WHAT: Tracking down the undo-button for the swap ft. Porn Elf WHERE: Flea market, one of the forest villages WHEN: Today, midday-ish WARNINGS: Language, threats of violence STATUS: Complete
Vallo really had to go and make using the word ‘weird’ redundant. Teela was a little grumpy about that.
There wasn’t much better of a word to describe most of what happened around here, though. It was weird. Being here was weird. Their things and their people – like Grayskull, like Adam’s jet crawler, like Cringer – showing up here to accompany them was weird. Their existence in this place between dimensions, universes, worlds, whatever – all of it was weird.
She hadn’t been here when Catra was temporarily de-aged; she heard about it upon her return, regaled with stories by Adam, Adora, and Catra, but she hadn’t witnessed it. If she had, it might chart the top of her list of ‘insane things that happen in Vallo’. But maybe not, given the situation she was dealing with now.
Catra and Adora had switched bodies.
The ‘how’ had been easy to figure out. They had a theory already formed when Catra called her and Adam over to explain the situation, and Teela could confirm it. The bracelet on Catra’s (Adora’s) wrist was spelled, somehow. She could hazard a guess at the exact mechanics, but she knew better than to play around with guesses when it came to foreign magic. And here, in Vallo, most of the magic around her was foreign. She had learned to work with it and meld the two together at times, but this wasn’t the natural magic that flowed through Vallo’s leylines.
She didn’t sense anything malicious in it, either, to be completely fair, but whatever it had done, it wasn’t undoing of its own accord. Teela’s magic wasn’t undoing it of its own accord either. That meant they needed answers which was why she and Catra (in Adora’s body, she was still adjusting to that) had returned to find the person who’d sold them this particular bracelet, the jewelry itself stashed in Catra’s pocket.
“Do you see them?” she asked, gaze sweeping over the bustling part of the flea market they were currently passing through. She had her eyes peeled for similar jewelry but hoped Catra might actually remember the person they had dealt with. That was ultimately their goal.
Catra was getting a little antsy about this. Not that she didn’t enjoy this switch to some extent, let’s be real - she had actual physical relief from the last stretch of her pregnancy, wasn’t exhausted all the time, peeing wasn’t happening every hour around the clock. Movement was easy. She’d like it more if it was her body, but the one she was in wasn’t bad at all. Her wife was a hot piece of ass, okay.
But going out without the physical traits like she was used to - the heightened senses of smell and hearing, being able to see through pitch-black darkness without fumbling, claws - was weird. Walking around without Finn was weird. Every time she even looked at Adora with the slightest thought of being smitten, she turned into She-Ra (which wasn’t bad, but inconvenient when it happened mid-walking through a door frame that didn’t accommodate that new height). And while she loved Adora and everything she was, she did not care for about seventy percent of her wardrobe when she was the one that had to put it on. They had to figure this out quickly too – Finn was coming soon.
Catra is prepared for childbirth. Adora is not.
“This way,” she directed, not even a little bit close to being used to hearing what she said in Adora’s voice. “There’s a whole area dedicated to trinkets and the like, and I think it was on a table that sold antiques? It wasn’t anything brand new, I remember.”
Pushing some people aside – they were moving too slow, fuck off – she began to lead the way towards that aisle of tables. “If I don’t get answers today,” she grumbled, “I can’t be held responsible for who gets my fist in their face. It’s slightly self-indulgent. Adora’s hands are freakishly powerful.”
(Yeah. That was hot.)
Teela knew Adora and Catra well enough by now to know their mannerisms. From a spectator’s point-of-view, she was out with Adora: tall, blonde, radiating this sort of strong presence even when she attempted to be unassuming. But there was no way Adora would shove someone out of her way just because they were moving slowly; if anything, she’d turn sideways and try to inch past them, apologizing all the way.
The shoving was all Catra, and it made Teela’s lips quirk with amusement, able to see her friend peeking out even in the wrong body.
“Let’s try to hold off on the punching,” she encouraged. “I didn’t sense anything malicious coming off the bracelet. Whoever sold it to you might not even know it was enchanted.” She hoped that wasn’t the case – the seller not knowing, since that would make this puzzle even more complicated than it was already – but it was a possibility they had to take into account.
“Ruin my punching fun, why don’t you,” Catra snarked, the wicked mischief on her face probably looking way out of place. She didn’t think this was part of some dastardly evil plot, no, but it sure as hell was inconvenient. They had tried a few things - switching who wore the bracelet, repeating their words, Teela wiggling her fingers to do magic-y stuff - and nothing, so searching for some background history on this thing was their best bet.
It involved a lot of moving, sadly. Adora stayed home, frustrated (and hormonal), and Catra had to admit that it was a little weird to leave the vulnerable one behind. She knew her wife was in good, safe company if anything happened, though.
After some impatient browsing and table scanning, she honed in on the pattern of linen spread across a vendor’s - lace threads caught her eyes, and so did the merch sitting on top of it. Several styles of jewelry that looked a little aged and stones, statues carved out of crystal. It wasn’t advertised as a table that held magic trinkets (often distinguished because it was Vallo). Catra purposefully avoided those.
Manning the station was a middle-aged woman with glasses that made her eyes look massive, and she was currently tossing popcorn into the air so she could catch it with her mouth.
She was failing. There was popcorn all over the ground, and the pigeons were loving it.
Until Catra approached, fished the bracelet that they’d purchased out of her pocket, and slammed it down on the table. The jewelry clinked together, making sounds like wind chimes. The pigeons freaked and flew off and the woman almost fell off her chair in surprise. “You,” she began, not bothering with basic pleasantries, “sold my wife and I this bracelet and now we’ve swapped bodies. What gives, lady?”
For the most part, all Teela could do was follow after Catra until she tracked down who she was looking for. She really should have been braced for the way she approached the situation, given just who Catra was, but her eyes went nearly as wide as the poor woman manning the table Catra approached when she slammed the bracelet onto the table.
“Okay, relax,” Teela piped up, grabbing hold of Catra’s shoulders to haul her backwards just a little bit. Leaning over the table and glaring at this seller wasn’t going to do them any good, after all. She understood the urge, of course, and she’d probably honestly have taken a similar tactic if their positions were reversed. Today, she was here to play good cop.
“Sorry about my friend. She and her wife bought jewelry from you not that long ago. That bracelet,” she scooped it up and offered it to the older woman in a calmer fashion. “They’ve switched bodies, like she said, and we can’t determine how to undo it. I can feel the magic, but nothing seems to activate it. Do you know anything about it?”
The woman set her popcorn aside to study the bracelet, humming thoughtfully. “This bracelet is part of a set of two,” she declared after a moment. “I had no idea it was magical, got it at an estate sale. You’re probably gonna have to find the match.”
Catra made an indignant, Adora-sounding noise at being pulled back, as if she was a little menace! She was a hothead, yes, and half the time she could approach a situation with a more level head but today was just not the day.
So maybe Teela had cause.
Retaining a huff, she crossed her arms over her chest and offered a steely glare, taking her bad cop role very seriously. She was emphasizing the bit of arm muscle and–shit, she can’t just stare at this body to continue marveling at how hot her wife was. Tragic. “So, what, one presumably causes a problem while the other one fixes it? What’s it look like?”
“Gold instead of silver,” replied the woman, and just for the sake of being extra, she pulled out parchment, ink, and a quill to scribble down an address. Catra couldn’t help but roll her eyes into the next dimension. “They were very eager to sell the contents! If some of the items were cursed, I guess I can see why.”
“You didn’t think to contemplate that when you got this thing?”
“Nope!”
Teela’s brows rose at the choice of paper and writing instruments, but she chose not to comment. This woman gave the impression of someone who was purposefully quirky and carefree, and you know what? More power to her. It was a little much for Teela’s tastes, and she knew it was probably raising Catra’s blood pressure where they stood, but she was forthcoming. She didn’t hold back.
Everything was fine.
“Thanks,” she said, reaching out to accept the parchment and flashing the woman a quick smile. “Is this the seller or another customer?”
“Customer!” the woman chirped. “I bought the whole lot from the estate, real cheap. I made my money back and then some.” She grinned, apparently now fully at ease with them if she was willing to brag about the money she’d made on loot she hadn’t really inspected. It wasn’t a great look.
“Thanks,” Teela said again, this time with a little more finality. She reached out for Catra’s arm and tugged her away before any of the near-murderous thoughts she suspected her friend was thinking spilled out of her mouth. “Alright, so we’ve got a place to look. Does the address look familiar?”
