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Rose Tyler Will Defend the Earth ([info]plusone) wrote in [info]wariscoming,
@ 2011-10-01 10:39:00

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Entry tags:rose tyler, the doctor (10)

Who: The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler
What: Checking in on a half-dead guy and NOT being in AU Worlds
When: After this
Where: TARDIS infirmary
Rating: PG for mild swearing on Rose's part since HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO UP AND DIE ON HER!



Rose's trips to the TARDIS were fewer and further between than she might actually like, but they were difficult. From all of her friends' points in their timeline, they'd be returning here someday. When they were brought back, even if there were any lingering memories of Lawrence, they'd be back in that place, even if the layout was different for them. She? Wouldn't be. And it was harder every time she walked through those big blue doors. But she couldn't deny she still loved the box and even the newer Doctor's console room and everything about it. And, frankly, she wouldn't have walked away from that tall, gangly idiot she called her closest friend for anything. Two weeks away had taught her a lot. She would make every single minute count.

Finding the infirmary wasn't difficult, despite the TARDIS' always complicated layout. She'd been there enough. But knowing he had ended up there? Scared her. He was supposed to be the invincible one, the one who was able to fix it when it all went wrong. It wasn't like she didn't know he could die. She'd seen it happen. And not just regenerating, because she'd seen that, too. But she'd seen his lifeless body and his equally lifeless TARDIS and she'd seen what would happen in a world without him. And it terrified her. Oh, she knew she'd have to get used to living without him someday. In her world, back where he'd abandoned her. But she wasn't there and she wasn't ready. Not yet.

She slipped in the door, quietly, as he wasn't exactly the only resident. The human TARDIS...well, that was odd, wasn't it? Rose knew that the woman had the entire whole of the TARDIS inside of her. Which meant that she'd also been inside of Rose, and knew her better than anyone, even the man in the bed nearby. She couldn't focus on that. It'd make things so much more difficult. Right. Sickly, frail, nearly dead Time Lord. That she could handle.

Maybe. When she saw him, her breath caught and she bit her lip, silently begging him not to go and die on her. Not now. She'd already had to deal with the fear that she'd be trapped in that world forever. At least in her world, back home, everyone knew what she'd done and where she'd been and who she'd become. Not the one the seal had taken her to. She'd never met this man, with the thick mop of hair and the big brown eyes sadder than any should be. And she hated it.

Swallowing hard, she took a seat at the edge of his bed, reminded of the last time she'd done just that. Just after he'd regenerated. Only so much more time had passed and she cared just that much more deeply. No matter how badly things had gone. He seemed to be dozing, but she supposed he could have just been relaxing. Either way, she was hesitant to speak. Just in case. Instead, she simply reached out and took his hand in hers. Because that's how they worked.


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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-01 03:22 pm UTC (link)
The Doctor had dropped off to sleep after finishing his conversations over the network. The task of maintaining enough focus to be semi-coherent as well as the physical exertion of sitting up and typing had exhausted him, and he'd barely had time to sign off before sleep claimed him. He was still quite sick, though the poison was now clear of his system. His body needed a bit of time to repair the damage the toxins had left in their wake. What the TARDIS had done for him was merely jump start the process. The largest share of the labor was still his, and just like humans, Time Lords healed best when they took the time to rest.

He looked a little worse than he had while suffering a neural implosion after his regeneration on Satellite Five. He looked tired and worn and a bit too thin, though thankfully, he had reached a point where he could hold his own, without having to depend on the TARDIS's medical equipment to keep him going. The double heartbeat that pulsed beneath his skin was steady, if a little weak.

It took him some time, after Rose settled at the edge of his bed, to wake up enough to notice that he wasn't alone. He shifted his hand to lace his fingers between hers before he opened his eyes and smiled. "Hi."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-01 03:40 pm UTC (link)
Almost, but not all of her worries were eased as those fingers slid between hers. There was something so familiar and comforting about the gesture that she found it easier to breathe. He really would be okay. He had to be. He had the TARDIS and Martha on his side, who would, combined, be the best medical team possible.

"Hi," Rose replied, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. For that moment, she was glad she hadn't been there over the last week. She would have been beside herself watching him fade into this. And possibly worse. But still. She should have been there for him. "I'm sorry," she said softly, looking down at the bed sheet rather than up at him. There was no reason to be ashamed. It wasn't like there was anything she could have done.

