natasha romanoff. (morethanstories) wrote in valloic, @ 2022-11-16 06:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: natasha romanoff, ₴ inactive: steve rogers |
As usual, she was up early. The house was quiet and the sky was just beginning to lighten outside as she made her way down into the kitchen. She’d given Kate the morning off from training, mostly because she had something else important to take care of.
She figured Carol was likely still furious with her. That was something she was prepared for, something she could handle. What she didn’t want, however, was Carol cold shoulder-ing Steve without him knowing why. Though he wasn’t aware of it yet, he’d become entrenched in everything alongside them. Neither of them had patrol that day, and so while part of her might have wanted to push the conversation back, she knew where she’d be heading.
She arrived at Morningside once the sun was up, an offering of fresh coffee in hand. She made a brief detour to James and Torunn’s apartment first. She slipped inside soundlessly and left a box of breakfast pastries for them to enjoy when they woke up. Once that mission had been completed, she headed over to Steve’s door and knocked. “It’s me,” she called out once she heard him stirring inside. She leaned against the wall while she waited for him to appear.
Steve woke up this morning feeling better rested than he had in awhile. All things considered, things were going very well despite the 'lost time' he'd been experiencing. He figured that would fade to the background before too long, so the only other thing that could possibly give him any trouble was that he was still missing a few people in his life - Bucky chiefly among them.
He heard a knock at the door and moved to answer it when he heard the familiar call. Through the door he couldn't quite tell but it sounded like maybe a bit of frustration in her voice? It took a lot to ruffle Natasha, so that just sped him up just a bit. He briefly glanced at his workout outfit and shrugged. It'd have to do. Tossing the towel onto the couch, he opened the door with a smile on his face when he saw her standing there.
The smile dropped a hitch when he saw that it didn't look like she'd rested half as well as he did and he wordlessly stepped aside to let her in, trying to keep his eyebrows from climbing into his hair. Maybe it'd be best if he let her speak first.
She returned his smile when he opened the door. Despite the current circumstances, she’d always be happy to see him. “Morning.” Natasha leaned up on her toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek before she entered the apartment. “Sorry for dropping in unannounced, but I have coffee.”
Of course he’d already picked up that something was off. Natasha could see that easily enough just by looking at the concern on his face. She set the coffee tray down on the counter and gave him a half smile. “You got a minute to talk?”
The serum meant that Steve never got the 'pick me up' of caffeine, but even before he was Super Steve, he'd developed a genuine taste for the stuff. They didn't have the fancier coffee options back then, it was mostly just taking it black or adding a bit of milk and sugar. Afterwards, he'd learned to appreciate the many flavors and types of coffee offered by the modern shops - and had really come to appreciate them during the Blip. It was interesting how it didn't even do anything for him, but it still felt like a necessary crutch for stress.
He touched his cheek after the kiss and watched as she set everything down. "Based on the presentation, it sounds like you might need more than a minute. But I'll give you as many as you need."
“I look that bad, huh?” Natasha teased slightly as she slipped off her jacket and folded it neatly over the back of a chair. She grabbed the coffees from their carrier and handed one to Steve. The warmth of them felt nice on her hands as she mulled over where to even begin.
“Carol and I got into it yesterday. Not a fight exactly, but she’s not very happy with me at the moment. Which is fine, and I’m dealing with that. But you’re sort of …adjacent to the issue, and I wanted to let you know what’s going on. That way if she starts avoiding you, or seems distant, you’ll at least know why.”
Steve didn't immediately think they were fighting over him, to his credit, but he'd say it was because he'd have to be more than adjacent to the issue so it wasn't a difficult deduction. "I'm sorry to hear that, but first let me say you don't look bad at all. That wasn't what I meant, you just appear to be tired and carrying coffee and I guess an argument with a friend can explain that."
He accepted the coffee and gestured for Natasha to take a seat if she wanted, or pace if she didn't. "But either way, I'm here for you. And for her, if she needs it. I'm guessing you're not here to ask me to mediate?"
