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Ranulf Ilyien ([info]ignis_quaedam) wrote in [info]lost_world,
@ 2013-07-24 22:18:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!status: complete, dreamlands, ranulf ilyien, sabev kimyxa

Visions (Sabev)
After seeing the strange, strong woman who called herself 'Jack' to safety, Ilyien walked for a time in the deep night streets. He was far from the place where he'd taken up residence, and wasn't particularly keen on returning at the moment. Because he was not expected to show to the ship yards the following morning, he had no obligation to see to the need for rest that his human body preferred. And so he walked.

Eventually, when he'd bled all the vestiges of anger out of his heart, he found himself staring up at the building where he and his companion resided. He had not yet reached out to her mentally. The knowledge that she was there was still a constant. But he didn't allow her access to anything else. Sabev couldn't even know that he stood here. Quietly, he returned to his room and began dressing for sleep.

Not long after his return, he dropped between the sheets and closed his eyes. Consciousness faded.



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[info]incendia
2013-07-25 10:59 pm UTC (link)
Sabev had no idea where she was. She recalled curling up in her bed, pulling the covers tightly around herself. A thing done more for the comfort of the weight than anything else. She wasn't cold. And if she had been, she could have just upped her own body temperature, not bothering with the sheet and blankets. But she liked the way that they smelled, and the way that they felt against her skin. Newly cleaned.

She had considered waiting up for Ilyien, to talk to him, eventually deciding that she would let him come to her when he was ready. She could't push at him and hope that he'd just stop being mad because she said so. She understood his anger and his frustration at her. He needed time. And she needed to figure out a balance between keeping secrets and living with all of these new people.

The fact that she could not feel him also bothered her. She'd gotten so used to knowing, absolutely knowing, that the loss of him was great. That she could upset him to that point bothered her.

Her dreams were rough at first. She had the sensation of falling, of seeking in the darkness for something she knew was there and couldn't touch. A far away flame that she wanted to warm herself by that she couldn't get any closer to, no matter how fast she ran. And then there were stairs. The darkness opened up into a long stairway going down. Curious, Sabev followed. At the bottom, she found two great dead beasts, beyond them...

Brightness.

The vivid colors made Sabev gasp. She had been so long without, it took her eyes a moment to adjust. Was everything here brighter because of the monochrome she had been living in? Or was it brighter because that was just the nature of it? The forest seemed to be a singular being, breathing, moving as one. There were flowers scattered here and there. A pond.

When she glanced down at herself, wanting to see the pale color of her human skin again, Sabev discovered that there was no skin there at all.

Only fire.

It had been so long since she'd been in this form, her true form, the way that she had been born, the way she was meant to be. It was dangerous, she knew, but this was a dream, what could it hurt? Though it all felt so very real. She could smell the air, the plants, she could feel the breeze feeding the flames of her wings.

Sabev took to the air, the long plumage of her tail dancing gracefully behind her as she flew. She danced in the sky, above the tops of the trees, darting carefully between them, swooping and looping. Delight filled her, and she didn't shield it. She was the only one there, the only creature outside of the little forest animals who wouldn't care as long as she didn't try to hurt them.

Why had she never had a dream like this before? All others paled.

The phoenix drove herself straight up, higher and higher, then turned to plummet toward the ground in a glorious freefall.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-07-26 05:32 am UTC (link)
Ilyien stood in the center of a meadow, green everywhere around him. It was a wild place, untouched by the efforts of civilization. The familiar feel of leather armor and dependable boots and the weight of weaponry put him immediately at ease. He looked down and found himself in his old traveling armor - a remnant of his life, after being exiled in dishonor from his brothers in the Obsidian Circle to the unknown Outer Realms. A bitter smile touched his mouth in one unguarded moment.

But then - blazing light from above, brighter than the sun, casting illumination in a path across the grass in front of him, and growing brighter. Ilyien look up -- and his entire being responded. The emotion of seeing one of his own kind in free flight left him undone, breathless with wonder and yearning and shame.

She was beautiful, he saw - the crisp lines of her coloring spoke of her high lineage. Vibrant purple fanned through her plumage, offset by royal blue through her main crimson-orange coloring. And her eyes -- her eyes, a deep blue-gray that he could see, even in the sky. Everything in him ached to join her. Everything in him told him to leave before he embarrassed her with his human-shaped presence.

But he did neither. He took a few steps closer to the edge of the treeline, and watched her in flight, being very careful to shield his mind from her. It would have been polite to at least announce his presence - were he not in disgrace. No, better for her not to know --

-- and then, that amazing drop from her heights, an expression of her joyous spirit in abandon. His leather gloves creaked with the pressure of his clenched fists. He should leave now. But his boots were firmly rooted to the ground.

