InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Best night of my life."

Kurotsuchi Mayuri likes test subjects (black_soil) wrote in valarnet,
@ 2013-09-18 11:07:00

Entry tags:

mayuri kurotsuchi, sasha kaidonovsky

It was quite inconvenient having to do away with an independently separate version of myself. Even so, I always welcome keeping yet another spare brain on standby in case of brain injury or self-liquification.

I'm pleased to announce this month's SRDI hot ticket item, courtesy of our toy development division. Perfect even for Halloween (as part of a yard display), I'd like to introduce

THE AMAZING MAGIC GROW OCTOPUS WITH WRIGGLING TENTACLES!

Now you too can own a tentacle monster! Great gift for kids and loved ones. Tell them if you had all the arms of an octopus, that it would be even more hugs for them! The octopus is twelve inches in diameter, simply place in your bath tub and add lukewarm water and watch it spring to life! Chemical additives guarantee that your octopus will have wriggling arms for up to six hours after removing it from the water. Item will dehydrate outside of the tub and shrink. Simply place it back in and run more water back onto it, for hours of fun! The current longevity of this toy is three to six months ~~before chemical meltdown~~ of guaranteed tentacle-based entertainment. Fun for everyone!

Product Warning: The Shinigami Research & Development Institute (herein referred to as the SRDI) is not responsible for consumer water bills incurred after purchase of this product. Not safe for pets as a chew toy. May cause allergies in individuals that are allergic to latex condoms or other similar synthetic materials. Frequent skin-to-product contact may cause either a minor rash or hives, in people that are already susceptible. Do not lubricate. Do not place tentacles in bodily orifices, especially those that contain moisture, which could cause further and sudden rapid expansion of the appendage and require surgical removal. Designed and developed by the SRDI, produced ~~with unsafe materials~~ in China.

YOURS NOW FOR $19.95!
(plus tax and/or shipping, where applicable.)

BUY NOW

(Post a new comment)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-19 12:39 am UTC (link)
	Does this work like that Japanese dish with soy sauce on the freshly killed octopus? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-20 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	Where the appendages squiggle? Yes. It was based on that. You are very perceptive. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-20 07:43 pm UTC (link)
	I try. This sounds fascinating. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-20 07:44 pm UTC (link)
	Only someone who has had that particular dish before, would make the connection. Would you like one, half price? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-20 07:47 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, I would. It's an interesting curiosity. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-20 07:50 pm UTC (link)
	For someone who shows such interest, I may send you a free sample. What address would you like your octopus sent to? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-20 07:53 pm UTC (link)
	PO box number (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-20 08:01 pm UTC (link)
	It's being shipped off, immediately. I hope you enjoy it. It is reusable after all. Be mindful of the warning labels. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-20 08:02 pm UTC (link)
	Anyone who would insert those in sensitive areas deserves what happens to them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-20 08:07 pm UTC (link)
	That's my opinion as well. But the legal department advised me that it required a label and that I couldn't offer free surgical removal on the packaging. ~~Note to self: chem bomb everyone in the SRDI legal department.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chernoalpha 2013-09-20 10:09 pm UTC (link)
	Free surgical removal? That's a strange thing to offer. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	black_soil 2013-09-21 03:59 pm UTC (link)
	the SRDI's primary emphasis is on ~~bacteria, viruses, poisons, and explosives~~ medical and chemical science. Many of our toy or candy products contain the artificial fruits of our experimental labors. I simply have a keen interest in unusual surgical procedures, but people seem to be sadly disinclined to participate. (Reply to this) (Parent)