WHO: Toph Beifong & Tommy Shepherd WHAT: Wishing gone bad, and weird, and weird bad. When does it END?! WHEN: Friday, July 25 WARNINGS: None, just lots of wtf wtf wtf. STATUS: Complete!
One of the benefits of Toph’s seismic sense was that she could avoid the people she wanted to avoid and harass the people she wanted to harass. Everyone had their own particular size, short, tall, beanpole, fast, slow-- It was an art all on it’s own, sussing out who was who, so when Toph sat down, she knew exactly who she was harassing.
With no hesitation in her voice as she slumped into the seat, she snagged a fry from his plate. “So have you made any wacky wishes yet?” Because oh, she had. It had started innocently enough, just wishing she had more jalapeno poppers, and the jalapeno popper in front of her grew thirty sizes.
Wasn’t exactly edible that way, and now there was a giant pepper in her bedroom at the house. That was a problem for future Toph, however, as now she could steal Tommy’s food until it disappeared from her tactile scope. “C’mon, you gotta tell me. I bet mine is better than yours.”
Tommy could have, could have, stolen the fry back before it even reached her mouth, but he sat back, arms crossed, eyes narrowing like she just insulted his brother instead. Food theft was no joke, especially when this food was for comfort. He really shoved his foot in it this morning with Vallo and magic, and he was paying the price. He needed these fries.
"I don't gotta tell you anything, thief," Tommy said, all petulance and pulled the plate a little closer to himself. The very real urge to disgustingly shove all his fries into his mouth before she could grab another was high. But he was pouting, and watching Toph reach for more as he speedily yanked it from her reach made him feel the tiniest bit better.
"But if you want to know," Tommy said because he knew Toph wasn't going to just leave—he wouldn't have. "Billy was going on about his stupid dungeons and dragons game and I told him him I wished I could just teleport out of the apartment to get away from his nerd ramblings and now I can't get close to him without teleporting away the second he mentions Gandalf. It's fucking annoying because he doesn't shut up about that shit, ever."
He sat forward quickly, index finger pointing accusingly at her. "And before you tell me to just wish it back, I tried that already, and nothing. So now you have to tell me what you wished for so I can feel better about your sucky ones."
Toph pouted right back when the fries were pulled out of her reach, and stuck her tongue out at him from across the table. She’d have to order her own food at this point and that was just downright annoying.
But so was she, and Toph crossed her arms over her chest in an extra fit of stubbornness. “That sounds like something he’d do even without wishes. Are you homeless now? Cause he never stops talking about stuff like that, soooo.” Oh, ugh, was she going to have to offer him a place to stay? She would, but she’d grumble about it first. Also that brought her to answering his question, which she did with a snicker.
“I have a giant jalapeno stuffed with cream cheese in my room. I wanted more and that’s what happened.” She was decidedly not thinking about that cream cheese getting melty all over her floor. Another problem for Future Toph.
Tommy did not want pity. And he definitely didn't want Toph to feel bad on his account. "I'm not homeless. Doesn't this Vallo shit like work itself out or whatever after a few days? I'll just swear him to shut the fuck up for like two seconds so I can sleep. Or he can go somewhere else. Why does it have to be me that stays somewhere else?" Tommy was getting all worked up, and so he shoved more fries into his mouth, like a way to placate himself by himself.
But his eyes went comedically round when she mentioned she wished for more food and ended up with just a big piece of it. He swallowed fast, and put both his elbows on the table.
"Wait, wait, waitwaitwait," Tommy said, tripping over his own tongue—it happened when he spoke too fast. "Are you telling me you have a giant jalapeno popper at your house and you're here stealing my food? What the actual hell? If I wished that I would be going to town on that shit. It's the ultimate food challenge."
He went to grab another fry and realized he had unceremoniously eaten them all in his tirade. "Fuck I wish I had a giant plate for fries right now." For someone who lived his life at super speed, he was a second too late in recognizing his mistake when it started to slowly drop one fry (crinkle cut) then another (waffle) from the ceiling, like a slow peeling rain.