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[info]incendia
2013-07-26 07:25 am UTC (link)
Sabev pulled herself out of the dive at the very last second, her body coming close enough to the ground at one point to leave the grass a little scorched there. The thrill ran through her as she lifted again into the air.

She let herself heat as hot as she could go as she entered the clearing, reveling in the warmth of herself. Staying as clear as she could from anything living while she did so, knowing that it would do a lot of damage if she got close while she burned so.

Her body twisted in tight spirals as she shot herself high again, and like a diver off a cliff, came down once more, wings spread behind her to feel the rush of wind. Sabev lowered her temperature as she descended, landing in a patch of flowers without doing any harm to them beyond her weight.

She stretched one wing, then the other, carefully watching her own movements, enthralled with seeing her own colors again. Not just the colors of the human body she could possess, but these. Her feathers. Her heritage. It was vain and childish, but with nobody there to see her, Sabev found that she had no shame. She even took a few careful steps forward, her head turned to watch her tail feathers in with the flowers.

If only Ilyien were here now, too. If only he could be free with her. Sabev looked at her surroundings again, wondering at this place she had found herself. Where was she? How had she gotten here? Why was there color in this forest when the rest of the world held none?

Her thoughts were soon cut through by a noise. Not a natural thing in a forest like this.

The firebird glanced around, looking for the source. Her blue eyes narrowing as if that would help her see better.

Hello? Whatever was out there may not be able to speak as the phoenix did, but it didn't occur to her in that moment. I hear you, who is there?

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-07-28 01:05 am UTC (link)
He may not have recognized the firebird by her appearance, but the voice in his mind was as familiar as his own. He stepped forward from the edge of the clearing behind her.

"Sabev Kimyxa," he said, admiration clear in his gravely voice. The grace -- the joy -- should have known it was her. It could only ever have been her. He'd dreamed of her many times, but the colors had never been like this. She'd never looked like this, so alive and brilliant and right. His human body felt like lead and aching. "Don't be afraid."

He didn't know why he tried assuring her. He was the one afraid. Seeing her like this brought to life a longing he'd long ago dismissed from the possibility of his life. He'd had a lifemate already. There was only a broken creature left from it. She had always deserved more than Ranulf Ilyien.

And yet, in all his dreams, she'd never called to him. She'd always been a flame high in the sky, unreachable. This was different. He was very afraid.

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[info]incendia
2013-07-28 01:29 am UTC (link)
She turned in a fluid motion, her eyes pinpointing the speaker immediately. Surprise filled her, but it also felt right. She'd just wished for him, hadn't she? And now he was here.

Ranulf Ilyien. In this form, Sabev didn't have the ability to form a smile as she might have in her human flesh. But it could be heard plainly in the way the words were said.

I am never afraid when you are near.

Part of her thought she should revert to the human form so that they could speak easier, so perhaps he would feel more at ease. But she was reluctant to give up this form, her true form. She'd not seen it in so very long. She wanted to cavort in the sky more, she wanted to be vain and look at herself in the pond.

Will you join me? The implication was more that she wished him to shed his human flesh as she had done, than it was asking him to walk around the strange forest with her. She hoped, oh, she hoped, to see him once more in his natural body. His human one was pleasant enough to look at, but Sabev had vivid memories of seeing him as he was meant to be. She wished to do so again. She wanted him to take the sky with her, dance on the breeze. She did not hide any of this from him.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-07-28 02:29 am UTC (link)
That simple declaration of faith was enough to soften the expression he wore -- the same one that so often never changed in the waking world. He found himself openly admiring her form, his pale eyes traveling over and over the deep purples, the vibrant crimson. She was a beauty. No one in the wretched world they'd been inhabiting could understand just how lovely Sabev of the line of Kimyxa truly was.

Her invitation caught him off-guard and stoked the desire he thought was dead. She wasn't asking him to join with her -- but the idea was there. Innocent little bird. It had been centuries since he'd flown with another of his kind, and even longer since he'd engulfed another in his fire and been overwhelmed in return.

But that wasn't what she was asking. She was asking for him to fly with her. He couldn't have denied her anything, in this moment. His human body was at once replaced by the natural form that Tyr fashioned for him. In his dream, there was no concern for the armor or weapons he'd been wearing; they simply ceased to exist the moment he returned to the plasma form of his true nature.

