InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "As you wish."

Caitlin Snow/Killer Frost (frostandsnow) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2011-11-01 23:52:00

Entry tags:

ruby winchester, sam winchester

Who: Ruby & Sam Winchester
What: What had she done?
Where: Their kitchen
When: Later in the day after Gabriel made her human
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress

She'd moved from the bed only to feed the animals. Fluffball had curled around her feet, noting that her owner didn't feel quite right, not like she'd used to. Ruby had had her from a kitten so she was the one animal that hadn't shied away from her. Even the boundlessly affectionate Schmoopie had been spooked by her now and again. But now he licked happily at her hand as Ruby put down food for their pets, almost on autopilot. She'd just been on her phone talking to Sam. Bitching again that humanity would be easier than her life as a demon, easier on both of them. But who was she kidding. She was weak. She was so so weak and she hated it. She'd felt it almost at once, the angelic power had taken hold and ripped the demon out of her, leaving...well who knew. Ruby had no idea what he'd done, because she was still herself. Only weak now, weak and pathetic and untrained and a burden. How had she ever believed it would be any different.

Not thinking she'd cut her hand on the dogs food tin. Normally it would be a rush to get a cloth, wipe up any blood that might have spilled, cover the smell of the sulfur in the air that would have driven Sam mad. And the cut would heal, it'd heal easily and quickly. But not anymore. It was just a small cut, but it bled. And it hurt. And Ruby hated it more than she could ever imagine. It stayed there, garish and red, a perfect sign of her weakness now.

She'd brought this on herself. And it was only fair that she suffered, for every life she'd taken, for every cruelty she'd inflicted. For the countless girls she'd taken over and destroyed, right up to the nameless one that she'd found herself dealing with. This was punishment. This was some kind of angelic penance and she'd just have to deal.

She'd wanted it hadn't she.

So she bit back on the very real instinct that told her to run to Crowley with her shiny new soul on a silver platter, all so he'd fix her. She'd fight like Sam wanted her to fight and get used to this, to being so weak and vulnerable. To being able to die so easily. She'd deal with it.

But she didn't make it back to the bedroom. She sat at the counter, still barefoot in the shorts and tee she'd been wearing when she'd come downstairs to deal with the pets. Her focus was on the cut on her hand. The blood that now meant so little but so much all at the same time. It was just blood now, just another symbol of just how mortal and fragile she was now. Ruby sat staring at it, unable to do very much else. Weak, mortal.

How could she protect him now?

What had she done?

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-02 01:32 am UTC (link)

He didn't know what to do. One second Ruby believed she was the Queen of Hell, the next she was shocked and mortified because someone thought that it would be funny to snap their fingers and turn her human. To most people, that sort of thing might have been good. Ruby was a demon. A monster, by the very definition of the word. For someone in his position, married to that kind of person, most would think that Sam would have been relieved that Ruby was no longer a citizen of hell. In some ways, Sam was. If Ruby wasn't a demon, that meant that she wouldn't hunted by his kind anymore. She was no longer a threat and she was human. They wouldn't care about Ruby anymore, which meant that Sam would never have to worry about turning around and finding out that she had been abducted by a group of assholes who wanted to burn her to death. Another bonus? His addiction to her blood. While Sam usually did a pretty good job at keeping his problem at bay when he was around her, it still got hard at times. He was addicted. Every once and a while, when life got too tough for him to handle, that control he had over himself and his cravings slipped away. He'd have to isolate himself from the woman that he loved. They had to avoid one another, sleep in different rooms – sometimes different places altogether – and it all got very awkward, uncomfortable, and weird. Sam hated it.

But then there were the good things about having a demon for a wife. The biggest and most notable? Ruby was the only woman who had ever been able to withstand being in a relationship with him. She was hard to kill and she had a wicked tolerance for pain. Sam could bring her with him on hunts without worrying that it'd be too much for her to handle. He could be with her, knowing that if something or someone tried to harm them, that she'd be just as likely to protect him as he was to protect her. They were a team. They kept each other strong and alive and with Ruby human and openly proclaiming that she felt so weak in her new state of being, Sam didn't know if she was going to be able to hold her ground as well as she used to. That didn't mean that he wasn't going to try and get her up to speed with human defensive maneuvers, but he still couldn't help but worry. Because, frankly? She was right. She was much more fragile than she used to be, both physically and emotionally, and Sam didn't know what he'd do if she ended up as broken as everyone else he'd been in a relationship with before had.

