I think I need to take a leave of absence.

This is strange. I feel like I'm on Talos again.

Current Mood: confused

I am bored.

This looks about right

Also, my puppy is now a dog. A very large dog, that enjoys putting its wet, cold nose right between the shoulder blades of anyone sleeping in my bed, including, but sadly not limited to, myself.

I need to find girls with cold dog nose fetishes now. This does not bode well for my sex life.

This is not how it would happen, Anakin.

Apparently my life wasn't busy enough. I've been adopted by a dog. I think it's my Mom, reincarnated to make sure I get married and have kids some day.

It chased a twi'lek out of my room. What kind of a sick creature would do that?

Oh... I have learned in a rather hard way that some things can not be maneuvered while teetering on four-inch pieces of wood. Ow.

Doctor McCoy... I do not wish to pull you from your bride, but I do not know who else to ask. I can not move the limb. That can not be good.

That was... um.. hm. Well. It's rather difficult... I want to do it again if that is what human females experience... Yes, that was fun.

Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if he stopped using badly scented cologne and switched to Tiberius he could smell like he's me.

Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again. The tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Tiberius and not a lady.

I'm on a ship.

Apparently, I need to go out with a few women and, according to Jim Kirk, have cosmopolitans.

His version of a bridal shower.

Any takers?

Alright, I need a list of people that want to shower my medical officer in beer and loose women.

I also need all of the loose women who might find any of the volunteers remotely attractive to comment.

And if anybody wants to audition for leadership of Starfleet, I need you too. This job is killing my self-respect and social life in one fell swoop.

Any non-loose women, please report to the post above mine for cosmopolitans and talking about how hot both I and the groom to be are. In your underwear, if possible.

Honestly. Is nothing private on that ship of yours?

I am... what do humans refer to it as...? Oh yes... I'm bored.

SHIT!

Who the hell convinced him to put me in charge?

This is truly a strange place.

This is... quite unusual. How did I come to be here and how did I come to be here in this human body?