InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love the library."

Sabev Kimyxa (incendia) wrote in lost_world,
@ 2013-10-28 15:30:00

Entry tags:

ranulf ilyien, sabev kimyxa

Finally (Ranulf)
Sabev was in wonder about the ship. When she'd awoken alone in a room, she had at first feared that she was again in the water. But there was no sense of it anywhere nearby, not in amounts that would do her damage. She was able to ease her body's tension and get herself out of the bed. Which was when she discovered everything around her that was hers. The dress that Ilyien had bought her in Electric City. The clothing she had received from him in the black and white world. She now got to see them in color, and they were even more beautiful. (Though the hats were even more absurd when she saw the combinations, she would keep that quiet, however.)

The clothes that she had started this adventure in were also there. Her very own belongings that still smelled of the outdoors and the cold of the mountain. The items that smelled of closeness with Ilyien. She brushed one such garment across her cheek and smiled, then blushed wildly as the memory of the dream came unbidden to her mind.

Another thing that she realized was that he was very near. They were not apart. They were not held back by the horrible sea, or kept apart so that it felt as if she were the only one.

Sabev pulled a fairly modern looking garment out of the closet and slid it over her head, it was soft cotton and touched her in a very delightful way. She settled it around her hips and went to the drawer where she discovered a pair of the strange denim jeans that did not seem like they would be good for long travel, despite what they were made of. They conformed to her body as if they had been made for her as her traveling leathers were, and she took a moment to appreciate the silhouette they created in the looking glass.

The little phoenix picked up a hairbrush and began to run it gently through her curls, humming happily to herself. This was the first time she didn't feel scared or lost. Ilyien's teachings were fresh in her mind and she felt like she could protect herself from almost anything. But it was more than that. She felt safe aboard this strange vessel with its odd metal walls that felt like silk but were warm when she touched them.

(Post a new comment)

ignis_quaedam
2013-10-28 07:34 pm UTC (link)

Ilyien was closer, perhaps, than Sabev had realized. There was a reason for that.

Since before they arrived, he'd been keeping his distance from her mentally. This changed only by necessity on the islands, as he couldn't leave her separate from himself without any form of defense, and he couldn't teach her defense without reaching out to her mentally. But even then, he'd kept his private thoughts and every ghost of his feelings far separate.

He was still very angry with her friends -- angry to the point of considering, however briefly, the merits of eliminating the threat they may pose to Sabev, and then considering the many ways of eliminating the threat. They were unworthy thoughts, and they did not belong in the head of a follower of Tyr. But it had happened, all the same.

Other unworthy thoughts - or dreams, rather - had also visited him, and it was easier by far to deal with that incident by ignoring it completely. The truth was that every time he thought of it, he realized just how right it was that those who lose their lifemates do not typically seek to find another union. Ilyien knew what it was to be with his lifemate, and knew that, even in his own dream, he could not share that same sense of nearness with anyone else, no matter how much he wanted.

And if he did invite Sabev into his mind as deeply as he'd dreamed, she would never know the difference -- she'd never know that he was robbing her of an experience that should be far more than what he could give her. He was inadequate. To take Sabev in such a way would be a robbery of the innocent. He felt ashamed for even thinking about it.

It didn't calm the longing, that shame, but it helped.

He knocked on the door he knew was Sabev's.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

incendia
2013-10-29 08:05 am UTC (link)

She felt him there before he even lifted his hand. The closeness of him, the impending knock, sent a tornado of butterflies raging through her stomach. She had never felt such a thing for another living being. She knew love, of course, she had love for her parents and her family. She loved her friends. But this, this was strange and new, though wonderful. It scared her and thrilled her. Was this all due to the dream? Or had the dream been because of how she felt? Sabev honestly didn't know if she cared.

Her smile was large when she pushed the button to make the door work. It only took her a couple of seconds of inspection of the whole contraption to understand what was going on. The only logical thing to do was press that button, and she was satisfied when it resulted in what she wanted. Open space between her and Ilyien.

She might have thrown her arms around his neck and hugged him, she was so happy to see him in person, if she hadn't been stony faced. Somehow, she had hoped that he would at least grace her with a mirthful turn of his mouth, perhaps nothing more than a mischievous twinkle in his eye. To her, however, it seemed as if he were dreading even speaking to her.

Sabev reined herself in some, the smile becoming something more friendly than over-exuberant.

"It is lovely to see you in person again, Ranulf Ilyien. I have missed speaking with you face to face." The phoenix stood aside to allow him entrance to her room, gesturing with an open hand that he should come inside. She knew he was not fond of talking about personal matters where others might hear.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ignis_quaedam
2013-10-29 07:00 pm UTC (link)

That old familiar aching in the center of his human form again asserted itself at the sight of her smiling. He had, and did, and would continue to do many things to ensure the continued presence of that smile. But he could not return it - was afraid to, lest something of that ache show in his expression. He owed her an uncomplicated friendship, nothing rife with the disappointment and pain of a romance that could never be whole.

When she mentioned his full name, however, he didn't try to stop the wince. He only gave his first name to people who would hold it safely, and never to someone he didn't know well. It wasn't something he expected to hear every day, and never in public.

Granted, there was no one else around them now, but she hadn't looked up or down the corridor either, before speaking. As he stepped into her chamber, the thought crossed his mind that perhaps he was so old as to be outliving his usefulness. There was certainly a grandfather-like sourness in his thoughts, lately. And if that weren't a human affectation, he thought to himself, he'd never heard one.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

incendia
2013-10-30 05:15 pm UTC (link)

Sabev restrained the sigh that she felt rise in her at his wince, and the helplessness that she felt as he continued to be so rigid. There was a desire in her for him to see the world the way that she was seeing it now, but she didn't know how to get him to open up to all of it.

"Are you still angry with me?" She asked finally. It was the only thing that she could think of.

She shut the door again behind him as he entered, taking a moment to look at all the things that filled the room. It felt like home, even though it wasn't home. But she hadn't had so many comforts since she'd left her city.

"I have a water room of my own, do you? Are all of your things in your space? Look, even my bed is mine. How did they do that, do you suppose? The blue dress is here." She said the last with a hint of a blush, thinking of when he'd given it to her, and simultaneously thinking of the dream.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ignis_quaedam
2013-10-30 05:47 pm UTC (link)

It was very much like Sabev to show such joy over the possessions with which their captors had surrounded her. Ilyien cherished her joy and wanted to see it grow. For this reason, he could not be angry at their captors for trying to win them over by filling their unlocked cells with the things that each of them identified as their own. It made Sabev brighter. That was enough.

Setting his back against the wall beside her door, he began answering her questions. "I imagine they survey us constantly. If they are able to take people from their homes, possessions should be very easy for them to transport as well. Yes, I also have a water room of my own."

And then looking down at the floor, he took a breath and gave her the truth of the rest of it. "I am still exasperated with you. I am very angry with your friends, specifically Niklas Wright, and I distrust them to keep your secret to themselves."

A brief weariness passed over the typically stolid expression he wore. He didn't have to tell her the dangers; she knew them. Why she'd been possessed to share what they were to others, he could only guess at. Disassociation shook the sanity of every phoenix, and she was so, so young. What was done was done. Now he could only try to mitigate the damage and do his best to keep it from spreading.

Of course, it wasn't all in his control. This fact was the most worrisome of the entire situation.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

incendia
2013-11-02 01:18 am UTC (link)

Sabev had considered this, what Ilyien was saying. That it would be just as easy to move things as it had been to move beings. But for some reason she had not considered the fact that she'd been taken from her world in the same way. For some reason, there had been a disconnect in her mind about the truth of that matter. Hearing her friend say it made her feel a little bit silly, childish, for not giving it more thought.

"I think that the fact that nobody else has come looking for either one of us is proof that Niklas has not said anything." She couldn't not fight for the woman who had so helped her. "On the island, I stayed in the cave, that is true. But here, anybody could walk by and see me. I have felt the strange one go past my door several times, yet he has not knocked."

She was thinking of the one Niks called Simon.

As well as Evan.

"I know that thins aren't easy here, and there is so much danger. But I also think that if we don't begin to trust these people in some small way, that we're going to bring more danger to ourselves. In the past, secluding ourselves saved our race. But now, our race consists of just the two of us. And our best hope is working with everybody who shares this situation with us."

Sabev didn't know if she was talking to a wall on this matter. She might have been.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ignis_quaedam
2013-11-02 05:18 pm UTC (link)

"There is," he gritted out between the stifled, ancient, powerful remembrance of the harvesting, "A distinction between trusting people in small ways and admitting that you are a phoenix whose blood and tears can restore and heal any wound. We can share gifts in ways that are safe - potions, medicines, the tale that we are elemental fire mages, or cursed, or whatever other thing you prefer. But we do not tell them what we are - or what riches lie in our veins. Many a good man will commit atrocities in the name of saving a life deeply loved. Do not test them further on this.

"Already, your Niklas Wright has all but said that she believes we should be unmasked before the rest, in some misbegotten gamble to make our situation somehow better. How long will her belief remain as a belief alone? What catalyst would it take for her to reveal us to the rest? She was fascinated by the idea of us. She wanted to study us. And you call her your friend. What would someone like her call you, if that someone did not call you 'friend'? And how far does your friendship go? Would she choose you and your secret over the lives of someone she loved?"

