InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You should try to eat some of"

Elenwë of the Vanyar (vanya_elenwe) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-04-21 13:59:00

Entry tags:

!open

Filtered to Adults
I am only curious. And do not feel you have to answer, if you do not wish to do so.

My question concerns those of you who have had old loves show up here, or those of you who have shown up in this place and found your loves with someone else. This is...strange to me, as I have explained before, but that is not what this is about.

I wonder only how many of you still loved the other when you arrived here? And how long you have been here. And how you replaced them so easily.

And also, do any of you have loves back home that you have remained faithful to?

[OOC: Trigger warning. Mentions of rape in comments]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

vanya_elenwe
2013-04-21 10:55 pm UTC (link)

You are a fool if you think I do not know what pain and loss are. You think because I can only love once that my love is easy!? Nay, yours is far easier. If my love is lost, it is lost forever. There is no second chance for me. I cannot simply turn to the next creature I see and make do with him. I am alone, until the sky falls and the mountains crumble into dust. Ah yes, lucky.

Your generalizations are offensive as well.

Simplistic? Perhaps. I am happy with the sea, and the stars, and music, and friends. I do not need much to be happy, and that is not bad. Do I think the ways of your people are wrong? Yes. And I base that on the fact that such thing does cause so much pain!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë turukano 2013-04-21 11:00 pm UTC (link)
	I cause you such pain. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:03 pm UTC (link)
	But more joy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno turukano 2013-04-21 11:07 pm UTC (link)
	I hope to. That we are not so far sundered. Today was good for us. I forgot how much I loved the sea. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:09 pm UTC (link)
	It was lovely. And it was good to be with you again, together. There may be many trials still to come for us, Turukáno, and there may be much pain. I cannot see the future with any certainty. But I do know that I love you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno turukano 2013-04-21 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	I know it. What will come will come, Elenwë, and we will survive it or we will not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	I do not wish to think of the will not, I do not even wish to think of it. Hope will give me strength. Estel. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno turukano 2013-04-21 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, hope. When there is nothing there is still hope. Hope will never die. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:19 pm UTC (link)
	I pray - I believe - that we have more than nothing, Turukáno. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno turukano 2013-04-21 11:22 pm UTC (link)
	I believe it, too. Not for 1500 years have I ever stopped loving you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:23 pm UTC (link)
	Then we must simply find our way back to each other. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno turukano 2013-04-21 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	In time. We have all the time in the world. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:28 pm UTC (link)
	Aye, all the time in the world. ~~Although I should rather use that time being together-~~ ~~Although my heart years for you so -~~ There is a very great deal of it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Elenwë \| Turukáno vanya_elenwe 2013-04-22 12:36 am UTC (link)
	What room are you in? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Elenwë | Turukáno -

turukano, 2013-04-22 12:37 am UTC

Elenwë | Turukáno -

vanya_elenwe, 2013-04-22 12:39 am UTC

Elenwë | Turukáno -

turukano, 2013-04-22 12:40 am UTC

Elenwë | Turukáno -

vanya_elenwe, 2013-04-22 12:42 am UTC

Elenwë | Turukáno -

turukano, 2013-04-22 12:44 am UTC

Elenwë | Turukáno -

vanya_elenwe, 2013-04-22 12:45 am UTC

Elenwe

greywhite
2013-04-21 11:12 pm UTC (link)

That isn't what I'm saying. I'm saying if you think having Malcolm means I'm getting what I want you're wrong, that's it. And I did not turn to next creature I saw, thanks. Nor did I make do. I feel in love with a fucking amazing man.

You're misinterpreting me.

It's all to do with the island, wait until you've been here a while, wait until you've lost the people you cared about, wait until you've seen the place torture the people you love. That what I'm talking about. This place takes great pleasure in trying to destroy you, I've been here for months and it rarely stops.

However because I really am trying to be reasonable here lets start again and I'll try and answer your questions because do you know what? This place is shit enough without misunderstandings and overprotectiveness making it worse -

I didn't mean to fall in love with someone else, I'm ridiculously monogamous (do you even have that word where you're from?) I've slept with four people in my life, and I'll concede one of those was owing to loneliness and misery.

None of this is easy, regardless of what you think of us. Yes I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Lex, and then I met Malcolm, a man who got me so completely, who was so like me, who was so passionate and driven, who gave up so much to try and make the country I live in a better place and it was literally impossible not to have feelings for him. He's the only other man I've looked at for ten years. Oh and in another universe we've been together for four years. I don't believe in fate, but I think that means something.

