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Tweak says, "Stormageddon, Dark Lord of all"

Rose Tyler Will Defend the Earth (plusone) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2011-10-01 10:39:00

Entry tags:

rose tyler, the doctor (10)

Who: The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler
What: Checking in on a half-dead guy and NOT being in AU Worlds
When: After this
Where: TARDIS infirmary
Rating: PG for mild swearing on Rose's part since HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO UP AND DIE ON HER!

Rose's trips to the TARDIS were fewer and further between than she might actually like, but they were difficult. From all of her friends' points in their timeline, they'd be returning here someday. When they were brought back, even if there were any lingering memories of Lawrence, they'd be back in that place, even if the layout was different for them. She? Wouldn't be. And it was harder every time she walked through those big blue doors. But she couldn't deny she still loved the box and even the newer Doctor's console room and everything about it. And, frankly, she wouldn't have walked away from that tall, gangly idiot she called her closest friend for anything. Two weeks away had taught her a lot. She would make every single minute count.

Finding the infirmary wasn't difficult, despite the TARDIS' always complicated layout. She'd been there enough. But knowing he had ended up there? Scared her. He was supposed to be the invincible one, the one who was able to fix it when it all went wrong. It wasn't like she didn't know he could die. She'd seen it happen. And not just regenerating, because she'd seen that, too. But she'd seen his lifeless body and his equally lifeless TARDIS and she'd seen what would happen in a world without him. And it terrified her. Oh, she knew she'd have to get used to living without him someday. In her world, back where he'd abandoned her. But she wasn't there and she wasn't ready. Not yet.

She slipped in the door, quietly, as he wasn't exactly the only resident. The human TARDIS...well, that was odd, wasn't it? Rose knew that the woman had the entire whole of the TARDIS inside of her. Which meant that she'd also been inside of Rose, and knew her better than anyone, even the man in the bed nearby. She couldn't focus on that. It'd make things so much more difficult. Right. Sickly, frail, nearly dead Time Lord. That she could handle.

Maybe. When she saw him, her breath caught and she bit her lip, silently begging him not to go and die on her. Not now. She'd already had to deal with the fear that she'd be trapped in that world forever. At least in her world, back home, everyone knew what she'd done and where she'd been and who she'd become. Not the one the seal had taken her to. She'd never met this man, with the thick mop of hair and the big brown eyes sadder than any should be. And she hated it.

Swallowing hard, she took a seat at the edge of his bed, reminded of the last time she'd done just that. Just after he'd regenerated. Only so much more time had passed and she cared just that much more deeply. No matter how badly things had gone. He seemed to be dozing, but she supposed he could have just been relaxing. Either way, she was hesitant to speak. Just in case. Instead, she simply reached out and took his hand in hers. Because that's how they worked.

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plusone
2011-10-02 07:26 pm UTC (link)

"He wasn't you, though," Rose pointed out, though in her heart she knew what he meant. That man, that nearly identical version of the one by her side, was as him as it could get. Moreso, in some ways. She'd seen the Doctor before this one and she'd met the one after, and neither was as like this one as the one he'd left behind with her. That didn't matter. Not to her. But maybe it would have mattered to him. "You needed me, too."

Oh, fine, maybe it was a little presumptuous. Assuming he needed her and all. But she wasn't stupid. She remembered how he'd looked at her when they'd first met here in Lawrence. How far he claimed to have fallen and how afraid he'd been that she'd just push him that much further away for it. What might have happened if he'd only let her stay? If he'd let her make her own decisions? They were those 'what if's again, only these she hadn't seen. And she desperately wished she had.

Something else had been bothering her, though. And, with her hand in his, it made it easier to say. "You left him with me for me to fix him. How he was so cold and angry from the war. How he'd committed genocide. But you did, too, you know. And so did I. You didn't punish either of us that way." There were things Rose didn't want to think about, but she was with the only person she could. Jackie would never understand, and neither would Pete. Even Mickey, as hard as he tried and as hard as he'd fought, couldn't completely get the things she'd gone through at the Doctor's side. With him and for him.

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dominustemporis
2011-10-02 08:44 pm UTC (link)

"It wasn't a punishment." The Doctor tightened his hold on her hand, desperate to get his point across. "I had to do something, Rose. I couldn't keep him with me, and I couldn't send him off on his own." She had seen what happened with one Doctor in the universe. How much worse might it have been with two? How many times would he have been forced to clean up his own mess, caused by a man who was him but not? How many more mistakes might he have made? Beyond that, it wouldn't have been fair to his duplicate to have to constantly live in his shadow, the Doctor but not the Doctor, a Time Lord and yet not a Time Lord. Neither would it have been easy for the fully Time Lord Doctor to watch his other self age and die.

"You did what you had to do. So did I. So did he. We all did what we felt was called for, and maybe we made mistakes--I certainly have--but I wasn't passing judgment on him. If I'd wanted to punish him, I would have left him alone, without you, without anyone. He got the better end of the bargain, Rose. He got you. Though maybe ... maybe he would have been stronger than me. Maybe he would have held together on his own. I fell apart, Rose. I fell apart so completely. People tried to help me, and I wouldn't let them. I was so afraid I might lose them. I was so afraid they would get hurt."

The Doctor wasn't sure if he meant the past two weeks, or the past several years. Mostly likely a bit of both. He'd made such a mess of things in each instance. He had been willing to break the Laws of Time. He had been willing to let himself die. Neither instance had been his best showing.

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plusone
2011-10-03 03:28 am UTC (link)

In her heart, she knew he was right. He was, after all, almost always right. And she knew he really didn't have an awful lot of choices of what to do. It just felt like she was the one stuck because of it. She hadn't created the other him. It wasn't her fault there was an odd man out. Why did she have to suffer because of it? Again. Selfish.

But she also felt badly for the not-quite-Time Lord. He was completely alone, save her and her mum and Pete. He'd been left in a world he knew little about, except for what the Doctor knew from living there before. He was left with no possessions of his own and no one to turn to except a woman who he knew didn't really want him there. Or, more so, didn't want to be there herself. And all while knowing the person he should have been closest to had sent him packing.

It was hard, knowing what she needed to do, especially when she looked into those pained brown eyes that were so much older than the rest of him. The last him had nice eyes. And so did the newer one. But none could grab her heart like this one did. Tenderly, she lifted his hand to her lips, kissing his fingers gently before shaking her head. "You've been hurt. You've seen people get hurt. It's understandable." She hesitated, afraid of overstepping her boundaries. But if she couldn't, who could? "But you've got to learn that you can't do everything on your own. You've always moved on. You moved on without me, without Gallifrey, without everything you've known. And you've survived. And it was hard and I know it had to hurt, but you have because you're a survivor. It's who you are."

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dominustemporis
2011-10-03 03:37 am UTC (link)

"I'm tired, Rose. I'm so very tired." He didn't mean physically, though there was that, too. The conversation was exhausting his reserves, but he couldn't leave it unfinished. There were so many things he and Rose had needed to say to each other, and if not now, then when? The next time he almost died? The next time he nearly lost her? No. The Doctor wasn't going to take that chance again.

"Maybe the next me can move on. Maybe I had to become him to leave everything else behind ... but I'm not him, yet. I don't plan on being him for a long time, for as long as the Seal will let me stay here. His companions, his friends, they aren't mine."

The Doctor hesitated, then, almost holding his breath. He was afraid to ask the next question, afraid of what Rose might say in response.

"Can we try again? You and me. Is it too late, or do we have another chance?"

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plusone
2011-10-03 03:58 am UTC (link)

Somehow, she knew what he meant. Then again, in some ways, Rose usually did. Oh, there were times there were miscommunications. Plenty of them. But that was different. This was knowing the person lying by her side. Sure, she knew she'd never truly know him. It was hard to know a thousand years of a person's life, after all. But she figured she knew him better than most. So she let him keep talking rather than insisting he rest.

"Aren't they?" she said quietly, watching him carefully. "Do you lot just...pick people up and then leave them behind? Sarah Jane thought so but she was wrong, wasn't she? And you didn't just leave me when you turned into...well, you."

There was a struggle behind his eyes and at first, she simply thought the Doctor was in pain. And then he spoke again and it was her turn to hold her breath. Because she genuinely didn't know what to say. If she knew for sure what he was asking, maybe.

She hesitated, ducking her head with a tiny smile before answering. "Haven't we been? We're us again, isn't that what's important? Chips and films and watching out for each other..." If he wanted anything more than that...she didn't know. She really didn't. It had been all consuming for her for so long that it scared her to think of it actually coming to be. And if he didn't? She wished he'd simply let it go.

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dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:14 am UTC (link)

"That isn't what I mean. You know that." The Doctor struggled up to a seated position. He didn't want to go into this flat on his back. He didn't want Rose to agree out of sympathy. He wanted her to know how serious he was. "There was more than just watching out for each other. We were heading for something else before it all went wrong. I never said it, but I could see it. This place is the only place where we can try to reach that something else again."

Rose had loved him, once. He hadn't been blind. He might have tried not to see it so clearly sometimes, might have braced himself for her inevitable loss, either when she decided that staying by his side was no longer what she wanted, or to age and disease, but he'd known how she felt.

"You were more than a companion to me, more than a friend. When you kissed the other me on that beach, I wished I were him, standing there, with just one heart and the possibility of spending the rest of my life with you."

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plusone
2011-10-03 04:31 am UTC (link)

There were times Rose hated Lawrence, KS. The times when she watched innocent people die and knew what had caused it, even if the locals didn't. And the times that her friends were put in danger, or when she was in danger. And there was waking up with boy bits. That part was unpleasant.

But suddenly, she didn't hate it quite so much. Maybe the stupid bloody seal knew what it was doing after all.

