|Cassius Vaisey (bd_vaisey) wrote in beyond_dark,|
@ 2008-07-10 14:30:00
|Entry tags:||* july 2006, - complete, - plot: kidnapping cass mother, cassius vaisey, percy weasley|
RP: Chosing life or death
Date: July 10, 2006
Characters: Cass, (his father), Percy
Location: The Shack
Summary: Cass needs to choose – life or death – and if he chooses life he needs to wake up now.
There was a moment of clarity, just before everything went dark. A moment in which Cass could see every mistake he'd made, know how wrong his conclusions were, how useless his struggle had been. When darkness came, it was almost welcome in contrast to the sharpness of the pain. Especially since in the darkness, there seemed to be no pain. Then again, there seemed to be little feelings at all, or rather, all feelings were numbed by some softness that seemed to surround him.
He was not sure how long the darkness lasted before he saw the bright light far away, drawing him to it. He wasn't even sure when he moved towards it, what was so utterly tempting about it. Perhaps it was the utter calm that seemed to spread through him as he approached it. And then, as the light grew…
The figure in the light smiled, thought it was a sad smile as he stepped back, not letting Cass close the last distance between them. "I wish you weren't here, Cassius."
"Why?" Cass asked, hesitating, though wanting to hug him, tell him he'd missed him. "What's wrong with here? Where is here?" he asked instead.
"You know where here is, Cassius," his father answered. "Here is in between the choices you need to make." And somehow he was right. Cass knew, though he could not explain how, he knew his choices, knew the price of hugging his father, knew the price of not doing so too. The light was warm, welcoming, comforting…tempting.
Then a voice. Frail and far away. Someone seemed upset, and the sound of the voice caught him before he made his choice.
"Pansy," he said softly, though he could not hear exactly what she said, only her feelings.
"She wants you to stay," his father said softly. "To come back." Though even as he spoke, the voice changed and shifted, others filtered in, fainter. Medi-witches. Healers. No one for a while.
"Time moves differently here," his father said as if asked. "She was there for hours."
"It's been hours?"
"Many. They don't think you'll be able to return, but you would be, if you wanted to."
Cass looked at his father, away from the faint murmur that were the people he didn't know. The older man was still smiling, but there was something else in his smile, a sadness, a fear of the choice, perhaps.
"Is she important enough for you to go back?" he asked with hope in his voice. Cass looked at him, frowning slightly.
"Is that what it takes? Someone pulling you back?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes it's something rather than someone. Anything or anyone who makes you want to stay. If you even have the choice." He paused, looking at his son. "So is Pansy important enough?"
"No." As much as he loved Pansy, it was not enough, not that kind of enough.
And then, there was another voice. This one stronger, though it spoke more quietly and a sudden flow of emotions, far stronger than anything else he felt in this place filled him as he turned toward the sound of Percy, asking him not to die. This time his father asked nothing, just watched, for which he was grateful, for right then he didn't know how to answer the question. Or any question.
But then as fast as the voice was there, it was gone, and he knew he didn't want it to be even as it was replaced by other voices. One by one they filtered in, some stronger, some weaker. Susan – very strong – and once more his father asked if she was important enough.
"No." If anyone would have been important enough of his friends, it would have been Susan. He loved her, deeply, but not enough to turn back now.
Susan was replaced by Ginny (no), Angelina (not at all), Natalie (no). By Dora his father stopped asking, and he never asked about the men who were there. Cormac, Harry, Higgs…
But it was every time Percy's voice returned that Cass started doubting, that the pull of the light became just that little bit lighter. It wasn't enough, not by itself, but an urge to put things right – a thought that there might be some hope. Why else was his voice there so often?
"You need to make your choice."
The comment came as a surprise, and Cass turned to look at his father, conflicted, confused – in the very odd, numb way that the darkness allowed.
"It's too soon, it's only been minutes."
"It's been weeks, Cassius," His father answered him softly. "I told you, time doesn't work the same way here."
Right then, there was only darkness, the quiet, the calm of the place, the lure of being content on the other side of the light.
"I've missed you so much, dad."
A soft smile, yet a sadness in his eyes. For a moment, the figure seemed hesitant, as if he wanted to reach out and touch. Instead, he pulled back. "Choose right, Cassius. Choose carefully."
And with those words, the pull was stronger, and Cass couldn't deny that the choice was slowly taken from him. The last window, the last choice, and right then the light seemed the more pleasurable way. Peaceful. Yet even as he stepped closer, Percy's voice filtered through the darkness once more, and he found himself hesitating again, conflicted once more. Hesitant that peaceful was the right choice. He looked at his father, seeing him smile again, a realisation dawning on the figure of light.
"Is he important enough?"
With his answer he knew his own choice. Though he also knew it wasn't just Percy, it wasn't just one man, one person that made him want to live, but rather he just couldn't leave life behind. Not now. He wasn't ready yet. Not when there were so many things he'd left unfinished, things that he'd made a mess off that he needed to sort out – or at least try to sort out.
As he looked back at his father he saw that he was truly smiling now – the smile of a content and happy man. But also of a man leaving you behind.
"There are so many things I want to tell you," Cass said, suddenly realising that he had not said nearly enough.
"You will get the chance one day." And with that, he turned and left and the light grew weaker, moved away, and another pull become stronger, guiding him back even as the memory of the darkness slipped further away, until only fractions remained in his memory. As he opened his eyes, only two things really remained. The realisations made just before the world went dark, and the sound of Percy's voice.
Which was why it wasn't all that strange that when he woke, he did so with Percy's name on his lips as he opened his eyes.