“Ow- Hey!” Toph originally thought Tommy had thrown a fry at her, with the way one fell and smacked her right on the middle of her forehead. So she picked it up and threw it back, because-- well, what else was she going to do?
It took her a minute to really figure out what was going on, as another fry landed on her head. And another. And another. “Uhhh,” Okay so she was still a little slow on the uptake, but the fries came down on top of the pair of them, and Toph just… started laughing. The idea of it, that they were here and she’d tried to steal his fries, and he’d stopped her, only to have it completely backfire? Oh that was glorious. She took the opportunity to eat one of the rained ones.
“This is great. Do that again! Oh man-- I wish I could see the look on your face when you got hit with a fry.”
She, too, was a second too late to that wish, and her eyes got wide as she previously couldn’t see what was in front of her and that swiftly changed with her next blink. Toph slammed her eyes shut in response.
Rained on by french fries was not the worst way to go. He caught the one Toph threw at him with his mouth, and continued to just shove fries in as they came down. Curly, shoestring, steak, it didn't matter. And honestly it wouldn't have been so bad if they disappeared after a second. But they weren't, they were piling up on the table, on empty chairs, on the counter and hostess station and everywhere in between. Were they going to drown in potatoes?
"Look at this," Tommy said, lifting his hand up to flash her the bird when he realized—oh ho. "Karma, fucking karma! You laugh at me and now you're stuck looking at my face!" He flashed the biggest shit eating grin, and grabbed another soggy cajun fry from the spot across from her. "Can you see what I'm doing now? Hey, hey—wait! No fair!" That was when she closed her eyes. The urge to force her to open them was mighty, but he guessed for someone who didn't see without seismic vibrations, being assaulted with Tommy dashing-but-charming face could be overwhelming. He was a lot to look at.
And for a second he felt bad enough to start shouting out wishes to undo it. Tommy was playing a dangerous game. "Uh, uh...I wish for it to stop raining fries? I wish for you not to see my face? I wish someone could figure this shit out?"
A pair of people appeared at their table, dressed in a lab coat and goggles. One scribbled notes, while the other was staring intently at a beaker of—was that? No fucking way. Tommy reached for Toph's hand, and dragged her from the booth. "Let's go, out out out, time to show me the giant jalapeno popper."
“Oh my gods SHUT UP,” Toph was two seconds away from smacking him in the face with a boulder if he kept this up. That face, that was practically illuminated in sunlight shining all around it while darkness was everywhere else. Ugh, it was nauseating.
It was even more annoying that she didn’t know what she was being dragged from, she just saw the same thing she always did when looking behind her - nothing. A quick tap of her foot and she “saw” two forms as Tommy dragged her away. She could’ve stopped him, but at that point Toph was more likely to start a fight with the strangers.
“What was that even about?” When they were outside, where she could feel the sun but not see all of it, she squinted at him, peeking at that obnoxious face. “Ugh you’re ugly.” The lie easily rolled off her tongue, it was practically second nature to insult people. “But seriously I wish you would just chill out--” Fuck, they needed to stop doing that. She closed her eyes again, bracing herself for whatever Vallo was about to throw at her now for saying that.
"I was saving you from shit, literal shit, you can thank me later," Tommy said as he managed to get far enough out of the diner, but didn't let go of her hand. He couldn't believe Vallo was being so literal, and Tommy—notorious for having no brain-to-mouth filter—was now stuck having to worry about the words coming out of his mouth. This was terrible. And he was out of fries.
Tommy gave Toph a disgusted, offended look. The kind reserved for Billy when his nerdy brother said stupid stuff like IDK, I think DC's the Flash, all iterations, are probably faster than you. "Bullshit, I am not ugly. You're just saying that because you're mad I'm so hot," Tommy sang the last part, in a stereotypical sing-songy voice. He was very good at pissing people off and it was easy when it came to Toph. They were all about the one-ups-manship.
"Excuse you, I'm —" Tommy paused, mid-sentence, like someone pushed pause on the speedster. Or maybe not pause, but slow. Relaxed. His normally buzzing energy had crawled to a glacial pace. A slow smile crept across his face, and his eyes dropped to be half closed, chill. So chill. A mix between a stoner and and a sloth.