Her current condition was a mixed bag of good and bad. Sam didn't know how to fix it ; neither did she, for that matter. The only thing that either of them could do right now was act fast and try to cope in every way possible. That was why Sam had dropped everything he had been doing (research at the local library on all things apocalypse, shockingly). He picked up the alcohol and fries that Ruby had requested (she was already miserable ; there was really no reason to deny her of her demands right now on the off chance that he'd make everything worse) and drove straight home, breaking half a dozen speed limit laws on the way over. The house was safe. Unless a hunter decided to kick in the front door, there wouldn't be any attacks at the Winchester place. But Ruby was alone. She was an emotional wreck, she was confused, and she was a friggin' human for the first time in hundreds of years. There was no way Sam was gonna leave her alone for longer than he had to, that was for damn sure.

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-02 01:34 am UTC (link)

When he got to the house, Sam hoisted up his purchases and jogged up the front steps to the door. He made way inside, starting for the bedroom, but only stopping when he noticed a dark silhouette in the kitchen. Sam turned that way, stepping over Schmoopie – who had run across the kitchen tile and skidded across the wooden floor in the hall to eagerly greet him with a sloppy tongue and wagging tail – and found his newly human wife sitting along the kitchen counter, her eyes quietly trained on the hands in her lap. Sam's brows knit together in concern, bags finding a place on the table off to the right, and he walked over to investigate. Wordlessly, Sam found his way around the counter and turned to look at her. Ruby's face was partially hidden from him ; she was focused on something else, something...

Blood. His stomach lurched. No. He had to leave, he had to get out of the room, he had to do something, or else he'd pin her down and –

The smell wasn't there. That twinge of sulfur in the air, that familiar scent and feel that Sam had grown to both love and hate. It was gone. Because she's human, Sam remembered, a tiny breath of relief escaping him at the realization. Sam stepped in close and silently took Ruby by the injured hand. It was bleeding, but Sam could tell that the gash in her finger wasn't severe. She wouldn't need stitches, anyway.

Stitches. The mere idea of Ruby needing stitches was so foreign to him. But that was a possibility now, wasn't it? She wasn't gonna heal the way she used to. This cut wasn't just going to vanish. Everything was different now. Everything.

Sam forced himself to look away from the cut, worried eyes attempting to meet her own. “You okay?”

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frostandsnow
2011-11-02 02:09 am UTC (link)

Ruby's first indication of a change wasn't the dog barking and running to the door. It wasn't the cat nonchalantly following in the hope of something interesting happening then turning away when it discovered only Sam. It wasn't until he took her hand that Ruby raised her eyes to meet him and finally felt safe. Safer than she had since that bastard archangel had made her weak. He'd twitched at the blood, her husband, but it didn't do a thing now. Just human. And he was worried about her, asking if she was okay. It was one of those questions, she knew, the ones that didn't really expect an answer. But she'd been thinking since she cut her hand. She had a lot of thoughts pent up in her head, and now Sam was back, maybe he could make them make sense, because she was fairly sure she could not. There was so much, complication, confusion. And old memories, older than she'd expected but old for this place. Young, she supposed, in comparison to anything else.

"Remember Anya?" she asked curiously. "Demon gone human, all choc full of vengeance. She'd probably killed more than me, and they made her human. And she did okay, right? She lived as a human, and she had a boyfriend, and she had a life. She didn't worry about growing old right away or being weak and feeble. She kept going and she kept fighting cause that's what people were supposed to do. Bet she thought humans were stupid too a lot of the time, and no offense, but you are, a lot. Little things, simple things I wouldn't think about and now its all that's in my head, because all I can even do is look at my stupid hand and blame myself for it, even though its just a cut. It's still there. It's ugly, and its still there. It's gonna be there for a while. My skin isn't healing itself, I'm not strong now. And I think I hate it."

She was weak. Too weak for him. She looked at him, and she found she'd never quite realised how big he was, how strong. She'd always been on his level. She'd always matched him so equally, and now....

"I wanted this. I said it'd be easier. I said we wouldn't have to worry if I was human and now I can't stop. And honestly baby, I don't know what to do with it. With these feelings, with these constant reminders of just what a horrible monster I was. I close my eyes and its Emily, or its...her she said indicating herself, "Or its any one of thousands. Over and over again and making me remember that its my fault, my mistake, and every day until I die I'm gonna remember that. I asked for this. And it scares me, its gonna rip me apart. It's weakness. It's horrible, stupid weakness and I don't want to even..."

She went for the bag in a flurry of movement. The booze. Two gulps in and she blinked a few times. "...Is it supposed to burn like that? ...Is it supposed to leave that taste?" It was all so different. Everything had changed, and it was her fault. Still, it didn't stop her drinking, not even a little bit. All she wanted to do was down more and more of the stuff till it was gone, gone along with the faces in her mind.