But she could have tried harder.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-01 03:47 pm UTC (link)
It was good to have that hand to hold again. He'd missed Rose so very much, not just since the Seal had shuffled people through alternate dimensions, but since he had left her on Bad Wolf Bay. Part of him was thankful for the Seal's intervention in his life. It had given him another chance with Rose. Perhaps he should have felt guilty, still wanting her when he had given that chance to his other self, but at the moment, he didn't much care. He was just happy to have her all to himself.

Then, she started apologizing to him.

"What?" The Doctor's confusion was evident in his tone of voice and the furrowing of his brow. "Sorry? Why sorry?" There was no reason for her to be sorry. He ought to be the one apologizing, for what his other self had done, for his nearly dying because of it.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-01 03:53 pm UTC (link)
"It isn't like I haven't torn through dimensions before," she reminded him, feeling a little silly at bringing it up. Because it wasn't supposed to be done. But she had. Because she could and she'd needed to and this place needed her. And being trapped back in that world? Where she was still just a weak woman content to be someone's wife and, with any luck, a lead on the sales floor? She couldn't. "It isn't like I don't know where to find my connections. UNIT would have still existed in that world. I doubt Torchwood would have, but they would. They were around long before me."

It had taken time, but she'd been able to start piecing together what might have happened and what wouldn't have. Not just in the world she'd ended up in, not in the one his other self had come from, but in plenty of different dimensions. What if the TARDIS (okay, and her) hadn't given Jack the ability they had? What if she hadn't gone back to Satellite Five at all? What if he really had left her back in the eighties like he'd threatened to? What if, what if, what if. Those what ifs were the things she dealt with on a daily basis during her time traveling dimensions. And in the last two weeks, they'd reared their ugly heads all over again.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-01 04:02 pm UTC (link)
"That was different," he said, automatically. The idea of Rose tearing through time and space to reach him, as brilliant as it was, frightened him sometimes. How often had she risked her life to save him, when he was the one who had sworn to look after her? "UNIT doesn't have the technology. At least, I don't think they do. Or they wouldn't have. Not in a world where you stayed behind. Although ... the Brigadier might have tried. He'd have liked you. I never did introduce you to him. Bit of an oversight, that."

He was rambling. He knew he was rambling. The truth was, he was absolute rubbish at actively comforting people. He never knew what to say or when to stop, not really, not on those occasions when "sorry" wouldn't cut it. He didn't want Rose to think that she had some sort of obligation to come to him every time he was in trouble. She didn't. He was a grown Time Lord. He could assess the risks and make decisions on his own, and there was no reason Rose should have to put herself in jeopardy because of his missteps. Missteps like getting himself poisoned in his counterpart's place because the other Time Lords were terrified of him.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 02:42 am UTC (link)
Rose didn't hesitate to roll her eyes. And, really, he was just lucky she couldn't hear his internal train of thought. It was her obligation to go to him when he needed help, just as he felt it was his to go to her. They were friends, or something more than that, whatever it actually was, and that's what they did for each other. And Rose didn't think for one instant that Martha or Sarah Jane or any of the others who'd traveled by his side wouldn't do the exact same thing. As many times as this man had saved the universe? He deserved a hand when he needed it.

She wasn't a Time Lord, though, or psychic in any way, to be honest, so she had no idea what he was thinking. And, really, he was better off for it. Instead, she just looked down at their joined hands and shrugged, an amused look on her face. "They're more with it than you think. Oh, they're no Torchwood, don't get me wrong. But they make do. Remember, if it wasn't for them, I might never have gotten Donna to the right point in time to make her alternate world right."

Biting her lip, she glanced back up at him and smiled, just slightly. Because it wasn't amusing, not really. But she was just so damn glad to see him there, eyes open and awake and rambling away in that way he did. "You think everyone would have liked me," she pointed out. "And I'm not entirely sure you're right on that count."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 02:49 am UTC (link)
The Doctor just grinned and squeezed her hand again. She was perfect, his Rose, and he didn't want her to change. He imagined that was part of the reason his other self had never attempted to alter her timeline. There was too much risk of something going wrong, beyond the fact that she would never have forgiven him for it.

"Anyone who doesn't like you is thick," he said. "Completely hopeless. You're brilliant. How many people can convince UNIT to help them after they've been hopping through universes? How many people can find a way to hop through universes in the first place and the gumption to do it?" He paused then, frowning. "Gumption. Not sure I like that word. Doesn't fit the teeth. Gumption. Gumption." He made a face and stuck his tongue out. "No. Never saying that again. Anyway, my point is, I'm right. As usual. You're perfect, Rose Tyler. Don't you dare change. I'd miss you too much, and the universe would be a poorer place."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 03:15 am UTC (link)
Despite herself, she had to giggle. It was just so...him. She'd missed him, more than she wanted to admit. Because admitting it meant she was hooked all over again, which she'd promised herself so fervently she wouldn't let happen. Because, if he'd miss her too much, than what the hell was the point of getting rid of her in the first place? Neither of them could have known they'd end up in this place, with at least that much of a chance. They wouldn't get this once they were back home. He'd seen to that.

"Gumption's a weird word anyway. Reminds me too much of Forrest Gump. Which reminds me, I met this guy...before we got moved around and all. I should probably check in with him, he probably thinks I just dropped off the face of the Earth. Anyway, right, he knows Jack and Gwen. And Jack's little...uh...problem? Apparently can be passed on through his blood. Rex has it now."

Her fault. All her fault. She simply had to remind herself that if she hadn't done what she had, they'd both be dead. Two men who meant more to her than anything. Including the one who'd died for her. Twice. And yet still, easier to think about with a sickly man than the fact that she wasn't a part of his universe anymore. Nothing they did would change that. He'd made his decision.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 03:29 am UTC (link)
"What?" The Doctor blinked, not immediately following the turn in conversation. "Problem? What problem? You don't mean ... " He paused and thought for a moment, until finally, it dawned on him what Rose was getting at. "Oh. Oh. That problem. The-run-away-because-it's-wrong problem. Granted, not my finest moment, but he really was the ideal person to clean up the mess. He's spreading it around now? Really? Why? Should I be worried? Should we be worried?"

He made to sit up and get out of bed. Shoes. He'd need shoes. If there were a problem, he'd have to leave the infirmary to solve it, and he'd look daft walking through Lawrence in bare feet. He could manage without the rest. Who really needed proper clothing to save the world? He was dressed. That was good enough, wasn't it? He'd saved the world in his jimjams, once. Rose had been there to help him for that, so it really shouldn't be too much to deal with another Jack with her support.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 03:39 am UTC (link)
"Don't you dare." It was said in her best Jackie tone which wasn't entirely threatening enough as she wasn't exactly a mum and she certainly wasn't the mum of a man several hundred years older than her. But it would have to do. "First of all, he's not a threat. He wants to help. Like Jack does. Secondly, you shouldn't be worried. He's not spreading it, Jack saved his life. It just happened to be through a blood transfusion. And thirdly...you're not going anywhere. Back in that bed. Now."

Rose gave him her most stern expression and, really, it was more like the one he typically gave her. That 'why did you wander off when there are deadly things around' look, or the 'you don't have to talk to all the strangers because one of them could kill you, you know' look. But it was her turn. He'd taken care of her plenty. It was her turn. "I promise, if there's anything that comes up, there's plenty of us who can take care of it. You have to heal." She rested a hand on his chest, as if forcing him to stay put, but it was, admittedly, partially to feel two hearts working together, even if weakly. So long as they were beating, she didn't care. She knew what happened when one stopped. She'd seen it first hand. She didn't want to see it ever again.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 03:47 am UTC (link)
At first, the Doctor ignored Rose's warnings. He pushed himself up on his elbows, scanning the infirmary for any sign of where his trainers had gotten of to. They didn't appear to be nearby. Unfortunate, that. It meant more walking. Nothing to be done about it now, though, he decided, and that was when Rose put a hand to his chest to stop him getting up.

"No no no. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. If I need to have a word with this young man--Rex, did you say his name was?--I can man ... Ah!" The Doctor grimaced and sank back down against his pillow as his body reminded him that Rose was in fact right this time, and he was wrong.

"Or we could just stay here," he managed, closing his eyes until the vertigo passed. "Here is good. I like here. Especially when here includes you. I never should have left you."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 04:37 am UTC (link)
Rose was usually right. Oh, he liked to think he was, and that was fine. But sometimes things needed a much more human perspective. And this was clearly one of those times. She couldn't help but wince as the man she cared the most about expressed the agony he was in.

"No," she said softly, brushing that wild hair back from his face with her free hand. "No, you shouldn't have." She was grateful he knew it, at least. That wasn't going to make a bit of difference when the seal decided it was time for one or both of them to be returned to where they belonged. "Doesn't matter now."

There was a whole lot else she wanted to say. Like how angry she still was with him when she thought about it for too long. Or how much she just wanted him to hold her and tell her that it was okay, they'd fix it, just as soon as everything got set right. Or just blurt out how she felt, as she had years ago. But it wasn't the time for any of that, not with him so sick. So instead, her fingers simply continued to run through the thick mop of dark hair as soothingly as she could manage.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 03:16 pm UTC (link)
One day, the Doctor might learn. He'd have a chance here, in Kansas, if the Seal kept him and Rose in the same place long enough. Part of him wanted his metacrisis double to stay away. He didn't want to share, though he would step out of the way if that was what Rose wanted. He would always place Rose first ahead of himself.

"Sorry," he repeated, though he'd already apologized to her for his actions back at Bad Wolf Bay. "I just wanted you to be happy. I thought he could give you that." When he opened his eyes and met her gaze, his expression was earnest, almost pleading. He was ill, and his defenses were down. He kept talking, telling her the things he'd wanted to say, but had never lowered his guard enough to voice. "I thought, since he was part human, and you could grow old together ... I didn't want to leave, Rose. I didn't. I wanted to keep you with me. But I thought ... if I loved you ... I ought to be able to walk away. To not be selfish when he could give you so much more."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 06:06 pm UTC (link)
Rose was a harder person than she'd been that first time on that bloody Norwegian beach. Her heart, the one sole heart that it was, may have been breaking, but she wasn't going to burst into tears and sob for him. That person was gone, taken away with several mistakes in several dimensions far different from her own. That person had been left behind when the metaphorical door between their worlds closed. She'd had to grow stronger or she wouldn't have survived the pain and it was as simple as that.

But his words did cause her breath to catch and her teeth worried at her lower lip. She didn't want to hear this. Not now. Not when she couldn't possibly yell at him and scold him for hurting her as he had. But if he didn't say it now, he might never. Because that's who he was, bottling up everything, acting like he needed no one.

"I'm the selfish one," she admitted softly, her hand drifting from his hair to the soft, too cool skin of his cheek. "He needed me and I didn't care. I was too caught up in what I wanted." And all she wanted was him. And she'd been so certain he didn't want the same. Why else would he have pushed her aside?

If he loved her... Hell, that was the closest it had ever come. It was something, and it was a tiny grain of hope she grasped on to. She hated herself for it, but she did it just the same. "You gave me everything. Not just the time travel or the space travel. You gave me so much..." Her voice was still soft, more like she was telling a child a story than soothing the person she loved. "You gave me my one chance to see my dad, even though you knew what might happen. You gave me so much confidence... I didn't think I was going to make anything of myself. That's the person I've been the last two weeks, you know? Content to work in a shop and be in a mediocre marriage and let the world go on around me, whether it was right or wrong." She shook her head, her hair falling into her face, but she didn't dare break contact with him to brush it back. "You gave your life for me. More than once. How could you think anyone could ever give me more than that?"

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 06:27 pm UTC (link)
However hard Rose had become, the Doctor would nevertheless always see her as that vibrant, beautiful young woman who'd drawn him out of the darkness of the war and the loneliness of being the last of his kind. She would always be the woman who had loved him enough to save him, not only from his enemies, but from his own terrible anger, his desperation. She had been his reason to keep fighting. Donna had said he needed someone to stop him, but it was more than that. The Doctor needed someone to remind him that life was worth living, that the universe was still worth saving.

Romana had been right. He had given up. In spite of Koschei's efforts, in spite of his friends and his daughter pleading with him to let them help, he had seen only what a monster he could have become, the monster that he had become in that other universe, and he'd stopped fighting. Why bother? It had seemed that in any universe, he would lose Rose one way or another, and he would go too far, commit a crime for which there was no absolution. Yet another instance of him being thick, he thought, so very thick. He should have had more faith. He should have kept trying, if not for his own sake, if not for his friends or even for his daughter, then for Rose.

"He was me," he said, reaching up to catch her hand. "He was so very me. A me who made different choices, who's going to grow old and die at a human pace, but we're the same man. Or we were. I wasn't trying to give you a replacement. I was trying to find a way to make it work. To make sure that you would always have your Doctor." He smiled a bit as he added, "And besides, I'd rather you settled down with a part human me than Mickey. Not that there's anything wrong with Mickey, but I'm jealous enough of myself, let alone a completely different man."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-02 07:26 pm UTC (link)
"He wasn't you, though," Rose pointed out, though in her heart she knew what he meant. That man, that nearly identical version of the one by her side, was as him as it could get. Moreso, in some ways. She'd seen the Doctor before this one and she'd met the one after, and neither was as like this one as the one he'd left behind with her. That didn't matter. Not to her. But maybe it would have mattered to him. "You needed me, too."