I'm sorry okay, but Malcolm is the only good thing about this place and you're making me feel like shit about it, which frankly I already do that's why I'm so angry, that and because hurting Lex was like stabbed through the chest.

Happy now?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Grey

vanya_elenwe
2013-04-21 11:17 pm UTC (link)

We do not have the word, although I believe it means being with only one man? So we certainly have the concept. Is it true what I hear in rumors, that marriage and the marriage act are not the same thing in your world? Because in my world, if you have been with four men, then you have married four men. Which is strange, indeed.

I am sorry you have suffered. I do not wish that on anyone.

And please, I do not mean to offend. This is an honest question. If you truly love...Lex? How could you fall for another man? I ask because such a thing would be impossible for me and it is strange.

Nay, I am not happy. It has been some time since I have been truly happy. Since I arrived here.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Elenwe

greywhite
2013-04-21 11:34 pm UTC (link)

I didn't think you would, since it's the only option in your world. I take it by the marriage act you mean sex, no it's not the same, and trust me sleeping with four men when you're almost 30 is nothing in my world, and I realise saying that is only supporting your theory about us, but it's really not like that. There is no such thing as one true love, so you have to try and find someone you will fall in love with.

Thank you, and I really am sorry. I'm just so sick of this place and being judged for things.

I don't know, I honestly don't. I wish I did. I was 18 when I met Lex, I was basically a child and it was based on lust at first, but it became more, even when he became a werewolf leaving him didn't even cross my mind, because it didn't matter, he was still Lex. But with Malcolm it was completely different, it wasn't about lust, it was about his personality, his intellect. It was...deeper than it had been with Lex, I suppose. I didn't just want to sleep with him, I just wanted to listen to what he had to say, what he'd done, his opinions on everything. Losing Lex was terrible, but losing Malcolm as well was the last straw. And don't tell Lex any of this. I've hurt him enough for a number of life times.

You don't get a lot of happiness here, which is why I so fiercely try to defend it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Grey

vanya_elenwe
2013-04-21 11:46 pm UTC (link)

How strange! I am nearly twenty-five hundred years old and I have only been with one man. And will never be with another.

I do not wish to judge. But I am...frightened here. There is so much I do not understand. So much. And I wish to understand it, I wish to understand your type and your people, but it is such a strange culture.

Then...that is all I was trying to say. Malcolm is the one for you, not Lex. Although I wonder why Ilúvatar would create a race that is doomed to suffer such pain.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Elenwe

greywhite
2013-04-21 11:52 pm UTC (link)

Jesus! That's so old it makes my head hurt.

I reckon we all are. Like I said we're not all the same, that's the main thing. I hate humanity generally speaking - the things they do to each other, so even understanding one section of it means nothing, plus there are so few humans here I'm not sure how much it would help, but honestly? I want to help, but it's really not that easy, some things can't be explained, they just happen.

But it wasn't really a choice I made. I hate what I've done to Lex. And I don't think he did. I don't even believe in God. Different universes, you know?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Elenwe vanya_elenwe 2013-04-21 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	Nor is evil confined to one race. My people have done plenty of it, as well. And it has caused us much grief. Nay, love is not a choice, indeed. And I suppose it is easier not to believe in the Valar when you haven't met them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwe greywhite 2013-04-21 11:58 pm UTC (link)
	I know, which is why I try to judge people on what they're like rather than their species. So perhaps you should stop trying to understand it. I'm pretty bloody sure he doesn't exist where I'm from. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Grey vanya_elenwe 2013-04-22 12:01 am UTC (link)
	They. I believe you would call them gods. And they were at my wedding. Perhaps. But maybe understanding you would help me to understand myself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwe greywhite 2013-04-22 12:04 am UTC (link)
	In your universe. Is that how all weddings are, or are you special? What are you trying to understand, exactly? Because if it's love you're kind of screwed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Elenwe

vanya_elenwe
2013-04-22 12:07 am UTC (link)

Not all, nay. My wedding was much bigger than ever I wanted.

I was but the fourth daughter of a minor noble - indeed, I could not tell you our noble connections. But my husband is a direct descendent of a noble line. The grandson of High King Finwë!

That is why they were there. He was the first of his generation to marry.

Love is strange and confusing, aye. Perhaps I should not try.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Elenwe greywhite 2013-04-22 09:53 am UTC (link)
	Right, okay. I don't think anyone understands any of it, if that makes you feel any better. This thing about understanding yourself better though - I mean you have absolutely no reason to tell me considering the circumstances but is something making you question the whole one true love thing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Elenwe -

vanya_elenwe, 2013-04-22 06:02 pm UTC

(Read comments) -