Bucky Barnes (thebuckyclause) wrote in valarnet, @ 2012-09-26 11:44:00 |
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Current mood: | contemplative |
Entry tags: | bucky barnes (winter soldier), obi-wan kenobi, pietro maximoff (quicksilver), steve rogers (captain america) |
A letter to my addiction
Dear Addiction,
I'm posting this letter so that I can look it up and remember it, and because my group leader told me it was a good idea, and would let other people see what was going on if I shared it with them. So, okay, here goes.
Addiction, you helped me out through a really confusing, really horrifying time in my life. When the dreams felt like they were too much to deal with on my own, you convinced me you'd make everything okay, and that I should hide the truth from my friends and the people who cared about me.
You made me feel like I could handle dealing with the inherrant craziness that's going on here, but you isolated me too, addiction. You made me think that I should try to keep you on the downlow, so that I didn't end up with people trying to take you away from me, because only you understood me, and only you would care.
...That isn't true, addiction. You ARE the only thing that stopped the hallucinations parts, but you aren't the only one who cares. I have some amazing friends who care very much, and didn't make me feel like I was an idiot, even when I wound up planted on my face, Elvis Style, in the ladies' room at the Stark Gala.
Addiction, you've kept me from telling my BEST friend, the person I trust most of all, about what's really going on. You had me believing he'd think I was nuts, that everybody would, when this is Steve, and he would NEVER...
I kind of miss the part where I could sleep and look at things and not be brought back to the dream and how real it felt being strapped in by the nazis and interogated, but you isolated me, addiction. You kept me separated from everybody who really mattered, made me ashamed of myself and things I can't control, and tried to make me your bitch. And you succeded for a fairly long time.
I don't know who I'm more pissed at, addiction, me or you, but we've gotta be done professionally, for real. Thanks for the good times, but you brought a lot more bad ones to me instead, and you really weren't helping in the end.
I guess I don't miss you much after all,
Bucky