InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It's behind you!!"

Sarah Connor is cursed to be ever vigilant (ever_vigilant) wrote in valarnet,
@ 2012-06-23 19:26:00

Entry tags:

eric packer, james kirk, kitty pryde (shadowcat), neena thurman (domino), pete wisdom, romany wisdom, wade wilson (deadpool)

Wanted: Fuck Buddy.
Stipulations: You don't call me the next day to talk about your emotions. You don't even call me the next day unless it's to see if you're spending the night. I like beer, whiskey, and pizza, I like my coffee black, and I don't keep cream or sugar at my apartment. If you want that shit, run to the store. I welcome offers of random takeout foods, but no MSG.

Complicated Emotional Bullshit is not an option. If you can't fit that bill, don't even bother messaging me.

I'm quirky and I'll be the first to admit it, and I don't take any shit, but I can drink with the best of them, and I'm not afraid of meeting you in person so you can see for yourself that I'm exactly who I claim to be.

You can even run a background check, son.

A british accent would be nice for reading me ~~the phonebook~~ ~~a Chinese Takeout Menu~~ one of my Gun Manuals afterwards, but isn't necessarily a requirement.

Wade, just no. And all of you Feds? Don't worry, this isn't a business transaction, so go sniff for idiotic prostitution announcements somewhere else, like Facebook.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 02:48 am UTC (link)
	You'd be too tired. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 02:49 am UTC (link)
	How can you make a claim like that and then not do anything to prove it? False advertisement, Sir! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 02:57 am UTC (link)
	Do you have four hours free tomorrow night? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 03:03 am UTC (link)
	Back off, fucker. Not until you've passed a background check. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:05 am UTC (link)
	I think I can handle this, Pete... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 03:06 am UTC (link)
	It won't be a problem. I teach self-defense, sometimes to victims too. Except for the midget brawls, my record is clean! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 03:12 am UTC (link)
	We have one other problem, despite your supposedly clean record: I don't like you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:13 am UTC (link)
	You don't HAVE to like him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 03:15 am UTC (link)
	If I don't like him, then you can't like him either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 03:20 am UTC (link)
	Hey. Hey. There's enough of me to go around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:20 am UTC (link)
	... Anyway, it's not like we're picking out silverware and matching towels, here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mister_wisdom
2012-06-24 03:30 am UTC (link)

Have you looked back through the valar net at this pimp bastard's attempt at internet hookups though? It's public knowledge. You can search through, yourself.

And you, being the clean freak that you are, would probably be inviting more carried-over germs into your life from this one than I could ever transmit to you even by close proximity, should you accept his offer.

At least reassure me you'll bleach him down first, Thurman.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:39 am UTC (link)
	I'm looking for a fuck buddy, not a boyfriend, or a husband, or a constant, committed thing. I don't really care if he's got 50 internet notches in his belt. If anything, that means he's experienced enough to push the right buttons without a guidance system. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 03:41 am UTC (link)
	I've always thought the moaning was the guidance system. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:44 am UTC (link)
	Gifted man. So many don't really get that. You'd be surprised. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	starwreck 2012-06-24 03:45 am UTC (link)
	Not surprised at all. Too many men just want their own satisfaction when half the fun is mutual. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 03:41 am UTC (link)
	Can't you simply pay for one and then you won't, at least, have to deal with a potential internet fuck buddy stalker? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Wisdom ] ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:46 am UTC (link)
	Peter Winston Wisdom, if you don't quit cockblocking me, I swear I'll make your trip to hell a longer and more interesting one. I'll find you and lock you up somewhere, where you get sober and have to quit cigarettes and get healthy. Don't think I can't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[Thurman]

mister_wisdom
2012-06-24 03:50 am UTC (link)

I don't think you can. Someone needs to keep you from this utter complete madness, Thurman. Have you lost your bloody senses? You really are wound up, aren't you? Especially if you're meaning to actually hook up with that bastard.

Simply hold tight and I'll take you for that prostitute I owe you. I was simply waiting until you felt better.

Cockblocking. Pfft. Healthy. More pffft.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Wisdom ] ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:52 am UTC (link)
	It's not madness. The itch is getting in the way of work and it needs scratching. He's available and nearby enough to scratch it more regularly than some guy in Nevada. I'm FINE, by the way. It's amazing how beating your fists into a pulp can fix your head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[Thurman]

mister_wisdom
2012-06-24 04:00 am UTC (link)

You're not fine. Now you're itchy. At least have some higher standards than a ~~intergalactic space~~ pimp, for christ's sake.

At this rate, I will practically volunteer to scratch your itch for you, if not for the fact that it would foul up a perfectly good...coworkers...friendship...thing...and because it's all Kitty-based frustration and I don't want to take that out on you. Much less, not be able to look you in the eye afterward, from then on out, like...when we're shooting people and such.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Wisdom ] ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 04:07 am UTC (link)
	I'm just... Christ. Look. Maybe this is easier to say online than it is in person. I kind of need to know that I can get that close to a guy again without freaking out, alright? It's better if it's a stranger. You don't have to keep explaining to me why we aren't... please stop doing that. I understand. I always have. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[Thurman] -

mister_wisdom, 2012-06-24 04:12 am UTC

[ Wisdom ] -

ever_vigilant, 2012-06-24 04:22 am UTC

[Thurman] -

mister_wisdom, 2012-06-24 04:27 am UTC

[ Wisdom ] -

ever_vigilant, 2012-06-24 04:49 am UTC

[Thurman] -

mister_wisdom, 2012-06-24 04:55 am UTC

[ Wisdom ] -

ever_vigilant, 2012-06-24 05:19 am UTC

[Thurman] -

mister_wisdom, 2012-06-24 05:23 am UTC

[Thurman] -

mister_wisdom, 2012-06-24 06:18 am UTC

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 03:07 am UTC (link)
	...too late, now I'm involved. Because........ What if he's got crotch cooties bigger than the ones I've probably got. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ever_vigilant 2012-06-24 03:12 am UTC (link)
	Then nothing at all is going to happen? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mister_wisdom 2012-06-24 04:05 am UTC (link)
	No, you'll have large crotch cooties, gnawing away at your tender lady bits. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -