InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Me and You and My medication"

Sara Lance [DCTV] (thewhitecanary) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2016-06-05 16:57:00

Entry tags:

barry allen / the flash, bruce banner / hulk (mcu), clint barton / hawkeye (emh), felicity smoak, harrison wells, john constantine, leonard snart / captain cold, mick rory / heat wave, nyssa al ghul, oliver queen / green arrow (arrow), ray palmer / the atom, sara lance / white canary

I'm less angry and sad and murderous, so I think it's time for another installment of Sara doesn't have an instagram and just posts pictures here.

Yeah. I'm a badass.

And pretty too.

I found an old picture of my sister and her one true love. I miss the hell out of her.

Me and Laurel. We were so freaking young.

Post-work shenanigans. My boss loves me.

My gorgeous girl. Love of my life. ♥♥♥

My ladies. Yes, we got another cat. Shut up.

I take my coffee seriously.

Nerdwife! ♥

Captain Canary 5ever! Me and Lenny are badass.

And one time, on the Waverider, he decided to wear a skirt with his skinny jeans. Honestly, it looks too good to tease him for it.

Too hot (hot damn)! Way to take us to the gun show, Mick! (OOC: Pretend the selfie has Mick arms, not Dom arms.)

Which brings me to a very important question. Who do we think is bigger? Mick or Ray? Because I have heard stories, Ray. So many stories. From Felicity and Kendra. Apparently you are hung. But Mick has got to be proportional, don't you think? I mean, look at him. So who do we think it is? This is majorly important. Rip, weigh in on this. You had all of our scans on file. Who is it?

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portential
2016-06-07 04:01 am UTC (link)

Oliver.

I wanted to die. Back home. I wanted to die. I watched Zoom murder my father. He made me watch because he thought it would make me more like him. And I begged him to kill me instead. But he shoved his arm through my father's chest. And instead of letting me stop him, my friends locked me up because they didn't trust me or believe in me. And I'm still not over that. I don't know if I will be. And that nearly got Joe, the only other parent I had, killed. I had to sacrifice a part of myself to stop him from destroying the multiverse. They call it a time remnant. And I would have let myself die instead, if I could have done it without anyone else getting hurt. And stopping him doesn't change the fact that I feel empty and hollow inside.

But here, with Len, I feel mostly okay most days. I hate myself less. I would even say I'm happy most of the time. He makes my life better. Iris too, but she wasn't here until recently. He was. So maybe stop judging one of the only parts of my life that's keeping me together.

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besomethingelse
2016-06-07 04:28 am UTC (link)

Barry. You know what Slade did to my mother. I get it. It doesn't stop, but it gets easier. Better. ~~For a while~~

It's not judging. It's not wanting you to make mistakes that will hurt you and get in the way of everything you've worked to be.

This isn't real. What happened at home still happened. You'll have to find a way to deal with it that's real for there. I don't know him as anything but someone we had to stop. I don't know Iris except as someone you care about. Your life is your life. But hiding in something never makes the rest of it stop. It's always waiting for you when you won't look at it.

I'm sorry about your father.

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portential
2016-06-07 04:54 am UTC (link)

Yeah. I do know. ~~But you can get help for it~~

You know, I'm tired of people acting like the Flash is the only part about me that matters in the long run. This isn't a mistake. And if I get hurt, I get hurt. But right now, the only person hurting me is you.

It's real. It's as real as anything else. Just because it's happening here and not back home doesn't make it less real. And I'm not hiding. It's not hiding to have something in my life that's healthy and doesn't suck. It's coping.

I'm sorry about Laurel.

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	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 05:07 am UTC (link)
	It's not the only thing that matters, but it's who you are, and what you work for. ~~How is it~~ I just ended up here. It all feels like a step away from real to me, Barry. So am I. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 05:13 am UTC (link)
	If it's not real then why does it matter who he's with here? Buttin cause I literally can't hear about this anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mick. portential 2016-06-07 05:18 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this conversation to get so out of hand. I shouldn't have put all of that out there. I know I'm a mess. And Len could probably do so much better. But I really am trying to be there for him the way he is for me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Barry

bringtheheat
2016-06-07 05:31 am UTC (link)

Don't have to apologize. I get it.

He just got here though, and I get that too. I had the same kind of thoughts he did when I saw Len. Wondering if anything I did here even mattered if I'm only going to forget it all back home. Took me a few days to decided that if I'm here, I'm here, and this is my reality. Whatever happens back home will be my reality there. It's fucked up but thinking too much into it was making me crazy..or crazier than I already am.

