's had is definitely making things come a little more smoothly.] What about you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

neverhurthim
2013-09-29 10:27 pm UTC (link)

Any of the above really. [She grimaces at Kitty's response that she's stopped counting. Something else she can relate to. After awhile, she'd stopped allowing herself to get close to other people at all. Until Jeremy Gilbert anyway.]

[She looks away, sighing softly and then tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, uncomfortable even as the words tumble out with little effort.]

My dad. My siblings. My friend Emily. Katherine. There were others over the years but eventually I just shut down. [A pause.] My mom. And...Jeremy. Even though he's not gone gone. He's gone from my life.

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	kitty_has_claws 2013-09-30 01:34 am UTC (link)
	Gone from your life feels a lot like gone. Sometimes it's worse because then there's that lingering threads of hope. [Like with the people still left at home who could show up at any time...but never do. At least not in the way she remembers them.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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