ᴍᴏɴᴋᴇʏ ᴅ. ʟᴜғғʏ (rubber) wrote in valloic, @ 2021-12-08 15:28:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: caroline forbes, ₴ inactive: stefan salvatore |
He’d worked late into the evening, long after the body shop had closed. He finally called it quits a few hours before opening, and went home to collapse into bed. Despite his exhaustion, Stefan’s sleep was restless and plagued by nightmares.
The following day, tired and still struggling under the weight of his future self’s actions, Stefan had to admit that he needed someone. Not just anyone. He needed Caroline. After wasting most of the afternoon, he showered and tried to make himself look at least marginally presentable. When he was certain it was late enough that she’d be home from work and have the kids settled, he headed over to her place.
He still felt utterly miserable, but did his best not to completely show it as he knocked on her door.
Stefan had indeed gotten the timing right and Caroline had just sat down with a glass of wine and some cheesy reality show queued up to watch when she heard the knock on the door. She set her glass down and headed over to open it. Seeing Stefan there brought a soft smile to her face. How many times had they stood right here, how many conversations had been had on this door step.
"Fancy meeting you here," she greeted, but the smile faded as she took stock. Despite Stefan clearly doing his best to mask it, it was easy to see something was wrong. Or at least weighing on his mind.
"Come in," she said and stepped back to let him through.
"What's wrong?" she asked as they moved into the living room.
He returned her smile as she greeted him, but Stefan immediately knew that it probably looked strained and definitely didn’t reach his eyes. His suspicions were confirmed when Caroline immediately invited him inside and asked what was wrong.
He felt awkward for wanting to immediately unburden himself to her, but tried to reason that if their situations were reversed, he’d want her to do the same. “I met with Bonnie yesterday,” he finally answered as he moved to sit down on the couch. “I noticed at your birthday party that she seemed...uncomfortable around me, so I asked her about it.” He bowed his head for a moment and ran a hand through his hair. “She warned me I wouldn’t like what she had to say, but I asked her to tell me anyway.”
If she was being perfectly honest, Caroline hadn't given much thought to the lives they all lead back home after her memory of such ended. It had been years after all since she'd even been home. Years in which her life had changed in ways she hadn't even been able to imagine before. It was hard. To listen to stories, to hear accounts, to learn of a life that no longer felt like her own.
But still, those things happened. And while she might not have lived it all. Others had. Like Bonnie.
And so Caroline knew exactly what the conversation would have been about. She knew the grief Bonnie felt was deep and real, and absolutely a reason to keep her distance from Stefan. She'd never deny Bonnie that.
Just like she couldn't deny the pain it also was causing Stefan. They were both her friends and she cared about them both.
"I'm sorry," she stared, her voice quiet. "I'm sure that couldn't have been an easy conversation." And something maybe she should have told Stefan herself, something she had grappled with doing so. But ultimately it wasn't hers to tell.
He shook his head. “I think this might be a first- feeling guilty over something I haven’t even done yet.” He turned his head to look at her. He could see the empathy in her expression and he felt just the tiniest bit better. “I’m sorry for turning up like this. I think I just needed to be with…” you. It’s what he wanted to say. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and forget about everything that happened in Mystic Falls for a while. “...a friend. Is it okay if I hang out here for a little while?”
Caroline reached for his hand and threaded their fingers together, giving it a little squeeze. "You feel guilty because you're a good person, Stefan." Even with all that was in his history, with the things he hadn't done yet - Caroline knew that to be true at his core. Life was messy, even more so when you lived as long as Stefan had, when places like Mystic Falls and the awful people they'd met exist. But at the end of the day Caroline always believed Stefan to be a good person. That he was so upset about this now only added to the belief.
"Stay as long as you want," she answered. They could get into the wine in a bit, distract with the terrible tv shows.
"It gets easier," she said, "distancing yourself from the person you would have been if you hadn't been pulled out of your life." There was a small pause. "Harder though sometimes too. For all the bad there is, there's good that you miss out on too.
Was he a good person? Stefan really wasn’t sure at the moment. God knows he tried, but the things he’d done…
Whether he truly believed he was good or not, Caroline did. If there was anyone he trusted, it was her. So maybe for the time he’d put his faith in that.
