Not Until We Are Lost

Sabev was in wonder about the ship. When she'd awoken alone in a room, she had at first feared that she was again in the water. But there was no sense of it anywhere nearby, not in amounts that would do her damage. She was able to ease her body's tension and get herself out of the bed. Which was when she discovered everything around her that was hers. The dress that Ilyien had bought her in Electric City. The clothing she had received from him in the black and white world. She now got to see them in color, and they were even more beautiful. (Though the hats were even more absurd when she saw the combinations, she would keep that quiet, however.)

The clothes that she had started this adventure in were also there. Her very own belongings that still smelled of the outdoors and the cold of the mountain. The items that smelled of closeness with Ilyien. She brushed one such garment across her cheek and smiled, then blushed wildly as the memory of the dream came unbidden to her mind.

Another thing that she realized was that he was very near. They were not apart. They were not held back by the horrible sea, or kept apart so that it felt as if she were the only one.

Sabev pulled a fairly modern looking garment out of the closet and slid it over her head, it was soft cotton and touched her in a very delightful way. She settled it around her hips and went to the drawer where she discovered a pair of the strange denim jeans that did not seem like they would be good for long travel, despite what they were made of. They conformed to her body as if they had been made for her as her traveling leathers were, and she took a moment to appreciate the silhouette they created in the looking glass.

The little phoenix picked up a hairbrush and began to run it gently through her curls, humming happily to herself. This was the first time she didn't feel scared or lost. Ilyien's teachings were fresh in her mind and she felt like she could protect herself from almost anything. But it was more than that. She felt safe aboard this strange vessel with its odd metal walls that felt like silk but were warm when she touched them.

It was hard to be in the middle of all that water. The feeling of it surrounding her was oppressive. But not as bad as it had been on the boat. And she'd found a cave that was dry and good shelter to hide herself in. That helped a good deal.

Ilyien was not on this island with her, but she could still feel him out there. They were still connected, and intimately. She knew that he was not just out there, but very close. She might be able to get to him if she really tried. But she was at this time unwilling to leave the cave.

There were others here with her, too. She wanted to reach out to them, but Ilyien's anger toward her was still very fresh in her mind. Keeping herself secret seemed like something that she should be doing. Especially now, when she was so incredibly vulnerable.

She tried not to think of the dream that she'd had. That wonderful thing that had caused her to wake up with burnt sheets. She didn't want to block anything off from her friend, because the connection with him was all that was keeping her calm. But she did not want to share that. The best way was to keep it out of her mind entirely.

It was easy to make a fire in the cave, and direct the smoke to drift out the mouth. To feed herself with the flames. She thought once or twice about going to ground, feeling it might be safer there, but it got too wet, and she could feel it. She was fine where she was for now. It would be too shallow to protect her, really keep her safe, if she went into the earth.

I know you're still upset with me, friend. She said into the darkness of the cave, reaching out to the other phoenix with a sharp hope in her chest. But please just tell me that you're alright.

Ilyien touched her and she was suddenly wide awake.

The bed around her was lightly scorched. As if her body temperature had gotten so high that she had begun to cook the sheets. There were brown burn spots, tiny holes. She pushed away the sheets and scrambled out of the bed, horrified at what she was seeing.

And a little horrified by what she had been dreaming. Her feelings were true, it had encompassed everything that she had been wanting, and opened her eyes to some things that she'd been denying to herself. But to have such a dream! For her mind to be so ... well... naughty! It had been nice to see the colors, and being awake again and back in the black and white world was sad and disappointing, but to imagine that Ranulf Ilyien would do such a thing!

Sabev had never had such contact with another, not as a phoenix, not as a human. She had no idea where her mind would have come up with such detail. Such...

She shook her head, trying to break herself out of the very vivid memories. What would he say about what she dreamed? Should she tell him? She suddenly realized that they were really connected in the waking world. That her thoughts were, and had been since he'd shown back up, open to him. He might know already what she'd seen in her sleep, and he would for sure be aware of what she was going through right now.

"Oh dear." Sabev covered her mouth with her hand.

