Ronan Lynch (alteridem) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-05-27 07:36:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, the raven cycle: adam parrish, the raven cycle: richard campbell gansey, the raven cycle: ronan lynch |
There were drugs to take for the throbbing headaches, of course, but he hated feeling so out of his body. It made him nervous about his dreams, so he kept his dosage sparing and far apart. He was currently feeling every inch of his head wound.
Someone here could probably heal him with a snap of their fingers, but it felt wrong somehow, using magic when a little time would do just fine. His head was banged up; he’d have a wicked scar. The occasional dizzy spell, forgetfulness, and raging fucking headache seemed like a fair price to pay for not being dead.
That didn’t mean he was a good patient, by any means. He was currently creeping out the back patio door, hoping everyone was too busy to notice him gone for a bit. Just a quick turn around the farm to check on things and then he’d be back on the couch before anyone was the wiser. Easy fucking peasy.
The back door opened with a godawful shriek. Ronan grumbled under this breath. “Motherfucker.”
Adam's whole body seemed unable to settle. Restless, anxious, worried—all of it formed into an amalgamation of one solid stream of serious, forceful confidence. Adam focused better under pressure, because if he didn't, he would stare at the bandages around Ronan's head and come up with a shameful irrational list of things he could have done to prevent it. He was nearly circling a fight with himself about the last day or so, with the one caveat that he couldn't actually go back in time and change things. Adam had to live with his choices.
Those choices resulted in the situation they were all in now: Ronan was down for a few weeks, and while they were capable of delegating tasks, the gaping absence of his boyfriend left behind with the day-to-day on farm was undoubtedly felt.
He knew head injuries. He knew the rest and recovery involved with them. He knew how much he did not follow those directions making him a huge hypocrite now as he forced them upon Ronan. The only problem was that Ronan was equally stubborn in his own way and it was a game of chicken. Who would give in first?
He had been bent over a laptop taking notes with Gansey, sorting out responsibilities for the foreseeable future while he assumed Ronan was resting, when he heard the door. Adam swore and scrambled from the dining room to catch Ronan halfway out the back door.
"If you didn't trust us to handle things, at least give us the courtesy to say something first before you run off and do something stupid."
Gansey was hot on Adam’s heels, up a split second after his best friend and following him. He had wanted to give Ronan the benefit of the doubt, but he’d seen everyone else in the house go some other direction in the last several minutes. He remained optimistic - hopeful - right up until he spotted the black clothes and petulant expression.
Gansey sighed. “I was rooting for you, Ronan.” He meant it to sound a little disappointed, to give Ronan something to think about. They’d been through a lot recently, Gansey still had a shirt in the laundry covered in Ronan’s blood, a memory all too fresh on his brain to let him get hurt again. There had been too many times now in his life where Ronan had been injured in front of him. Blood, death-- He had to force himself into taking a steadying breath. “I know you’re stubborn, but you need to be resting. Would it help if we joined you?”
Ronan probably could have ran. He might've fallen down the patio steps and broken something but at least he wouldn’t be standing in his doorway with his forehead against the frame while his boyfriend and best friend read him the riot act. His head pulsed, like someone was setting off underwater explosions inside his skull.
It did nothing to dull the guilt from worrying and disappointing them both.
“Jesus, you two…” He couldn’t even say he hadn’t been making a run for it. That would be lying. “I was only gonna be a fucking minute,” he grumbled petulantly as he stepped back inside and let the door fall shut. His shuffle towards the living room was unsteady. Even though he knew he’d just proven otherwise, he stubbornly said, “You don’t have to babysit me. I know you both have shit to do.”
Trying to maintain a strong, unaffected front was difficult when he watched Ronan attempt to stave off the obvious pain he was in. Part of him wanted to be spiteful, to make him deal with the consequences of his choices. But the larger part of him, the part that spoke the loudest, pushed Adam to take one, two, three steps toward Ronan in concern. But his boyfriend was already brushing past him and Gansey to the living room with an uneasy gait. They had won this tiny, tiny battle.
"How do you know the shit we have to do isn't babysitting you?" Adam asked, exchanging a look with Gansey. They needed to move their workspace to the coffee table. They needed to be more vigilant. So much for giving Ronan the benefit of the doubt. "We're going to walk you through everything we're doing to ensure everything keeps running, but you have to do us a favor and stay put. I know that's hard for you, but it's the situation we're in."
