InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love this piggy."

Jenny Schecter (dont_f_withme) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-06-22 23:40:00

Entry tags:

!complete, day 12, jenny schecter, l lawliet, location: gym

Day 12: 3PM
Who: Jenny Schecter & L Lawliet
What: First meeting
When: Day 12: 3pm
Where: The gym
Rating: TBD, PG for now
Status: Active

Jenny had her nose in the journal as she hobbled along with the makeshift crutches. She was busily scribbling as she made her way, haltingly, back to her cot. It had been a long day since the sun had come up. At least for her it had. So much had happened. So much was going to happen. There was something new happening in the journals too. Some strange person interjecting into her writing. That shouldn't have been happening, it wasn't right.

Sneaking back into the gym was a lot easier than sneaking out. All she had to do was pretend she'd gone for a short, healing walk and was just returning. Returning was always less noticeable than leaving for some reason. No one seemed to think it strange that she was coming back from somewhere unseen. Coming back meant she was going to continue the regimin set out by the doctors to help her legs heal. Why would they stop and question that?

She was so distracted that she wasn't sure where she was going until she bumped into a cot and nearly fell down onto the occupant. The makeshift crutches flew sideways and clattered to the floor beside the cot as she unceremoniously fell to the floor instead. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" she asked the person in the cot.

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inmyownworld
2009-06-24 10:37 pm UTC (link)

The illusion was perfect, and it wasn't hard to continue believing that Jenny was nothing more than a victim of the harsh circumstances. L's heart leapt a little, vindictively, when he heard that Gambit was among the ones trapped. The bastard deserved it, he thought viciously. He'd kept Laura from L when he had needed her there. Not for the relinquishing of her coin, but for the assurance that he was not going to die alone. Even a one-armed embrace, and soft words, and proof of the promise that she was never going to leave him. Instead, Merope had brokenly provided what comfort she could while House had done what he could, and L had stayed alive because he knew he wouldn't have been able to die without the closure his life needed. He was L, a detective whose legacy was worth a little bit of closure.

L, though it disquieted him, felt a connection with Jenny. Even though those dark parts, the ones that knew and stayed isolated, said that it was wrong, he wasn't ready to face it yet. Jenny was made of what he was made of. They were something to each other; cosmic twins, interlocking rings, different halves of something complete. What they were meant to be to each other remained to be seen, but they were the same element, and the signs they were born under strengthened one another. L would have said something, but he didn't want to sound a fool in case Jenny didn't feel it, too.

"It's all right," he said, staring at the needle. By now, he almost welcomed the needle going into his arm, knowing that it would bring intense relief. He glanced up at Jenny. "You know... when I said I would get high with you... I never thought it would be like this."

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 08:56 am UTC (link)

Jenny smiled suddenly in spite of herself and the situation when he reminded her of how he'd said he would get high with her. No, this had not been what she had envisioned either when she'd thought about that. "I don't know that I'll ever be doing that sort of getting high ever again," she said, referring to the pot she'd smoked with Shannon and Jack. She'd let her guard so far down with them because of the drug that she could have exposed herself if she hadn't had some kind of cognitive control in spite of it.

With her fingers she found a vein in his arm. Somehow this felt terrible. It felt wrong of her to be doing this but she'd promised to do what he asked, what he needed. She hoped she could do this. "Okay," she said to preface the needle as it slid carefully into his arm. She slowly pushed the pressed the plunger as she'd seen the doctors do, then withdrew the needle again and rubbed the spot gently with her fingertips. "Be quick," she murmured to the morphine.

Instead of pulling out the second needle for herself, Jenny set everything aside and tugged the book from her pocket. She looked a bit self-consciously at L as her fingers found the little ribbon bookmark and opened the book. "It's sort of a rough draft but like I said, the morphine will make it sound brilliant, I'm sure."

