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Loki ([info]hamrammr) wrote in [info]compass_network,
@ 2013-04-05 22:18:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!open, maryanne walker (oe), ~hansel, ~isabel lane, ~john mitchell (oe), ~micha delmare, ~tony stark

So I’m going to bore half of you again. With a steadily growing population and steadily changing population, I think we should have something like regular meetings. How about everyone who takes an interest in the Island every second Thursday of each month? The people who are jobless so far can be assigned jobs.

And I know there are a few people who don’t want to hear it but I would like to assign some organisational posts. It seems like the only thing we do is constantly argue over them. What is our security plan at the moment? Is there even one existing? Or food: one farm with two people working on it and one hunting team for all of us? That’s not going to work out in the long run. If we don’t want to rely on the Island’s mercy, there should be a few more people working on the farm now that spring comes around. We could try to fix the houses around us. Clean them, get electricity there. Maybe use one as a nursery. One of the office buildings could have a hall big enough for meetings or balls.

Last but not least, have we given up altogether? We stopped doing anything to get away from here. Where are the clever scientists? We know that there’s a psychopath out there who locked us into a prison. Are we just going to accept that?



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 04:48 am UTC (link)
I can't do that. My clothes shred, I'd get tangled up in them. Here it's not so much a hazard unless I have something big and mean on my tail. But back home that would have been a death sentence. It probably is.

What? Where the hell did that come from?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 06:15 am UTC (link)
That came from worrying about you ever since Daryl died. I know you try to fight the pain with flirting and sex but that won't help. And I'm a real expert when it comes to drowning my sorrows.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 06:24 am UTC (link)
It's helped so far, and it's killing two birds with one stone. It's better than me trying to drink them away. There wouldn't be any booze left in the pub or the club if I went that route.

Besides, I like sex. A lot. And I'm not bringing anyone home. I'm not going to expose Tim to that, or a whole bunch of 'Uncles'.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 06:34 am UTC (link)
No, that's damn right. Currently you are not exposing Tim to a lot at all. George is doing that.

And I'm not saying you should drink it away. You need to feel it. Otherwise you will just keep running from it. I ran from my nightmares for years and with every escape I only made things worse.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 06:40 am UTC (link)
I do a lot with Tim. The only thing he doesn't do with me is hunt. I wait until he's in bed asleep, before I go trolling. And I don't even do that every night. George takes care of him when I'm hunting. Because A)Daryl was supposed to teach him how, when he got old enough. And B) It's too dangerous to take an infant out.

I can't. It's too much. I can't stand it when it leaks out even just a little. Especially if Annie's in your room. And it's only at night when it does.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 06:56 am UTC (link)
There is no easy way, Maryanne. You can't hide from it. Jesus, after Annie died, in that damn prison I killed someone because I was too scared to face the grief and I couldn't deal with it. You won't kill someone but you might still do stupid things and it will just get worse.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 07:01 am UTC (link)
I could kill someone. If I lose grip of myself, because I let the emotional bullshit wash over me, I could lose hold on her. And she wants to kill people. She wants to eat people. Especially the elves.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 07:21 am UTC (link)
Then I'm going to be there to catch you. You need to let it wash over you once. Scream, rage, cry. Punch me, hug me. Whatever you want. Afterwards it will get better.

You can't keep crawling to me at nights, Maryanne. I'm in a relationship. I can't be your substitute forever. It's not good for you and it's not good for me or Annie.

I only want the best for you but this isn't the best. You need to get back up onto your feet. You have such a beautiful reason, you can fight for. And god, I'm fucking jealous that you have the chance to have that reason. And I know you can do it. So please, Maryanne, take my hand and get back onto your feet again. You deserve it and Tim deserves it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 07:41 am UTC (link)
I wont crawl to you anymore. I'll crawl to someone e

Screaming, crying... Raging doesn't help. It makes things worse. And it makes me hate myself in the end.

What I do isn't bad for my son. I don't expose him to my fits. I'm with him when I'm with him, I'm not off somewhere else, in my head. I'm not bringing people home. I'm not drunk. I'm not off getting high. I'm-...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 07:46 am UTC (link)
But you are in pain and avoiding your grief. You won't heal like this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 07:55 am UTC (link)
I'm in pain, because the other part of my soul is gone. There's no healing that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 08:03 am UTC (link)
There is, Maryanne. Not everything but there is.

After I killed Ira, I started to reach a point where I could slowly face Annie's death. And it still hurt, it still sometimes does but it got better. It got better before she showed up again.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 08:14 am UTC (link)
What if I don't want to heal from it? I don't want to forget how he made me feel. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to let someone take his place. Because no one can. Maybe no one else saw him the way I did, but to me, he was perfect.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 08:21 am UTC (link)
Healing does not mean forgetting. You will see him everyday in your son. Jesus, even if you want to I doubt you can. But you need to stop building your life around the fact that he is gone. You need to build it around you and Tim. I don't say go and find a replacement for him but go and find a little bit peace.

If it had been you who died would you have wanted Daryl to feel miserable forever?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 08:26 am UTC (link)
I am was finding peace. And I see him, I smell him, I even hear him in my son. Even if the last is little things that he'd do.

Of course not.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 08:41 am UTC (link)
Then why don't we go to Daryl's room and pack his things today?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-12 08:45 pm UTC (link)
Next week. I'm giving myself to next week.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-12 08:49 pm UTC (link)
Just don't put it off for too long. It'll just get harder.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-13 01:58 am UTC (link)
Actually, that's not entirely true. The longer I wait the less pungent his scent gets. I've only gone in twice, since he's been gone. And it's like he surrounds me. Enough that I could almost close my eyes and pretend that it was just a horrible nightmare. Because I still hear him.

I know it's all in my head. But there's no making it go away.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-14 08:06 am UTC (link)
But they will always remind you of him. They are his stuff. If you want closure, you need to do this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-14 04:57 pm UTC (link)
I know... And it's not nice to take up a whole apartment just because I'm a coward.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-14 08:51 pm UTC (link)
There are enough empty apartments. But I don't want you bleeding over it like you are doing now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-15 06:00 am UTC (link)
I'm not bleeding. I'm trying to ignore it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]hamrammr
2013-04-15 07:19 am UTC (link)
Maryanne, you can tell me a lot but you are not okay.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne
[info]maryanne_walker
2013-04-15 09:06 am UTC (link)
I never said I was okay. I'm pretty far from Okay. I can function, though, and that's what counts right now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell / Maryanne - [info]hamrammr, 2013-04-15 09:11 am UTC
Mitchell / Maryanne - [info]maryanne_walker, 2013-04-15 09:20 am UTC
Mitchell / Maryanne - [info]hamrammr, 2013-04-15 09:25 am UTC
Mitchell / Maryanne - [info]maryanne_walker, 2013-04-15 06:30 pm UTC

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