And then he hovered over the ground, waiting for her -- eager, in fact, to take to the skies.

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[info]incendia
2013-07-28 02:43 am UTC (link)
There was more joy in her then there had been when he accepted her offer so readily. When he was no longer a human man before her, but a brilliant bird. His coloring vibrant, his lines crisp. She felt like she was home again, with him in that state.

She took a moment to admire him, he was everything that she remembered him being. Her memories from so long ago merged with the form that was in front of her. It was like he had never left her sight, it was so clear in her mind. She had not managed to alter him or distort him in that vast space between then and now, and she felt pride for it. Sabev remembered Ilyien just as he was in reality.

Her wings spread, and she was beside him. Ready to fly. Ready to share a thing that they hadn't been able to share anywhere else. This dream was too beautiful, too perfect. The idea that she would have to wake up eventually made her heart sink. How could she ever leave this?

I bet you can't catch me. Sabev teased as she bolted past him. Perhaps Ilyien wasn't the sort for silly games in the waking world, but the rules of that place surely didn't have any hold here. He had appeared when she'd wished for him, he had joined her in his true form when she'd invited.

She glanced back to see if he was following.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-07-30 02:09 am UTC (link)
In the waking world, Ilyien was still unprepared to open to his phoenix companion. But here, there were no secrets to protect, no life blood to be spilt by greedy foreign hands. And he found that he loathed the silence that he'd lived with inside his head for so, so long. Seeing her as a phoenix reminded him of who he truly was -- and all the closeness of their cities, of their people. He couldn't have that, could never have that again. But here, but this, this was his. The fear was still present, but the desire was greater. He let his mental barriers slip just a touch, to let her fill the space there if she chose.

And then she was off, throwing a challenge back at him as she darted upward. Ilyien was too old for games, even here, but he followed all the same, his powerful wings easily catching up with her -- but never overtaking her. He wanted to be close. He wanted to feel the heat of her plasma radiating through the wind to him. This was a profound delight, heartily to be wished.

He stayed close, and felt her laughter.

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[info]incendia
2013-08-06 10:58 pm UTC (link)
She was delighted. Words would never have been able to express the feelings in her heart, so she was glad that words weren't needed. She didn't even try to contain the emotions, because what did it matter? Her dream. He would never know. Not in reality.

I have always wanted to see you like this again, Ranulf Ilyien. Sabev preened as he stayed right with her. Not overtaking her, or trying to race. Just being next to her. She really felt special for that. Sabev was sure that if he truly wanted to, he could use his power to jet past.

He was an attractive bird. She had always thought so, since that first moment she'd laid eyes on him. Her hero. Her role model. Maybe he didn't think of himself as deserving of those titles, but nothing would ever change her mind on the matter.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-08-09 11:51 pm UTC (link)
As she set their course, Ilyien edged closer yet. The air between them barely sapped the heat they radiated together. He could be closer. He could reach her, if he dared. But she was young and she was beautiful, full of hope and excitement and wonder and joy. He was an old bird who had his time. He didn't belong with such a fine creature as Sabev Kimyxa.

And yet, the thought pressed him closer still. It wasn't often that he focused on the deep chasm separating himself from his people, but with another phoenix flying in close formation with him now, he ached to remember what it was to turn himself fully into another's mind, another's fire. It had been so long... since his Kyla, since his lifemate. When she'd returned to flames for the last time, in terror and pain and regret for the years she'd never spend with him, he'd given up that part of himself.

He didn't know it still existed.

This was dangerous - a trap. Sabev, he said gently to her mind. You would argue against the truth of me, but I tell you now - I am not an honorable phoenix.

He must admit the truth. He desired this phoenix for his own. And they were a poor match -- she, too fine, and he, far too rough.

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[info]incendia
2013-08-10 05:30 pm UTC (link)
You have had things in your life, Ranulf, that have not been good. You have seen bad things. You have made decisions that could be seen as poor. The little phoenix did not stop her flight, or turn her head to look at her companion. Nor was she blowing him off. She said these things as they flew, willing to have the conversation, but unwilling to let go of the beautiful freedom and the glory of seeing her own colors against the trees below and the sky above. But in your heart, you know what's right. You do what you can to keep people safe. To keep me safe. You are loyal. True. Strong. Honest. That is honor, Ranulf Ilyien. That is the very definition of it. I know the stories of what happened to you, I have heard them. I know why it is you feel the way you do about yourself. But you are not a disgrace. None of these things make you any less of an honorable bird.