After seeing the strange, strong woman who called herself 'Jack' to safety, Ilyien walked for a time in the deep night streets. He was far from the place where he'd taken up residence, and wasn't particularly keen on returning at the moment. Because he was not expected to show to the ship yards the following morning, he had no obligation to see to the need for rest that his human body preferred. And so he walked.

Eventually, when he'd bled all the vestiges of anger out of his heart, he found himself staring up at the building where he and his companion resided. He had not yet reached out to her mentally. The knowledge that she was there was still a constant. But he didn't allow her access to anything else. Sabev couldn't even know that he stood here. Quietly, he returned to his room and began dressing for sleep.

Not long after his return, he dropped between the sheets and closed his eyes. Consciousness faded.

Again, Ilyien had not only found a place for them to stay, but a way to make the money needed to pay for things they had to have. Food and shelter topped that list, but more clothing was also important. It was one thing to wear the same thing day in and day out when you were traveling, it was another to do it when you were stationary and moving through a new society. But her friend made it all happen.

Neither phoenix really noticed anything strange about the coins that he brought home. So far, none of the money they'd seen - especially Sabev - had been anything like what they were used to. It didn't freak either of them out, and it didn't really cause much wonder other than the initial inspections.

The thing that Sabev found most strange and disconcerting was the lack of color. Color was the way that she had always defined her life. Phoenix were identified by their color. Family history could be seen in clarity and lines. It was unsettling to look at her human body in the looking glass and not see the fiery red hair or the bright blue eyes. It was off-putting to imagine seeing herself or Ranulf in their true forms and not seeing the colors there.

But in the end, she was okay with it, because he was here with her. Even though she couldn't see the colors of the dresses he brought for her, she could still appreciate the styles. They were different. Flowy. A little bit bouncy.

Though somebody had convinced him to buy some very silly hats. She wore them in the rooms they shared, but she wouldn't dare wear them out the door.

Sabev was straightening up a little while she waited for him to return. She wanted to see if she could convince him to meet Niks. Sabev knew what her friend's mind felt like, so while it might be a little rude to do so, she felt confident that she would be able to seek out Niklas Wright fairly easily.

The night before, Ilyien retired in the room he secured for himself and Sabev. As had been their usual arrangement since before they found themselves in this strange world, Sabev took the bed; Ilyien slept in a chair drawn close to the door. The last thing Ilyien recalled was falling asleep to the feeling of Sabev's contented dreaming.

And when he opened his eyes again, it was not with the gradual awareness of myriad aching muscles, but with the immediacy of thunder. He shot to his feet on reflex, sending the chair flying behind him. He was not in the room he'd hired for himself and his companion.

This room was completely different -- very much like a restaurant, one of the places he'd learned about during his time in the new world they'd discovered. But this was different, too. Everything in black and white. The raiment he wore. The flesh of his skin. Everyone and everything around him.

These observations were taken in within the first breath he drew. The second thing he noticed was that Sabev was still nearby. He turned, looking for his companion and his charge. As long as she was well, he could manage anything else.

Eventually, Piotr decided that enough socializing had gone on. People knew that their friends and loved ones were here with them, and that was a good thing. They could catch up further later, however. If he didn't interrupt, the meeting would go on far longer than anybody wanted it to. He'd provided some snacks, but no actual food. There would be a need for actual food at some point.

He cleared his throat to get the attention of everybody present.

"We are all here right now for the same purpose." Piotr's voice wasn't loud, but it was demanding. His accent cut through everything else easily. The edges of it were sharp, the middles heavy. He wouldn't, couldn't be ignored. "All of us were brought to this place, world or dimension, and we have all been seeking answers since we woke up. It is time to share what we have found."

He smiled a little at Mary, at Cas, then at Rob, still not giving up his position.

"I will do this in the most orderly manner that I can, so we can get the information and compare notes as needed."

Piotr turned to Castiel, who had spoken up first.

