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Tweak says, "So a seal walks into a club..."

kirley__duke (kirley__duke) wrote in hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-03-13 08:00:00

Entry tags:

character: draco malfoy, character: fenrir greyback, character: harry potter, character: hermione granger, character: james potter, character: kirley duke, character: peter pettigrew, character: regulus black, character: remus lupin, character: ron weasley, character: roxanne weasley, character: savannah monroe, character: scorpius malfoy, character: sirius black, character: theodore nott, unused: cassandra trelawney, unused: cho chang, unused: teddy lupin

RP: Party!
Who: Everyone!
When: 8pm onward, 13 March
Where: The Room of Requirement
What:PARTY!

The Room of Requirement has been set-up for a lively party. There's food (and cake!) thanks to the House-elves, and a surprisingly generous assortment of alcohol. Kirley has rigged up a music system to play a variety of music (heavy on the Weird Sisters obviously, but the RoR had a bunch of albums that had been left by various students throughout the ages so there's an eclectic mix). A dance space has been cleared, and there are little sitting areas arranged for more private moments--lots of cushions and pillows strewn about to make little nests, some squashy armchairs, etc. It's very clearly been sourced from all over the castle, and from items that had been left by students/faculty/professors through decades so the styles are all over the place. Kirley says it's not the Bubble Palace, but it's the best he could do on short notice.

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

_withoutacause
2021-03-14 04:00 am UTC (link)

"Oh, Professor McGonnagal shouted at us for a solid hour. I'm not even sure she took a breath! That must made it better though, she's magnificent when she's angry."

He tried to remember what bathing suits looked like in her era, but he couldn't picture them. Quite likely he'd never even seen one. He didn't pay much attention to fashion.

"Well, there's a nice river in the forest, if you want to wade. When it's warmer, and we've made sure there aren't swarms of giant spiders who've taken over or something."

He tended as she said once.

"We're still very good friends. Best friends. They're my family. The only family I have. James. Remus." He paused, feeling all turned inside out. "Peter. I, Peter is..." he shook his head, feeling the alcohol. "I don't know. Peter was my family once too. My little brother. But now, I don't know how to get back there." He closed his eyes for a second. "Sorry, I shouldn't be unloading on you. I think I've had too much to drink."

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

blondemagic
2021-03-14 04:12 am UTC (link)

It almost sounded like he'd had a crush but she didn't say as much. Instead, she just laughed, shaking her head slightly. Some people reveled in as much chaos as they could manage and she was starting to think Sirius was one of them.

"In the forest? I don't know about that," she'd had the occasional adventure out there but there hadn't been much in the way of giant spiders when she'd been at Hogwarts and her adventures hadn't exactly been voluntary. She had walked out there in her sleep and then had to find her way back. Once or twice, she'd spoken of stars with centaurs but not often.

She considered Sirius for a moment. It wasn't really her place but... "You need to look at it through his eyes," she suggested gently, "It's so easy to say that you would have done things differently but you weren't in that position. Fear does terrible things, makes you do terrible things. Fear and desperation."

Cassandra paused but only for a moment to consider her words, "We have the benefit of standing outside time and seeing all the things we could have done differently. The benefit of separation from that fear. Can you agree with that?"

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

_withoutacause
2021-03-14 04:26 am UTC (link)

It would be very easy to ignore her right now. To make some joke and play it off and find someone else who would dance with him. Maybe find Kirley and lose himself in something else. But that would be the cowards way out, and Sirius was a lot of things but he wasn't that. He was Gryffindor. He closed his eyes.

"I want to. I... I miss him. When I'm from nothing had had even happened yet. Not the spying, not any of it." He looked up at her, vulnerability written all over his face. "I know we all make mistakes. It's not just him. I mess up really badly too. Even James and Remus, though not as badly as me. Peter... It was really easy, blaming it on him when he wasn't here. Now that he is..." He looked away again, ashamed. "I haven't even seen him yet. Because I know when I do I won't be able to stay angry at him. But, he got James killed. And I can't, that's, that's the worst thing I can imagine. I keep replaying what could have led us there over and over and over. I can't imagine him doing that. I can't imagine any of the things they say happened. I thought..." he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "This is going to sound stupid, but I thought the four of us, I thought we could survive anything. I thought that as long as we were together nothing really bad could happen. But it does. The worst happens. We fall apart. We don't survive. None of us. We all languish and fight and die. And if that can happen, then maybe what we were wasn't as strong as I thought. And if that's true, then..."

Why was he telling her all of this? She didn't need this shit.