Sabev did look at him then, taking in his fire, his lines. His clarity, she knew, had nothing to do with the honor that they were speaking of. Just because a bird was crisp, it didn't mean that bird was strong or brave. It seemed to her, though, that Ilyien's definition fit his personality. It seemed right to her that a being such as him should look the way that he did.

You are flawed, Ranulf. I know this. This flaw, however, is in your head, not in your heart.

To her, that flaw made him all the more beautiful. He was not perfect and did not think himself to be. He was unlike most every other phoenix she had ever met in her life.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-08-11 12:17 am UTC (link)
Admiration shot through the words she said to him, admiration and something that felt far too close to love. When she turned her perfect head to look at him, he felt exposed. He wanted to draw her in to him, wanted to drown in that emotion. How long, how long had it been since he'd allowed anyone close to him?

Too long. The ache for her was driving him to distraction. Was it merely hero worship? He couldn't bring himself to ask her to open to him, to allow him into her spirit and dwell there for a while. Two creatures, united...

But yet, that was what his dreams had been as of late. She was so young. So bright. And his was a dying flame, tarnished by too many years. He was a poor match for her.

Sabev.

He stopped mid-flight and hovered there, watching her. If he stayed with her much longer, he would lose the tenuous hold on his desire. Even here, in his dream, he could not let himself reach out to her. It was too base, far too selfish. And she was so, so heartbreakingly lovely.

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[info]incendia
2013-08-12 09:44 pm UTC (link)
He stopped, and so she stopped with him, using the barely-there currents of wind to hold her aloft. She felt seriousness in him. That was not the way she wished this dream to go. Seriousness was for the waking world, where he was angry with her for trusting Niks so completely. Dreams were for games, for fancy, for things that would never happen.

Ranulf. She shook her head a hint. You are a broken record with these things, so insistent that you're so bad for me. You have saved my life, you have stood by my cause. You have helped me to see the world, and all of the wonderful things in it. When I would have soured and let my negative experiences taint my view of everything outside of Troicent's walls, you bolstered me and made sure I knew that not all was bad. It pains me to know that all you see of yourself is the betrayal and the hurt, when you yourself were the one to prove there is more. It is the job of a phoenix to learn and grow, to rise with the flames and live. It is our nature to rebuild ourselves from the ashes. To do so until we can do it no longer. You have pain in your heart that will never go away, but please know that it is not all you can ever be.

Bold. She was bold. Again, Sabev told herself it was just a dream. It didn't matter what she said here, for he'd never hear it. If she'd known otherwise, she would have stayed her clumsy beak.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-08-13 12:08 am UTC (link)
Broken record. Ilyien wasn't certain what that was, and he could only assume her time with the humans in these strange worlds had changed her idioms to match. It was a good thing to see her fitting in with them. It would protect her.

This, he realized, is what he was thinking about while Sabev Kimyxa tried to tell him to be better than what he was. She might be right about him. He could not discount it.

He closed his electric blue eyes and swept the air with his wings, maintaining the distance between them -- but not pulling farther away. An increasing part of his mind wanted to invite her in, to draw her into the wretchedness and pain and see if she could withstand it. It was very possible that she couldn't. But if she could...

To have another share his heart, after so long... He wanted it, more deeply than he'd ever been willing to admit -- until now. She'd already proven herself a capable companion. In some ways, she was even more adaptable than he. After all, it was she who had made friends in this strange journey. He kept himself apart. He knew, as much as he knew anything, that he would continue to do so. But she...

Come here, then, he said, before he could reject the notion outright as foolish, reckless, selfish. It was difficult to let down his defenses, and he wasn't completely successful. Many things were still closed off. But he opened his mind well enough to let her in, to share. And then he waited, his anxiety and private fear of failure and insufficiency laid bare within the welcome.

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[info]incendia
2013-08-13 03:03 pm UTC (link)
She sensed his confusion in her statement and wondered why, in her dream, the thing in her own head, he would not know. But she showed him what the man in the shop had shown her. The needle in the flat black disk skipping out of the neat grooves that produced sound. How it went back over the same spot again and again.

Sabev's heart of flame beat hard and fast with those words; Come here, then. Her own blue eyes wide, not with fear, but with wonder. How could she fear anything when he was near? How could she ever fear him at all? Especially when she felt nothing toward him but admiration and adoration. But this? Never, even in her most wild flights of fancy, would have ever imagined he would be offering such. Not to her. He had had his love. His lifemate. She was just a silly child. He could never want her in this way, not ever. And yet... and yet. She tried to remind herself that this was but a dream, nothing real. Despite how un-dream-like it was swiftly becoming. There were sights and sounds and smells that held far too much realism for a dream state.