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thousandcases
2009-06-25 09:33 am UTC (link)

Those had been lighter days. L had disapproved of the use of weed for recreational purposes, hiding the fact that he had been given harder drugs, and now he was developing a tolerance to opiates like it was his job. In all honesty, he might have tried weed with Jenny, just for a distraction from the stress of dealing with the Insider's taunts and threats. It was a funny, ironic, ridiculous world. He understood, from Jenny's vantage point, why a person with secrets should be careful about unwinding too much.

For someone who wasn't a doctor, Jenny was not bad at finding a vein and injecting morphine. Part of it was the weakness and shakiness of L's hands now, but usually, he was clumsy at this sort of thing. His arms were already bruised from failed attempts of his own when he couldn't find a doctor, but Jenny still managed to find a vein. The needle prick hardly registered; compared to the pain of having a dirty shovel go into your side, it was nothing. He exhaled slowly as Jenny pressed the plunger towards him. It was unclear whether he was allowing this because he trusted her, or because of complete, resigned apathy. Maybe a bit of both.

He noticed, immediately, that she didn't seem to be injecting herself. Even as his heartbeat slowed and his mind clouded drowsily, he thought that was a bit odd. Perhaps she was going to wait until after she'd read the poem. A thought occurred to him: he liked Jenny's company. He wondered if she'd be opposed to having a cot nearer to his. He turned his dark eyes, not yet so drugged that a poem's meaning would be lost on him, toward the young woman. "The morphine just makes it easier to listen. I'm certain that the quality requires no improvement."

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 10:24 am UTC (link)

Jenny had gotten pretty good at finding veins and injecting when she'd given Moira the testosterone shots for the transition she'd wanted to make. That was an ugly memory. The whole thing had turned into such a big mess that she had all but forgotten it until now. Here with L of all people. She did not want that part of her past creeping into what was happening here and she was grateful no one had decided to drop Moira into this place. She shuddered at the thought before turning her focus back to L once more, book in hand.

He looked sleepy and that was a good thing. Jenny smiled at him gently and brushed the back of his hand with her fingers, a gesture meant to soothe. "Thank you. But you haven't heard it yet."

Her smile widened a bit and she hoped he would be able to understand what she'd written. Her style was so odd and with morphine in his system he might be less apt to grasp what she was trying to convey. It didn't really matter though. He could read it later for himself when he was more coherent. She had every faith in the doctors saving him. He just could not die. She could not lose another friend.

"Okay," she said again and settled back a bit with both hands on the book. She cleared her throat softly and began, "Here goes:

it's a quietness unlike rest
with you
very like dreaming
simply the wonder of eyes into a soul
matchless & beautiful
with you
the tender beating of a kindred heart
soothing
shallows slipping into the depths
i know you, traveler
you've invited me
so i've dried the tears from my eyes
with lifesticky fingers
and i've written it in verse form
to represent the void and
the gilded inverted cage
where i, the canary,
sing a song of sixpence --
a pocketful of time
and raw existence -- here
when now is all and all could be so empty
loneliness breaks in waves
across desert planes of laughter dust
where once all was lush with ardency
i choose to remember none of this
when you walk beside
as we internalize the wonderment of faded stars
across an open sky
and i,
allowing the tendrils of moon promises
to encircle the frozen statue wearing my face
and bury it in sweet slumber,
kiss your mind and dream
until tomorrow's moon rises
over we two, my lovely
my brother
my heart"

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inmyownworld
2009-06-25 11:21 am UTC (link)

L felt Jenny's fingertips under his skin before he felt them against it; the numbing effects of morphine on him were extremely odd, but it worked. Carefully, and without the precision he usually dedicated to his movements, he touched Jenny's hand, returning the gesture. His road had been dark, fearful, and lonely these past few days, beginning with his arrival here and worsening with Light's death. From there, the sequence of events had simply carried him along. He had left the liquor store early on Day 10, escaping the certain death that would have awaited him had he not fled from Laura's stillness that so reminded him of Light's. He had dug a perfect grave without clear intention, and it had actually saved him from being entirely crushed. He had exchanged that fate for the shovel, which had brought Jean to him, and Merope, and Gambit had appeared to keep Laura from getting to the gym in his hour of need. Everything had led up to this moment, in a way; if even one thing had gone diffrently, they would not be here having this conversation and realizing these things about each other, and for the first time, L allowed himself to be a little bit glad that things had happened this way. He smiled faintly, listening with hazy but full attention as Jenny read him a very beautiful poem.

It amazed L that, while the word "love" never technically appeared in the poem, the way the other words were arranged made it seem like it appeared, and often. It was uncanny, the way the words put images in L's thoughts... he and Jenny were more than a pair. Their souls were one. In every reality, in every new life and every reincarnation and alternate universe, they found each other.

They had been fox kits once, born in the same litter, sleeping curled around each other near their mother's side. Five thousand years ago, L had been a beggar watching a royal procession in Egypt, and he had never forgotten the woman he had seen from a distance, even though their eyes had only met for a moment. They had been droplets of water becoming one on a child's windowpane in Russia during a rainstorm. They had been dophins, a mated pair, dying together after an oil spill poisoned their blue world. They had been American soldiers, best friends, promising each other that they would live, and then both dying, one after the other, in the first wave on D-Day. They had been sisters in Germany, separated by the Holocaust, one dying in Auschwitz and the other in Buchenwald. They had been Japanese teenagers, giving each other their virginity when the Enola Gay passed over their city and ended the war and ended them. And that was only for starters.

"You found me..."

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 12:21 pm UTC (link)

Butterflies fluttered several times while she read those words to L. Something about them being read out loud felt extremely intimate. She'd written them herself and they hadn't affected her this way as they slid onto the paper from her fingertips. But now, reading them, it felt like making love. No, something even more intimate than that. Was there something more intimate than that? Yes, apparently that was what this was. It left her feeling a bit breathless and the last few words were barely a whisper caught in her throat.

When she looked up at L from the page, everything she'd said and done as the Insider seemed to evaporate into nothing. His expression was so strange though that she wasn't sure she hadn't given him too much morphine. That thought made her heart skip and quickly leaned toward him, the book falling away in a clatter on the floor. He spoke then and Jenny had no idea of what he'd relived. But perhaps that was what she'd felt as she read to him. Taking his hand in hers she kissed it and rested her cheek against it.

Deciding he must think she was Laura in his drug-induced serenity, she answered, "I did, yes." She could give him that. She could give him Laura if that was what he most wanted. "I love you, L," she said honestly. It was true. It wasn't enough to explain how she felt right now though. "Which is why you're not allowed to die, you hear me? I know what you wrote, what you keep writing. You can't. You understand me? You can't go."

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inmyownworld
2009-06-25 12:56 pm UTC (link)

L could hear Jenny's voice changing as she read the words that made time and space relative. He could understand what was happening with unusual clarity, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that his over-busy mind had been narcotically subdued. He had been on morphine enough now to know how it was supposed to feel, and this went beyond the usual drowsy highs and lows. It was profound, and Jenny knew it, too.

"I won't... I won't, because most living creatures die alone, even if they are surrounded by life. Especially if they are surrounded by life... and every path to death is different. I am often alone... but we're the same, because we have never, ever died alone. It doesn't matter if we're miles apart or as close as two people can possibly be. Whether we've been together from birth or only met for an instant, we've followed each other since the beginning of time in and out of life. We always find each other, Jenny... we don't live if the other is dead. So, I won't die... not until you do."

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 01:19 pm UTC (link)

In order to keep up the charade of being Laura for him she would have had to say she was already dead. Sometimes she felt that way. That was why she'd done so many of the drastic things in her past. She'd always been looking for that one person to complete her because she knew part of her was missing. Instinctively felt it in such a deep and sheltered place inside of her that she wasn't sure she could hear anymore of what he was saying. It was too much. Too special and meant for someone else. He should be telling Laura.

"Shhh, I'm not Laura, L. You should be telling her this. Wait for her and tell her. She needs to hear it. I know she does," she said, her voice catching in her throat again. Her heart ached. Ached for lovers who couldn't be together. For him in his pain. She felt responsible somehow even though she knew she wasn't.

Something profound had happened for Jenny. An epiphany of some sort. But why could it not have happened when she was here in this hell hole? When L wasn't floating away from her on morphine toward a daydream of his lover. It would have been so much easier for her to handle what she had learned about herself; what she was feeling. Whatever that was. She couldn't describe it but she knew she desperately didn't want it to end. For the first time in her life she felt like she belonged somewhere. Right there with L. Even if he wasn't feeling it too, she wasn't leaving him.

Tears slid down her cheeks unchecked onto his hand pressed there to her face. She hated the fact that she cried so easily right then. She didn't want to cry because that felt like giving up on him. Like she was mourning him and he wasn't gone. Not yet. Neither was she. She thought of the second needle in her pocket and what her plan had been. And she would have left a note on the writing book that it was to belong to him. Except now all she wanted to do was write more for him. For herself to figure out just what the hell it was that had snapped inside her and let the flood gates of this strange, huge emotion open.

"You're not dying. She's not dying, I promise. I'll do whatever I have to find her Norn water. I'll get Laura what she needs. You can't die, L. I'm serious. If you die I'm coming after you - even if I have to go to hell to do it. I'll yank you back. I'm not kidding." She was adamant, her eyes intent on his face now. There would be no dying today if she could help it.

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inmyownworld
2009-06-25 01:41 pm UTC (link)

"I love Laura," L sighed quietly. "But I don't know... maybe she doesn't love me. She has a thing for... for Gambit, that man... she was with him after the earthquake. While I was here... I don't know where she is now, but I should tell her, shouldn't I... she needs to know, even if I can't find her what she needs... or bring her back to life, she is so good to me. I want her to be happy, and to be alive and have children, because I know she has always wanted that. But, I know you're not Laura, Jenny," he said, eyes half-closed, but with earnestness in his voice. "We're both still alive. We protect each other by staying alive, so... so we can't die. That's how it is."

He was deeply touched, even through the numbing cloud of morphine he perceived the world through, when Jenny said that she would do everything that could be done for Laura. it was a wonderful prospect, to think that his lover would be cared for. But he clung to Jenny's hand, knowing that she couldn't go out to the drug store as she was. The fumes, from the spilled alcohol, drugs, and formaldehyde, were extremely dangerous. He could send Gambit into that mess, but not Jenny, as much for his own sake as hers. "Don't cry. We're not going to Hell. We'll see tomorrow, and take care of ourselves and each other. It'll be all right." that's what the morphine was telling him, at least.

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 03:27 pm UTC (link)

"She loves you. How could she not love you?" The idea didn't seem possible. Not with the way she was feeling about him herself right now. Even if Laura maybe didn't love him romantically - she couldn't fathom that either or the whole idea that maybe Laura was falling for Remy - Laura couldn't not love L. "Rem - Gambit is just a charmer. He's either a big flirt or just a johnny come lately. She's stupid if she falls for that when she has you."

Jenny had been so sure that he wasn't talking to or about her that she had never heard him say her name even though he had. It took a minute for that to sink in. He was talking about her? Her brows furrowed slightly and she looked confusedly at him. "L, what are you talking about?" she asked quietly. "What did you mean when you said we always find each other? That you won't die until I do?"

She'd only touched on the surface of reincarnation and past lives when doing research. It had never occurred to her that it might be real. It still wasn't. She was completely bewildered by what he had said and concerned again that maybe she'd overdosed him. It wasn't like she'd known the proper dosage to give him. Suddenly that seemed so reckless and she wished she could turn back the clock to do it over.

When his hand tightened around hers, Jenny felt simultaneously the desire to turn around, run away, and the desire to climb onto the cot beside him. She wanted to hide from him. She wanted to be close to him. "Okay, okay," she murmured over and over to him even as she continued to cry, frozen in place by indecision. She was terrified that when he came out of the morphine haze he would remember that he was supposed to hate her. "I'm sorry," she whispered almost inaudibly.

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