Oh, fine, maybe it was a little presumptuous. Assuming he needed her and all. But she wasn't stupid. She remembered how he'd looked at her when they'd first met here in Lawrence. How far he claimed to have fallen and how afraid he'd been that she'd just push him that much further away for it. What might have happened if he'd only let her stay? If he'd let her make her own decisions? They were those 'what if's again, only these she hadn't seen. And she desperately wished she had.

Something else had been bothering her, though. And, with her hand in his, it made it easier to say. "You left him with me for me to fix him. How he was so cold and angry from the war. How he'd committed genocide. But you did, too, you know. And so did I. You didn't punish either of us that way." There were things Rose didn't want to think about, but she was with the only person she could. Jackie would never understand, and neither would Pete. Even Mickey, as hard as he tried and as hard as he'd fought, couldn't completely get the things she'd gone through at the Doctor's side. With him and for him.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-02 08:44 pm UTC (link)
"It wasn't a punishment." The Doctor tightened his hold on her hand, desperate to get his point across. "I had to do something, Rose. I couldn't keep him with me, and I couldn't send him off on his own." She had seen what happened with one Doctor in the universe. How much worse might it have been with two? How many times would he have been forced to clean up his own mess, caused by a man who was him but not? How many more mistakes might he have made? Beyond that, it wouldn't have been fair to his duplicate to have to constantly live in his shadow, the Doctor but not the Doctor, a Time Lord and yet not a Time Lord. Neither would it have been easy for the fully Time Lord Doctor to watch his other self age and die.

"You did what you had to do. So did I. So did he. We all did what we felt was called for, and maybe we made mistakes--I certainly have--but I wasn't passing judgment on him. If I'd wanted to punish him, I would have left him alone, without you, without anyone. He got the better end of the bargain, Rose. He got you. Though maybe ... maybe he would have been stronger than me. Maybe he would have held together on his own. I fell apart, Rose. I fell apart so completely. People tried to help me, and I wouldn't let them. I was so afraid I might lose them. I was so afraid they would get hurt."

The Doctor wasn't sure if he meant the past two weeks, or the past several years. Mostly likely a bit of both. He'd made such a mess of things in each instance. He had been willing to break the Laws of Time. He had been willing to let himself die. Neither instance had been his best showing.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 03:28 am UTC (link)
In her heart, she knew he was right. He was, after all, almost always right. And she knew he really didn't have an awful lot of choices of what to do. It just felt like she was the one stuck because of it. She hadn't created the other him. It wasn't her fault there was an odd man out. Why did she have to suffer because of it? Again. Selfish.

But she also felt badly for the not-quite-Time Lord. He was completely alone, save her and her mum and Pete. He'd been left in a world he knew little about, except for what the Doctor knew from living there before. He was left with no possessions of his own and no one to turn to except a woman who he knew didn't really want him there. Or, more so, didn't want to be there herself. And all while knowing the person he should have been closest to had sent him packing.

It was hard, knowing what she needed to do, especially when she looked into those pained brown eyes that were so much older than the rest of him. The last him had nice eyes. And so did the newer one. But none could grab her heart like this one did. Tenderly, she lifted his hand to her lips, kissing his fingers gently before shaking her head. "You've been hurt. You've seen people get hurt. It's understandable." She hesitated, afraid of overstepping her boundaries. But if she couldn't, who could? "But you've got to learn that you can't do everything on your own. You've always moved on. You moved on without me, without Gallifrey, without everything you've known. And you've survived. And it was hard and I know it had to hurt, but you have because you're a survivor. It's who you are."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 03:37 am UTC (link)
"I'm tired, Rose. I'm so very tired." He didn't mean physically, though there was that, too. The conversation was exhausting his reserves, but he couldn't leave it unfinished. There were so many things he and Rose had needed to say to each other, and if not now, then when? The next time he almost died? The next time he nearly lost her? No. The Doctor wasn't going to take that chance again.

"Maybe the next me can move on. Maybe I had to become him to leave everything else behind ... but I'm not him, yet. I don't plan on being him for a long time, for as long as the Seal will let me stay here. His companions, his friends, they aren't mine."

The Doctor hesitated, then, almost holding his breath. He was afraid to ask the next question, afraid of what Rose might say in response.

"Can we try again? You and me. Is it too late, or do we have another chance?"

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 03:58 am UTC (link)
Somehow, she knew what he meant. Then again, in some ways, Rose usually did. Oh, there were times there were miscommunications. Plenty of them. But that was different. This was knowing the person lying by her side. Sure, she knew she'd never truly know him. It was hard to know a thousand years of a person's life, after all. But she figured she knew him better than most. So she let him keep talking rather than insisting he rest.

