Rae Alghren (prettydeadly) wrote in immune_ic, @ 2012-08-06 17:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2012 [08] august, rae, silas |
WHO: Rae and Silas
WHAT: Bad decisions lead to first "official" meetings.
WHERE: Elliot's memorial, then the walk back to Rae's apartment.
WHEN: Late night, August 6th/early morning, August 7th.
RATING: Language-medium.
It was getting harder and harder to remain positive when everything around her was trying to break her. As if losing her boyfriend wasn't enough, now someone was out there killing people. And apparently, Rae was on the list for some reason. Maybe, she figured, it was a bad idea for her to be out at night by herself. But she didn't care. She just wanted a little while to herself. A little time to go and sit by Elliot's memorial and talk to him. No, he couldn't hear her, but she needed to air her thoughts out. Needed to be where, if David's theories could be trusted, his spirit was likeliest to be. So, she'd waited until all of her visitors had fallen asleep, slid her slip-on shoes on and made her way out the door. She wouldn't be long. Just an hour or so. It was cold out that night, for a night in the middle of summer, anyway. Or maybe it was just the fact that Rae felt a chill crawl across her skin when she decided to visit the makeshift grave stone that David had crafted for Elliot. Either way, she'd needed a sweater. Little One was moving up a storm in there, wiggling and kicking, and it felt like butterflies were forming in her stomach. A bittersweet memory arose; the way she always used to feel in the beginning when knew that she was going to see him. Now, though... she wasn't going to see him. Just the resting place where they'd put his ashes, the stone, and the tree that Evan had transplanted behind it. When she spotted the small patch of ground where they'd put the small weeping willow, she tried to tell herself that it was okay. But it wouldn't be easy. Mustering up some of her characteristic bravery, though, she pushed through the sadness and grief and stepped forward, telling herself that it was necessary. It would be hard. But all things worth doing were. Mama always used to tell me that, she thought, a sad chuckle escaping. One more person she'd lost. But now wasn't the time for that thought. “Hey, Steel,” Rae said as she approached the small, painted, glossed stone. The sight of his name, painted in David's handwriting across the odd-shaped stone made her eyes well up again, but she breathed in to try and push the tears back. “Sorry I couldn't come sooner. But... I just... couldn't, you know? I wanted to wait until I could handle it. I didn't want you to see me like... like this,” she chuckled bitterly and awkwardly. “So much for that.” She carefully lowered herself down to the ground, crossing her legs at the ankle in front of the stone, and grabbed her purse from beside her. Opening the center pocket, she fished around, but kept her eyes on the stone while she did. “I, uh...” she stammered for a second. “I brought you something. I gave it to you back in March and I meant it when I said you were the only one who should have it.” She opened her hand and looked at her father's silver chain, closing her hand around it and holding it to her chest. Reaching forward, she lifted the stone and the chain slip from the her hand into the dirt, then placed the stone over it again. “They had to take it off when they... when they burned you. But you should have it back...” she stopped, an involuntary whimper escaping. “I'm sorry...” she said, a little louder than she should've. “This is... it's so hard.” Tears that she thought she didn't have left sprang to her eyes, and she slammed them shut. “I know I'm not alone. Rory's been amazing and Leah Stone, of all people, is helping me out. And Evan. So’s David and so's Ellie and Luke and O’Brien and Taisce and a ton of other people. So I know I’m not alone, but... I just... I feel alone, you know? Without you, I mean. You were... you are... everything to me. I... I miss you so fucking much, Elliot. Do you know how hard it is, waking up in the morning, rolling over and having you not there? And knowing you'll never be there again? It hurts my heart!” She shouted, opening her eyes again. She felt a little thump on her stomach, and looked down, sniffling again and placing a hand on her protruding belly. “Sorry, Little Baby. I know... you hate it when I shout. I just...” she lightly rubbed her tummy, then raised a hand to wipe her eyes. “No more yelling. Promise,” she told the baby. Sucking in a slow, steadying breath, she glanced back at the stone and wet her lips. “I decided, by the way, that I'm going to name him after you.” She chuckled a little. “So he'll know that his daddy loves him, no matter where he is.” she chuckled bitterly. “Oh. I hope you don't mind that I'm using your last name. I don't know if you ever wanted to marry me, and I know it doesn't mean that we are married or anything, but... it felt like the right thing to do.” She swallowed thickly. Brushing a hand through her hair, she looked at the grass in front of the stone, and then up at it again. “I know you wouldn't want me to be upset like this. But I can't help it. I'm trying to go back to normal, I really am. For Elliot Jr.'s sake, mostly,” she told him. “But you're gone. And it's hard to be strong, when the one who made you strongest isn't there.” She inhaled deeply again, and then exhaled in a quick huff, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “I don't know if I can...” she trailed off. “I'll keep trying, though. Because I know you'd want me to.” Reluctantly, when she looked at the moon and realized that it was about midnight, she breathed in deep and let it out slowly. She sat up straight, then looked at the stone again. “I should probably, like...” another pause, while she composed herself. “I should go back now. Back to our room. There's someone out there killing people. I think I'm on their list or something. I kind of wish you were here, protecting me. Although, if you knew I was out here right now, if you were alive... I'd be in so much trouble, I bet.” She choked a sob, disguised as a bitter chuckle, and looked down. "But I couldn't help it. I just... I had to come see you. By myself." She kissed the tips of her fingers, and placed them on the stone, trailing them down as if it made any difference. Standing up, she swallowed the lump in her throat again and placed her hands in her pockets. “I love you, Steel. So much. Little One loves you, too...” she told him. “I'll come back. In a week or so, maybe. Keep you updated on Little One and everything, okay?” Turning now, she steadied herself with a deep breath and closed her eyes, imagining him there for a second, giving her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. The thought almost made her cry again. So, before that started, she steadied herself and gave the stone a weak smile, and a quick wave. “Bye for now...” she whispered, then turned around and started the walk back to their room. |