Piotr was anxious to get everything rolling. While putting the meeting off had given extra time to round up others who might need to be in on it, it meant a delay of information that he wasn't truly comfortable with. He'd managed to play it off with everybody that he'd encountered, making as if this wasn't as big a deal as it really was to him. Inside, Piotr had been twitchy. Anything could happen at any time. They were all dealing with the unknown. There were too many variables, the risk was far too high. Lingering only swayed things away from their favor.

It was very domestic, the way he readied for the guests. He didn't let Max lift a finger. It was the only way he could keep himself from stewing, really. To move, work. Put plates together. Ready beverages. Create a spread that Martha Stewart would have been proud of.

He even dressed up.

Black suit, crisp white shirt, black tie, shiny black shoes, hair combed impeccably, guns tucked away in their holsters under his arms and hidden carefully by the jacket of his expensive outfit. Not a lick of metal showing anywhere to give him away, and that was more a throwback to the long nights of watching a mark than anything else. Piotr didn't have any good reason for it now, but it felt right.

When there was nothing left to do, he leaned against the arm of the couch and worried his lip between his teeth. There wasn't a watch to check on his wrist, so he glanced every few minutes at the clock on the wall, ticking away in its hideous orange and purple motif, strange detached bunny ears the hands, a mangled face grinning behind them. It was disturbing at best, though Piotr didn't really see the image, just the minutes.

The doorbell rang and he opened it, taking up the entire doorway. He smiled at the first guests and stood aside to allow them in. He made motions toward the table of snacks and directed them toward the kitchen for drinks. Every single newcomer got the same treatment. Max still not allowed to do anything that might have taken even an iota of the control out of the Russian's hands. They weren't military people, those who were showing up, they weren't highly trained like he was, but he would be damned if he wasn't in command of everything.

There were so many faces that he didn't recognize, and still no sign of the one that he was still seeking. Rayne was not with any of the others that showed up. Piotr couldn't help the worry he felt for his charge. The strange woman who he'd met in Malden, what felt like a hundred years ago now. He didn't ask after her, knowing that if any of these people knew her, she would have been here. He'd been careful to set the time of the meeting right after sunset to accommodate her and any others that might be like her. If she was here, by some strange chance, and had not been informed of the meeting, and hadn't come looking for him, if she had, in fact, decided to keep herself secret, then she had a reason for it, and it wasn't Piotr's place to draw attention to her. The hope of that was beyond slim, however, and he knew it. She wasn't here, he just had to admit it.

He let everybody mingle for almost an hour, to make sure that all the people that had been told had a change to show up. That and it was obvious that some of them had been looking for each other for a while, and they were just now discovering one another. He couldn't bring himself to break that up. He knew how he would have felt if he'd found his friend. He wouldn't have been able to focus on anything else but making sure that she was alright.

Finally, he stood in the center of the living room, his eyes skating over the seating, knowing that there wasn't enough for everybody and regretting it, and cleared his throat to get the attention of the assembled.

"We are all here right now for the same purpose." Piotr's voice wasn't loud, but it was demanding. His accent cut through everything else easily. The edges of it were sharp, the middles heavy. He wouldn't, couldn't be ignored. "All of us were brought to this place, world or dimension, and we have all been seeking answers since we woke up. It is time to share what we have found."

He smiled a little at Mary, at Cas, then at Rob, still not giving up his position.

It was not an easy thing to keep from touching the man she'd wanted to touch the moment she met him, even if that very thought would have made her scream at how ridiculously cliche it was. Evan Vang had irritated her when she first met him, and Niklas Wright had want so very much to hit him square in the jaw. She'd also wanted to kiss him because he was very attractive in an annoying way. There was something animal about him, which was not a slight on his lack of formal education. In fact, she found his education rather well rounded for someone who'd done it all on his own.

Yet, Niks wanted to touch him in less violent ways as they headed back to her house. Or the house she had woken up in. She wanted to hold his hand, even if that seemed a little too clingy. Plus, she knew how dangerous that could be for him, which admittedly made her want to touch him even more. The librarian was almost disgusted with herself, meaning she didn't say much as they made their way back to her place.

