InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "there is no spoon"

bucky (jbuchananbarnes) wrote in valarnet,
@ 2017-01-29 02:27:00

Entry tags:

abigail hobbs, anna of arendelle, bucky barnes (winter soldier), clint barton (hawkeye), doug ramsey (cypher), kate beckett, logan echolls, natasha romanoff (black widow), rocket raccoon, t'challa (black panther)

What should a man do if he knows he doesn't deserve the life he's been given?

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decypher
2017-01-29 04:11 pm UTC (link)

No.

Never.

Whatever the crime, whatever the madness or mess, if penance is done, then there is a chance for forgiveness.

But... I think the trick is... the penance can't be done to earn forgiveness. You have to want to be a better man to be one, not to get people to trust you, or forgive you. Not saying that is what you're doing, but I think it is important to remember.

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	jbuchananbarnes 2017-01-29 04:17 pm UTC (link)
	All the people I could ask for forgiveness aren't around to offer it. The people in my life now---I want to be the kind of man they deserve to have in their lives. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

blocked from any west wing peoples.

decypher
2017-01-29 04:27 pm UTC (link)

Then i would say, do the penance in the lives you can affect. Be that man. Be better even than that man. Go out of your way to establish yourself, to yourself and the world, as the person you want to be.

It'll be hard as hell. You'll probably make mistakes. Lord knows I do.

But if you truly want it, you will get there, and those around you, if they are open to seeing you as you are, will be there, helping.

That's the other thing, and it's been hard for me to accept, but... accept help. Not like.. someone taking over the job of being better, but... don't be afraid to accept help from someone else if you slip, or just don't know where to start.

Reminds me of a joke I once saw. But it's real, especially in this sense.
Joke starts at 39 seconds in. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJ6yqQRAQs

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	jbuchananbarnes 2017-01-31 12:35 am UTC (link)
	I can do that. By the way? I was that guy once. The guy who jumps in the hole to save a friend. I still am that guy. Thanks for the reminder. Here's hoping I don't have to jump in any more holes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	decypher 2017-01-31 02:08 am UTC (link)
	You're welcome. I hope you wont have to. But remember, if you do, there are others who will jump in for you, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jbuchananbarnes 2017-01-31 02:12 am UTC (link)
	That much I've never forgotten. It's just worrying about what happens when those people land in the hole with me that makes it scarier than it is comforting. I'm that guy who doesn't know if he's worth saving, y'know? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

decypher
2017-01-31 02:15 am UTC (link)

Well, I don't know you very much at all. But your words here? I'd do it.

And that's not bullshit. Just a choice.

Truth is... it's not your choice, or decision whether or not you're worth it. It's the choices of those who see you go into that hole.

Maybe the right question isn't whether or not you're worth it, but whether you can learn to see yourself as others do.

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jbuchananbarnes
2017-01-31 02:19 am UTC (link)

I guess here's hoping one day I like the man in the mirror as much as the woman who owns it does.

I do have the best future wife in the world to remind me I have a reason to live even when I don't feel as if I deserve this new chance.

I'm Bucky Barnes, by the way. James Barnes, but no one calls me James. I've always been Bucky. Thanks again for the kind words. They help more than you may know.

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	decypher 2017-01-31 02:23 am UTC (link)
	Good. Sometimes we have to rely on the opinions of others for a little while, just until we can figure out what we ourselves believe. I'm Doug Ramsey, called Cypher by some, but Doug to most. Nice to meet you Bucky. And you're welcome. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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