But she moved nearer to him, giving herself freely. Happily.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-08-14 11:09 pm UTC (link)
Unlike her, it wasn't excitement or even happiness filling him now, but trepidation. He drew her in carefully. There was much of himself laid bare, but many other things were behind glass - visible, but unable to be touched or felt. The deaths of his brothers in arms because of his failure. His abandonment of the young dragon he'd come to love but knew could never be a true mate. The countless lives lost because he hadn't been strong enough. All of it there, held away from Sabev so she wouldn't be overwhelmed by it.

And there were other places locked wholly out of sight. It shouldn't have been that way, in a union such as this. She should have been able to enter his mind completely, should've been able to fill herself with him, to know him completely. But the remembrance of his lifemate was behind those barriers, and although he sealed it away as much as possible, the raw agony of her loss was still palpable - even now, centuries later. She'd taken the best of him when she burned through her final fire.

And he was a broken creature for it. Sabev deserved more than this. His feeling for her was strong, stronger than he'd ever shown her before. He loved her fiercely -- but had always kept it distanced, even in his own mind.

But he was trying. Through the trepidation, he tried very hard to surround her with what he'd denied even to himself. He loved her. He loved her. He wanted her. And to have her here now, it was almost too much to manage. He was painfully careful, taking no chances, being gentle despite the wretched longing to engulf her and take her under. He still doubted her response. He didn't press her, didn't ask for anything from her.

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[info]incendia
2013-08-15 03:57 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't a true joining, not in the way that perpetuated their species. That came only when permission was granted, and it would require a lot more from either of them than just their minds. Sabev knew this, and yet she was still nervous. She had never touched another in this way. She had, in truth, never even thought about this kind of intimacy outside of being somebody's lifemate and wanting a child of her own. An abstract idea that she hadn't ever given true consideration to.

But she cared for Ilyien, and that was something that she could not deny. Her nerves were tempered by desire. A pure thing that rang clearly in her mind as she opened it up for him. She let him see everything, even the childish adoration of their first meeting.

Sabev could feel that he was holding back, and she knew of one thing that would cause him to do so. She let warmth, spiritual, not physical, radiate from her into him.

I know that you still love her, Ranulf, and that you always will. It doesn't hurt me for you to think about her, to care for her still. I would worry if you did not. Hold her back, if you need to, I would never try to force otherwise. But know that knowledge of her will never bring jealousy or anger from me.

She had no idea if she should say something like that to him, now. She had the desire to comfort him, though, to let him know that she was not trying to replace anybody, to push out any other love.

And really, she didn't expect that she would ever be able to, should she for some reason want to. Lifemates were a sacred, special thing. His had been taken from him far too soon.

Sabev felt the love from Ilyien, and it was truly all she could have asked for, more than she had ever hoped for. It was like being wrapped in a wonderfully soft blanket and held tightly. It was like armor and comfort all in one. She had only ever known the love that came from family, and this was nothing like that at all. Her pleasure filled her from beak to the tips of her tail feathers, and she gave that to him. Opened it to him, all of her heart, all of her mind. She did for him what he did for her, surrounding him in the love that she felt. A thing that was far more than her silly crush, a thing that was built from knowing him, from being near him, seeing him in action. Even being on the wrong end of his anger. She loved him for that just as much. Because he was only angry due to his desire to keep her safe.

Sabev could not promise that she would not trip over herself again in the future. But she loved that he would be there to scold her, and then help her back up.

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[info]ignis_quaedam
2013-08-16 11:46 pm UTC (link)
This was the reason why phoenix rarely took another after the loss of their lifemate -- this war within him, the part of him that actively rejected anyone else inside his spirit. She didn't fit, not in the same way Kyla had. And yet...

The wave of Sabev's pleasure, her love, was a heady sensation. To know this again, after his heart had cracked, to feel it again... different, but powerful all the same... He longed for all of it, and as strongly as part of him rejected the mere consideration of another, the other part of him yearned for it. It was difficult to accept. Difficult to endure.

Still, he forced himself to let her surround him. It was not as it should be. She couldn't have known it; he sensed easily that he was her first. It was unfair to her. He should stop.

Instead, he closed the physical distance, gently invaded her space, and pulled her against his plasma form -- enough that their lines blurred together. The sense of sharing another's space was enough to crumble the resistance, for now.

He drank her in, thirstily, and gave her as much of himself then as he could. It was not enough, not nearly as much as she deserved, and all that he had.

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