InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Everyone say nimins."

Maryanne Elizabeth Walker (maryanne_walker) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-08-20 23:19:00

Entry tags:

!closed, maryanne walker (oe), steve rogers

Message to Steve (Cap)
So.. we should talk. The last time I tried this you switched subjects on me. Then it was okay. Now... I know you feel bad but I can't help but think, what if it had been Clint. Or Sophia. Or Tim... Or someone more squishable and unused to the pummeling of big fists.

You don't scare me, but I'm afraid for them. If you don't get help it could be one of them. I don't want to guilt you into this. But if that's what it takes.

I'm thinking about starting a group. For the people who can't sleep. For whatever reason. And I want you to help me start it. Because next time it could be someone that can't fix themselves with a switch of flesh. And I don't want you to go through what that would do to you.

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	maryanne_walker 2013-08-21 01:28 am UTC (link)
	It's not crazy. Not anymore. And you'll be surprised what it does to quiet the voices. Ghosts like to be heard Steve. And who knows, you might actually get a few winks out of it. I know I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	captain_srogers 2013-08-21 01:36 am UTC (link)
	I see things that aren't there and lose control of myself. Sounds pretty crazy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2013-08-21 01:56 am UTC (link)

It's called something a little nicer. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's your mind trying to wrap around things that no body should ever have to try to fathom. And you had enough that... That you have good days at all is a miracle.

Sometimes I can be doing something completely mundane, and I look down and see... sometimes it's as simple as blood covering my hands. Sometimes it's mine, sometimes it's someone elses. It's never really there... but it's real enough that I can almost feel the stickiness of it. When I hunt, after I make a kill, I have to clean myself out there. Because I can't... I can't look at the blood when it's real.

I can keep control, only because I've had help learning how. Because when I lose control I become something different. Something that doesn't value life.

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	captain_srogers 2013-08-21 03:12 am UTC (link)
	Okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-08-21 03:22 am UTC (link)
	It'll help. I promise. Tomorrow night do you want to meet me after last call? I would offer tonight, but I owe someone that took very good care of me last night some serious snuggle time. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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