"Aren't they?" she said quietly, watching him carefully. "Do you lot just...pick people up and then leave them behind? Sarah Jane thought so but she was wrong, wasn't she? And you didn't just leave me when you turned into...well, you."

There was a struggle behind his eyes and at first, she simply thought the Doctor was in pain. And then he spoke again and it was her turn to hold her breath. Because she genuinely didn't know what to say. If she knew for sure what he was asking, maybe.

She hesitated, ducking her head with a tiny smile before answering. "Haven't we been? We're us again, isn't that what's important? Chips and films and watching out for each other..." If he wanted anything more than that...she didn't know. She really didn't. It had been all consuming for her for so long that it scared her to think of it actually coming to be. And if he didn't? She wished he'd simply let it go.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:14 am UTC (link)
"That isn't what I mean. You know that." The Doctor struggled up to a seated position. He didn't want to go into this flat on his back. He didn't want Rose to agree out of sympathy. He wanted her to know how serious he was. "There was more than just watching out for each other. We were heading for something else before it all went wrong. I never said it, but I could see it. This place is the only place where we can try to reach that something else again."

Rose had loved him, once. He hadn't been blind. He might have tried not to see it so clearly sometimes, might have braced himself for her inevitable loss, either when she decided that staying by his side was no longer what she wanted, or to age and disease, but he'd known how she felt.

"You were more than a companion to me, more than a friend. When you kissed the other me on that beach, I wished I were him, standing there, with just one heart and the possibility of spending the rest of my life with you."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 04:31 am UTC (link)
There were times Rose hated Lawrence, KS. The times when she watched innocent people die and knew what had caused it, even if the locals didn't. And the times that her friends were put in danger, or when she was in danger. And there was waking up with boy bits. That part was unpleasant.

But suddenly, she didn't hate it quite so much. Maybe the stupid bloody seal knew what it was doing after all.

"I don't know that, Doctor," she reminded him, searching his eyes. "I don't because you pushed me away. Whether for noble or selfish reasons, you pushed me away. You didn't want me around anymore. Of course I don't know that because there I told you how I felt and yet..."

Now it was her turn to experience the spinning head. It was the most honest he'd ever been with her and yet a part of her just wanted him to take it all back. The world had a habit of taking good things away from her. She was blinking back tears, refusing to let this man see her cry yet again. He'd seen it before and all it had gotten her was a one way trip back to the place she'd fought so hard to leave. "It could have been you. It should have been you. You don't want to see me die, remember? Never mind how many times I've seen you die, never mind that!"

Her voice was growing in volume and she had to stop and check herself. This wasn't something she wanted anyone running in on. "All I wanted was you."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:42 am UTC (link)
The Doctor felt as though his hearts might give out on him again at any moment. Was this how his other self had felt, standing on that beach and waiting for Rose to deliver her verdict when she had demanded to know how that dreadful last sentence between them their first time on Bad Wolf Bay had been supposed to end? The Doctor didn't fancy being in that place, so uncertain of their future, yet here he was, waiting for Rose to tell him if it were still possible that they might have something together.

"You have me, if you want me. I'm not leaving you again. I can't. It's the last thing I want to do." He didn't have the strength to do it anymore, either. Rose was right there. She was everything he wanted, and unless she told him to stay away, he would remain as close to her as he possibly could. He reached out to carefully tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing lightly against her cheek.

"I've made you cry again, haven't I? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. If it's too much, if you don't want this ... " He dropped his hand to his lap, more uncertain than ever. There was a faint tremor in that hand, born of weariness and anxiety. He pushed through the bone-deep pain that was paired with his fatigue and waited for Rose to make her decision.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 05:09 am UTC (link)
Watching him struggle, she knew she'd never be able to deny him anything. He could ask her to do most anything at that point and she would. Because whether she wanted to or not, she loved him. As the tips of his fingers brushed her skin, her eyes closed and yes, fine, a tear or two escaped. She was harder than she'd been, yes, but she wasn't immune to emotion when the man she loved wanted to be with her.

"Don't," she whispered, looking back up at him. "Don't say that. You... I do want this. It's all I've ever wanted." But could she be sure of him? She didn't know. She really didn't. But he wasn't putting on some front for her. This was as open and honest as her Time Lord got. She was only sorry it took nearly dying to get him to that point.

