Ask Rose

Rose,

My husband and I fight a lot. That's not my problem at all, but just a bit of background. I argue with my brothers a lot too so it's just something I'm real used to growing up and even though we argue, I love him to death.

Well, my husband and I disagree so much that we decided we wouldn't have kids until we can at least agree on a name for each gender. Well, I got real mad at him one night because of something or other and didn't want to tell him why so I told him I thought I might be up the duff. It was a lie, of course, but now Aunt Flo is late and I am wondering if it's Karma.

The real problem here is that it's been three years married and we still can't agree on any names and what happens if we have the kid and still can't agree and it doesn't have a name for the first three, four, five years of it's life?

Naming Arguments Make Elsie Sad

Dear Rose,

I have found myself in something of a predicament of late. You see, my parents are terribly worried about whether or not they're ever going to have grand-children. My eldest sister has been married for eight years and still has produced no children. My middle sister has no potential suitors and is turning into an old maid. She's nearly twenty-seven!

Then there is me. I am only twenty-four, but my parents insist I must marry as quickly as possible. I am not particularly interested in marrying. But I have several prospects, you see.

The first is a charming, intelligent, and attractive young woman. I'll call her Vivian. I thought Vivian was quite amenable to me, but alas, I found out via my sister she has been taken by someone else in secret, an acquaintance of mine I do not think good enough for her (he is currently on the run from the law).

The second is has a different set of charms and attractive qualities. I'll call her Janet. She is quite intelligent and wise and interested in reading. I escorted her to a masquerade last month and have sent her flowers and had tea with her, though nothing is official because her father is currently wrongfully imprisoned and I cannot ask him permission to court her officially. This is a problem. I want to begin this 'marriage' thing soon if I must. And besides, she seems a bit... Prone to histrionics, if I may say. Any time anything bad happens, she is hysterical. I do not know if I want this quality in a wife. Furthermore, she is only eighteen, and my sister insists she is far too young for me. However, her twin sister was engaged (her fiance died tragically in Italy only a week or so ago), so her parents obviously do not think her too young.

There is a third girl, who I shall call Angelica. She is Russian, beautiful, and witty. However, I know two other men are interested in her, one of them a friend of mine, but I am not certain as to whether or not she likes either of them.

Do I try to win Vivian's heart? Do I wait for Janet? Is she truly too young for me? Is it worth competing for Angelica's affections? I know many other young women, but find none of them as agreeable as these two. Should I turn my interests to them?

Sincerely,
Torn in Leicestershire

Dear Rose,

How are you this fine evening? I hope you are well.

This is quite embarrassing, but the whole point of this is to be open and unguarded. I feel as though I'm in a safe space, so being open is precisely what I'll do. You see, it's been quite a while since I've felt the warm, pleasureful magnificence of a woman's touch. People tend to view me as a nice, unassuming young bloke, but deep down, I'm still a man. I still have manly urges. I don't act upon them, as there are many other things that are on my mind. However, with all the recent pain my friends and I have been going through, I must admit that I've only become more frustrated.

All the same, I don't want to make love to a woman I'm not in love with. That wouldn't be right. But if I do find a special woman to devote myself to, the beast shall be finally freed from its cage. Her body would be laid upon a bed of fragrant rose petals, and together, we'd simply enjoy each other's company.

My question, Miss Rose, is if it's all right for me to feel this way?

What Christmas present do you buy for your boss, who half the country thinks you're having an affair with, even though you're not, but you really want to be which is possibly a bit twisted because she's twice your age and you're both in open marriages?

Oh, Rose. I am so, so blue tonight.

Here's the (rather long, sorry) story.

My closest friend has been acting extremely inconsiderately lately, and it's been bumming me out. However, earlier this week, she contacted me via e-mail to see if I'd be in town this weekend to spend some time together. I was very glad and anxious to see her, and called her the next day to say that I'd make a special trip down to see her if she'd just let me know when she would be free...and then I didn't hear back from her. For five days. So I broke down and sent her a text, and she replied saying she'd been "very busy" and forgot to get back to me. Now, I was a little irked. She has done this a lot recently, but I actually do value our friendship and want to see her...So I went ahead and told her I would be in town Saturday, and we agreed to meet up.
It took me 2 buses and a LOT of time, but I made it to town...I didn't hear from her all day. I called, and she told me she was busy with dinner and would call back in 10 minutes. Nearly an hour went by before she called, and by that time, I had given up on the evening and didn't take her call. I am quite angry with her because I feel her behavior has been very disrespectful lately (it's all the more painful because she never used to do this), and I want to know why she is acting this way.
But I'm hesitant to do anything that might cause conflict, because I really do appreciate our friendship...it would be such a shame to let seven years of friendship disintegrate. It hurts to question what used to be the strongest friendship I had. I'm very sad, and I just don't know what to do.

Hmm... You've helped me with my school and boy troubles...how about friend troubles?