Near-murderous was about right. Seriously. Catra’s eyes flashed a bit - turns out She-Ra could pop up when she was feeling testy, though it happened out of love most of the time - but Teela proved to tame her with the method of redirection. That lady was on the precipice of getting a fist for being a dumbass.
But, they didn’t have time for violence, and she had a pitiful wife to get back home to.
“Uh, let me…” Brows furrowed, she took the parchment from Teela to look over the address. “Next settlement over – remember when I made you go with me for that milkshake craving and an evil mushroom attacked? Around there. But please know if this ends up being a dead end I’m coming back here to destroy everything she’s selling.”
Stupidfucking–
“Teleport us,” Catra told her, stuffing the parchment into her back pocket. “Adora doesn’t get motion sickness so there’s no risk of me throwing up on you.”
Teela nodded, remembering just the spot Catra was talking about. She wasn’t quite to the point where she identified that village by address, but she could remember landmarks without an issue. She reached out, grabbed hold of Catra’s (Adora’s) arm, and with a swoop, they were off their feet and landing again somewhere entirely different.
They were at the village’s entrance, just outside the bustling town entrance. She pulled her hand back and nodded in that direction. “Want to stop for a milkshake on our way there?”
Adora not getting sick still didn’t mean she liked this damn trick. Even in this body, it felt – unsettling? Part of her braced herself for that nausea anyway, because maybe it’d sneak up on her with a vengeance. There wasn’t any. That was good, because she didn’t have time to get queasy.
Damn her wife and her perfect body.
“Nope,” Catra answered with a scrunch of her nose, and then retracted that statement - kind of. “After. Assuming we get what we’re looking for. It’ll be a victory milkshake.” Then she’d get Adora one too, because being nine months pregnant didn’t always have a lot of fun moments and she was doing so good and she just–
They had started to walk down the main street, and suddenly Catra felt like the ground was a lot farther from her than it was before. The change startled her, and she jerked her head up to look straight but she didn’t react quick enough. With the extra height, she had smacked her head into a hanging business sign and obliterated the wood when her forehead hit it.
It didn’t even hurt.
Catra stopped and blinked widely. “My bad. I didn’t–I’m She-Ra right now, aren’t I?” Yes, duh, that was fucking obvious when she was taller and she saw the golden bracers on the much thicker wrists. “Oh, goddamnit.”
Teela hid the amused smile behind her hand, looking up at a slightly dazed She-Ra and stifling a chuckle. It wasn’t until she spotted a man she assumed was the owner (if the angry stare he was leveling on them was any indication) that she cleared her throat and snagged one of those wrists and directed Catra closer to the middle of the road. She paused to offer the man a wad of cash, then returned to direct Catra onward.
“That was a very Adora thing to do,” she grinned at her, no longer able to hold off the laugh that had begged to burst free. “Do you know how to reverse it? She might be a little too intimidating for some poor sucker who didn’t know they were buying a magical bracelet.”
She-Ra might have come in more handy with their all-too-pleased-with-herself seller, but even she hadn’t been difficult. Just unconcerned, which was its own brand of annoying in this situation.
“Yeah, just…” A crease formed between her brows, letting out a huff of a sigh. Catra wasn’t used to being tall, like ever. Adora in her usual form didn’t obscenely tower her so that adjustment wasn’t hard, but She-Ra definitely was. “Give a moment.”
Adora’s had to help her several times through this. Turns out that just thinking about how much she loved her wife was an instant transformation trigger, and let’s just say Catra thought about that often. So much that it was outright damning and embarrassing, but at least Adora seemed delighted.
A few deep breaths, focus, and–
“There,” she exhaled, free from the golden glow of downsizing. Catra opened her eyes. “Sorry, it just keeps happening when–whatever, it’s not like I need to sit down and train this out of my system anyway.” Since it should be over real damn soon under the assumption that they were going to find this bracelet today. Looking around to pinpoint their exact block, she studied some street signs before pointing a finger. “That way. We just gotta find the house number.”
There was a row of cute little residential cottages, stacked flush side by side in varying heights and colors. Don’t mind Catra as she was stomping down the cobble-stoned sidewalk, not looking intimidating at all!
It was cute how susceptible Catra was to Adora’s powers. One loving thought of her wife and she shot up nearly a foot taller against her will. The control could be exercised – Adora seemed to have gotten ahold of it as her powers grew – but hopefully it wouldn’t be necessary. Assuming they could talk this person into giving up the sibling necklace, a switchback sounded like it should be simple enough.
