InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Dance! Dance for animalia!"

Jenny Schecter (dont_f_withme) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-06-22 23:40:00

Entry tags:

!complete, day 12, jenny schecter, l lawliet, location: gym

Day 12: 3PM
Who: Jenny Schecter & L Lawliet
What: First meeting
When: Day 12: 3pm
Where: The gym
Rating: TBD, PG for now
Status: Active

Jenny had her nose in the journal as she hobbled along with the makeshift crutches. She was busily scribbling as she made her way, haltingly, back to her cot. It had been a long day since the sun had come up. At least for her it had. So much had happened. So much was going to happen. There was something new happening in the journals too. Some strange person interjecting into her writing. That shouldn't have been happening, it wasn't right.

Sneaking back into the gym was a lot easier than sneaking out. All she had to do was pretend she'd gone for a short, healing walk and was just returning. Returning was always less noticeable than leaving for some reason. No one seemed to think it strange that she was coming back from somewhere unseen. Coming back meant she was going to continue the regimin set out by the doctors to help her legs heal. Why would they stop and question that?

She was so distracted that she wasn't sure where she was going until she bumped into a cot and nearly fell down onto the occupant. The makeshift crutches flew sideways and clattered to the floor beside the cot as she unceremoniously fell to the floor instead. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" she asked the person in the cot.

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 12:21 pm UTC (link)

Butterflies fluttered several times while she read those words to L. Something about them being read out loud felt extremely intimate. She'd written them herself and they hadn't affected her this way as they slid onto the paper from her fingertips. But now, reading them, it felt like making love. No, something even more intimate than that. Was there something more intimate than that? Yes, apparently that was what this was. It left her feeling a bit breathless and the last few words were barely a whisper caught in her throat.

When she looked up at L from the page, everything she'd said and done as the Insider seemed to evaporate into nothing. His expression was so strange though that she wasn't sure she hadn't given him too much morphine. That thought made her heart skip and quickly leaned toward him, the book falling away in a clatter on the floor. He spoke then and Jenny had no idea of what he'd relived. But perhaps that was what she'd felt as she read to him. Taking his hand in hers she kissed it and rested her cheek against it.

Deciding he must think she was Laura in his drug-induced serenity, she answered, "I did, yes." She could give him that. She could give him Laura if that was what he most wanted. "I love you, L," she said honestly. It was true. It wasn't enough to explain how she felt right now though. "Which is why you're not allowed to die, you hear me? I know what you wrote, what you keep writing. You can't. You understand me? You can't go."

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inmyownworld
2009-06-25 12:56 pm UTC (link)

L could hear Jenny's voice changing as she read the words that made time and space relative. He could understand what was happening with unusual clarity, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that his over-busy mind had been narcotically subdued. He had been on morphine enough now to know how it was supposed to feel, and this went beyond the usual drowsy highs and lows. It was profound, and Jenny knew it, too.

"I won't... I won't, because most living creatures die alone, even if they are surrounded by life. Especially if they are surrounded by life... and every path to death is different. I am often alone... but we're the same, because we have never, ever died alone. It doesn't matter if we're miles apart or as close as two people can possibly be. Whether we've been together from birth or only met for an instant, we've followed each other since the beginning of time in and out of life. We always find each other, Jenny... we don't live if the other is dead. So, I won't die... not until you do."

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 01:19 pm UTC (link)

In order to keep up the charade of being Laura for him she would have had to say she was already dead. Sometimes she felt that way. That was why she'd done so many of the drastic things in her past. She'd always been looking for that one person to complete her because she knew part of her was missing. Instinctively felt it in such a deep and sheltered place inside of her that she wasn't sure she could hear anymore of what he was saying. It was too much. Too special and meant for someone else. He should be telling Laura.

"Shhh, I'm not Laura, L. You should be telling her this. Wait for her and tell her. She needs to hear it. I know she does," she said, her voice catching in her throat again. Her heart ached. Ached for lovers who couldn't be together. For him in his pain. She felt responsible somehow even though she knew she wasn't.

Something profound had happened for Jenny. An epiphany of some sort. But why could it not have happened when she was here in this hell hole? When L wasn't floating away from her on morphine toward a daydream of his lover. It would have been so much easier for her to handle what she had learned about herself; what she was feeling. Whatever that was. She couldn't describe it but she knew she desperately didn't want it to end. For the first time in her life she felt like she belonged somewhere. Right there with L. Even if he wasn't feeling it too, she wasn't leaving him.

Tears slid down her cheeks unchecked onto his hand pressed there to her face. She hated the fact that she cried so easily right then. She didn't want to cry because that felt like giving up on him. Like she was mourning him and he wasn't gone. Not yet. Neither was she. She thought of the second needle in her pocket and what her plan had been. And she would have left a note on the writing book that it was to belong to him. Except now all she wanted to do was write more for him. For herself to figure out just what the hell it was that had snapped inside her and let the flood gates of this strange, huge emotion open.

"You're not dying. She's not dying, I promise. I'll do whatever I have to find her Norn water. I'll get Laura what she needs. You can't die, L. I'm serious. If you die I'm coming after you - even if I have to go to hell to do it. I'll yank you back. I'm not kidding." She was adamant, her eyes intent on his face now. There would be no dying today if she could help it.

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inmyownworld
2009-06-25 01:41 pm UTC (link)

"I love Laura," L sighed quietly. "But I don't know... maybe she doesn't love me. She has a thing for... for Gambit, that man... she was with him after the earthquake. While I was here... I don't know where she is now, but I should tell her, shouldn't I... she needs to know, even if I can't find her what she needs... or bring her back to life, she is so good to me. I want her to be happy, and to be alive and have children, because I know she has always wanted that. But, I know you're not Laura, Jenny," he said, eyes half-closed, but with earnestness in his voice. "We're both still alive. We protect each other by staying alive, so... so we can't die. That's how it is."

He was deeply touched, even through the numbing cloud of morphine he perceived the world through, when Jenny said that she would do everything that could be done for Laura. it was a wonderful prospect, to think that his lover would be cared for. But he clung to Jenny's hand, knowing that she couldn't go out to the drug store as she was. The fumes, from the spilled alcohol, drugs, and formaldehyde, were extremely dangerous. He could send Gambit into that mess, but not Jenny, as much for his own sake as hers. "Don't cry. We're not going to Hell. We'll see tomorrow, and take care of ourselves and each other. It'll be all right." that's what the morphine was telling him, at least.

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dont_f_withme
2009-06-25 03:27 pm UTC (link)

"She loves you. How could she not love you?" The idea didn't seem possible. Not with the way she was feeling about him herself right now. Even if Laura maybe didn't love him romantically - she couldn't fathom that either or the whole idea that maybe Laura was falling for Remy - Laura couldn't not love L. "Rem - Gambit is just a charmer. He's either a big flirt or just a johnny come lately. She's stupid if she falls for that when she has you."

Jenny had been so sure that he wasn't talking to or about her that she had never heard him say her name even though he had. It took a minute for that to sink in. He was talking about her? Her brows furrowed slightly and she looked confusedly at him. "L, what are you talking about?" she asked quietly. "What did you mean when you said we always find each other? That you won't die until I do?"

She'd only touched on the surface of reincarnation and past lives when doing research. It had never occurred to her that it might be real. It still wasn't. She was completely bewildered by what he had said and concerned again that maybe she'd overdosed him. It wasn't like she'd known the proper dosage to give him. Suddenly that seemed so reckless and she wished she could turn back the clock to do it over.

When his hand tightened around hers, Jenny felt simultaneously the desire to turn around, run away, and the desire to climb onto the cot beside him. She wanted to hide from him. She wanted to be close to him. "Okay, okay," she murmured over and over to him even as she continued to cry, frozen in place by indecision. She was terrified that when he came out of the morphine haze he would remember that he was supposed to hate her. "I'm sorry," she whispered almost inaudibly.

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