NOVERMBER 27 | SANCTUM | POST STRANGE SUPREME CONVERSATIONS
Grief can cause people to say and do things they wouldn’t normally mean or do if they didn’t feel like they were
drowning.
⚠
Talk of death and trauma
The last thing she remembered was hugging Dr. Strange, their Dr. Strange who they had fought to bring back, and then nothing else. When she opened her eyes again, it was light out with the sun streaming through a crack in her window curtains. A warm weight over her feet told her that Phoebe was at the edge of her bed, stretched out and relaxed. That knowledge caused a knot in her stomach to loosen. If her familiar wasn’t worried, then Roz was probably safe, and Dr. Strange really was back.
Carefully she sat up in bed, yawning as she reached for her phone on her bedside table. The battery was almost dead, but it still told her that it was the day after the other Strange had shown up at the Sanctum looking for her. It was mid morning, so she had been out cold for well over half a day.
“Sorry.” she muttered to Phoebe as she pulled her feet out from under her, causing the cat to wake up. Roz swung her legs over her bed, and took her time standing up. When the world didn’t spin as she rose, she felt a little more confident in her choice to get up. She was still wearing her clothes from yesterday, so her first stop was the washroom to get cleaned up and changed, which instantly made her feel better, before heading to the kitchen for something to eat.
No doubt Wanda and Dr. Strange were together, and she had no intention of disrupting them. She’d see them when they came out of their room, and that was just fine. She cut up an apple, made some tea, and then settled into what functioned as the living room with a book, content to read until someone else in the house showed up.
A lot of the heartache, Stephen slept off - or, well, it didn’t actually go anywhere. It was that he was just too exhausted to actually be conscious to even try to process everything, so the only thing he could do was stuff it into the back of the mental equivalent of a drawer and then maybe eeeease it open again later. Once he found a decent therapist, anyway - there was no getting around the fact that he sorely needed that particular kind of help.
Eventually, his body said he had enough with the sleeping for now - he emerged from the comforting cloak of darkness and his actual cloak, the red companion, flew to attach itself to the shoulders of the one it had bonded with. Stephen stretched to work out the kinks in his muscles, somewhat, even if he felt as tangled and knotted as a strand of Christmas tree lights - he was still wearing what he’d changed into to sleep (after ripping off the outfit Strange Supreme had worn), sweatpants and a Vallo University hooded sweatshirt. Maybe he made an amusing sight with the cloak, but that thing just wouldn’t leave him alone - fine. He told Wanda he was going to venture downstairs and so that was where he went.
One foot in front of the other. He had to try.
He smelled tea, and veered off to the kitchen to make some of his own. When he joined Rosalind in the living he had some of his favorite oolong, hot with steam wafting, in the mug she had gotten him for his birthday. “Can I sit?” he asked, hoping it’d be alright. He still had dark circles ringed beneath his eyes but that was less of the influence of Dark Dimension magic and more that he was simply tired.
By the time Dr. Strange found her, she was wrapped in a blanket, propped up against some pillows, with her knees bent up, book resting against her thighs while she held the mug close to her in both hands. This particular book was about activists in Vallo and causes they championed over the years. Roz was about to turn the page with magic when Dr. Strange walked in.
It was her Dr. Strange, she knew that instantly. He looked exhausted, but you could see the different between this Dr. Strange and the one who had found her yesterday.
“Of course.” she said with a smile, gesturing to sit down, wherever he chose to do so. “How are you feeling?” He might be back in control, but the other Dr. Strange hadn’t exactly been taking it easy. Roz could only imagine how much he was paying for that now. “I see the Cloak is refusing to leave you. Rightfully so, it was worried.”
In response, the Cloak fluttered at Rosalind - it stretched toward her, wanting to snuggle, and attempted to drape itself over both her and Stephen as he sat down. That made him chuckle a little. “I’m feeling a lot better,” he said, because fine was a stupid answer - and he definitely wasn’t fine. “I’m just - really sorry. I didn’t want to worry you.” Or the Cloak - of course he hadn’t. For awhile, the Cloak had been his sole companion - the only sentient thing that wanted to be around him, to dry his tears and give him comfort.
“I didn’t want...any of it.”
That was a big damn understatement. Merging with Strange Supreme, feeling what he felt, remembering how it had ended for him, doomed to watch over other universe’s trash and rejects for an eternity in a purple prism of solitude - it was horribly sad and wasn’t just a gut-punch. It was like a thick malaise. A wake that would never end. And he had to reconcile the fact that Christine was dead in another timeline too - or, well, the entire universe was gone, actually. Because of him.