Sam still had her hand, the injured one. He'd been sitting looking at her, just trying to cope himself, she supposed. And how selfish, she hadn't thought of him in this the way she thought of herself. The way she thought of all her pain and her hurt. Her husband would be worrying about protecting her, and she'd brought that on him. He knew she was weak now, knew she couldn't match him. "You know, I never thought of how strong you are." she told him, giving voice to her earlier thought. "You could actually pick me up without a seconds effort. I was always able to stand with you. How am I gonna do that now, how are we gonna...when we're...together I mean...is it gonna change that. It will won't it. I'm not strong now. I'm just a stupid weak idiot that...Oh god, I'm not gonna be able to make you happy. I'm not gonna be able to fight, you're always gonna have to protect me...I"

She couldn't help it, after all that, after every crazy word, she laughed. It was a lighter laugh than she'd expected, but there it was.

"...So, I guess...no, not so much okay. But you have beer and I love you. So that'll have to do for a start, won't it, beyond that, we'll figure it out along the way. What do you think?"

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-02 03:26 am UTC (link)

Vaguely, was the mental response. Sam didn't dare interrupt Ruby right now. She was a mess and she had a lot that she wanted to get out. Sam wasn't going to deprive her of that when it was obvious that she needed it. He let her speak, listening to every word that came out of her mouth attentively, those vague memories of the sex addicted former demon bouncing around in his head as he tried to place a face with the name. It wasn't too hard to do when Sam remembered how often he'd spent face palming over her loud declarations on the boards ; to her credit, Anya had made sure that she was one of those people that were generally hard to forget.

Anya had done all right, from what Sam could remember. She was a little out there as far as her personality went, but that was to have been expected from someone who didn't understand humans. Ruby had the potential to do a little better. She had him. She had a family here. People she could count on and talk to when the world got too confusing. Sam would teach her how to fight, he would prove to her that being human wasn't just about being a sack of meat and bones and overwhelming emotion, and Ruby would start over. It wouldn't be easy. They'd have to work hard at it and Ruby would probably get tired of it more than once, because being a demon was probably like being on a different planet. But for as long as Ruby was like this, Sam would stick with her. She was a human, but she was still his wife. He still loved her.

“You're not used to it,” Sam tried, watching warily as Ruby hiked up the bottle of whiskey Sam had brought home. The cap flew off and she was already chugging the bottle down without a second thought. Well, no. There was a bit of a second thought as Ruby winced lightly at the harsh burn that hit her on drinking from the bottle. She seriously hadn't felt that before...? “And I know it's not the same, having powers and being all...demon-y, but you'll get through this. You don't need super strength and healing powers to survive. Everyone here – all the people who got screwed into the apocalypse and all those regular, unextraordinary people out there who have never look a real monster in the face their entire lives – they get by just fine. You will too.” Sam combed a hand through his hair and shook his head. “Look...I can't imagine waking up one day and suddenly being something else. I mean, honestly? You're in deep. Way deep. But I know you. I know that you're made of the good stuff -” Sam pushed his free hand forward and poked Ruby gently above her heart. “- and I know you'll get through this. You're not weak. You just feel weak, because you haven't felt what you're capable of yet. Just think about everyone out there. How many people have fought in this war? How many of them are normal people who haven't got a single power to their name? You can do this, Ruby, and I'm gonna help you every step of the way.”

It was all he could do. Support her. Try and make everything out to be better than it was. Sam wasn't an archangel. He couldn't snap his fingers and turn her back. They had to make the best of this situation, even if that meant prepping Ruby to be a human for the rest of her life.

“And for the record? All that stuff you're feeling now? It's only gonna make you better in the long run.” Fucked up to say, but it was true. “You can hate yourself for it. You can go back and do all that crap again. You can hide in some dark corner for the rest of your life and drown yourself in cheap booze in hopes that you won't ever have to deal with the crap that's going through your head. Or you can do what I do. Get up every day, promise that you're gonna do better, and try. I know I haven't killed near as many as people as you have and I doubt I know anything about the kind of guilt you're dealing with now, but I did kill someone before. In cold blood, remember? Every day I tell myself I'm gonna do some good out there so that another girl won't wind up the way she did. It's not much. It doesn't change anything. But it's better and that's...it's something, isn't it?”

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-02 03:28 am UTC (link)

It was really strange, explaining all this to Ruby. Some of the stuff, like his explanation on dealing with guilt, was a mash-up of things he'd said to her before. Yet explaining humanity, trying to get the idea of how they all got along every day...it wasn't easy. He'd never really had to say it to anyone before, had he? Everyone else he knew, they were all mostly human. They understood. Ruby didn't.

“You should slow down a little,” Sam suggested, nodding toward the bottle, “you don't have the same tolerance you used to have. Take it easy, okay? And, yeah, the burn and taste – it's normal.”

He wasn't strong. At least, Sam didn't feel like he was. He just felt...normal. To think that, from her perspective, he was some kind of demon blooded Hercules worried him. Did she really feel that pathetic? Sam let her hand go and went for the cabinet just past her head. A first aid kid found it's way into his grip and Sam dropped it onto the counter beside Ruby. The wound wasn't too bad, but he didn't think Ruby needed to stare at it any longer. It'd only make her more miserable. “Some things will change,” Sam agreed, “but you're not defenseless and you're far from useless. You just gotta figure out what you're good at. We'll get you to practice your knife work with Jo and I'll take you out to the shooting range and show you how to get a handle on a couple different firearms. You're not just gonna magically be tough overnight, you know? Anyway...” Sam picked up her hand and carefully pried the whiskey from her grip. “You know I'll always protect you. I don't care how strong you are. Human, angel, demon, Queen of Hell – I don't care.” Sam looked Ruby in the eye. “You're my wife. That'll never change and you will always be protected. That's not changing just 'cause you lost your powers. You think I care how strong you are? You think I'm gonna drop you 'cause of that? C'mon.” It wouldn't be any easier, with all the lurking threats constantly ringing their doorbell, but they'd deal. Sam would make sure of it.

He slid her palm open and looked at the wound. It needed to be cleaned. “I think you need to trust me. I don't expect you to deal with all this right away. It'll take a lot of time. But I need you to believe that I'm going to help you every way I know how. I love you too much to let you drown in your own humanity. That's what I think. Okay?”

Before Ruby could steal the bottle back, Sam added, "Now hold your finger out. This is gonna sting like a bitch, but a little pain can be good for you sometimes." In this case? Keeping her finger from getting infected. When she was ready, Sam tipped the bottle over and poured some over the cut.

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frostandsnow
2011-11-03 02:08 am UTC (link)

So she’d finally stopped her tirade of emotional ranting. There had been a lot of it too, more than Ruby could ever have expected to hear. It was a ramble and for most of it, she wasn’t even sure of how any of it made sense. So far the whiskey made sense and of course Sam made sense. And those two things together would do for the time being. But wow had that tasted different than she expected. The burn from it, the feeling that her insides were on fire. But she relished the feeling. Because after the burn came the numb, and the numb meant she didn’t have to feel as awful as she did. And Sam, well he always knew what to say to make her feel better. But he was right. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t supposed to be the same. It would never feel the same being human. But he said that she’d adjust and maybe she would. If nothing else, she didn’t have any kind of a choice. “You get used to it huh? ...funny, neither me or Cas can go on drunken Dublin binges anymore. I liked those.” They’d been fun. But no more. Now all she had was this weird sensation in her stomach and a deep fear that she’d never felt before. Things were wrong. Things were so wrong and she couldn’t see a way back from it. Not really.

“I haven’t been normal in eight centuries. And I’m not, I know magic and everything but I’m not strong. And the magic I do know is so tied to hell, unless I can work something out with Crowley..I shouldn’t use it. And even then, I’m not sure I want him having that kind of a hold on me. I’m normal Sam. In fact no...I’m less than normal because I don’t even know how to be normal. And whatever I’m made of...it’s not gonna be enough is it. It’s never gonna be enough and I’m so sorry.”

He was adorable, her husband. He would always be there for her, he would help her through anything and everything that threatened them and he would always try his best to make her happy and content, and make her feel safe. He meant well. He said all the right things. But at the same time, every word only served to highlight her new failings. She had to learn from scratch. Guns, knives, everything. She had to learn all the stuff that these people already knew and she had to do it even through all the guilt she felt over everything that she had done. And there was so much. Sam had suggested sending flowers to Emily’s mother, and maybe she should. Maybe it would be something. One little small gesture that would mean something. Or maybe it was an insult even thinking like that about the blonde girl and the mother that was the only family she had.

She didn’t see how it could possibly make her better to do what he suggested. The woman would still have lost her daughter and Ruby would still have been her killer. But on the other hand, Sam had determined that it would at least to something, and she was at the very least willing to listen when he gave her advice. He was much smarter than she was after all always had been. And she supposed he was right when he had said he’d been there. He’d killed, and for a human, more than that, for a hunter. Killing, taking an innocent life, and condemning the world to suffer Lucifer free from his cage. To the hell he wanted to unleash. It wasn’t Sam’s fault. It was as much hers as it was his, and there was the guilt for all of that. For everything she’d done to Sam, cause in truth, he was a victim of hers too. God she’d nearly destroyed him, torn him from Dean...walked him so far along the path of destruction, made him an addict. Only love had saved them from themselves. Saved Sam from her cruelty and her evil.

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frostandsnow
2011-11-03 02:10 am UTC (link)

“I can try. I mean, I will. I’m not gonna hide away forever and I wanna learn to fight this way, to be less weak. But its hard Sam. I’m not gonna lie and pretend its not. I always thought, I’d do good, I’d be a good wife to you, I’d help you and yours fight back, and I made friends, I made good friends. But I didn’t feel guilt the way you do. I didn’t feel like it was a thing to feel guilt for. It was just the person I had been. Now though, now there’s nothing but that guilt. And its horrible. That’s why I just wanna drink right now. Drink and have you here to tell me I’m not the worst person in the world. To tell me I can do this. Can we do both of those tonight and then tomorrow I’ll try okay. I just can’t today.”

It was hard to understand how she could get past this and be better. But she’d try. Just, like she said, she’d try tomorrow. It made more sense than anything else. “Can you just hold me please. Hold me and tell me you love me. And help me forget all this, just for a little while?”

She barely paid attention as he went to get the first aid kit, but she took the first opportunity once he’d loosed her hand to grab at the bottle again and take another swig. Ready for the burn this time it went down easier. What she wasn’t ready for, even though he told her it would happen, was the sting from whatever he put on the cut. She winced, tears coming to her eyes, and then inwardly cursed herself for being so pathetic. “Pain never bothered me Sam. You know that” she said. Sam knew that better than anyone. “Is that what humanity is, is that what it is physically anyway. How do you do it? How do you take the pain, you have to teach me.” Rambling again. She decided very quickly that that really had to stop. There were plans, he’d put plans in motion already, teaching her how to shoot, sending her to Jo for knife training when once she’d have been able to go toe to toe on skill with the woman and then overpower her with demonic strength or her powers. Now, she was just a weak pathetic shell of what she had been. And no, she didn’t think he’d leave her. Of course she didn’t. She’d long since gotten past thinking he was just compromising by being with her. She knew Sam better than she knew herself now. “You’re stronger than me now” she told him. “It’s just different is all. I don’t know how that’s gonna work out for me yet but I know that I love you. I know that we’ll get through this. But right now, I look at you and all I can think is that now you’ll have to waste time and energy protecting me. It used to be so good didn’t it, we were a team. We were perfect, you could fight knowing that I was beside you, and I was strong and there was so little that could hurt me. Now all you’ll be thinking is about everything that can threaten me.”

Human, angel, demon, Queen of Hell. As he spoke she broke from her upset long enough to shake her head. “You have to admit Sam. I’d be a pretty kickass Angel” Ruby looked down at her hand again, fascinated mostly by the fact it still stung. It was a weird sensation, and pain, once she got used to how it felt now would still hold a fascination. But she could only see the weakness right now. Her weakness and how it could be used to hurt the man she loved more than anything else in the world. And she knew Sam was right about another thing, Ruby wouldn’t drown in her own humanity because the man she loved wouldn’t let her. And that meant the world to her. But she wouldn’t let herself be a burden to him. She’d work on being a human. She’d work on her fighting. But she’d find a way to get back what she lost, not because she particularly missed the coldness of the demonic life, mostly because she was stronger that way. And that was important. More than she’d ever thought. She wouldn’t be weak for long. She couldn’t be weak for long.

“I’m so sorry I screwed up all over again, Help me forget okay? Just for today.” she asked again, leaning her head against his shoulder and reaching for the bottle again.

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-03 03:19 am UTC (link)

Sam thought to point out that her drunken sprees would be a lot easier to pull off now that she was human and had an incredibly low tolerance to that of her former self in comparison, but he didn't think that was what she wanted to hear. Nor did he think that she wanted to see the inward grimace he made at the thought of her and Castiel buddying up and getting wasted in an entirely different country while he was stuck in Lawrence doing his own thing, as Sam was still a little awkward about the entire concept of their relationship. He knew that they were friends ; Sam was more than okay that they were friends, really, but the idea of Castiel silently standing in the background and judging him as Ruby's husband never failed to get under his skin. It was only once that it had happened and Castiel hadn't been himself at the time, but some things stuck. Irrationally, too, but at least Sam wasn't holding any grudges. That wasn't going to stop him from being slightly uncomfortable at the angel for a while, however.

