Now Jason could prove that mythical penguins were REAL. He’d wished for one and it was super dope because it just showed up and then he was able to take pictures of it. He’d even named it DJ Flippers. It was the BEST. He was gonna need more flaming hot cheetos, but it was fine. “I can’t believe how many cheetos you can eat, little dude. You’re just badass. We should try wings next. We can get you one of my favorite flavors and it will be DOPE.” He wasn’t concerned about whether or not the penguin should be eating any of it because if he could, he would. It was gonna make eating wings even BETTER cause now he wouldn’t have to worry about not eating all his wings cause he’d have DJ Flippers to help him eat.
He hadn’t exactly told Eleanor that he had a penguin in his apartment, though, and she hadn’t come by for game night recently or like to bring him food or whatever. Cause sometimes she brought veggies and it was lame, but Eleanor was kind of dope, so he ate them anyway. His eyes widened as he looked at DJ Flippers. “Yooooooo. You’re about to be the best and most healthiest mythical penguin ever.” Cause finally he could sneak all his veggies to someone else and pretend he ate them. NO MORE BROCCOLI! Oh man. He wished he’d had a penguin back in The Bad Place cause he could have eaten all the tofu when Jason didn’t want to.
“I wonder if you can eat like all the foods.” There was a loud wonk noise in response. Jason took that to mean they’d find out. “Don’t tell Eleanor, though. She’ll get weird.”
Eleanor hadn't been by the apartment much recently, that was true. She'd dropped by with veggies after her week at the spa, because she figured Jason hadn't eaten a single healthy thing while she was gone. And she'd braved another trip to Stupid Nick's and tried something new, eating like three wings and wondering why she kept spending money on them. At least she'd found someone to take her bucket after the fact.
Now she had veggies, but also a pizza, because she wasn't entirely cruel.
She just let herself into his place, finding him sitting on the couch and she greeted him, "Hey Jason, I brought over dinner because it's been a while and because I hadn't heard from you in a couple days." She set both the pizza box and veggie tray down then walked around to the other side of the couch, noting the penguin sitting next to him.
Wait. What??
"Is that a … penguin?" she asked, but of course it was a penguin. The real question was why it was there.
Jason glanced up when the door opened. “Shh. If she doesn’t see you, then you won’t have to eat veggies.” Which somehow didn’t work for DJ Flippers cause Eleanor saw him. “Yeah. This is DJ Flippers. He’s totally dope.” And with that DJ Flippers put another flaming hot cheeto in his beak. “I told you penguins were real, Eleanor.” Well, he told someone penguins were real. “I just wished for him and boom! Penguin! Best photo shoot EVER! He’s the best poser.”
"Penguins are real…" Eleanor said, but then shook her head, blinking. "Is he eating cheetos? Jason, you can't feed a penguin cheetos. They eat fish… or something." She really didn't know, having only ever seen penguins at the zoo or whatever.
She stared hard at the penguin, wondering if a penguin that Jason wished for would have allowed for a penguin that ate cheetos. Probably Stupid Nick's too. But then she dismissed that idea.
"Wait, for the calendars?" Eleanor said. She may not be interested in Jason anymore but she was definitely getting one of each once they were available. "I can't wait to see that." Setting the pizza box down, she added, "I did bring you pizza." But then she opened up the veggie tray and took some broccoli over to the penguin.
"How about something green and not an unnatural reddish orange?" she asked.
Jason stared at the penguin for a moment. “Oh. I’m out of Swedish fish. Guess I need to get some and then some goldfish. Then it can eat those and it’ll be fine.” Ohhhh. And fish tacos! Oh man. He bet he would go mad for fish tacos.
“Totally! The pictures were dope! The only way it could have been more dope was if it had more penguins and maybe like jaguar stuff. Or like the cool body paint or like if Bortles was there. Oh maaaaan. I shoulda wished for Bortles.” DJ Flippers was still eating cheetos and let out a plaintive wonk as if he understood Jason’s concerns.
But there was pizza and that was good, so Jason took some pizza and looked over at DJ Flippers as Eleanor offered him broccoli. “I told you, man.” There was a quiet wonk as the penguin stared at the broccoli and then back up at Eleanor.
"Actual fish, Jason," Eleanor said. "Not candy or crackers." She stared down DJ Flippers, who didn't seem enthusiastic about the broccoli, so she shrugged and ate it herself before making a face. "Okay, bud, I don't blame you."
Turning her attention back to Jason she said, "Have you taken him to a vet? Had him looked at? Because with this diet…"
“They are actual fish, Eleanor.” The words came out as a half whine with a sour face. “I guess I could steal some fish or flirt with that one mermaid to get her to help me get fish or whatever. She’s at the beach sometimes. She’d probably do it.” Sure she was a little weird, but she seemed cool.
Jason laughed at Eleanor’s face when she ate the broccoli before passing DJ Flippers a piece of pizza. “Broccoli is like one of the worst vegetables, Eleanor. You think he’d like alligator meat? There’s this weird market that I got to sometimes that has like goat meat and sometimes that squid stuff? What’s it called again? I was dared to eat like a whole bucket of it for twenty dollars. I threw up after, but it was still pretty dope. Mostly cause this lame guy that talked shit to this guy at the market had his car there and I threw up in it.”
He looked at DJ Flippers after the question about the vet. “Do they have mythical creature vets here? I dunno.”
"Yeah, Jason, a penguin isn't mythical. They actually exist in our world? But I'll find a vet just to get DJ Flippers a check up…" Things she hadn't anticipated saying that day.
She listened as Jason said a lot of words and just sort of stared, kind of amazed the penguin appeared to be doing just fine. Vallo giving him a pet seemed like an extraordinarily bad idea.
"Here man, have a carrot instead," she said, offering that to the penguin.
“That’s the spirit, Eleanor. They exist to me, too.” Jason watched as DJ Flippers took the carrot and looked at it for a moment before putting it in its beak and swallowing it. “Okay. Thanks Eleanor. I’m sure he’d be happy to see more people. I think I’m taking him to Margo’s party.”
DJ Flippers seemingly nodded in agreement and then looked for more cheetos. “Next is jalapeño poppers. He’s gonna love those.”
"Yeah bud, eat more carrots," Eleanor said, but the penguin seemed done with her and her vegetables. "Vet first, before jalapeño poppers, Jason. Okay?"
She shook her head. There was something to this penguin if it wasn't dead already, having survived with Jason this long. Maybe she hadn't been wrong. Maybe Vallo gave him a penguin he couldn't kill.
She hoped that was the case at least. "C'mon DJ Flippers. How about some snow peas?" Really, she had no idea if this was even better. It just seemed like it had to be.
“Okaaaaaaay,” he said, shoulders slumping. Cause the vet seemed lame, but he guessed that was fine. They could get the jalapeño poppers after they went to the vet. He ate some of the pizza while Eleanor got DJ Flippers to eat more vegetables. It was better the penguin than him. He didn’t mind the carrots too much, but there were so many better things to eat.
“Can we take him to visit Zeke later, too? Cause we weren’t going out till I told you and then I just kind of forgot.” In response to his question, DJ Flippers made a small wonk and moved his flippers around. “And then I gotta see if Lucifer would let me have a penguin when I play music sometimes.”
"Yes, we can take him to see Zeke," Eleanor nodded, happy that the penguin seemed to like the snow peas. She shook her head at the idea of DJ Flippers at Lux, but then again, this was Vallo. It would almost be normal?