InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Have I taught you nothing?"

Maryanne Elizabeth Walker (maryanne_walker) wrote in compass_comm,
@ 2022-05-20 22:05:00

Entry tags:

!open, bucky barnes (au), maryanne walker (oe)

Accidental CB
[There was a shuffle of fabric over the mic, and a little thump, as if a well placed kick little had turned on the CB. It was followed by some silence, but pretty soon a muffled voice, not too distorted not to be heard. There was sincerity in the words, and a little bit of a smile at appropriate times.]

You know Mommy loves you right? Mommy loves you when you make right decision, and Mommy loves you when you make the wrong decision. Mommy loves you on your good days, and Mommy loves you on your bad days too. Mommy loves you when you're happy, and excited, and smiley, and Mommy loves you when you are grumpy, and angry or sad. There is truly nothing in any universe that would ever make Mommy not love you, in fact I not only love you, but I like you. I like who you are! I love listening to the things you have to say. I love spending time with you. I love being around you. Mommy made her mind up about you the day you were born, and there is nothing you could ever do to change the way I feel about you. I'm so proud of you. All of you.

[There was some audible sniffles, before more shuffled fabric against the mic, and the CB cut off.]

(Post a new comment)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 06:41 am UTC (link)
	That's rich. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 06:59 am UTC (link)
	Is that an oh so subtle way to tell me I'm your mother? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 07:03 am UTC (link)
	assumed you'd figured that out by now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 07:11 am UTC (link)
	I didn't. I didn't think I would have survived long enough on the bad island. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 07:15 am UTC (link)
	I was never on the bad island, I lived the same life he did until the station. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 07:33 am UTC (link)
	I had no idea. ~~I think I'm going to v~~ I wouldn't have acted the way I did if I had known. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 08:02 am UTC (link)
	then I'm glad you didn't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 08:15 am UTC (link)
	Did you want me to be cruel to you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 08:24 am UTC (link)
	I like knowing what you really think (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 08:32 am UTC (link)
	What do you mean by that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 08:41 am UTC (link)
	I mean what I said. I'm glad I got to see what you really think and not just some show because you were my mother once. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-21 08:48 am UTC (link)
	I don't put on "shows". Especially with people I love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-21 08:57 am UTC (link)
	you don't love me (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2022-05-22 03:06 am UTC (link)

I don't hate you either.

I love my Bucky, with every fiber of my being, like he was from my own womb. There is no doubt in me that your version of me felt the same way. But it's been five years since the Island, and I don't know who you are anymore. And can you say you love me? Can you say you did whenever Miguel swapped my Bucky for you?

I can easily admit that I was very unfair to you, but none of the gestures you made screamed 'you're my mom' to me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 06:16 am UTC (link)
	you did before this conversation, so why change now? it's been a lot longer than five years for me. I wasn't trying to scream anything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-23 06:31 am UTC (link)
	I didn't before this conversation, I just didn't like you. There is a huge difference between hate and dislike. Then that makes you even farther from the boy I knew and love. How was I supposed to know your reality had once mirrored his? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

otherbuck
2022-05-23 06:54 am UTC (link)

because I didn't go seeking out the person who'd threatened me over and over and say "you're my mom so you have to treat me nice"? we're obviously different people, I never claimed to be like him. I didn't care if you knew or not. I wasn't hiding it, your daughter knows, but no one really gave a shit about anything we did before the station or Higgs so I didn't talk about it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2022-05-23 07:15 am UTC (link)

I don't know what you want from me, Bucky. I never claimed to be mother of the year, what I do claim is I will protect my own as long as my body lets me. You were a threat just as much as any of the other people that came with you, I didn't know any different. My trust issues aren't new.

But, what I did do, is offer you safe haven, and free food, if you crossed over to our side. Did you take that? No. You didn't even have to fight Higgs, all you had to do was not fight us.

And everything you've done and said, since, has not changed.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 07:19 am UTC (link)
	you never offered that and I've never done anything to harm anyone here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-23 07:35 am UTC (link)
	Yes, I did offer that. Do you want me to look back in the archives? Because I absolutely can, it isn't like I have nine children under the age of ten to take care of by myself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 07:42 am UTC (link)
	you offered one meal and got mad when I wasn't nice enough. I still never fought any of you and I would have fought him if anyone here would have trusted me enough to do it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-23 08:03 am UTC (link)
	Archived message. Just so you don't have to go by my word. I got mad because you were being a disrespectful jackass. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 08:08 am UTC (link)
	I didn't get here until October. Different words, same thing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2022-05-23 08:26 am UTC (link)
	I still don't know what you want from me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 08:43 am UTC (link)
	I dont want anything from you. just pointing out the hypocrisy. proving that you're not always right. since I'm not the only one you've taken your rage out on. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2022-05-23 09:30 am UTC (link)

I've never said I was always right. So, really, all you want to prove is you're an asshole, just like you were the day I got angry with you. I don't know how loving my kids, and not hating a guy who I just found out is also my son from some other version of this place, makes me a hypocrite.

Do me a favor, go look at the heart and then tell me you're still the good guy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	otherbuck 2022-05-23 04:49 pm UTC (link)
	I never claimed to be a good person. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2022-05-24 03:46 am UTC (link)

Congratulations, you're not too delusional then. But here's a bit of a news flash for you, I've never claimed to be a good person either. And if you're out to make me miserable, because misery loves company, I'm afraid I've got you beat there too.

Now if there is anything I can do to help you not be miserable let me know, and I'll do it. Short of killing myself, because I've already promised someone I wouldn't do that, otherwise I would have already jumped out an airlock. And not playing these stupid little guessing games because you're 'broody and angry'.

(Reply to this) (Parent)