“Unfortunately I don’t think mediation is in the cards for a little while.” Carol ran hot, and after the way she’d stormed out yesterday, Natasha knew that what she really needed was some space. She moved over to the attached sitting room and sat down on the edge of the sofa.
“We ran into some trouble a few weeks ago when I got all these new memories crammed into my head. Back home, Carol and I bonded a lot during the Blip. She was a good support system for me, and we got close. At a certain point it became more than just friendship. We were in love with each other, but fixing things had to be priority number one, so we put the rest of it aside.” She kept her eyes on him, trying to gauge his reaction to everything. In usual Steve fashion, he’d been listening to her intently.
“So when I woke up with new memories, suddenly we both had a lot of unresolved feelings for each other that we couldn’t do anything with because she’s engaged to Emmeline. We tried ignoring things, but I could see she was still struggling. And then you turned back up, and I want to make sure that you and I start out in a good place. So I told her that I’d moved on, with you.”
He took a moment to process all of that, took a sip of his coffee, and nodded. "Definitely adjacent to the issue," he confirmed. "I wasn't aware that with memories came the feelings as well, so that's an additional worry." He had a lot of questions to follow this up, because they'd talked about the Blip before and this wasn't an issue. Were they experiencing an alternate Blip on top of it? He'd have to shelve that. Their current problem took precedence.
"I see what you mean, though. Carol doesn't do anything halfway. Though how she's going to reconcile her current feelings for Emmeline with remembered feelings for you can't be easy for her. Moving on does seem to be the best option, for both of you, but it sounds like your feelings are still there, too. This can't be easy."
Natasha nodded slowly in response. It was true that the added feelings could complicate things further. “They are still there,” she paused, trying to find the correct words to express what she was feeling. “But I think maybe I’m more adept at compartmentalizing feelings than Carol is. Waking up with all of this in my head didn’t change the fact that Carol is getting married. So for me, while the feelings are there, I’m able to step back from them more. I think that’s why I was able to draw the line when she didn’t seem to be able to.”
She sighed and took a sip of her own coffee for something to do other than talk. “Where’s your head at with all of this?”
Steve leaned against the wall while Natasha explained the situation further and pressed his lips together for a moment when she asked her question. "I don't think love is something that simply fades away, in general." Like Peggy, for example. He wasn't going to suggest memories of love might be different than being currently in love, but that was the saying, wasn't it? Love is love.
"I think it's unfair for Vallo to throw this into your lives when she's on the verge of getting married. Unfair to both of you, unfair to Emmeline. But if I had a dollar for every time life has thrown something unfair at us, I wouldn't need employment. But," he paused, taking another quick sip of his coffee. "I guess the question really is what would happen if I weren't here?"
Unfair was definitely a word for it. Still, despite all the hurt and trouble it had caused, Natasha wasn’t sure she’d trade any of it. Even painful memories had their place. And while she knew in her heart that she and Carol weren’t destined to be together in that way, they still knew each other better than almost anyone. It was a rare gift.
Natasha leaned forward to rest her cup on the coffee table next to the sofa. “If you weren’t here, I’d still be the one moving on. Carol and Emmeline love each other, they’re good together. Whatever happened at home is still in the past, and we’ve both got different futures here.”
After a thoughtful pause, she stood up and made her way closer to him. “I wish this hadn’t all happened like this, but I need you to know this isn’t just me trying to move on with the first person to come along. You mean a lot to me, and you have for years. After I lost you to Ultron, and then again here…I just didn’t want to wait again. But if you’re uncomfortable with any of this, I understand.”
Steve reached to take her hand, still holding his coffee in his other. "I know, and I wouldn't have ever thought you would, but thank you for confirming it. All I'm trying to address is that there is at least a small comfort in realizing you've made the right decision, regardless of who is involved. Which means you don't need to feel any guilt in involving me."
There was a part of him that twinged at the thought that he might be moving on from his Natasha with a Natasha from a different timeline, so maybe he had something in common with Carol in a sense. But the fact that they were identical, but with some different memories, made him wonder if that was even a fair comparison. "I have to ask, though. Is she still going to marry Emmeline? Marrying someone while loving someone else… it feels wrong."
