Johnny (metamorphose) wrote in lost_world, @ 2013-07-25 14:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !status: complete, jo harvelle, johnny outlaw, mary winchester |
Missing (Jo)
Johnny hadn't slept.
It wasn't a long enough period of time to determine if he didn't need to shut his brain off like a normal human being. One night wasn't a good indicator. He felt like shit as the sun rose, and couldn't really tell if it was because he had been sitting on the couch, waiting for the door to open, the sound of keys jingling to unlock, not sleeping or if it was because of the anxiety he'd been filled with the whole time.
He'd been turning the events of the night over and over in his head. Wondering if he'd done something wrong. Maybe she'd changed her mind over the course of their time together. Maybe she'd come to see him as nothing more than a friend. Their night at the movie might have been affection she lavished on those closest to her, and not the sort that went along with deeper feelings. Maybe he'd misread. And now it was him stepping over lines and boundaries.
This, of course, was not what she'd indicated when she'd left. But she might have been saying those things to be nice, hoping that he'd take the night to think things over and realize that it wasn't the time or place for those kind of feelings. Or maybe he'd realize that he didn't really feel those things, that they were just the product of the game that he and Mary had been playing for the rest of the world. Then she wouldn't have to let him down, gently or otherwise.
She'd said she'd be back, either way. And that's what Johnny was waiting for. For Mary to walk through the door of their shared space so he could tell her he was sorry. That if she didn't want that from him anymore, he'd let it go.
Johnny waited until noon for Mary to come back to the apartment. When she didn't show, he went up to the bar to ask Harry if she'd been seen there, and to wait for her. He knew that if she didn't find him in the apartment, she'd come upstairs. Then they could go back to the tiny basement dwelling and talk. In the mean time, he could use alcohol as a distraction, though it wouldn't do much for actual brain quieting, at least the ice and liquid would give him something new to look at. And maybe Harry would have work for him.
But Harry saw the worry and ordered Johnny to sit on the customer side of the bar. He glanced hopefully at the back door and the front every time Johnny did. He kept the talk light and far away from any subjects that might call her to mind, and continually supplied Johnny with new drinks. He didn't pry. He didn't ask if there had been a fight. Harry knew only that Mary had said she needed to take a walk by herself, and that Johnny was worrying about her.
As two pm approached and rolled by, Johnny's worry was in high gear. Surely Mary should have returned by now.