Setting her cup of tea down, followed by her book, Roz pushed herself up so she was sitting straight. Roz took a second to make sure she acknowledged the Cloak, smiling as it reached out for her too, gently running her hand over the fabric, before shifting her focus to Dr. Strange.
“You shouldn’t be apologizing. It wasn’t your fault. It’s not like you had any warning this was going to happen.” At least not completely. Rox knew there was a potential fight for Wanda coming up, which she had warned her about, but what had actually happened? Roz never would have guessed. “The DOA even said they had no warning of his arrival.” Their arrival? She had no idea what the proper word there was. Or was she talking to both Dr. Strange’s now, and it was the new one who was apologetic? She wasn’t sure.
Not for a second did she think that he would have wanted any of that. Who would want any of that if they were in their right mind? The Dr. Strange who had arrived had been in such a state of grief, all of his choices were ruled by that. “Grief can cause people to say and do things they wouldn’t normally mean or do if they didn’t feel like they were drowning.”
It was just so horrifying - horrifying for Stephen, when he oddly felt as an outsider (because that wasn’t necessarily his life) to witness, horrifying for him to feel. He knew that, in his timeline, he was something of a wild card - his magic could be a blessing or it could be a curse; before, his unique cosmic perspectives and the fact that he had access to the time stone sort of tipped it over the line into blessing, because it wasn’t some terrible twist of fate. He’d lost the use of his hands - that was the motivator.
With Christine’s death being the motivator instead, that time stone hung heavier and heavier around his neck. He would have unmade the world to reverse the tragedy. He did - and paid the price for it.
“He was remorseful,” Stephen uttered quietly. “Realized that there was no changing it. That he’d have to work through the grief some other way.” There was no choice about that since he was alone with his grief - and would be, for the rest of an eternity. “Honestly, that was one memory download I could have done without, though.”
Rosalind had gotten one before - it had almost wrecked her, but she was working through it and now Stephen would have to do the same. He owed that to her, to himself - he wanted to set a good example, yes, but he also wanted to be there for her in a way that meant he was actually present and not drowning in that grief like he had been. “You brought me back,” he added. “Thank you.”
She felt sympathetic for this other Doctor Strange - to a point. She could understand why he was in pain, but there had to be a line at some point when it came to saving other people. Let at the expense of others not involved. What had happened to his Christine wasn’t fair, but neither was everything that had happened using that as justification. There were no winners in this, and she didn’t have anything really helpful to offer, so she just nodded her head.
“You’re welcome.” She said with a smile, “Just don’t ask me to do it again any time soon.” she added, trying to add a little light heartedness into it all. It would be a while before she could maintain that level of psychic power without repercussions. “And it wasn’t just me. Wanda was there too.” It might have been Roz’s power, but Wanda’s presence and words were also important. But he already knew that.
She reached down to pick up her tea cup again, not wanting it to get cold before she could finish it. “I’m going to need you to call my boss and tell him I won’t be working today, because I definitely am not going. Another nap is going to be required.”
“Of course,” Stephen agreed right away, with a twitch of a smile - no working, it was absolutely not necessary. “And - I’m definitely not going to ask you to do that again anytime soon.” He hoped any subsequent memory downloads wouldn’t be as devastating - that they would all be him, and not some version of himself where he’d have to go through that whole ‘you are your own worst enemy’ type of bullshit that he’d rather avoid.
But at least he knew that he had support here - that the bond between him and Rosalind and Wanda, the love he had for them both, had been the thing to tear his other self away from that grief-stricken downward spiral and help him actually rise to the forefront of his own consciousness.
He couldn’t feel Strange Supreme anymore. That was definitely a good thing.
The Cloak tugged him to the side, as if to say bring it in, and Stephen leaned to wrap his arms around Rosalind and squeeze her. “I love you,” he said - it was as true as anything. As golden as when stars were born. “Maybe we could go somewhere soon? Just, you know - out for spicy noodles.” Stephen liked those - spicy anything was his favorite. The Jjambbong from Angry Tofu, in the city, was something he’d gladly sign a waiver for. “So I’m not too much of a hermit in the aftermath.”
It was impossible to miss the Cloak tugging at Strange, and it was adorable how sometimes the Cloak had to take the lead on some social cues. Roz hugged him back, adding an extra tight squeeze for a little comfort.
“I love you too.” she told him, “And I’m glad you’re back.” She’d say that over and over again if she had to until he started to feel better, and then on after that. Roz knew what it was like to have memories mess you up, but at least she had never received memories of competing timeline.
There were plenty of excuses to get out of the house. Though she also had school, and her internship, and training to drag her out. But there were other reasons to get out too. “Of course.” Spicy noodles were easy, and delicious. “Plus Christmas slash Yule is coming up. There’s always reasons to get out before the insanity starts and people lose their minds over shopping.”
Oh, right. Christmas-slash-Yule. Watoomb, he’d nearly forgotten about all of that - time was moving so quickly, streaks of lightning, and it seemed like just yesterday when he’d arrived in Vallo. Now here he was - he had a whole future ahead of him, and that future would maybe include expanding the family. The holidays would be both bittersweet and exciting, with Iryna in mind - he would do the best he could no matter what.
“We should get a tree, maybe?” Stephen suggested. “And decorate the Sanctum for the holidays.” Everything would look extra festive in here - they could deck the halls with handmade ornaments, tinsel, wreaths, maybe something extra creepy like bird skulls (in honor of his hardcore daughter with her black is the only shade tastes and Thor-worshipping heavy metal music).
Either way, it’d be something he and Rosalind could do together, with Wanda also. Kady too, if she wanted to help. “Maybe we could add some shopping when we’re out for fresh air and spicy noodles,” he said and, whoa there, getting excited. But he wanted to make the holidays nice. Possibly even dig up some old family traditions from when he was younger too, things he hadn’t bothered to unpack since his sister had died. Now was as good of an opportunity as any.
This was Roz’s second Christmas (or maybe Yule this year?) away from her family, though the last one had been in Dark Vallo, so it hardly counted. This one would be difficult. Away from her family and most of her friends from home. Though Christmas could also be fairly intense at her house, she was also interested to see how this one was going to go. Hopefully with nowhere near as much religion, guilt, and intensity.
The Sanctum could easily fit multiple trees and ample decorations. But that sounded like a challenge that she’d be interested in. “Sounds fun.” she agreed, “Maybe bust out some music and holiday snacks and drinks while we decorate?” Egg-nogg? Peppermint hot chocolate? Something holiday themed and warm that went well with the decorations.
“Whenever you’re ready.” There was no need to leave today, or even this weekend. It could be the next one, just as long as they didn’t push it too far back into December. Today was still a good day to rest, in her opinion. She hadn’t been joking about a nap later.
Music, holiday snacks, festive drinks - Stephen didn’t know what to do with himself. He was actually kind of excited about it all, however - because contrary to the impression he may have given off, he wasn’t entirely a Grinch.
“Cheery,” he huffed a low rumble of a laugh. “I think we can make that work though. I’ll be a Yule elf by the time you’re through with me.” Not that he was complaining, not in the slightest. There was something warm and comforting about the holiday season - especially when you celebrated with loved ones, and were thankful for having them in your life. For him, it was all about that and approximately zero about the religious aspect - Rosalind could do whatever she wanted in that regard. He’d never pushed anything on her, figuring she was educated enough and old enough to make her own decisions about what she did or did not believe.
Whenever he was ready sounded good to him too. He relaxed against the couch cushion, head tipping back to rest. The mug of tea was loosely clasped in those red-lined, scarred hands - but his eyes closed, and it was possible he’d just nod off here while Rosalind read. “I’ll see how it goes - and without consulting the time stone, I’m pretty sure I’ll be ready to face the world soon,” he promised. “For now, I may sleep.”
That should be okay. He still had a lot of processing to do. It also helped if he made little checklists in his head - sleep. Wake up. Eat something. Find a therapist. Be thankful. Breathe.
Yes, everything would be just fine. Eventually.
At the mention of an elf, a memory from her past when Theo had briefly worked as an elf during the holidays surfaced. Theo had nearly been taken by a demon at the time. Since then the whole elf concept had lost its sparkle. But that wasn’t really a story that needed to be brought up. “Maybe let's leave the elves to be elves. Stick to hoping for a peaceful holiday.” She would take peaceful in a heartbeat.
“Go back to sleep.” she encouraged him, “I’m probably going to sleep more too before I go out tonight.” She had Sabrina’s celebration tonight following her joining Beketh. There was no way she was going to miss that, so she would take it easy all day before she had to rally. “Holiday planning will come later.”