And then, softer, Adam said, "Please. You're going to rip open stitches if you haven't already."
Gansey smirked just a little at Adam’s tone, enjoying it probably more than he should. He took a little deviance in his path following Ronan to grab the first aid kit, painkillers and a bottle of water. Just in case. When he caught up, he set the kit down on the arm of the couch, and pulled out a few painkillers and offered them out to Ronan, knowing there was a chance they’d be turned down. “They’re the light ones. Nothing strong.”
He stayed nearby, watching with concerned, pinched eyebrows. He figured Ronan wouldn’t like it if Gansey just started poking at his head, so taking a general look at the damage, to visibly check for any blood or pulled stitches. He settled his other hand on Ronan’s shoulder, letting the brace rest there, “We made Sydney sit through that horrendous interview, and you’ve trusted her with your abilities. Now it’s time to let her and Matthew handle the farm things. Let them prove they can take on a little extra. We all can.”
Ronan didn’t hate the fussing. He didn’t even hate the bossiness. Feeling weak and disconnected from the life he’d carved for himself here? Now that fucking stung. It wasn’t like he didn’t know they could all run this place just fine without him. And it wasn’t like that didn’t give him comfort and pride in his family. It just also itched.
Maybe he was getting too up his own ass. He was a Lynch, not a linchpin
He tripped the last step on the way into the living room and tumbled down onto the couch with a pained grunt. His fingers came up instinctively, running over the bandages at the back of his head, and then he held them up in front of his face. No blood. The pills Gansey offered caught his attention and he took them, but it was an automated gesture. He just sat there holding them after that.
“I trust all of you, okay?” he mumbled. “I’m not worried things aren’t handled, I’m just--” He scowled and exhaled. “It doesn’t matter. Where’s the remote?”
"You're just what?" Adam asked. Not because he didn't know the answer—he could make an educated guess—but because he wanted Ronan to voice it. Needed him to. For as much as Adam and Gansey could delegate, and Matthew and Syd could maintain, there was something else that Ronan would always bring to the table. And that was something Adam didn't completely grasp, as much as he tried.
He gave another worried glance to Gansey, happy that he was here to navigate this conversation and to remain a united front on Ronan's health, but they were treading a thin line. Much like Adam didn't like feeling ganged up on, he didn't want to do the same thing to Ronan.
"You can't say it doesn't matter and think we're going to let it drop—now turn a little, let me see." Adam was already moving forward into Ronan's space, gentle hands at the ready, to check the bandages for himself. He'd left convincing Ronan to take the pills to Gansey.
Gansey sighed, quietly. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, and let Adam take to doctoring Ronan while he held out a bottle of water. Next to him was the remote, which he was willing to use as bribery to get Ronan to take the pain medication, if necessary. For now, he was quiet and patient, glancing over at Adam through the corner of his glasses to gauge his reaction on the head wound.
“If it’s too much, we can take Bonnie up on her offer to help speed things along - but that’s solely your choice.” He reached over and turned on Animal Planet, before dropping the remote down at Ronan’s side without much of a fight, so much for using it as leverage. When Ronan was hurting, he was admittedly weak. “Do you want anything else? Besides us being less annoying? Because that isn’t going to happen when it comes to you.”
Ronan’s scowl deepened and he was glad Adam was focused on the back of his head so he wouldn’t be as easy a target to glare at. None of this was Adam’s fault, or Gansey’s for that matter. But even though he was better at talking about things these days, that didn’t mean Ronan was actually good at it. He picked up the remote and flipped it around uselessly in his hands, chewing on his lip in the process. His fingers drummed against his thigh.
He refused to say the words I need this place to need me as much as I need it. At least he refused to say them sober.
“I just feel cut off,” he grunted. “I know it’s just a farm, but it’s not just a farm. It’s--” He knocked against his sternum and then pulled his hand away from his chest, fingers spread in a frustrated gesture. “I don’t have the fucking words. Can you assholes just sit down for a bit?”
Adam's hands were noticeably delicate as he checked the bandages on the back of Ronan's head. Adam checked in a economical, deliberate way, like someone who knew what to look for and how long Ronan might let him. A deep furrow of concern crossed his face as he worked—he hated this. He hated that Ronan was hurt and he couldn't just fix it. Gansey was right, it had to be Ronan's choice to employ Bonnie's help. But that didn't mean Adam had to wait around happily until he made that decision. His movements stilled, when Ronan spoke. Adam hadn't expected an answer to come that easily, but he suspected that Gansey's prodding and general presence coaxed him into it.