She let him in, staying well out of his way to make sure she didn't accidentally touch him. She even moved directly to the kitchen to start a pot of water for tea. Her brow furrowed as she thought about whether or not they had tea; she knew they didn't have anything to go in it.

"I don't think she's here." Niks spoke as she filled the kettle with water. "We should probably go look for her." She didn't want to. She wanted to get to know Evan a little better, but Sabev could be in trouble in a world that was all too new to her. There had to be a better way to handle all of this, surely.

The phoenix was a little overwhelmed by everything that Niks had taught her, and that was putting it lightly. There was so much. So many things that were different. But Sabev was a good student, and tucked all of it away neatly. She wouldn't forget. She might get intimidated, or even a little frightened, but she wouldn't forget.

Pleasing to her ears was the fact that apparently water mages didn't exist in this place. Well, maybe not so much this place, but Niks had not really heard of such a thing. They could be here, since here was not a place either of the women knew. Sabev was going to hold onto the notion that they weren't, though. It made her feel a bit better about all of the other things she had to get used to.

Feeling daring, Sabev decided to venture out of the house on her own. To see what this little town held. To meet more people. To do anything, really, other than sit indoors and wait for Niks to come back. She was a phoenix. She was an impressive being of considerable skill and power. There was no reason for her to sit timidly and passively. She was also an adventurer. Had she not left her safe city to see what the world outside of the walls had held? Had she not been through much and come out whole on the other side of it?

Sabev took the little gold key - unlike any key she had ever seen before - and placed it in the little pocket of her strange knee-length pants after checking to make sure she'd worked the lock correctly and the house was secure. It was hard to believe such a small key could turn the tumbler in a lock big enough to restrict access, and yet when she tried the handle, nothing budged.

Niks had warned her of the thing called technology and all the strangeness it would bring. From the carriages - which were cars, to the mirrors that showed human activity - television sets, all of it was of human invention. All of it made to make life easier or more entertaining. Sabev had, once she discovered the house had one, spent a few hours in front of their television, asking Niks to explain just why one thing was entertaining when it didn't seem to be, or where the strange tinny laughter came from when they were the only ones in the room. (Canned tracks were something she still didn't understand)

The day was bright and sunny, but Sabev wore a sweater, knowing that the breeze would have a bite to it. The cold and she did not sit well together. And she knew better than to ramp up her own body temperature. It would draw attention and possibly harm a human.

Her self appointed task was to go to the market and bring back some food for dinner. Surprise Niks. Niks had told her about the grocery store, but it took seeing it for Sabev to really understand what the description had meant. It was like the market, all in one building. Fresh foods, storeable items. Bottles of things. Cans of things. Jars of things. Everywhere. Spread out in front of her in what seemed like absolute endlessness. This much food could feed an army twice over for a week. Or a month!

Sabev's eyes were wide as she looked around. Oh, where would she ever start?

Sabev woke with a start.

Things assailed her from all sides. The room she was in was unfamiliar, the view outside the window was unfamiliar, and more importantly, there was a piece missing. A very important bit of the puzzle that she'd grown very used to and very fond of.

With her mind, the little phoenix called out to him, searching for him, begging him to please come back. But she was met with emptiness. Not the blank slate that could be found when one phoenix was blocking themselves from others. But nothing. Well and truly nothing. There was no trace of him, either, no lingering tug. There should have been something. Even if Ilyien had returned to flames, there should have been a glimmer of him remaining. Something she could touch with her mind and know that he had been.

To make it worse, Sabev could feel no other phoenix at all, either. There were no others like her here.

She felt very, very alone.

And suddenly very, very scared.

Not knowing what to do, not knowing how she'd come to this new room, Sabev buried her face in her hands and wept quietly. She did not make herself aware of her surroundings as she probably should have. All of her teacher's words about the world faded from her mind.

Ilyien had gotten her off the boat as quickly as he could manage. Sabev had done her best to recover herself while he tried to find out what was going on. He'd come back to reveal that there were others aboard that didn't know how they'd gotten there. One of them, the captain, had just taken over. That had shocked the little phoenix, she would have never have thought to do such a thing. To just... take over in a situation where she was unsure of anything. But the woman, Sympathy, didn't really strike her as normal, from Ilyien's telling of her. She was gruff and spoke in strange ways.

