Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-01-10 18:08:00 |
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Current mood: | crushed |
Entry tags: | enjolras, faith lehane, horatio, oliver wood, sheriff graham (the huntsman), zevran arainai |
[Locked from Les Amis]
Has anyone here ever killed someone before? A friend?
It's a matter of waiting until he dies, but watching Joly, every day, hearing him breathe like that, when he's the one of us who has always been so easily sick and knowing not only that I've put him there, that I've sentenced him to die as easily as if I'd held a gun to his head is something for which I don't think there are any words. He's going to die, and then the others are going to get sick and I am going to kill them too, and to make matters so much worse, they're putting things into quarantine and he cannot even have his L'agile or 'Chetta with him to give him any comfort.
I put him in this place. I put him here by letting him come to help me, and to see me here, and I'm the reason he's going to die. I don't have reservations for myself. Well, I'm afraid to die, but if I must, I must, and I only hope I've done some good in the world, somewhere along the way.
I accept my own mortality. What I don't accept is mortality for my friends, and myself being the cause. I'm the one who is responsible for all of this. I'm the one who should be saving them. Not doing this. Never this.
I don't know what to do.