“Thank you.” He wasn’t in any rush to unlink their hands as they sat together. After the last day and a half, he’d take whatever small comforts came his way. Stefan leaned back against the couch cushions. “I don’t know. I think right now I’d take some of those happy stories over this.”
When Stefan leaned back Caroline shifted to lean up against his side, head resting against his shoulder. She knew she'd been avoiding telling him something that potentially fell under the happy stories umbrella (or at least she hoped it did, even if feelings were a mess and neither of them were from even close to when it happened it was still nice to think of, or at least she thought so). Not because she was worried about his reaction, just more that it was something she herself still struggled to fully figure out.
"Well…" she started, "we get married?"
It was automatic, the way he moved in closer and rested his cheek against the top of her hair. It was comfortable and familiar and he closed his eyes for a moment. He let the smell and feel of her fill his senses until she spoke again. Stefan’s eyes flew back open. He didn’t move, but he suddenly felt like every nerve was standing at attention.
Part of him almost wanted to ask if she was joking, but he knew she wasn’t. He’d felt her emotion that day they’d kissed on her porch, and every day since then he’d been coming to grips with his own. He’d finally acknowledged that their kiss had opened the door to feelings that had been steadily growing throughout their friendship. Did he see a future with Caroline? Yes.
Stefan squeezed her hand reassuringly and smiled. “I can see why you chose not to lead with that right after I arrived.”
While Caroline wasn't really of a mindset to be like hey let's go recreate this right now - she, like Stefan, didn't find the fact they did get married eventually shocking in any real way. Their friendship had steadily been growing stronger over the years and while she wasn't from as far along their journey as Stefan was, she even knew things had been shifting nonetheless. That something was changing between them, becoming something more.
"Well, it seemed like it had the potential to be a very awkward start," she replied with a soft laugh. "Depending on when in the timeline you'd just come from." After all there were a few years there were Stefan and Elena had seemed like nothing would tear them apart.
He responded with his own soft laughter. “Well I’d say you picked your moment pretty well.” While he was still upset with the knowledge he’d gotten from Bonnie, and likely always would be, it helped dull that ache slightly to think of happier things. “Though, it might not have been as awkward as you think. Right before I turned up here, we had just kissed each other for the first time.”
He’d gone back and forth on whether or not to bring that up to her here, but this moment seemed the most natural time to finally mention it. He didn’t, and wouldn’t, expect anything from her here. She was lifetimes away from their lives in Mystic Falls and if all they ever were was friends, then he’d still be grateful.
"I did not get that far back home," Caroline said softly, though a little bit of amusement to the words. It was always a weird thing. This business of people coming from different times in the same world. Or history from other worlds altogether. But Caroline had come to appreciate just having the people she loved with her when they were. The rest were always just schematics.
Stefan had always been a touchy subject with Derek years before, a lifetime ago it was starting to feel like. And Caroline knew even when she first showed up in Vallo sans her husband this entire conversation right now would have felt like the ultimate betrayal. Like she was doing something wrong. But time had started to ebb certain things. And while moving on still felt like a daunting prospect, at least in a meaningful way, it wasn't quite as big as it once felt.
And sitting here with Stefan like this, talking like this, didn't feel quite so wrong.
She sat up a little to be able to look at him, keeping their hands laced together. "I haven't really been giving a lot of thought to my future since I ended up here, at least outside Lucas, it just - hurt too much to show up here without his father and for a long time it was just… easier. To put my life on hold really," she said.
Her free hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and she shrugged a little and offered Stefan a bit of a sheepish smile. "I guess I still really don't - but I know whatever it holds for me I want you in it, for as long as we're both here. Whatever that ends up looking like."
Stefan’s expression softened as he looked back at her. He knew he was in love with Caroline, but he also knew that nothing would ever be simple.Not at home, and certainly not here. He would be content to be in her life in any capacity.
“To be clear,” he squeezed her hand again, “I’m not expecting anything. You’re my best friend and that’s all that really matters. There’s no right or wrong answer to any of this, and you’ll definitely have me in your life no matter what.”
Caroline smiled softly at that. She knew it of course - Stefan had always been so good at giving her space to grow and work out herself with soft guidance and support and never pushing her. She knew this would be no different. But hearing it was nice too.
"I know," she answered. "I really missed you," she added.
Caroline shifted to settle back against Stefan and grabbed the controller on her way. "And I missed making you watch terrible reality tv," she teased lightly and settled in to start up the shows she'd taped.