He sat down beside Ronan on the couch, because Adam felt a little stunned into doing whatever he asked. "You're not cut off," Adam argued, but not unkindly, lacing his fingers through Ronan's. "Gansey and I can talk you through everything we're doing, and if you hate it, we'll—" Another glance at Gansey, more worried this time, "—figure it out. You call the shots, Ronan. It's your farm. There is a ton of shit we have no idea how to do here."
Adam gestured between himself and Gansey. "But we also need you to recover because it's not like you scraped your knee."
Gansey slid down onto the sofa slowly, without complaint. He stopped himself from checking Ronan’s head right after Adam was finished, though - telling himself that Adam was perfectly capable of looking after it. Gansey could get away with a lot, but figured Ronan was inherently more tolerant of their bullshit when Adam was involved.
Gansey nodded in agreement with Adam, his gaze at Ronan softening even further. “Adam is right. The more you rest and follow the rules, the quicker you’ll be back on your feet and able to make sure everything is running smoothly again. We can limp along until then.”
He squeezed Ronan’s shoulder with his good hand. “Part of the reason the barns is important to us us because it’s a piece of you. But your health comes first.” He paused abruptly, aware he was now sounding a little desperate. “It has to, Ronan.”
Ronan sagged down into the couch now that he didn’t have Adam fussing at the back of his head. He couldn’t sink as much as he normally would have, not when just the brush of the couch back against his head made a zip of pain shoot across his skull, so he slumped at an angle, resting against Adam’s shoulder and pressing a knee into Gansey’s leg. His eyes drifted shut for a second.
“I know all that.” The childish tone didn’t match his angry expression but they were used to his emotions manifesting as anger even when they were much more complex. “It’s just not the same, everyone else doing it. Would it really kill me to walk around and see the animals? I left some tools and materials out by the gr--project I was working on. What if it rains and they get ruined? Can I really not feed one fucking cow?”
He was aware he was spiraling and sounded like an idiot. The pills were still in his clamped hand and he was tempted to take them just to shut up. He scowled, instead, and crossed his arms over his chest with a huff.
Adam knew that stubbornness in Ronan's voice, he had prepared himself for Ronan digging his heels in about this. Adam had reached a point where he could push back, and they would loop along in one endless circle about what Ronan was capable of doing around the farm during his recovery. Or Adam could let Ronan go be reckless until he hurt himself more just to prove a point. Neither option sounded appealing.
"It could, though," Adam said to Ronan's hypothetical question. He was the biggest hypocrite, given his own previous situation, but a busted ankle was nothing compared to the injury conveniently hidden behind bandages. "You've just decided you don't want this anymore," Adam gestured toward Ronan's head, "and that's not how it works. Let us take care of you."
He sighed, a soft regretful thing. "But sure, go feed the cows. If you can make it out to the first barn without passing out from the mental or physical strain first." He shot a look to Gansey that was a silent, Don't let him call my bluff.
Thankfully, Gansey caught onto the bluff, and backed Adam up with the challenge - knowing the risk versus reward could go badly here. But it wouldn’t be the first time he’d fought a battle against Ronan’s stubbornness, and wouldn’t be the last.
In a way, Gansey liked the challenge. He hated, to the deepest part of his heart, when Ronan was hurting - both emotionally and physically - but some part of him liked getting to be one of the people that was let in enough to help.
“Have at it.” He was bad at casual, but he could back up Adam when necessary. Even as he said the taunting words, he lifted a leg to drape it over Ronan’s knee. “I can’t promise Sydney won’t say something to get herself fired, though. And then where would we be?”
For once, Ronan wished he was more of a liar. He wanted to tell them both there was nothing to worry about and that he could make it to all the barns and not fucking pass out. But the truth was he’d had a dizzy spell just coming down the fucking stairs. And if he was as honest with himself as he was with other people, he’d admit that he felt better in the two minutes they’d been sitting here, with all their points of contact grounding him, than he had since he struggled out of bed.
“You’re both...a giant pain in my ass,” Ronan sighed. He reached over to take one of Adam’s hands and rested his other arm on the leg Gansey had draped over his, tapping the remote against Gansey’s knee. “Also Syd talks shit all the time and still has a job so you really need to step up your threats, old man. Parrish had the right idea. The chance I might pass out in some cow shit somewhere and not be found for a while is horror movie shit.”