“You don't want Crowley having a hold on you right now,” Sam agreed. He didn't waste a second to tell her so. He might have accepted the demon as a close friend of Ruby's, but he was the King of the Crossroads. Putting his trust in him would be like trusting a dog not to go after a bloody steak if he left it sitting in said dogs bowl. It was stupid and, now that Ruby was human, Sam was going to have to double his efforts to make sure that the demon didn't do anything to screw her over. “I get that you care about him and I know that he's your friend, but you are human now. You can't trust anything he has to offer you, okay? If you wanna do your magic thing...I dunno. Maybe talk to the other witches about how they pull their stuff off...see if maybe they'll teach you some of their tricks, too?” He hated that every conclusion he came back to involved Ruby having to learn things from scratch, but it seemed like it was all that he could offer. She wasn't the same anymore and she'd have to take things up differently now. Ruby couldn't do that without learning these things somewhere, could she?

He had been right on the trail of getting back into that before Ruby insisted that they throw all determination, attempts at control, and progress out the window in favor of alcohol and comfort. Sam couldn't help but pull his head back a little, brow crinkling in confusion as he began to realize that he was going about all this the wrong way. It was just like him to want to jump into all this feet first, wasn't it? Take the problem, make something of it, and get through it as quickly as possible. As aware of her feelings as he had been, Sam hadn't stopped long enough to give Ruby time to sit back, breathe, and accept what was going on before shoving her into a world of productivity that was meant to help her move forward.

She wanted to drink. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to tell the world to fuck off, because it was easier to ignore what had happened to her at the happy whim of a douchebag archangel than actually deal with it right on the spot. As much as Sam wanted for Ruby to get through all this as quickly as possible as to avoid something bad kicking them in the ass later on, he understood that she needed to cope in her own way. Or not cope. Whatever worked, really.

“Yeah,” he nodded, letting out a deep breath, “yeah, if that's what you want, then yeah.” Sam noted the painful grimace that took Ruby over post the alcohol cleaning and, in return, he shot her something of a tiny, apologetic smile. “You learn. Build up a certain level of tolerance to it, if you're exposed to being in pain long enough. Some people don't really have much of one 'cause they've never been hurt real bad before – others are pretty good with it, since they deal with it on a regular basis. Another learn as you go thing, I guess.” Carefully, he wrapped the bandage around Ruby's finger. When he was confident that it was safely cleaned and wrapped, Sam pushed the first-aid kit toward the back end of the counter and reached out to offer Ruby his hand. “Let's get outta here,” he suggested, hoping to take Ruby over to the couch, where he'd be able to sit with her while she vented and drank to her hearts content.

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-03 03:21 am UTC (link)

“I'm worried,” Sam admitted, pausing for a small moment, “and I'm not gonna lie to you - you're right about all this being harder now. You're a lot easier to hurt than you used to be and we gotta be real careful with that, okay? Doesn't mean I'm angry with you and it doesn't mean that I'm gonna be going out of my way to protect you, it just means that we have to be more careful.” She seemed so insistent on believing that he was going to be stressing himself over worrying over her. Didn't she realize that he did that already, demon or not? She was his wife. She could have been the strongest creature in all the universe in Sam still would have worried. That was part of being in love with someone, wasn't it? Always wondering. Always worrying. Always hoping.

“Now, c'mon,” Sam said again, nodding to his outstretched hand, “let's go to the couch. I'll help you finish off that bottle.” Which meant he'd pick at the drink while Ruby did what she needed to do. No way did he plan on getting wasted with her in this condition. She wasn't used to that body and Sam had no idea how far she was planning on pushing it with this drinking thing.

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frostandsnow
2011-11-03 04:28 am UTC (link)

Castiel was one thing, Sam was getting to be okay with their friendship, much as she was pretty sure Cas and his crush on her still bothered Sam. Not that she really understood why, nothing would ever happen. Unless, she supposed it could be like her issue with Darcy. He knew Ruby would never stray but the fact the other person was interested like that caused issue. The fact that they didn’t have enough respect to hide their attitudes. It was something she understood more now than she thought she could have. Sam and Cas she could work on. But her husband could never have approved of Crowley even if she’d still been a demon. But he was right. With her demon power gone, with Crowley as the only one she could go to and fuel her dark magic, she was pretty much out of luck there too. No magic, no powers. She was pretty much nothing. And now she was supposed to seek out witches like Mel, to learn the magic she’d always laughed at and called weak. The hedge magic she’d never bothered with cause you could always do more with a little blood sacrifice and pledges to a demon. When she’d been a demon herself, she’d found it easier. Back in the day she’d had whores of her own calling on her power, and she’d answered them now and again because they’d fueled her. But not since Sam.

And now unless she wanted to follow the path of the whore again, there had to be something new. Margarida had made a choice, and the one from the other world had made the complete opposite one. Maybe she, as a human could chose another option. Because human or not, she wasn’t Margarida. “I won’t go to Crowley, maybe if I do magic, I’ll do the...y’know, the good stuff. Less blood more crystals and flowers and dirt and whatever.” It wasn’t the same, and it would never give the same rush as the darker arts of magic did. But then she supposed she shouldn’t want that rush anymore. “Its another thing I have to go begging for though.” Sam for guns, Jo for knives, Mel maybe for the magic, maybe she’d ask Mary to teach her how to cook again since...

Well now, that was a concern.

“I have to eat. I mean, I have before but I never had to. Now its a thing I have to...if I eat like I was I’ll give this girl a heart attack before she’s...before I’m fifty. ...I’m going to be fifty Sam. I’m going to be fourty!. I...can’t. I don’t know how I...” She cut herself off before she started again. If nothing else, he was gonna be fourty and fifty, and she supposed that was a ways away yet. She had to start thinking in days and months and years again. They meant something now. They meant a lifetime with Sam, but only the one.

Yeah, more whiskey. More whiskey seemed like the best plan ever right then. So as he talked about discovering a tolerance to pain, Ruby let him finish patching her finger up only half listening, and taking from it that she had another thing she needed to just learn from scratch. It was bothersome, but not a thought for now. Sam lead her across from the kitchen to their living room as the animals seemed to shy back sensing they perhaps needed some alone time. Schmoopie did run along their legs as they stood, showing some affection as she supposed dogs did, Fluffball had already done her bit. Being a cat and all Ruby wasn’t gonna push her.

Sam said he wasn’t angry. He said that yeah it was harder but he told Ruby that they’d deal with it. That they’d be careful. And it had come to that. They just plain had to be. There were no two ways about it, she was a liability and she had to come to terms with that. She’d chosen alcohol. She’d test the limits of the body, she’d see what she could do to it, and she’d have Sam there to keep her safe. When they reached the couch, Ruby let Sam take a seat on it first before positioning herself so that she was lying against him, her head resting in his lap, her dark hair flowing across behind her. She needed the closeness. She needed her husband.

Also the whiskey.

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-03 05:46 am UTC (link)

"It's not begging," Sam insisted, "they're all your friends, aren't they? They know what you're going through. They'll probably want to help you." Some of them had asked if there was anything that they could do upon finding out about Ruby's new state of being. Sam hadn't known then, but now that he and Ruby had talked tactics Sam figured they'd be more than okay to show Ruby the ropes on everything she needed help with. He didn't get why Ruby was being so weird about it. Was it a pride thing? Did she not want to ask for help...?

"Well, to be fair, you're already really old..." Not physically. Visibly, anyway. Sam didn't know if the demonic essence changed in any way as far as age went. He might have been something of a demon expert, but he wasn't that big a demon expert. "And, yeah, eating - it's kind of important. But don't worry, you've got me to keep you on track." Which meant that Ruby would be reduced to eating health ridden meals most of the time, but it was something that Sam generally encouraged for her half the time anyway, so it wasn't like him pushing a plate of vegetables under her nose would really be too big a deal. Of course, now Ruby had to eat them, so maybe it was in her eyes.

Fortunately for Ruby, before Sam could start in on a health food lesson, she let him walk her to the next room over. Once they'd settled down, Ruby resting against his lap, Sam brushed a hand through her hair and quietly told Ruby that everything was going to be fine. "You'll get through this. I know it's not what you want and I know you didn't expect it to happen, but we've dealt with all kinds of crazy before, haven't we? Remember that time you got turned into a vampire? Would you rather be that again?"

Sam scooped the whiskey away from her, hoping to slow her down a little, and took a drink from the bottle. He couldn't help but think about how surprised Ruby had been when she had taken her own first drink. The sting of it wasn't so bad, because he was kind of used to it, but Ruby had been genuinely thrown off by something that should have been pretty simple for her. What else was going to make her stumble where she usually strode?