Ilyien's voice had grown increasingly agitated, but rather than rise in volume, it grew softer and softer, until the hard, swift words were whispers. He was not by nature a violent man or one prone to anger, but Sabev was sorely testing his patience. He did not look at Sabev, for fear that his nearly-blank expression would break to reveal something more tumultuous and, perhaps, hurtful.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

incendia
2013-11-14 12:00 am UTC (link)

She had no idea what came over her, but suddenly Sabev was feeling a little less charitable about Ilyien's ideas about her friends and what they were all going through.

"Stop that right now, Ranulf Ilyien." She demanded, though her voice was quiet. The sternness was there. "What she believes and what she has done are two wholly different things. She has not outed me or you as anything, has kept our secret despite what she feels we should do. Your distrust of her is fine, but I won't have you accusing her of things that she hasn't even done. Niklas is a good woman. She was there for me. She was there when I had nothing. I didn't have you, I didn't have other phoenix, I had only disassociation in my future, and she helped me. She helped me."

Sabev shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest in perhaps the first stern gesture she'd ever accomplished in her life.

"She is a woman of knowledge, of course she wants to know about us. She thought we were stories. I want to know about her, too, does that make me a bad person? I want to know about the strange catboy that runs around, does that make me a bad person? It does not. And it does not mean that I will go blabbing whatever secrets that they might have."

He was irritated, and so was she. Her mouth moved and spat out words that she may not have said to him otherwise. "I had a very wonderful dream recently. You and I, alone in a forest, flying free. There was nothing there but the joy of the moment. Peace. Happiness. I want to see that in you in reality. I want to see that look in your eye. It was only a dream, and yet I was happy. It was only you and I, we were the only phoenix in all the world, much like we are now, but I didn't feel so lost, and you didn't seem so ... withdrawn. That's how it should be. Not this, always fighting, butting heads. We have only one another, Ilyien. We are the only two."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ignis_quaedam
2013-11-17 01:05 am UTC (link)

Nothing slipped through the iron of his mental walls, but behind the grim eyes that stared at the floor just shy of Sabev's feet, a great mass of conflict and alarm tore through him.

Had it been his fault? Had it been his dream or hers? She described exactly what he'd dreamed. Had he infected her with a desire at once too lofty and too broken to abide? Words clogged and failed in his human throat. His thoughts fragmented under longing as deep as pain, under duty as strong as diamond.

We are the only two.

But that didn't make it right. He raked a hand through his hair and tugged hard. She'd called it wonderful. He would have called it desperate. His eyes burned, and he grit his teeth together. He should leave. He should leave now. Now, before he did anything... anything foolish. Where was his control now? How had it broken so completely?

When he turned toward her door again, blindly grabbing for the handle, he found his traitorous human form was trembling. He'd stood before an army of humans, before dark and murderous intent, before the VERY breaking of a world, and before the glass structure entombing the remainder of his son's life, and he'd never in his recollection ever been so shaken. His fingers had gone numb. He tried again at the handle.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

incendia
2013-11-18 01:54 pm UTC (link)

Sabev saw her friend fumble, a thing that she had never imagined was within Ilyien's physical abilities. He'd always been so sure of himself, at least when it came to his own body. A warrior through and through.

"Ranulf..." Her voice quieted, and she stepped forward to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

It disturbed her to see him like this, and all of the irritation fled from her mind quickly. She had only concern now. Had she said something terribly wrong? Had she offended him in some way? It didn't quite feel like that. Anger was a thing she knew from him, so was irritation, and protectiveness. This? This was strange.

Sabev didn't think he was ill, either.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ignis_quaedam
2013-11-19 10:49 pm UTC (link)

-- no -- No --

The last thought broke through his mental shields and broadcasted loudly, with all its grasping desperation, then snapped into static, bright, humming, sharp, too loud to hear anything else. The rest of his senses failed completely. He lost time in that static.

When he surfaced again, it was to soul-shattering desire, a desire making a ruin of his stability and his honor, repeating in a self-feeding loop - his mouth, her mouth, his skin, hers, and the soft and maddening crush of her human form against him.

He'd pinned her against her wall. His mind struggled to catch up. He'd pinned her against the wall. His hands were pulling at her, his hands were devouring animals, crawling with senseless abandon over any part of her he could reach. Her hips, her sides -- the desperation pushed him harder, made him fill his palms with her -- and it wasn't just his hands that obeyed that desperation.

He hazily realized that her feet were completely off the ground, and he'd ground his hips against her with such pressure that it alone would have held her against the wall. But it was more than that -- no space between their chests, now, and ah, he was kissing her, filling her mouth with his tongue, all greed and hot wanting. A sound rattled out of his throat, not a growl and not a groan, but something in between.

This was not their way. This was a human response, and the shame of that realization broke through the blur of desire enough to let his sense of right emerge. He gripped her waist - tight, hard - and stepped back, catching her weight in his hands before lowering her feet to the floor. He couldn't look at her.

"I'm so sorry," he brokenly said, and his voice was thready and raw. "I'm so sorry, Sabev. I'm so sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent)