WHAT: Leon gets the Space Panic Attack, Carol helps talk him down WHERE: V.A.L.L.O Mess Hall WHEN: Today WARNINGS: Panic attack, otherwise nah STATUS: Complete
Once upon a time, Leon Orcot had wanted to be an astronaut. He’d dreamed about it, and all his space adventures. He’d dreamed of exploring space with Flash Gordon and the crew of Battlestar Galactica. He’d meet and marry the Bionic Woman. He’d been a young, red-blooded American boy, of course he had.
Of course, he’d never been particularly good at math, and his science skills weren’t up to an astronaut level, and he’d much rather play sports outside than study, and it wasn’t like his parents could have sent him to some prestigious astronaut university, so the astronaut dream was replaced pretty quickly by the dream of being a pro football star, or maybe a major league baseball star, but Leon had always thought it would be kind of cool to go to space.
And here he was now, nearly 40 and in space. A weird space filled with alternate universe versions of a bunch of people he knew, looking for his stupid girlfriend who couldn’t just stick to one universe instead of hopping all over them, but still, in space.
He was not expecting the feeling of horrifying, bone-chilling panic. He’d been fine in the Waverider. He hadn’t been flying the damn thing, hadn’t had to look out of any windows. It had been just like being in one of the cargo ships he’d taken work in when he’d been trying to find a way across the ocean to find D. Just any old steel hallway. They’d docked on the V.A.L.L.O. and he’d traded one steel hallway for another.
And now it was time for Mess Hall, and he’d walked into it and looked up. It had taken him a moment to realize that the glossy, domed wall on the far end of the mess hall wasn’t polished onyx, or some sort of other stone that had crystals. No, that was space. The vast, endless vacuum of space, dotted with glistening stars and a far-off, blue-and-lavender nebula swirling in the distance.
And suddenly it felt like all the air had been sucked out of Leon’s lungs and into that vacuum. He’d never felt so insignificant in his life, so vulnerable. How strong was this glass? Would it shatter if they ran into some space rock? For that matter, how thick were these walls? Would they collapse like aluminum around them? No one would ever find them in the depths of space, though it wouldn’t matter if they did: death would be instant.
He leaned back against the wall, knees weak, and struggled to breathe.
Newcomers weren’t unusual on V.A.L.L.O. In the four years Carol had been here, she’d seen dozens come and go via the tree in the Forest, and she doubted it was ever going to stop. They had all learned to accept and adjust when that happened, whether it was a new person coming through or an old friend vanishing. It happened, and though everyone had their own reactions, they knew at this juncture that it was unlikely to ever stop.
These particular newbies were different. They’d come here of their own accord, through a portal in ships of all shapes and sizes, with some familiar faces among them. The world they claimed to come from was also called Vallo, but it wasn’t the starship everyone here had come to call their home over time. They said they had lost some of their friends, and they were here to bring them back; Carol was among them, apparently.
But newbies were newbies, and there were bound to be struggles as they settled in. She’d seen it before, especially among Outlanders, as they were deemed when they appeared; they came from all different times, worlds, and centuries, and sometimes it was tough acclimating for various reasons. Witnessing space spread out before you when you had always lived on a planet, grounded and tethered, only seeing the stars at night, it was a big one. It could be tough to stomach all the emotion that came with that.
So, when she noticed a bulky blonde guy pressed up against the wall of the Mess Hall like he was terrified to move away, assessing that he might be feeling some of those feelings was an easy call. She went up to him, an unbitten apple still held in one hand.
“Deep breaths, buddy,” she encouraged him. “Don’t look out there, look at me, all right? You’re fine. In through the nose, out through the mouth.”
Leon closed his eyes and focused on trying to force any amount of air into his lungs. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. And once it felt like he was no longer suffocating, he turned his head in the direction he thought the voice had come from, and then opened his eyes. He flushed a little when he found himself looking into the brown eyes of Carol. Oh, there was no way he was ever going to live this down.
“Oh, hey Carol,” he managed, and was embarrassed at how shaky his voice sounded. “How’s it going?”
“Better for me than you,” Carol replied. She didn’t act surprised he knew her; several of the group that had come up today knew some version of her, and she had known about the multiverse for a long time. She was over the shock. “Here, eat this. It’ll help,” she instructed, offering him the apple. “What’s your name?”
Leon shot Carol a dubious glare, for a moment thinking that she must’ve been fucking with him. And then he remembered that no, she wasn’t, she genuinely didn’t know who he was.