Adam's eyes lit up when Gansey played into this tough love situation. If he could bump fists with him behind the back of the couch, where Ronan couldn't see, he would have. He got an discreetly imperceptible nod in solidarity instead.
With his hand in Ronan's he brought it up to his lips, pressing them softly against his knuckles one by one, as if that was the source of Ronan's pain he could push away. Were he in front of anyone else, Adam might have balked at unabashed displays of affection, but Gansey was safe. Gansey understood. Adam didn't linger though, only murmured against the back of Ronan's hand: "You wouldn't have us any other way, so complain about something else that matters."
He eyed Gansey's strategic leg over Ronan's and subtly hooked ankles together with Ronan. "Syd could say dragging you unconscious out of cow shit is above her pay grade and quit, too. You don't know where her limits are yet," Adam said, then added, "We could arrange to have someone with you for light activity like feeding the animals, if you don't think it's babysitting."
Now that Ronan was effectively pinned by them both in the most casual manner available, Gansey allowed himself to smile a little. Being called a pain in the ass was usually a win, so Gansey would take it. Even if it made him sigh, just a little. But he had Adam for solidarity, and the knowledge that Ronan was staying put, and all of that went a long way to settle into the couch like the warmth that spread through his chest.
“For limited times, to start.” Gansey agreed with Adam’s suggestion, nodding at them both. “And then, as you get stronger, for longer times. But,” He finally let his voice kick back up to a little firmness, leveling a stare at Ronan. “You have to be honest with us, and no sneaking out the backdoor. We just want to help you, Ronan.”
Watching Adam kiss his knuckles made Ronan’s heart do something embarrassing. He tried to keep it from showing on his face but settled for hiding his face in Adam’s shoulder instead. He couldn’t hide long enough to get the warmth in his chest back under control, but he was used to that. And it helped that they were both being pushy still.
“Jesus,” he grumbled. “Alright already. Ease off, message fucking received.” Fatigue was creeping in as the ache in his head intensified. For fuck’s sake, he hadn’t even been awake an hour. He took a deep breath and sat up. “I’m already exhausted and the day’s barely started. How dumb is that?” Ronan held the remote out to Gansey and gave him a softly pleading look. “Find something I can zone out on before you two have to go back to work.”
Not that Adam wanted to win any argument, and this wasn't really one, but Adam felt that somehow he and Gansey had won. Adam couldn't blame Ronan for wanting to skip recovery and return to handling things. Adam's own work ethic was equally self-sacrificing. But now was not the time.
"Not dumb," Adam said, as he squeezed Ronan's hand and let it go. "Expected. It's your body telling you to rest." Something hypocritical Adam tended to ignore. What was he and Gansey going to do right after they left Ronan to zone out on the couch? Work. What was something he needed to not do for an hour? Work. Maybe they could be more convincing if—
Adam slid down to one end of the couch, grabbing a throw pillow and tossing it into his lap. "Lay down," Adam said carefully to Ronan while trying to communicate his quiet epiphany to Gansey with a raise of his brow. His best friend had also been injured, and it was easy to forget that when he barreled into assisting Adam in lieu of recovering. "We'll both stay and watch for awhile."
“As you wish,” Without any hesitation, Gansey took the remote in his braced hand and pulled Ronan’s foot across his leg with his good hand, settling in to get comfortable. They could put off work for an hour or so, if it helped Ronan. This whole thing was about helping Ronan. It was easier to ignore his own anxieties and pain that way.
On the TV, he settled for something on one of the many animal channels, just as a pair of cheetahs pounced on their prey. With a wince, Gansey adapted his best old-british-man accent and started narrating. “The female, slower to realize the danger, is set upon by the two cheetah brothers, glorious in their synchronized movements… It’s a surprise attack of epic proportions.”
Ronan blinked down at the pillow in Adam’s lap for a second, unmoving. He wanted to lay down, obviously, but he also knew they had their own shit to do plus his shit to do and--
It was only for a little while, he told himself, as he carefully laid down on his side. He felt Gansey adjust his foot and he took advantage, stretching his long legs out over Gansey’s lap so he could lay more comfortably on his side. It was just for a couple minutes. Even if his eyes were already drifting shut.
He smirked at Gansey’s goofy voice-over, not bothering to open his eyes, and looped an arm up under Adam’s knee to hug his leg. “It’s not over yet. Give her a second to recoup and maybe she’ll surprise you.”