That said, I think it's good you stick up for what you believe in. That you stick up for Len. Just try not to get yourself so worked up. Take a breath. Who gives a fuck if someone doesn't agree with you. You and Len don't need anyone's approval.

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	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 05:24 am UTC (link)
	I already said it was his choice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 05:38 am UTC (link)
	Hey I get both sides. I was right where you were less than a week ago, wondering the same thing. After a while though, it just seemed pointless worrying about what's waiting when I get back home, cause none of us know when we'll be sent back or when. If you don't remember this place back home, why worry about trying to have a life here while you can? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 06:02 am UTC (link)
	~~What I do back home is the only point I have.~~ It just seems like a convenient story to me. No one remembers, but here's a place where the things you want can happen and the dead aren't dead. Things like that, they always have a price and they're never what they seem. But I just got here. I don't see what they see. Sounds like you don't either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 06:13 am UTC (link)
	Oh trust me, I'm waiting for the second shoe to drop. I'm just not as hell bent on getting back home as you are. A lot of people here aren't. Doesn't mean you have to drink the coolaid like some of the rest of us have. And by coolaid I mean whiskey, cause thank god they have plenty of it here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 06:51 am UTC (link)
	I heard the whiskey part already. (Reply to this) (Parent)

chillout
2016-06-07 06:12 am UTC (link)

I think you're done talking to him for now. This isn't me asking.

What is it they say in the good book? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone? I'm not going to waste my time defending myself to you, or anyone else. I am who I am. And my choices were mine to make. The good, the bad, the ugly. I don't waste time on regrets, and Barry doesn't need to either. I'm not intending to be one of his.

You stay on your side of the line and I'll stay on mine. Don't try and drag him into the middle.

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	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 06:48 am UTC (link)
	I really don't think you want to try not asking. I'm not casting stones, and I already told him his calls are his calls. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 07:30 am UTC (link)
	Don't even think about it arrowhead. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 08:06 am UTC (link)
	Arrowhead is your call here? I'm not looking for a fight that's not already there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 08:14 am UTC (link)
	Puns happen. Oddly enough, I'm not either. But you threaten my partner again and you'll get yourself one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	besomethingelse 2016-06-07 08:17 am UTC (link)
	It read like him threatening me, on my end. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bringtheheat 2016-06-07 08:20 am UTC (link)
	Not disagreeing. My statement remains the same. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	chillout 2016-06-07 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	Stop hurting Barry and I won't have to. With an extra helping of passive aggressive judgement. You probably think you're helping. Trying to keep him from making the mistakes you and I have. But he doesn't need that help from you or me. He's already better than either of us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	besomethingelse 2016-06-08 06:44 am UTC (link)
	That's not something I'd argue against. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Len \| Felicity agreatfire 2016-06-07 07:24 am UTC (link)
	I know we're not exactly friends and I have been pretty judgemental about you (Which I've been working on) but I'm sorry for Oliver. Please don't shoot him with your cold gun. He's an idiot with people but I love him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Len \| Felicity chillout 2016-06-07 02:17 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not going to shoot him. I'd enjoy shooting him, but that would only give weight to his point. I can't change my past and I won't apologize for it either but I'm not going to let anyone use it to hurt Barry. He's been through enough. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Len \| Felicity agreatfire 2016-06-07 09:10 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. I know you're not doing it for me but for Barry but thank you. Also, thank you for being there for him. (Reply to this) (Parent)

barry.

chillout
2016-06-07 06:24 am UTC (link)

So this is what you meant by some of the things you hadn't told me. No one should have to see that. I know I'm one to talk, considering what I did to my father, but I promise that doesn't mean I can't understand how hard that was for you after getting him back. I don't know what the universe has against you but that's one of the things I love about you Barry. You survive. You keep moving. But I know it comes at a price. I know. I've lived my whole life that way.

That hollow feeling? It eats at you, sometimes you can't help it. Some days are going to be bad, and some are going to be worse. But you're not alone. You won't be when you get back home either. We don't have to think about that right now. But eventually you're going to find ways to fill up that hole in your soul. I'm not a spiritual person but I understand it, in theory.

So focus on the okay days. And tell people to fuck off on the shitty ones. Be the person you need to be on any given day not the person you think others need you to be. I'm here. Iris is here. The rest doesn't matter and neither does what Oliver Queen has to say.

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