"There I go, running my mouth again. Some party."

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

blondemagic
2021-03-14 04:42 am UTC (link)

She could have remained aloof - Cassandra, the celebrated Seer, the one who Saw other people's problems but didn't get involved because she was 'above' that. Instead, she scooted her chair closer and settled an arm around him, urging his head onto her shoulder in a very motherly gesture - at least, motherly to anyone else.

"He didn't want to do that but fear and situation dictated that he felt he had no choice," she kept her voice low, under the conversations of other people, under the music, just for Sirius. "Ignoring the fighting and dying just for a moment, this is... Part of growing up. It's not easy realizing your childhood friends won't always be there and sometimes you grow apart. You have to put in an effort to stay connected. It doesn't just happen."

She seemed perfectly content to ignore the fact that he was 'running his mouth.' "This is the perfect opportunity, as we look into a window we're not supposed to have, to grow and mature," her tone turned conspiratorial, "And maturing does not mean you have to stop having fun. It just means you learn how to mend hurt feelings as they arise." She had grown up too quickly herself, had picked up all those adult workings before she'd had the chance to be a child. And now she was doing it again.

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

_withoutacause
2021-03-14 05:00 am UTC (link)

Sirius was a tactile person. He craved physical affection and took any opportunity to touch others. He knew he was needy, was exhausting, was too much. He tried, sometimes, to hold back. It was hard, but he tried. Because while he could take rejection from strangers the thing that scared him more than anything else was rejection by his friends. His small, chosen, and desperately clung to family. So when Cassandra pulled his head onto her shoulder he let her. It was a maternal gesture in a way that Sirius had rarely experienced. His own mother had never touched him like this. So when he next spoke, it was to quietly whisper the deepest, darkest thing that lurked at the heart of him.

"If I don't have them, I don't have anyone. When they get sick of me, I'll be alone."

He spent so much time waiting for that. Waiting for them to realize that he wasn't worth loving. He knew they would, eventually. If they were given the chance. He tried very hard to hide behind loud laughter and manic energy, but the truth was that Sirius was very aware of what he was worth. Nothing. And someday they would know it too, and he would be alone.

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

blondemagic
2021-03-14 05:31 am UTC (link)

Cassandra gently dragged her fingers through his hair, ignoring the world around them for just Sirius for the moment. He clearly needed some maternal attention and it wasn't surprising that it was lacking considering the family he came from. They only had children to keep the name going. There was no love there save in the rare instance.

"Poor thing," she murmured, closing her eyes for a moment, "You've been hurt so much, haven't you?" Cassandra needed a moment to figure out where to take this, humming softly and just cradling Sirius with the one arm for a moment. She'd held her little brother this way so many times, humming the same soft nonsense.

She exhaled heavily, "There is a secret that is difficult for many people. Your value comes from within, not without. You are not measured by how many people love you. You could be loved by one or by one thousand. It won't make a bit of difference if you do not value yourself." She squeezed him gently, "Just know, things wouldn't have gotten so bad if you didn't all love each other in some way."

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

_withoutacause
2021-03-14 05:41 am UTC (link)

Sirius let his eyes close as she carded her fingers through his hair. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was just her, but he found himself wanting to just let her take over. Release everything, and just do whatever she told him.

He listened to her, really listened. But then she hit on it. His value came from within. But he knew better than anyone how little value he actually had. If he wasn't a Maurauder then he was nothing. He had no internal value. He let out a bitter laugh and sat up, pulling his legs up against his chest unconsciously.

"If that's true then I'm fucked, because there is absolutely nothing in me to value."

The little bubble Cassandra has built around them burst, and Sirius felt the party rush back in. It was suddenly very loud in here. Too loud. Sirius usually liked too loud. It was easy to pretend when everything was noise and action. But now it just felt oppressive. He wondered where Remus was. Or James. He wanted another drink.

"I'll think about what you said. With Peter. Though he might not want to see me."

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Re: Cassandra & Sirius

blondemagic
2021-03-14 05:52 am UTC (link)

She sighed softly when he pulled away, letting him go. Cassandra knew when a moment was over. "Ask your friends. They'll tell you what's there. You'll just have to believe them," and for someone who was as hurt and raw as Sirius Black seemed, that would be goddamned difficult to convince him of.

Cass reached over again but this time to just lightly place her hand on his shoulder, "Maybe you should go sleep a bit. Things will seem better in the morning. They always do." Unless it was raining but she wouldn't put that curse on them. Instead, she quietly opened up her journal again to fetch the quill.

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