You see, I’m really bummed about my friends leaving to study abroad. One of my best friends is going to France in the spring. A couple of other people in my French classes are going on the same program…so come spring semester, I really won’t know anyone in my classes or have many friends left.
While I’m naturally happy for my friends that they have this amazing opportunity (which they truly deserve), I can’t help but feel seriously sad (and yes, jealous). I can’t afford to go abroad, and even if I got a loan, the deadline to apply for this particular program is long passed. So if I get to go eventually, it won’t be with them, the people I actually want to go with.
Most days in class the group that are going to France just sit around and talk about how excited they are, and how much fun they’ll all have together. I feel awkward and sad, but I don’t want to say anything because that seems a little unfair and immature. My good friend knows how I feel, and she's made efforts to tone down the trip talk. However, with each passing day, it's getting more difficult to smile and be supportive while they all discuss their plans.
I'm not sure what distresses me more--the fact that I'm not able to go to France with them...or that I will be practically all alone in the spring :[

I'm back! To write about a bad situation that's entirely my fault. I know it’s my fault, but what should I do?

I’ve missed by 8am communications class twice this semester. Unfortunately, one of the days I missed (last Thursday, the 2nd of October) was a BIG day, where we were supposed to submit 6 articles and summaries of each. I didn’t know about this assignment, and I obviously wasn’t there to turn it in.

I’ve got that class tomorrow morning, and I’m very anxious and afraid about seeing the teacher. This whole disaster is my fault and I realize that. I also know I won’t be getting those missed points back. But I just don’t know what to say to him to help make the situation better. Should I e-mail him tonight to see if I can meet him after class tomorrow to talk it over? Or should I just speak to him before/immediately after class? …Oh the irony, I don’t know how to communicate with my Communications teacher

I'm pregnant. Of course, I don't know that it happened yet, since it was just three days ago.

Dear Rose,

I am a six year old hound mix. My Mom does not seem to appreciate all that I do for her. How do I get her to be happy when I announce someone is at the door? That bell rings at a high pitch. I just know she cannot hear it as well as I do since she is a human. *tail wags*

Georgie-girl

Do you remember me? Well, I am still not pregnant, and to make matters worse, my arch-nemesis (who has very scary eyebrows) is pregnant for the third time. How do I stop her from ruining my life?

Thank you,
N. Malfoy

Rose--
I enjoyed your thoughtful advice about my food-related dilemmas (about three posts back), so I thought I'd test my luck and post another entry seeking a new perspective. You see, I've been feeling a bit blue as the new semester approaches…I had an fun, relaxing, peaceful summer. Other than minimal remnants from my depression of last Spring, I really have nothing to feel ‘blue’ about, yet I can’t help being melancholy at the thought of leaving my family for another grueling set of classes. I was not in a good place–-mentally, physically–-last semester, and I guess I’m afraid of sinking into those thoughts and feelings again. I have no real motivation to study hard or to make new friends. Other than joining college clubs/connecting with classmates I just don’t feel like there’s anything to look forward to. Surely there’s some silver lining that I’m missing here?
--Elenya

I've been wondering about something lately, and it's gotten to the point where it's keeping me up at night.

Why do dogs lick their butts?

I mean, it's so disgusting, and there are a lot of germs in there. I've grown up with dogs, and I've loved them so very much. But I have never quite understood their fascination with licking their rear ends. Does it taste good to them, I wonder?

Any ideas?

Hello Rose!

Why do I always become so nervous around members of the opposite sex?

I’m not exactly “experienced” in the relationship department, but I get along with guys real well. When it comes to friendship and flirting, I don’t feel an ounce of anxiety around them. But as soon as my romantic interest is reciprocated, or if a guy expresses interest in spending time together–I freak out! I get so worried about what to say to him, how to act, etc. I’m typically genuinely interested in the guys I flirt with… In the end, I tend to sabotage the relationship before it can even begin. And I know this isn’t fair to the other person (I’ve been accused of leading on or teasing in the past).

Take this one person, for example. We met months ago, and since day one there's been this undercurrent of flirtation within all of our conversations. During this past summer holiday, we've been sending e-mails back and forth, discussing travels, current events, and so on. Recently, he expressed an interest in chatting in person once we're both in the same town this fall, and I've done so also. But today he asked if I was in town yet, and gave me his phone number! I'm not sure what to "say" to him...Even though I really would like to see him, I'm afraid that my current anxiousness will only increase once we're face-to-face. At the moment I'm geographically unavailable, but I feel like I need to respond to him timely. I just wish I could relax!

Sincerely,
Anxiously nervous

Dear Rose--

I've been a vegetarian/vegan for about 12 years now, for mixed reasons. I'm comfortable and satisfied with this part of my life, but certain circumstances make me feel really awkward and distressed. When I attend the dinner parties or get-togethers of relative strangers who are unaware of my preferences, I am inevitably faced with the uneasy task of denying any meat-laden dish I'm offered. I feel so rude and fear I come off as arrogant or too high-maintenance...I typically end up feeling singled-out and not in a good way. I don't want a big deal made on my account, and I really mean no disrespect, but I never know how to politely decline from eating their meals (sometimes I feel so bad I just give up and take the plate, but since I don't actually eat the food I bet that's even more rude). Is there such way to civilly refuse a meat dish without feeling so guilty and apologetic about my own life choices?
Thanks,
Elenya

PS, I love your advice and I think there should be many more asylums like this!

