WHO: Adam and Gansey WHAT: Adam has a lot on his mind, and goes to Gansey for help (and approval.) WHEN: Today, early evening, right before dinner WARNINGS: Nothing but fluff! (No tater tots were harmed in the writing of this log) STATUS: Complete!
Adam was full of wild and unprecedented ideas lately. Whether that had anything to do with his uncanny ability to tap into the overwhelming force of Cabeswater's powers, or scrying by using Gansey as a source to dreamwalk, or the beginnings of his training with Sara on the totems, Adam's energy was heavy and restless. So naturally he put his mind to work, burning through those straggler thoughts, those beginnings of ideas that had seemed impossible or far away. One of them, in particular, was the inevitably of Ronan Lynch.
It wasn't a secret that the two of them had discussed marriage like it was a fact rather and a possibility But Adam, respectable and rational, had agreed with whatever promise Ronan had made to Gansey. Waiting until they were adults and not to rush, it was practical. And after the fall of their senior year and Harvard looming above them, Adam didn't think much of this unspoken rule.
He was a patient person, and marriage wasn't something he had ever considered in his five-year plans five years ago. But Ronan was exactly factored in there in any meaningful way during the plan's inception, either. What a difference a year can make. Two years. Swiftly approaching three years together.
Adam was done waiting for an arbitrary date. And yet, all his determination couldn't seem to shake the feeling that he was missing something in this plan. Matthew had already enthusiastically given his approval. But he wasn't the only important person in Ronan's life. Or Adam's for that matter.
So after a rushed drive back to the Barns and through a waypoint, still in his coveralls from Boyd's, Adam dropped down at the kitchen table under the guise of watching Gansey cook and keep him company. But what he said after hey was, "I'm going to propose to Ronan."
Gansey had just been in the middle of opening a bag of frozen tater tots to place on top of the casserole he was making when Adam’s words hit him. He’d looked over his shoulder first with a greeting, a grin. And bam, pulled just a little too hard when the words hit him and tots went flying around the kitchen.
“Jesus--” Gansey was able to retrieve a few of them from rolling on the kitchen counter, stopping mid-way so he could turn and give Adam a look. “Hopefully you also catch him unaware, but not when he has sharp objects in hand.” He did make a quick glance around, but was relatively certain that Ronan was off doing something in the long barn. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t walk through the backdoor at any moment, but they should’ve had a little time, at least.
Gansey gathered up a few more tots. “Not tonight, right? I would have done something nicer than Mexican Tater Tot Casserole.”
That was not what he was expecting, but watching the tater tots fly seemed like an appropriate response. Adam felt a little scattered, too. Was he actually comparing himself to tiny frozen potatoes? He stood immediately and started to collect a few that had managed to roll under the table and by his chair. He couldn't tell if Gansey's surprise—and warning about not proposing to Ronan with sharp objects—was a good thing. He hadn't realized how terrified he had been to say it, and despite all his surety that it would happen, taking the steps to make it happen was terrifying. How did people do this?
"I—no, not tonight. I just needed to say it out loud, to you," Adam said, dumping the tater tots on the table. If they weren't ruined by being on the floor, they definitely were with Adam's grease-stained fingers. "And Mexican Tater Tot Casserole would have been fine if I was. I don't know how I want to do it, really. Or where. Just that I know I want to be the one to do it. And waiting seems..." Adam shook his head, shook away the thought.
"Everything is shit at home. But how I feel for him hasn't changed, it's not going to change any time soon. And I need him to know that." Adam crossed over to the sink and began to wash his hands, and then some of the dishes in there. If Gansey was cooking, Adam could at least clean up.
Belatedly, Adam added, "I don't even have the ring yet. You have time."
Gansey raised his eyebrows at Adam’s explanation, and turned back to the casserole, trying to hold back his grin. It probably still peeked out from the corner of his face, from Adam’s vantage point, but Gansey was always the worst at schooling his expressions.
It was even more difficult, knowing he’d had at least two conversations with Ronan on this matter. About not holding him to that date promise, about Ronan’s own desire to do it. Was it about to become a competition between the two? Maybe. That thought in itself amused Gansey.
“Well I’m glad I have a little time,” Ronan might’ve had a ring by this point, Gansey knew he was trying to perfect that. He didn’t voice it, because now it was more amusing than anything at how this was playing out. He instead just nodded along while he delicately placed the clean and frozen tater tots in lines on the casserole. “I don’t know that proposing is really the way to convince him nothing has changed, but that doesn’t need to be your reasons, anyway. I know you have a dozen others, if not more.” Gansey shrugged one shoulder. “I figured it was coming soon enough one way or another, you know?”
"It is a way, though," Adam said as he took another dish and scrubbed. "It's not the proposal itself, it's me doing it. I know he feels some parts of our relationship are unbalanced, and he's not waiting for me to make up the deficit, he's just doing it for me. He doubted a lot after..." The memories, Adam didn't need to say it. Gansey would know.
The events back home had settled deeply into his psyche now, navigating them was easier than they had been. But Adam knew that no matter how many times he said something, his actions always spoke much much louder so someone like Ronan who was all action.
"He may still doubt. And I want to be the one to prove it to him, meet him in the middle. I want this just as much as he does. I don't want him to think I got stuck with him out of, I don't know, some stupid obligation. It's not like that for me. Not about him. I love him, I want him to know every day. If I choose him first, he knows I wasn't just saying yes to him," Adam said, matter of fact. He shut off the tap and dried his hands with a towel, leaning against the counter to watch Gansey set up the rest of his casserole.
"You figured," Adam echoed, his eyes narrowing in curiosity, catching that badly hidden grin. "Has he said something to you?" Ronan must have, and Adam found himself asking, "You're the reason he was waiting, did you give him the okay?"
At that, Gansey snorted. He knew Adam couldn’t help himself from asking, even if Gansey wasn’t about to offer up much between them. He didn’t usually get stuck in the middle in terms of secrets, but he also knew that Ronan proposing wasn’t as much of one. Still. He pointed a tater tot at Adam. “Ronan Lynch has never, in the history of ever, stopped himself from doing something just because of me.”
That was probably not strictly true, but Gansey had also never been one to stop Ronan from doing anything that wasn’t just blaring his music at four am at Monmouth. Ronan did things for him, but usually it was only because Ronan wanted to do them himself or because Gansey had used the softer eyes that allowed him to get away with a little more.
“You both have had my okay for a long time. I just didn’t want him to rush into things when we were first here.” He placed the final Tater tot and looked over at Adam. “I’m happy for you both, and I’m glad he has someone that gives him that. Puts him first, always.”
"And what if he had?" Adam asked. It was probably an unfair question to ask Gansey. Adam wasn't even sure what he would have done if Ronan proposed to him a year ago. Was he that spontaneous? Was he able to throw away logic for a minute and just say yes? He probably would have overthought it, considered their time here limited.
It was never going to be a no—Adam could answer that with absolute certainty that there wasn't anyone else for him but Ronan—but his rational brain would have probably also said the same thing: don't rush, go slow.
"It's just that—I'm always going to put him first, Gansey. I think in some ways I always have, it just took me a long time to figure it out. And Ronan had to sit back and wait for me to do it. I can only imagine how frustrating it is." Being separated from Ronan at Harvard, even before they knew about Bryde and the Moderators and all the other bullshit the memories dredged up, was difficult. Adam thought he had to choose one or the other: his life or Ronan. In Vallo, he could have both; his life was Ronan, they were the same thing.
Adam came to stand beside Gansey, and inspect his even lines of tots on top of the casserole. It would have looked better with a few more, but the floor had claimed them. He was quiet for a long moment before asking, amused, "Is this your way of saying I have your blessing? Do I need to do it more formally? Your opinion matters to me and Ronan. You're his best friend, Gansey, you put him first, too."
Gansey shrugged, trying to keep it casual as he possibly could for such an important topic. “Then I would have sighed and asked him what he needed done.” As usual. Regardless of Gansey’s opinions or choices on any matter, he still and would always have Ronan’s back. Adam’s too, when it was accepted. “I know you haven’t always believed this but I’m not usually in the business of making your lives more difficult.”
He said it with a teasing tone, and Gansey meant it teasingly, even flashed Adam a little side smirk so he’d see it. But there was still some weight to the words, because he couldn’t deny the undercurrent of jealousy that occasionally reared its ugly head just enough that Gansey had to push it back down, out of the way.
It was sometimes a good reminder that it wasn’t about him. But their happiness still mattered to Gansey, first and foremost, and his smirk grew to a grin looking at Adam. “What’s more formally? Would you write me a letter? Draft up an email, sign it “Best, A. Parrish”?” Gansey bumped Adam with his shoulder. “Of course you do. Do you have any plan at all or just the idea that you want to do it?”
The look Adam gave Gansey was skeptical, but he nodded and said uh huh, in the same jokingly sarcastic tone back. While things were obviously nowhere near where they were when Adam first met Gansey, and subsequently Ronan, there would still always be parts of them that Adam would never truly know. Most days he was okay with this, reconciling that distance in their friendship (and relationship), but he was human. He had spikes of jealousy just as much as Gansey did.
"If that's what you wanted. I'd notarize it too if that really drove the point home. You could frame it. I, Adam Parrish, formally request for Richard C. Gansey the third's blessing in marrying his best friend, Ronan Lynch... " Adam paused and bumped Gansey's shoulder back. "I could keep going, if that does it for you. Think of what you're missing out on."
Gansey's other question demurred Adam a little. He began folding a towel on the counter that would inevitably be used again. "I've never proposed to anyone before, and most of the shit I've seen is not Ronan's style. I know how I don't want to do it," Adam said, sounding a little defeated. He had thought through a hundred scenarios and nothing felt right, yet.
"My backup plan is just asking him to drive us to the beach and propose in the BMW." Adam was only half-kidding.
Gansey barked out a quiet laugh and immediately closed his mouth to glance around, to make sure he wasn’t drawing attention to them. Hearing laughter usually brought someone in to investigate or join in, it wasn’t a complaint given they all deserved that kind of familial relationship, but it did make him suspicious that someone might come in right as the m-word was thrown out.
“It hit all of my buttons right up until the point you used my full name.” Gansey grinned. “So we’ll have to go back to the drawing board for that one.” But, maybe not for the proposal, as Gansey hummed out a quiet thought process. Ronan was Ronan, they both knew how he could be, and Adam knew what he liked.
“That’s not as bad of an idea as you might think it is, you know.” Gansey put the casserole into the oven. “Going for a drive. Or Cabeswater. Or- ha.” Still leaning down in front of the oven, Gansey grinned up at Adam. “You could do your own art for him.”
"I don't want anyone to get confused as to who exactly I'm formally asking. There are three Ganseys, at least," Adam teased, leaning his elbows down on the counter to watch Gansey fuss around and get dinner in the oven. He felt better when Gansey laughed, that for all the seriousness of the topic at hand, Gansey was finding humor in Adam's poorly-done jokes. It was nervous energy, it was all his sarcasm coming out to hide the fact that this was real. He was going to do this, for real.
"Cabeswater is already nosy. The last thing I need is it trying to help me with my proposal. I can bet the trees will try to suggest another sacrifice because they don't understand the difference between a magical bond and..." Adam paused, then quieter, "marriage."
Much like Gansey, Adam knew that they were always underfoot at the Barns, and this whole conversation would be moot if Ronan came stomping in. Adam was trying to make it as much of a surprise as possible; lying to Ronan was harder now than it had been in the beginning.
But Gansey's comment about art made Adam laugh, bright and loud, before he realized Gansey wasn't joking. "Wait, what? No way, Gansey. I want him to say yes, not realize a huge mistake it would be to be with someone who has the artistic talent of a toddler." He rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling a little embarrassed. "He'd probably ask if Opal drew it. If I thought she could keep a secret I would ask her."
Gansey laughed again, but he spent too much time focusing on Adam’s bright laugh. That made him happier than the joke, the sound so clear and open and bouncing off the walls of the kitchen. He probably wasn’t wrong about Cabeswater wanting a sacrifice, and he bit his tongue instead of making a joke about just what Adam was sacrificing.
Which, ultimately, when you had a relationship like theirs, wasn’t anything. They complimented each other well, and Gansey already knew they were in it for the long haul.
Gansey settled his hip against the kitchen table and grinned at Adam. “As if there’s any world where Ronan is going to say no. There isn’t, Adam. Remember that you don’t have to be perfect at everything you do, especially on the first try.” His grin grew, a little trollish now. “Besides, he already knows you aren’t as talented of an artist. That doesn’t mean it’s any less from the heart.”
"I don't have to be, but I want to. This has to be," Adam said. It was ridiculous to place so much pressure on himself for a perfect proposal. Rational Adam knew it was impossible, perfection didn't actually exist, all his planning couldn't account for every variable, but this carried so much more weight. Adam would try, because to not try for it was unacceptable for his aggressively overachieving self.
Then again, Gansey was right—there wasn't a world where Ronan would say no. Adam could lean on that knowledge, smooth away some of the stress of the whole thing.
His attention drifted to the oven, then back to Gansey. "I also could improve my cooking skills," Adam said. Improve was an understatement, grossly overhaul was more like it. The number of times he almost set fire to this very kitchen was one too many. "You could teach me. I could make him Mexican Tater Tot Casserole before I get down and propose mid-bite. It's the thought that counts, right?" The grin he flashed was just as trollish as Gansey's; he was the one that said tonight's dinner wasn't nice enough.
There was movement outside that caught his eye, and if he listened closely enough, some shuffling on the back porch. For once, Adam was glad that Ronan announced his presence no matter what he was doing. "You don't have to tell me what he's planning, but you do have to let me know if he's trying to do it before me. Just a general sense." This was all said quickly and quietly, before he added, "I need time to perfect my art skills."
Gansey threw a frozen tater tot at Adam. “I could, but you’d have to promise to spell out ‘MARRY ME’ in tots.” He knew they were joking, but there was a small part of him that would pay good money to be a fly on a wall for that hilarity. They would both at least get a good laugh out of it, and that was an important part to any relationship, right?
He raised both eyebrows at Adam, and heard the noise on the back porch himself. He glanced over, watching, before realizing they had a few times of tools or something being cleaned, as long as he kept his voice low. “You’re not going to make me monkey in the middle for this, Adam Parrish. I’d get in the middle of a lot of things between you, but not this one.”
Gansey could smile over that, though, the idea that both of them were willing to confide in him over something so important to them both. It wasn’t about him, but it did make him feel a little important. Hearing the backdoor open, he dropped to a whisper and leaned in. “You need time to perfect your bribing skills.”