InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Beware the eye!"

Turgon the Wise | Sarafinwë Turukáno (turukano) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-05-05 01:40:00

Entry tags:

!open, maryanne walker (oe), ~john mitchell (oe), ~tony stark

Death touches this island in wicked ways. In too many ways, too frequently, really. And there is no service we might do for all those who fall, whether we know them or not.

But I thought it might.. be more equal and respectful to erect a stone wall and write the names of those who pass upon it. Each of them! Even if they are gone before now. And let there stand a permanent marker to their lives here. A collective marker, rather than individual stones. Are we not a community of misfits? Lost in the void. For though, when we die and leave this place, we are leaving behind a piece of ourselves. We have irrevocably touched each other in many ways by simply being here, and so we might honor those influences by remembering those who come and go.

And with such a wall we may let our names and theirs stand in testimony to the future inhabitants of this island. I am under no illusions and believe that one day all the original dwellers will be gone from this place. And who should remember us but the stones and the streams and the lonely streets?

Let us leave our legacy, if only in name, if not in deeds.

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	maryanne_walker 2013-05-06 06:06 am UTC (link)
	He was a man, full grown when he was here before. I didn't kill him. I just remember. I was the first one here, besides the fabled 'little girl'. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	itarille 2013-05-06 06:14 am UTC (link)
	You have no heart! To tell a mother and a father that their son has died! Died before he is a man grown. You are cruel and without mercy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2013-05-06 06:20 am UTC (link)

I didn't say he died. Just that he was here. The people who disappear, we don't know what happens to them.

I wasn't doing it to be cruel! Do you think I like remembering every face? Every name? I'd love to forget. I'd love to not feel the weight of their being here as if it's my fault. I loved some of them. They were my family.

~~I look for every single person.~~

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	itarille 2013-05-06 06:40 am UTC (link)
	Nay only that you did not kill him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-05-06 06:46 am UTC (link)
	I didn't kill him. I promise. I haven't killed anybody in over a year. I looked for him. Never found him. His scent just ended. There was no blood, no... anything. ~~That's how they disappear, b~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

itarille
2013-05-06 07:01 am UTC (link)

Stop! Stop it. I beg you! He's a child. His name Eärendil was given to him by his father and it means sea lover, and Ardamírë a name I gave him myself. It means the Jewel of Arda.

He is four summers old, he has straw colored hair and grey eyes. He likes to build boats and set them afloat in the fountains with his grandfather.

During the harvests he likes to run about with his father and aid the elves.

He's right handed like his father, too, and from him he has learned to hold a sword. For his first birthday the entire city celebrated, and for his fourth we gave him armor and a shield emblazoned with the heraldic device of his father's house and my own.

He speaks Quenya and some Sindarin, but his knowledge in the Common Tongue is limited. He wants to sail the seas and the first words he learned was a song his father sang to him every night since the day he was born.

He's my son and he is more than a name. He is more than anything you shall ever know or believe of him.

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maryanne_walker
2013-05-06 07:22 am UTC (link)

He was full grown, before. I want to say he was taller than Tuor, but I haven't been that close to either to be absolutely sure, and I'm short, everyone is tall to me. But he still had sandy colored hair and grey eyes. He was a beautiful mix between you and Tuor.

I don't know how old he was, I never asked.

He was nice. That's the reason he's on that list. Because he disappeared. Not because he died. There are a lot that just disappeared. The Winchesters, The Kinneys and The of Locksleys. The Banners. The Petrellis... They deserve to be remembered too, because they left their mark. ~~On my soul.~~ With at least one person.

It's not an honor to you, as his mother, that he left an impression with someone, as a grown man, enough that he should be remembered? A good impression?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	itarille 2013-05-06 07:42 am UTC (link)
	Nay! It brings me no comfort or honor! It brings me pain and I beg you twice now cease your words! My heart is broken. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2013-05-06 07:51 am UTC (link)

Are you not reading what I've written? Why are you heart broken? Because he was here? Because he's not now? ~~Are you fucking insane?~~ I didn't say anywhere that he was dead. Just that he was here. ~~Get your head out of your ass.~~

You can't erase my memory. And shame on you for not wanting him to be remembered.

Now you shut up. Because I'm tired of reading your selfish self pity.

~~Fucking elves~~

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Maryanne \| Mitchell hamrammr 2013-05-06 09:52 am UTC (link)
	Maryanne, that is a bit harsh. I know you only mean well and I know you have a good heart but calm down a bit. She thinks she just lost her son. Grief is a horrible thing. You don't think straight when you grieve. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Maryanne \| Mitchell maryanne_walker 2013-05-06 10:03 am UTC (link)
	I know it, but goddamn it Mitchell, I don't lie for anyone. Anyone. I bothered to give a shit... ~~I'm not sorry. She's being fucking ridiculous.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Maryanne \| Mitchell hamrammr 2013-05-06 10:08 am UTC (link)
	But she doesn't know that. Her focus isn't on you, it's on her loss. She has no right to say you are heartless but she's grieving. You just told her something she didn't want to hear. I told people off for telling me that Annie was dead as well. It's not directed at you, it's directed at the loss she feels. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Maryanne \| Mitchell maryanne_walker 2013-05-06 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	Whatever Mitchell. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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	itarille 2013-05-06 10:40 am UTC (link)
	I allowed my grief to overwhelm me, and in doing so I wrote cruel words that bear no reflection upon you, to my knowledge. For that I am sorry. I am departing now from this conversation; I have no further words to share with you on the matter. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tuor 2013-05-06 02:19 pm UTC (link)
	I love you. Come home, my dear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	itarille 2013-05-06 02:27 pm UTC (link)
	Tuor. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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tuor, 2013-05-06 02:29 pm UTC

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itarille, 2013-05-06 02:36 pm UTC

tuor
2013-05-06 03:01 pm UTC (link)

You put a child's name on a memorial wall and expect a mother not to be upset?

You say that you were a mother yourself, where is your compassion? Your empathy?

If you have words to say from this point on, address them to me. I will not let you verbally assault my wife in such a manner. I have been raised to treat ladies with respect, and I will do so with you as well, despite your words and actions. But I will not tolerate your cruelty towards her.

She grieves! Have you no heart?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2013-05-06 06:17 pm UTC (link)

I've put several children up there. They don't deserve to be remembered? They put up with the same garbage we do day in and day out. They're just a little more helpless than we are. And I can promise you they feel it a whole lot more than we do, because as adults we have thicker skin.

My empathy went out the fucking door when she called me heartless and cruel. While I was going out of my way to soothe her. I don't put up with that shit from people I know, you think I'm going to put up with that shit from someone I don't?

I would be more grieved to find out that my son was here and no one remembered him. No one could recall his face. His name!

Did either of you bother to count the names that I remember? They all had faces! Your son was just one! She calls me cruel? You call me heartless! Would you rather he be forgotten?

The majority of those people are dead. Do you even know what that means? It means, while I don't have to find and transport them alone anymore, I do get to be the one to do the job of cleaning them up. Making them presentable. And sometimes they're only in pieces when I get them. Because we don't have a mortician. I get to do that job, like so many jobs on my shoulders. I don't get to sit and just be a mother. To just treasure my friends and family.

And you two have the nerve to call me cruel. And heartless. You can blow it out your self important rearends.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tuor 2013-05-06 06:20 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, I actually do know what it means to be dead. I'm human, just like you. And I never knew either of my parents because they died before I was born. You need to consider that you told a mother that her son died. I do not care to continue this conversation, but I do not want you talking to my wife ever again. If you have something to say to us, say it to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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maryanne_walker, 2013-05-06 06:34 pm UTC

	hamrammr 2013-05-06 07:25 pm UTC (link)
	Hey, hey, hey! Again, she has every kind of compassion. Calm down. I know what grief does and I'm sorry for your loss. Don't make her sound like a monster, she's far from it. She only reacts this way because she cares and don't judge her for doing so. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tuor 2013-05-06 07:46 pm UTC (link)
	My wife is weeping. Who will take responsibility for that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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hamrammr
2013-05-06 09:49 am UTC (link)

I can understand your grief. But my descendants are on that list as well.

But be kind to Maryanne and don't ever accuse of her of having no heart. She has one of the biggest hearts I know. She only wants to say that your son mattered to her. Isn't that a good thing? To know your son mattered?

He doesn't even have to come from the same world as you. There are worlds that are close to ours but not exactly like ours. There is another 'me' here. There are things he has experienced that I experienced and that things that have been different for him. The child you cared for might still be alive.

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itarille
2013-05-06 10:35 am UTC (link)

It is unfair of me to judge her; you are right, I do not know her. And neither does she know me.

Is it prophetic? Will my visions come true? I am so afraid to look into his future. He's four summers and doesn't know how to bathe himself yet, he only plays in the water instead of washing. He likes to make his boats float, though he never tells me how he does it.

I will lose him, won't I? They have given me Tuor and I will lose my son for balance to be restored. As my father lost my mother but gained me.

Forgive me, I ramble and you have no context for the things of which I speak. I will apologize to her.

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hamrammr
2013-05-06 10:52 am UTC (link)

Thank you for apologising.

I have no idea what visions you are talking about but no. I wouldn't say so. In three months I have reached an age I would have never reached if I would have stayed at home. All that counts is what you do now and here. You have to always make the best of what you have but you can shape your own future.

I believe that when we get here, we part from our old lives and begin a new one. It's like a second chance.

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	itarille 2013-05-06 02:44 pm UTC (link)
	I am not looking for a second chance. I want my son to be given a first chance. This place frightens me, I want to go home where things have order and make sense. Where I may mourn without reservation in a realm where my father is king. There is no place for us here, and it is frightening. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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