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frostandsnow
2011-11-09 04:20 pm UTC (link)

Honestly, she didn't want to. Asking for help, even from someone like Jo. It just felt like failing to her. And in this new state she already felt so completely weak, so lost, that she didn't know how to take that feeling away. And asking for help was admitting that she couldn't handle it. And in truth, she knew that Jo wouldn't think of it like that, no one would. They'd just see it as helping their friend. It seemed faintly ridiculous that she was this worried about it. But there it was. And while she was as conflicted as ever, she was willing to listen to Sam. He'd help her through. He'd talk her through it all and everything would be better.

If he didn't call her old that was. "I don't look old though do I?" she told him with a mock offended look. "You don't feel like you married a Grandma or something?" He was running his hand through her hair and it felt nice. It always felt nice, but now with all the crazy swirling emotions, all Ruby could do was hope that he'd always be there for her like this, when she needed him. When she was having crazy moments, when she was acting like the world was falling apart around her because she wasn't as strong as she used to be. In those times, all she had to do was remember that she had Sam, and that Sam loved her. Even if it meant eating health food. "Sometimes I want fries, I demand them even. And greasy unhealthy meals. Just on occasion. Otherwise I'll be good. Cause I know you, and you'd be ridiculous. There'd be sulking."

It wasn't what she wanted. Oh she'd thought it was. For so long she'd thought being human would make things easier. And in some ways it did. In some ways things were much simpler. Sam didn't have to focus so hard not to think about her blood. He didn't need to crave her like he had. It was a little horrible. And when she'd been a vampire at least she'd been strong. "You liked me being that, just a little bit. There are some good memories you know." she told him, lifting his hand up to her lips in a show of affection.

When he drank the whiskey, the former demon sat up. Still leaning against him but wanting to be close. Both to her husband and to the drink he was trying to distract her from. "Its gonna be hard Sam. It's gonna be messy and I'm probably gonna mess up more than most. But I trust you." She tilted her head for a kiss knowing that the trust she had, it had to be enough. He'd help her through.

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ex_demonbloo908
2011-11-13 12:36 am UTC (link)

The granny comment seemed to perk Ruby up a little. Sam couldn't help but flash her a cheeky grin. “Nah. You're hot. For an old lady.” This wasn't the first time that he'd poked fun at her age before. She seemed to think it funny and, if the idea of her being so old compared to him had ever bothered him before, it didn't now. Her age rested on the same vein as her origins, right along with what she was. Had been, anyway. At first, all of that had been more than intimidating. A demon who was well versed in black magic and had been around the block more than a couple times? The combination in itself was enough to make any intelligent hunter uncomfortable. Ruby didn't make Sam uncomfortable anymore, though. It was strange and everyone who wasn't them would never truly get it, but it worked. They worked, weird combination and all, and Sam refused to believe that what Gabriel had done to Ruby would ever tear them apart. This was just another rock in the road. They'd move past it once they figured out how to deal with it.

But dealing was for tomorrow. Tonight, Sam was going to let Ruby vent. He'd sit here and he'd make sure she was all right and he'd do what was needed of him, because he cared too much about her to let her drink herself into misery alone.

“I'll make you a deal,” Sam promised, “if you don't give me too hard a time when I put a plate of real food in front of you, then I'll cut you a break on the fast food. As long as you're not drowning yourself in grease every friggin' night like someone we know –" Also known as Dean Winchester. “- then I won't give you a hard time when you wanna splurge.” Which meant he wouldn't stand around in the background scoffing and making huffy noises. Sam found he was very good at scoffing and making huffy noises when he needed to. It was an art form, really.

The memories from when Ruby had been a vampire were...interesting. There was the good, like the sex in crazy places that Ruby always seemed to somehow pull out of him. Then there was the weird, like his fascination with her newfound lust for blood – particularly his blood. The bad was also there, though, because eventually Ruby's need for blood began to rapidly turn into the out of control state that Sam once himself had endured. The crazy, unstopping need for more always pounding through every part of one's being, driving them into a mode of pure desperation and aggression and...

He set his jaw up tight, remembering that he was with Ruby.

Sam's tension died away a quick second later, once he remembered, again, that with her like this, that wasn't gonna be a problem anymore.

“Little bit. Very small,” Sam admitted, shrugging awkwardly. “I've got a preference to you when you're not going through every bit of what I did, too. Least when it started getting bad...” She sat up and leaned in for a kiss. Sam was happy to give it to her. With the neck of the bottle trapped by his fingers, Sam put his arm around Ruby's back and pulled her in close, lips carefully meeting her own. “You'll do fine,” he assured her quietly, “I believe in you, all right? And if you screw up, so what? You are human, aren't you?”

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