Seeing Catra with steam practically pouring out of her ears was still funny.
Teela stayed in step beside her friend, reaching out to give her shoulder a squeeze as she scanned the numbers on the houses. “There,” she said, finally pausing and pointing at a light green cottage. “37, that’s the one.” She turned Catra toward it but stepped in front of her to meet her gaze. “Let me do the talking, alright?”
“I’m capable of talking,” Catra insisted with an exaggerated roll of eyes, but if Teela wanted to tackle negotiations or explain the situation – she supposed she could relent, or whatever. They approached the door shoulder to shoulder, and she was the one to knock on the door (not bang, she was civilized at the moment) three times.
Except - literally five seconds passed, and she got impatient.
The next knock was more of a fist ramming into the wood, making sure their presence was known. It did the trick. Someone opened up, and –
Catra blinked.
“Porn Elf,” she breathed.
Porn Elf, who was in robes and had their hair in pink curlers, with a facial mask on, with slippers, with that gold bracelet dangling on their wrist as they held a cocktail in their hand. Their eyes lit up in recognition and, gosh, weren’t they just absolutely delighted to see who was at their doorstep.
“My, my,” they all but purred. “Didn’t we all just see each other? And who is this beauty?” They gestured over at Teela, drinking in the sight of her salaciously. “My name isn’t Porn Elf, by the way. It’s Adorellen.”
Ador–ellen?? Catra snorted and bit back a laugh. But she was starting to struggle, and she had to hold her hand up to excuse herself – and she turned around to just cackle.
Porn Elf? Adorellen? Teela couldn’t decide at that moment which of those names were worse. But the former painted a picture of a person in her head that was oft-ranted about when Adora had been drinking. Apparently, they’d made attempts to recruit Catra into the adult entertainment industry? Catra always laughed like it was nothing, but Adora took it so seriously.
This was only going to add fuel to that fire, but for now, they had no choice. The bracelet was right there; they just had to explain and negotiate payment. Hopefully, Adorellen would be receptive to that.
“Hi,” she said, shifting to take up the elf’s full line-of-sight while Catra laughed up a lung behind them. “Teela. I’m Ca–Adora’s sister-in-law.” She was not, technically, but for ease of explanation, she stuck with it. Her talk with Adam was still fresh in her mind, but she would think about the feelings the term implied later on.
“I know this is abrupt and a strange ask, but your bracelet–” She gestured to the gold with pale blue stones glittering on Adorellen’s wrist. “Catra and Adora bought its mate, and it turns out they’re spelled. It’s caused–an issue.” She shot a look back at Catra but decided not to reveal more unless she elected to. “Is there any way I can convince you to let me buy yours?”
“An issue–like a fit of giggles?” Adorellen replied, a freshly plucked eyebrow quirked at the sight of Adora being hysterical. “Because that is definitely not her usual reaction to me, just where is that scrumptious look of death?”
“Please don’t refer to my wife as scrumptious,” Catra told them after taking in a deep breath, wiping the tears pinched at the corners of her eyes with a totally shit-eating grin. “It’s Catra–I’m Catra, that’s what the issue is.”
They blinked widely. “Oh.” Another blink. “Ohhhhh, that’s fun.”
“So the one you have–”
“–is supposed to fix it,” they hummed, looking at their wrist. “Hmm. Imagine that. And you’re looking to buy it off me?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid to ask how much Teela’s packing right now but so far I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Do you take Venmo, Red?”
Teela fixed Catra with a playful glare before turning back to Adorellen. They didn’t seem unwilling, which was good. Maybe they liked the idea of Adora owing them something; she hadn’t decided what the comment about ‘that scrumptious look of death’ meant. But it wasn’t relevant right now.
“Monster hunting pays,” was her explanation. She reached into her pocket for the remainder of her wad of cash. She’d expected this would come at a cost, so she’d come prepared. “I’ll reimburse you whatever you paid for the bracelet.”
The Por–Adorellen thought about it, rolling their lips together as they hummed. They almost looked like they wouldn’t cooperate, in which case Catra was prepared to throw that fist she’s been threatening to toss around all day but she kept her cool. Mostly. Her jaw tensed as the elf looked between her, and Teela, and the bracelet, and just hummed.
“Okay, listen, I don’t have time to–”
“Hold this.”