The thing that he had expressed the most was that they were in no danger. Sympathy had demanded that work be done in exchange for passage on her vessel, and he had agreed to it. Ilyien had then claimed Sabev as his own, saying that she was ill and that he would work for the two of them. Sabev had no idea how to feel about that. She knew that he was doing it to protect her and keep her from having to be out in that ocean air any more than she had to be, but it tugged at her mind and made her feel as if there might be something more. That was silly wasn't it? That there might be something more? He was Ranulf Ilyien. What could he want with a firebird such as Sabev?

Being off the Anna Cortez proved to be even more harrowing than being on it. The phoenix found themselves in a city, though it was unlike anything either of them had ever seen in their very long lives. The buildings towered above them, the streets were made of black rock, the people wore strange clothing, spoke in strange ways and were very hostile.

After being almost run over by an amazing metal cart that moved without a horse at speeds that Sabev had never dreamed possible, Ilyien had found them an inn to hole up in. It was a strange place. There were many rooms, not just a couple. And though the rooms were small, they were very clean. There was no straw in the mattresses, no fleas on the sheets. Strange, squishy covering on the floor. And that wasn't even where the truly strange parts came in.

Water poured from the walls.

There was a whole shrine attached to the room, devoted to water. It came from one place when shiny silver handles were manipulated, and from another like a waterfall from rock when she twisted a white knob. She found that she could change the temperature of it. There was even a strange tiny pond, and when she pressed down on the little lever there, the pond emptied out and refilled itself.

And the box, the box on the chest of drawers. That most mysterious of all things. She had activated it entirely on accident, her fingers running over the surface of it. It spoke to her. Depending on where she pressed, sometimes very colorful images flashed across the screen. Talking, cavorting multicolored ponies. Other times, very serious humans talking about tragic events. Others still, humans in strange situations with laughter that came from nowhere.

All this Sabev discovered while Ilyien was out. He had told her to stay put. He was going to explore more and find them food to eat. Sabev had no idea how long he had been gone, she had been too wrapped up in the shrine and the box.

It wasn't her ship, but she'd sure as hell taken it over the first chance she'd gotten. She didn't feel bad for it, either. These bastardos didn't deserve the magnificent creature she was now captain of.

Sympathy had woken up deep in the belly of the boat, the familiar swaying instantly recognizable. She hadn't been on the water when she'd gone to sleep. Which meant that they had kidnapped her. Possibly thinking that they might get a wench out of it. Maybe to try to ransom her, thinking she was some rich man's daughter. She'd been wearing the dress of one, after all. Of course, she'd stolen it. After looking around some, discovering a massive churning, loud, contraption that put off heat, Sympathy made up her mind on what to do. She would take it. The whole thing. So one by one, she found and killed the captain, the first mate and the boson, tossing their bodies over the side. She gave the crew two options. Join their fellows in the ocean, or work for her. They all opted to work.

She had gotten them to show her how to quiet the noise in the ship, though many protested that it was what propelled them forward. She just pointed at the great masts and the sails attached. Which just confused them further.

The ship was not exactly like what she knew. It was large and wooden, yes. The sails were there, yes. The steering was done not out in the air, but in a little hut over the captain's quarters. There were lights and dials, instruments that looked like compasses, but were not. Many things that Sympathy started to ask about but waved off once she figured out she didn't need them to actually make the thing go. Without the terrific clamor down below, these things by the wheel made no difference. Again, the crew protested about the use of the sails. They would get further faster if she would let them turn the engine back on. Sympathy had no idea what an engine was, and she didn't want to hear their tall tales. They shot so many strange words at her. Replica. Movie prop. To the point that she threatened to drown the next man who spoke up about it in his own blood.

Land, they told her, was a few days away still. Sympathy didn't care. If the ship didn't need to resupply, she would have kept them on the water longer, straying from whatever foolish course they'd been on. All she cared about was that she was again the captain. Her new ship was called the Anna Cortez.