You know, I've grown up in a Norwegian/Swedish family all my life. There are many, many things that I know about that no one else outside of St. Olaf does. The same can be said of people outside of St. Olaf. That is, they know lots of things I don't.

So, it should come as no surprise, but I find myself completely and utterly out my depth.

It all started a couple weeks ago. Dorothy and Sophia were watching this mystery on tv and I was just passing through to get me a glass of milk. Well, Dorothy told her mother some character on it was just a red herring. This struck me as very odd.

You see, as a Lyndstrom, I know all about herring. My grand parents were herring fishers, they caught every type of herring there is. From pickled to peeked, there isn't a single way to cook them I haven't heard of. I've eaten herring all my life, one of my favorite dishes is smoked herring kephrden. In fact, I use to have a pet herring!

And yet, I didn't know what a Red Herring was. Well, rather than appear the fool about something I've professed to be an expert by asking them, I've bitten my tongue. Now, I've come online to seek out answers.

Can anybody explain to me what a Red Herring is?

Dear Rose,

My life used to be great. I was doing what I loved, making money, people knew who I was, and I had a great boyfriend. Then, everything started to go wrong. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel like someone else has taken over my life. I broke up with my boyfriend, I started getting into trouble, and I've ended up in fights three times in the last four months. After two hospital stays, losing both my jobs, moving flats, sleeping with my friend, a lot of excessive drinking, and getting mixed up in a group of people who I'm afraid have mixed me up in even more danger, I don't know what to do. Rose, is it crazy to feel like someone very vindictive is controlling my life and actions? What can I do to get control back and stop doing things that end up with me getting hurt? Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Powerless in the Pub.

Dear Rose,
First off. I love you for having your own community, because you are a rockin lady.

Now. How do you tell someone that they need to stop picking up characters so they can live out their fantasies with every female character through those characters? They take all the good male leads, and leave nothing for anyone else who might be interested in those leads. Everytime a female lead shows up that's attractive persay, there goes a application for a character that was romantically involved with the female character canonically.

It's not too bothersome right now, but I have a feeling it's going to thin out chances of picking up players and... get really annoying. The game has only been open for about five days tops. So. What's the polite way of saying; give people a chance to apply, stop picking up male characters to fondle female characters, and give people a chance, yes.

Dear Rose

My player wants to have me turned into a werewolf. How does she bring this up with the mod without being evicted?

Moreover, how do I a) find out what crack she's on, and b) remove it?

Dear Rose,

First off, if you tell anyone about this missive, I will make certain that you are very sorry that you have done so.

Now, my question. I believe it is possible I may be in love with three women.

The first, we'll call her L, she's my best friend, you know? We've been friends since we were primary school age and I've loved her for almost that long. She's beautiful and smart and kind, and she's also very married. In fact, she's married to my worst enemy, as if it could not get worse than already being married. I know that things are hopeless, but I still dream about her sometimes and I can't seem to stop.

I thought maybe that it would help if I tried actually befriending another young woman, and one of my friends from school has a sister who is a beautiful and accomplished young woman. She's kind, and she's intelligent, and I enjoy conversations with her. Certainly I can imagine kissing her, or even marrying her, but she is... well, my father was a working class... well and she is certainly far above me socially. I work hard, and I think I can pass for a well-bred sort of gentleman, but I'm afraid her brother, my friend, and her father might oppose our being any thing other than friends.

And finally there is this woman that is... well, I don't really know how to describe her. She's a bit of a hippie, really. Into free love and all that, and I actually... well I had sex with her, and it was quite pleasant, then. And I don't know if I love her precisely, but I'm certainly fascinated by her. She sort of... well, I guess there's passion, is what you'd call it? I mean, we fight frequently, and we disagree on a number of very important issues. But...

So... I don't know what to do. I think that I should make an offer of marriage to the young woman who is kind, intelligent, and would make a delightful wife, but I'm afraid perhaps she will not consider me good enough for her. And the final, I cannot even think what to do, except that I don't really want to stop seeing her, but I suppose if I do offer marriage, I would need to. And unfortunately neither of these has entirely removed my head from thinking about L, whom I still have dreams about.

What do I do?
Single at Spinner's End

Dear Rose,

Once again, I must seek your extremely helpful advice. I feel that I am currently developing feelings for a certain Blonde individual. After all, we are entirely suitable, seeing how we are two of the only blonde individuals in our area, thus making us the only ones qualified to have more blonde children.

There are only a couple of problems: 1) He might be gay. He and his best friend are unnaturally close.

2) He's quite preoccupied with upholding the family honour.

3) He might be a psychopathic murder.

Help?

With love,
God.