"I don't know that, Doctor," she reminded him, searching his eyes. "I don't because you pushed me away. Whether for noble or selfish reasons, you pushed me away. You didn't want me around anymore. Of course I don't know that because there I told you how I felt and yet..."

Now it was her turn to experience the spinning head. It was the most honest he'd ever been with her and yet a part of her just wanted him to take it all back. The world had a habit of taking good things away from her. She was blinking back tears, refusing to let this man see her cry yet again. He'd seen it before and all it had gotten her was a one way trip back to the place she'd fought so hard to leave. "It could have been you. It should have been you. You don't want to see me die, remember? Never mind how many times I've seen you die, never mind that!"

Her voice was growing in volume and she had to stop and check herself. This wasn't something she wanted anyone running in on. "All I wanted was you."

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dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:42 am UTC (link)

The Doctor felt as though his hearts might give out on him again at any moment. Was this how his other self had felt, standing on that beach and waiting for Rose to deliver her verdict when she had demanded to know how that dreadful last sentence between them their first time on Bad Wolf Bay had been supposed to end? The Doctor didn't fancy being in that place, so uncertain of their future, yet here he was, waiting for Rose to tell him if it were still possible that they might have something together.

"You have me, if you want me. I'm not leaving you again. I can't. It's the last thing I want to do." He didn't have the strength to do it anymore, either. Rose was right there. She was everything he wanted, and unless she told him to stay away, he would remain as close to her as he possibly could. He reached out to carefully tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing lightly against her cheek.

"I've made you cry again, haven't I? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. If it's too much, if you don't want this ... " He dropped his hand to his lap, more uncertain than ever. There was a faint tremor in that hand, born of weariness and anxiety. He pushed through the bone-deep pain that was paired with his fatigue and waited for Rose to make her decision.

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plusone
2011-10-03 05:09 am UTC (link)

Watching him struggle, she knew she'd never be able to deny him anything. He could ask her to do most anything at that point and she would. Because whether she wanted to or not, she loved him. As the tips of his fingers brushed her skin, her eyes closed and yes, fine, a tear or two escaped. She was harder than she'd been, yes, but she wasn't immune to emotion when the man she loved wanted to be with her.

"Don't," she whispered, looking back up at him. "Don't say that. You... I do want this. It's all I've ever wanted." But could she be sure of him? She didn't know. She really didn't. But he wasn't putting on some front for her. This was as open and honest as her Time Lord got. She was only sorry it took nearly dying to get him to that point.

Her hand reached up, sliding around to cup his head. Leaning forward, she gently touched her forehead to his. "I have a condition, though. Don't you ever scare me like this again. I thought..." Her eyes closed again, trying to force the image out of her mind. "I can't lose you. Not yet."

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dominustemporis
2011-10-03 02:11 pm UTC (link)

A wave of relief washed over him, and he wrapped his arms around Rose, holding her as close as he could as he buried his face against her shoulder, ignoring for the moment how much he hurt and how tired he was. "I'm sorry," he apologized again. "I didn't mean to scare you. We'll get it right this time. I'll get it right. I'll be fine. I promise. I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

The Doctor had wanted this for so long, but he hadn't thought he deserved it. Romana had told him otherwise, had said even on his first day in Lawrence that he should just ask, and again, he hadn't listened. He was an idiot, old and foolish and so very thick. "I should have done this sooner," he confided in Rose, drawing back a little so he could see her. He was smiling now, and though there was a hint of sadness to it, of regret, it was genuine. "I didn't know how, really, but I should have just asked."

How could he have been so afraid? How could he have wasted so much time? Rose had been waiting for him. As angry as she had been, she had still been willing to take him back, in whatever capacity she could. He'd have to be more careful in the future. He didn't just have his future self to worry about when his life was in danger. There were so many things he'd simply thrown aside when he'd thought he was going to die: his time with his daughter, with Donna, with Martha and Romana, Leela and Koschei (what had happened to him, the Doctor wondered briefly) and most especially, Rose.

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plusone
2011-10-03 03:43 pm UTC (link)

There wasn't a question in her head any longer. She knew she was where she belonged. No other hugs fit quite like his did. Rose held him as tightly as her worries for him would allow. "You never did," she reminded him, though she was smiling against his shoulder. "But neither did I, so I think we're probably even there."

When he pulled back, she searched his eyes, refusing to let go. Oh, he'd have a hell of a time getting rid of her now because she wasn't going anywhere. She'd needed this for far too long to walk away. "And I'm sorry. For being too proud to do this before now, for being too selfish and wrapped up in my own issues and for not fighting harder. I just.." Her voice dropped, but her eyes remained on his. She could be honest, too. As hard as it was, he needed to see. That yes, she still loved him and no, she'd never stopped. And nothing in England or Norway or Kansas was going to change that. "I honestly thought you didn't want me around. And I know that's not true," she insisted, placing a finger against his lips to stop the potential protest, "but in some ways I'm still just a stupid girl with a stupid crush on the entirely unattainable older man."

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