Her hand reached up, sliding around to cup his head. Leaning forward, she gently touched her forehead to his. "I have a condition, though. Don't you ever scare me like this again. I thought..." Her eyes closed again, trying to force the image out of her mind. "I can't lose you. Not yet."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 02:11 pm UTC (link)
A wave of relief washed over him, and he wrapped his arms around Rose, holding her as close as he could as he buried his face against her shoulder, ignoring for the moment how much he hurt and how tired he was. "I'm sorry," he apologized again. "I didn't mean to scare you. We'll get it right this time. I'll get it right. I'll be fine. I promise. I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

The Doctor had wanted this for so long, but he hadn't thought he deserved it. Romana had told him otherwise, had said even on his first day in Lawrence that he should just ask, and again, he hadn't listened. He was an idiot, old and foolish and so very thick. "I should have done this sooner," he confided in Rose, drawing back a little so he could see her. He was smiling now, and though there was a hint of sadness to it, of regret, it was genuine. "I didn't know how, really, but I should have just asked."

How could he have been so afraid? How could he have wasted so much time? Rose had been waiting for him. As angry as she had been, she had still been willing to take him back, in whatever capacity she could. He'd have to be more careful in the future. He didn't just have his future self to worry about when his life was in danger. There were so many things he'd simply thrown aside when he'd thought he was going to die: his time with his daughter, with Donna, with Martha and Romana, Leela and Koschei (what had happened to him, the Doctor wondered briefly) and most especially, Rose.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 03:43 pm UTC (link)
There wasn't a question in her head any longer. She knew she was where she belonged. No other hugs fit quite like his did. Rose held him as tightly as her worries for him would allow. "You never did," she reminded him, though she was smiling against his shoulder. "But neither did I, so I think we're probably even there."

When he pulled back, she searched his eyes, refusing to let go. Oh, he'd have a hell of a time getting rid of her now because she wasn't going anywhere. She'd needed this for far too long to walk away. "And I'm sorry. For being too proud to do this before now, for being too selfish and wrapped up in my own issues and for not fighting harder. I just.." Her voice dropped, but her eyes remained on his. She could be honest, too. As hard as it was, he needed to see. That yes, she still loved him and no, she'd never stopped. And nothing in England or Norway or Kansas was going to change that. "I honestly thought you didn't want me around. And I know that's not true," she insisted, placing a finger against his lips to stop the potential protest, "but in some ways I'm still just a stupid girl with a stupid crush on the entirely unattainable older man."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:00 pm UTC (link)
The Doctor was ready to tell her that not wanting her was impossible. He was ready to tell her that none of this was her fault, and that she wasn't just a stupid girl with a crush. He ordinarily wouldn't have allowed something as small as a finger against his lips stop him, half dead or not. Only, it was Rose touching him, and Rose telling him that she wanted him, too, and he was struck dumb, a truly monumental occasion in the life of this particular Doctor.

Then again, he did have five billion languages and one heck of a gob, so the occasion didn't last all that long. He grinned at Rose, a hint of mischief in his eyes, and said, her finger still pressed up against his lips, "Do I get a kiss, then? Because I was being quite serious when I said I was jealous. Plus, I am feeling a bit like I've been hit with a steamroller, and I hear kissing is supposed to make things better."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 04:10 pm UTC (link)
Rose couldn't help the tiny giggle that escaped. It was a serious sort of situation in plenty of ways but also? Well, also it was being insanely in love with possibly the biggest git in the universe who, it seemed, might actually love her, too. And there he was asking, rather than just taking, and who did that? He did. Which made it more than enough for her.

"You know," she pointed out, moving her finger away so she could cup his cheek with one hand, "if you're feeling so poorly, you really should be resting. I should go. Let you get some sleep and all." But she wasn't going anywhere. Not then, not ever. Oh, she'd see that he got some rest, but it would be with her there, keeping watch. And, as she'd decided already she wouldn't deny him anything, she smiled and leaned in that much closer. "All you've ever had to do was say so."

It wasn't the desperate, passionate kiss of hearing words she'd been aching to hear for so long. It was soft, tender, and exploring, with the knowledge that she had time to try it other ways, too. It was the sweetness of first kisses and lost loves found again. His previous self had kissed her, though she only had fuzzy memories of it. And Cassandra had done so while in her body, but again, only fuzzy memories. And she'd been perfectly conscious to kiss the half-human version. But this was the first time that it truly felt real. The Doctor and Rose Tyler.