He bit into the apple, and took a moment to appreciate the flavour and the juices; it was better to focus on the chewing than it was to think about the yawning vacuum in front of him. He took a second bite, and said, mouth still full, “Leon Orcot. I can’t believe you used to fly around in that shit sans spaceship. I think I’d actually lose my goddamn mind.” He smirked at her. “Though, I guess that probably explains a lot, now that I think about it.”
Carol’s eyebrows raised and a muscle twitched briefly in her jaw. Part of her wanted to jab back, but she let the urge fall away and settled into a smirk of her own. “We must be friends in that other world of yours if you’ve got the balls to talk to me like that,” she commented. “Especially when I’m doing you a favor, Orcot.”
“Oh, is providing apples considered a favour now?” Leon asked. He probably should have been a little more grateful, but chirping off at Carol was familiar, at least, and at least now he wasn’t thinking about how in space, no one could hear you scream, but that wouldn’t have mattered anyway because if you ended up in space, you wouldn’t be doing any screaming on account of all the suffocation. “But yeah, I’d say we’re friends.” Friends that argued more often than not, but if Leon was honest, that was pretty much all his friendships.
Carol thought for a moment about leaning up against the wall beside him, but she decided to stay put where she was for now. She knew what it looked like when someone was overwhelmed by space and all it entailed. Orcot here fit that bill perfectly. She might not block every bit of the window from him, but for now, standing in front of him kept his eyes on hers.
“Well, friends don’t let friends have panic attacks. Unless they keep mouthing off, then this friend might reconsider that stance.”
“I wasn’t having a panic attack,” Leon grumbled. “I was just… catching my breath.” It had just been that he hadn’t actually been able to catch his breath. His eyes slid past her, back to the endless space beyond the window. He still felt… untethered, maybe, looking at it. Insignificant, definitely. But he’d been prepared for it this time. It hadn’t been some massive, abysmal jump scare. He took a breath and was actually able to pull air (sweet, sweet oxygen. He tried not to think about how the only thing keeping that oxygen breathable was a pane of something that looked a lot like glass) into his lungs.
“I think I’m okay now,” he added. “Though I’d be better with a fucking cigarette.”
“Keep dreaming,” Carol retorted with a shake of her head. Many had tried and many had failed, especially in public spaces. Smoking was strictly verboten on board V.A.L.L.O., and frankly, Carol approved. “Eat the apple. Much less likely to give you lung cancer.”
“Hey, for all I know, Space Apples are filled with all sorts of radiation.” He took another bite anyway. The apple wasn’t bad, all things considered. “Thanks, Carol. I uh…” He cleared his throat. “I wasn’t ready for that.”
“A lot of people aren’t,” Carol shrugged, softening just a bit and clasping his shoulder. “You’re fine.” She gave him a quick smile before pulling her hand away. “Which one of us are you here for, anyway?”
“Revy Lee,” Leon said, unconsciously adopting his Cop Tone, and this time he came prepared. The last world Leon had gone to, he couldn’t be certain that Revy was even going by Revy, and even if it seemed like people in V.A.L.L.O. were closer to their Valloian counterparts, he was glad he still had the small photograph he pulled out from his wallet. “If she’s not on the crew, she might be in the brig. I don’t suppose you know anyone who could give me a tour.”
Carol’s eyebrows rose in surprise. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but the photo Leon showed her and the name that accompanied it didn’t ring any bells. “Flattering angle,” she commented, “but no, she doesn’t look familiar. I haven’t heard the name either. Are you sure she ended up here?”
Leon pursed his lips together. Was he sure Revy was there? No. Was he sure that she was anywhere other than back home, with her Leon, and no memories at all of the last year and a half?
No.
But that wasn’t something he could say aloud. That wasn’t something he particularly wanted to admit to himself.
“I’ll just take a real quick look in your brig to be sure, thanks,” he said, voice cold. He wondered how many people worked on a ship this size; they couldn’t all know one another, could they? “Who would I talk to about that?”
Carol straightened, shoulders tightening at the change in his tone. “That’d be Command, the people you met when you arrived. I’d talk to Commander La Croix if I were you.” She studied him for a moment. Clearly whoever this girl was meant a lot to him, and just because he went cold, that didn’t mean she had to match his change of tone. She nodded toward the food line and in a kind voice said, “But come on, sit down and eat. If she’s here and I don’t know it, she’ll still be here tomorrow.”
Leon hesitated. He wondered if demanding not to go see her right this instance was in some way acknowledging that she probably wasn’t there. No. Carol was right; he might as well have something to eat. And besides, maybe Revy would just wander into the mess; there was no reason to believe that Carol knew everyone on the ship.
He shot a mildly trepidatious look at the giant window to space. He took a breath and steeled himself. If there was much of a chance of it spontaneously smashing and killing them all, the locals probably would’ve been more worried about it.