Relief washed over her when he reached out a hand. Less than 24 hours earlier, she’d been facing Carol in a similar situation and she’d had to stand by as Carol physically backed away from her. She understood why, of course, but it hadn’t made it sting any less. Having Steve bridge that space with his hand instead of widening it helped assuage some of her anxieties. As did his assurances that she didn’t need to feel guilty where he was concerned.
“I don’t know.” During their brief conversations whenever Emmeline came up, there was never any question that she and Carol would stay together. At least from Natasha’s vantage point. The actual wedding itself had never been brought up, however. “It didn’t feel very fair of me to ask. I guess that’s something that they’ll have to work out together.” She gave his hand a small squeeze before she dropped her arm back to her side again.
With a small exhale, Natasha came and joined Steve where he was leaning against the wall. They stood shoulder to shoulder (or as much as they could given their height differences), and she crossed her arms loosely over her chest. She looked out the large windows to the city of Vallo starting its day down below them. “I know this is a lot to put on you without any warning. I’m sorry for that.”
This Carol wasn't exactly the same Carol he knew. For instance, his spent the Blip patrolling nearby galaxies and helping other worlds affected by Thanos, only checking in on hologram calls (and he still wasn't sure how that worked across such long distances). But he figured he still knew her well enough that she'd work through this, probably after blasting meteors or punching a mountain. But she'd get through it. Carol Danvers wasn't the type to emotionally cheat on someone if she had any control over it - and she would no doubt find a way to get control over it. So Steve decided to let her work this out without him getting in her way and focus on how he could be here and present for Natasha.
"If this is going to work, we both have to expect things to occasionally drop in on us with little to no warning. Accepting that now will make it easier later, I think." He put on a soft, reassuring smile to accompany the words. "Besides, I believe you're worth it."
He was right, of course. Natasha knew if their positions were reversed, she’d want him to come to her with it. Still, she had trouble reconciling that for herself. She was an obsessively private person, and the thought of dragging him into all of this messy drama with her left her feeling uneasy.
He was still here, though. Despite everything, he was here, and telling her she was worth it. She wanted to blame it on her sleepless night, but she knew that had nothing to do with the lump of emotion that had risen in her throat. She tried to swallow it back down and quickly wiped at the corner of her eye. “You’re worth it too.”
With her swiping at her eye, Steve shuffled himself away from the wall and put his arms around Natasha. Sometimes a comforting hug could do as much or more than a passionate kiss, he'd found. He took a moment to just wordlessly hold her against his chest and let a little bit of time pass, because words like that didn't really need an immediate follow-up.
After a minor eternity, he loosened the hug enough to step back enough and give her a kiss while keeping the embrace and maybe provide a different kind of warmth. Then he gestured his head towards the bedroom. "Forget the coffee. You could use a nap. I'll skip my workout and keep you company while you rest?"
Natasha didn’t resist the hug. In fact, as she curled into it, she felt some of the stress in her shoulders relax for the first time all morning. She slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him back gratefully. Everything seemed a whole lot less overwhelming from that spot.
She returned the kiss and gave him a soft smile of thanks. When he gestured to his room, that smile shifted to something slightly more mischievous. “I’d argue, but who am I to turn down sleeping in Captain America’s bed?”
"I see that look," answered Steve, finally allowing his smile to fully show itself. "Come on, I can read while you snuggle up and catch up on your rest. Then we'll figure out how we want to spend the rest of the day when you wake up." He was definitely appreciative to see that she clearly looked like she was a lot less stressed and bothered, which was a huge improvement over how she seemed when she arrived. That alone would be enough to weather the day, no matter what Vallo might throw at them.
It did sound nice, and Natasha couldn’t argue that she was well and truly exhausted. She gave Steve a soft laugh followed by a nod, and headed toward his room. She didn’t know if it was Steve’s presence there, the release of some of her guilt, or just plain exhaustion, but whatever the reason, as Natasha lay down, she finally got some rest.