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 04:28 pm UTC (link)
The Doctor would rest ... later. At the moment, he was quite busy with the important business of kissing the woman he loved. He'd been around the block more than a few times, but this was new and different. This was a proper kiss, their first, and every bit of longing and love he had felt for all of the years that he had known Rose Tyler went into it. This was the sort of thing a Time Lord memory was actually good for, the sort of thing the Doctor wanted to remember in minute detail.

Unfortunately, there was the small matter of needing to breathe. The two of them eventually had to come up for air, though the Doctor refused to let go even then. In all honesty, Rose was about the only thing keeping him upright, but he didn't mind. Any excuse to hold her was a good excuse. Anyone who watched the two of them together could easily see how deeply their feelings for each other ran. When had the Doctor ever been so reluctant to break contact with anyone except with Rose? Oh, he'd held other companions' hands, lifted them up and spun them around, but with Rose, it was a constant, as though he couldn't bear to be separated from her by so much as an inch.

"Stay?" he asked, voice husky and, if he were truthful, a tad bit breathless.

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 04:56 pm UTC (link)
She was smiling, then. Well, of course she was, she couldn't remember the last time she'd been as happy as all of this. Another thing the last two weeks had taught her. As a teenager she'd thought she'd been in love. What she had with Jimmy was simply infatuation and Mickey? Well. She did care for him. A part of her loved him. But it couldn't compete with the absolute elation she felt just having this man next to her.

Absently, Rose let her fingers trail through his hair as she nodded. "I'm not leaving. I promise. You should rest, though. Martha's probably going to come in and scold me for keeping you awake all this time." She'd take it, though. It wouldn't be the first time she'd been scolded, after all, and it was worth it. Any time she got to spend with him, considering what could lie in store, was worth whatever she had to do. And to spend it holding him? Bring on the Daleks, because she'd face whatever she had to for that.

She kissed him again, more briefly this time, and much more gently. "Come on, let's get you settled. I'm going to need you well and healthy if we're going to make a proper go of this."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 05:11 pm UTC (link)
"Ooh. I like the sound of that." The Doctor hoped the giddy feeling bubbling up was entirely thanks to the admissions that had been made and the knowledge that everything would be all right, that Rose would stay at his side no matter what, though in truth he was probably overtired, as well. It didn't matter. He had everything he wanted: the woman he loved, a family, even a bit of home. The only way things could possibly go wrong was if the Seal interfered and sent one of them home, or decided to bring Jackie Tyler to them. Now that was a sobering thought. Rose's mother would smack him into next week if she found out how long he'd taken to open up and how badly he'd frightened her daughter.

He laid back down, truly relaxing for the first time in what felt like years, and caught Rose's hand yet again. He knew she would stay, just as she'd told him, but he wanted that physical contact, that tangible reminder that she was there and safe. "Martha can scold all she wants," he declared. "I don't care. I'm going to sleep much better with you here, though really, it's such a waste of time, sleeping, when we could be doing other things."

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[info]plusone
2011-10-03 05:34 pm UTC (link)
It was a really, really good thing Rose couldn't hear what he was thinking. Not the bit about her mum, though really, would it be so bad? She'd probably be so pleased to have him around and have Rose actually smiling that she wouldn't slap him...that hard, anyway. But he was being too optimistic. Rose knew. Rose knew that when things were going well, they inevitably went badly. Every time she was happy, somehow she simply got kicked back down. As it was she was desperately fighting the voice inside of her telling her that it wasn't going to last.

"I know it is," she told him, her tone soothing. "But you're no good at all falling apart, now are you? No adventures that way." There was a brief moment of hesitation before she simply said, "Scoot over." Toeing off her shoes, she slipped into the space at his side, curling up next to him. He wanted to know she was there? She'd make sure he couldn't forget. For the moment, at least, he was safe and protected. "There. We can still be together, even if you have to sleep. See? I have an answer for everything. And when you wake up, I'll still be here. I'll be here so much you'll wish you could get rid of me."

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[info]dominustemporis
2011-10-03 05:55 pm UTC (link)
"Never happen," he murmured into her ear, one arm slipping around her to hold her in a loose embrace. "I'll always want you here. Always have."

Now that he was tucked into bed again, with Rose's warmth at his side, he was finding it more difficult to keep his eyes open. He needed every scrap of sleep he could get, and his body had had just about enough of his forcing himself to remain conscious and mostly coherent. "I missed you," he said, because it bore repeating. "I'm not letting you go again, Rose Tyler."

Moments later, he was asleep, his expression smoothing out and becoming peaceful as he finally got some much needed rest.

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