"I'm definitely chill," Tommy said, smoothly, dragging out each vowel and consonant. His free hand rode an invisible wave through the air, not that Toph could see, but it was evident in his voice. "You are also chill, like your hands are cold. Which is not chill."
Oh. That was weird. It was about what she expected, but it was still weird to see it in practice, when normally Tommy was the one talking a mile a minute. In the annoying way he usually did. But she could actually see his face now, and the way things changed was obvious.
Ugh, she hated it. And she hated to admit she hated it. It was a weird circle effect. She was at least smart enough to know that making more wishes right now was probably just going to backfire into making everything else worse, so Toph reversed their positions and grabbed him back, but over a sleeve, or something, so she wasn’t giving him frostbite.
Hopefully, anyway. Her hand still felt cold, and any other time that would be fun - though she was still going to show it off to Katara later - but for now, she just sighed heavily and pulled him along the street. “This is dumb. Speed up, I’m not going to you-know-what it but c’mon, snap out of it you dummy. If you snap out of it, I’ll touch some glass of water and make it ice cold or something.”
"Ha. Ha. Ha. You're funny," Tommy said, each ha longer than the last. Somewhere in his pea-sized brain he realized all of this was wrong. Maybe that was the whole point of overcoming these weird wishes—this was abnormal, therefore he needed to stop wishing for things that weren't real. But that was two dots he couldn't seem to connect quite yet, especially when everything was so slow.
"You have to not be so uptight. Just enjoy the chill vibes, and your ice hands. You can make me a tall cold one once we get away from the weird wishes, chyeah?" Actual Tommy was cringing, actual Tommy wanted to punch himself in the face. If he ever figured out how to not be this ridiculously stupid dickweed, he was going to make sure he never used the word chill again in his entire life.
He was thankful for Toph, who made the executive decision to not wish away whatever she had just accidentally done. Billy would probably be freaking out and making everything worse. His brother could use some chill.
"All this talking when we could be enjoying the day, Tophers." If Toph didn't strangle him for that, he would do it himself. But he kept talking and slipped out, "Like me, you gotta wish you were like me." That seemed to break whatever stupid slowdown Tommy was trapped in, but as everything sped back up to normal speed for him, he very quickly realized he fucked up. "Ohmyfuckinggoddon'tmove."
For a half second, she listened to him and froze. Not literally - though who knew how long that was going to last. If it wasn’t for being able to see his dumb face and only his dumb face, she would’ve wondered if each wish overrode the other.
Maybe it was still freezing french fries in the diner. That’d be nice.
But he had called her Tophers and that made her flush red with annoyance, no matter if it was partially her own fault he was chill. She was too curious for her own good, though, and moved forward to see what the hell went wrong this time.
She went at the speed of Tommy, but stopped short. Very short, as for a brief millisecond, she moved forward fast, and only managed to make it about three inches before coming to an abrupt stop, as if a wall was in front of her. Another three inches. Another.
When she was about a foot away from him, she turned back to glare. “You’re never allowed to speak again, fartbrain. UGH!” With that groan, she reached out to grab him again. “Come on, let’s go see if your brother can fix this.”
Tommy barked out a long hard laugh. Toph's inching along was fucking hilarious. Honestly, he could forgive the whole weird slow down if he could watch her try to walk in tiny, speedy increments.
When he seemed to get over his laughter, and he wiped away a fake tear just for dramatic effect, he waved her insult off. "Call me whatever you want, this is going to be funny forever." He didn't waste any time arguing whether or not getting Billy to help would actually work—and ugh, shit, he was going to have to explain this all to Billy, and Billy was probably going to nerd out and Tommy was probably going to poof away again because stupid wishes but... Toph didn't deserve this. Seeing his face in a constant loop was enough.
"God you're hopeless, you're gonna speed into a wall. You're going to owe me a shitton of fries after this." He scooped Toph up without a preamble and took off.