This, of course, being the cocktail they’d been nursing. It was thrusted into Catra’s hand and allowed them the freedom to unclasp the bracelet, dangling it before their eager eyes. “Because we’re such good friends,” they drawled, sending them a wink, “I’ll take the money. Maybe even a date, I do enjoy redheads.”
“Dude, like she said, sister-in-law,” Catra snorted, practically ripping the bracelet out of their hands. “She’s basically married.”
Adorellen pouted. “Why are you Outlanders so attractive and how are all of you taken?”
Basically married was a lot to take in, but Teela didn’t flinch. It was true, in a way; Adora and Catra also had very recent experience with versions of her and Adam from a future at home where they were married. It seemed like an inevitability. It seemed like a lot when she had just started really grappling with those feelings in a serious way, but none of that was the focus right now.
Whatever her mixed-up feelings may be, they weren’t mixed-up enough to accept a date with anyone else. She doubted even Adam, the sweetest, most non-jealous guy in the world, would be okay with that.
“Sorry,” she offered, all platitude and no sincerity. “But I’m willing to pay, so name your price. Monetarily.”
“Seventy-five.”
“Adora paid twenty for the one I have!” Catra squawked, shoving the cocktail back into their hands.
Adorellen happily took it back, nursing it with a happy, leisurely little hum. “The rest is an inconvenience fee. I was in the middle of relaxing before you tried to pass off punching my door as knocking. And a little more for all the emotional damage I receive from constant rejection. My heart hurts, you know.”
“Now I see why my wife always wants to deck you.”
“Eighty-five.”
“Seriously???”
“Catra.” Teela swept her friend back and got between the argument she was witnessing, expression set seriously as she pulled out the appropriate amount of bills. She could let this go on much longer – it was definitely amusing, and it was taking her some effort to keep from laughing as they volleyed back and forth – but she got the feeling Adora wouldn’t appreciate being kept waiting much longer. They were already on day three of this unexpected swap.
“We’ll call it at eighty and an apology for the inconvenience,” she said firmly, her tone leaving no room for protests. She held up the bills between two fingers and offered them out to Adorellen. “Deal?”
“Deal,” they answered swiftly, nabbing the offered cash and thumbing through the bills to ensure that the amount was correct – never could be too careful, you know. “A pleasure doing business with you ladies, and I do hope this solves your little issue. Aren’t you still–”
“Pregnant, yep,” Catra cut them off and in an effort to do them a somewhat aggressive favor, she stepped in and shut the door for them so they could stop being face to face. There was a very loud rude! shouted from the other side. She took several steps away from the house before turning back to Teela and offering her the bracelet. “Before we go home, we need to be sure - it’s got that same magic vibe, right? We didn’t just hunt down a bracelet that’s got no properties that can fix this?”
The famed Porn Elf. That was a fun encounter. Teela couldn’t wait to regale Adam with all the details when she got back to Grayskull, but for now, they still needed to focus on the task at hand. They could very well have paid Adorellen for a completely useless bracelet right now, but she had a good feeling as she accepted it into her hands.
Her eyebrows immediately raised when she closed her hands around the cool metal and stones. “Oh yeah,” she confirmed, licking her lips. The magic was strong, just like on the silver band that had caused this problem to begin with. Sharp and tart; she could taste it.
“That’s it. Same magic. This should undo whatever’s been done. And, if I’m suspecting correctly, undoing what’s been done might kill the magic altogether and leave you with some pretty souvenirs.”
She couldn’t claim that for certain, but the magic in Catra’s original bracelet had definitely dulled by the time she’d come over to examine it. It hadn’t had enough zest left to help them swap back, and the Power wasn’t what had caused the problem so, predictably, it hadn’t been able to undo it. But she was confident this gold band could.
Catra sucked in a deep breath of relief. “Okay, good – because I don’t think Adora can take much more of this.” Not that she wasn’t a trooper or anything, but she had months of getting used to her body’s changes and it’d had been her norm for almost a year now (yikes, how the fuck). Adora experiencing it all at the tail end of it was, uh.
Not fun for her.
After taking the bracelet back, she pocketed it for safety. “One last teleport without vomiting back to Darla?”
“One last teleport,” Teela agreed with a chuckle. She reached out for her friend’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze before she swept them off their feet and off to Darla. She was glad this would be over soon, for both Catra and Adora’s sakes.