Why James Always Knocks

orgy_nibbles @ 06:28 pm: 31 July, 1976
My darling, soon-to-be-buggered Padfoot,

I'm really just teasing about that, love. I can be the one if you are at all nervous about it. I know you must be, even if you don't want to admit it. (The wine has already been procured, and by procured I mean stolen from my parents wine cellar. See, I told you I do morally objectionable things from time to time.) I can more easily take the pain; I'm used to being in pain. It's most definitely going to hurt the first few times at least. It apparently even hurts for girls the first time and they are naturally lubricated and all. I did get the 'supplies' including some lubricant to make us 'slippery'. I feel like I'm pressuring you by saying this; I promise I'm not. We don't have to do it unless you are absolutely positive you want to. Alright?

Now, onto more unpleasant things. I understand that you don't feel violated by what happened with Mayfair, even though it was horribly illegal and he is a dirty, dirty pervert for ever having considered putting his vile hands on you let alone actually allowing what occurred to have occurred. It's not like he raped you or anything, right? Although what he did is still construed as rape by the authorities, of course. OK, that came out horribly snarky and you are supposed to be the snarky one in our relationship. What is wrong with the world? Everything is topsy-turvy. I'm really not angry with you about what you said or how you feel about what happened, it's just that I am looking at the situation from outside and I can more easily see the problem which you are over-looking, as you are intimately involved. He WAS at fault, even if you wanted it. I know I probably can't change your mind about this and that's fine. I just worry that you may some day look back and feel badly about what happened and I don't want you to EVER blame yourself for anything. That's all. If you ever want to talk about it with me I'll be there to listen and I'll try not to argue. But if I ever see that man again I will have a very difficult time not saying something to him about it. I'm not angry with you, only with him.

I'm relieved that our trip to the dungeons wasn't to relive any dealings with him or anyone else, but I'd rather not go down there again. The Slytherins are always flitting about and I think Snape may have seen us that time as he said something very strange to me soon after. I can't remember what exactly but it seemed as if he knew. If you are turned on by rock walls need I reiterate that there is a very obliging cave a ways back in the forest not far from here? But we have issues to discuss now anyway. No time for that nonsense, right?

Of course 'relationship' means many different things depending on the people and situations being referred to. In the context you were using it was clearly meant as a sexual-type relationship that's all I was saying. And that is what you intended when you wrote it, don't deny it. You just realised what a faux pas it was after I pointed it out to you. Sorry I mentioned any goings on with Regulus, I promise I'll never do it again. I'd like to push it out of my mind and pretend that it never happened as much as you do, believe me. I don't want to think about anything that we did together; it causes severe feelings of nausea.

You want to know just how slutty I've been, do you? I don't know if that's a good idea, Padfoot. You're just going to freak out again. Tell you what, the number of blokes I've messed around with is close but not as large as the number of birds you've messed around with. I'll give you details if I must but not until we are together so you can't run away and sulk on me. Deal?

Your leather trousers sound magnificent, how I'd love to get down on my knees and untie them with my teeth, but alas! Some thick canine had to open his big fat mouth and put down my abilities. Whatever shall we do?

I'm glad to hear you had so much fun shopping with James. (I told you he has a nice arse! See how you must always listen to me!) Poor bloke. He's such a doll to pretend to be your boyfriend to keep you from being molested but that muggle. Now I really owe him and have to make with the snogging lessons. Don't worry, I really don't think he'll be into it unless I spout red hair and knockers the night before we do it. Aren't I the calmest person in the universe, Padfoot? If I told you Prongs had grabbed my arse you'd have had puppies and threatened to hex him inside a minute. Strangely enough, I'm more jealous of your having molested him than his having molested you. Truly bizarre. Keep your filthy paws off my Prongs! (Just kidding around, love!) I shall correct my slip up, keep your filthy paws off the future Mrs. Evans!

I'm really glad you convinced James to buy those jeans because I'm sorry but there is no way I'd be caught dead in trousers with strategically placed holes in them. And most certainly NOT while pantsless. I do still wear pants from time to time, Padfoot. I don't want you to be disappointed when you arrive here and do not find a pantless man-whore waiting for you- just a regular old man-whore complete with pants and lacking in sweater-vests. (No, not even in the cave.)

Please don't use me as an excuse to get James to do things for Lily. He already thinks she has some weird crush on me so don't push it. Remember last term before he knew about you and I when he freaked out at me? He thought there was something going on between us because he saw that love bite on my neck (you cheeky bugger) and I refused to tell him who gave it to me. I really do not want a repeat of that incident. I've finally convinced him that Lily and I are only friends and I don't want him to get all paranoid about it again.

Should I have told Fabian about us? I didn't want to do that without discussing it with you first and sometimes keeping secrets is second nature to me. Only Prongs, Wormtail and Lily know (I hope you don't mind that I told Lily) and I wasn't sure how comfortable you'd be with my telling other people. I'll tell him when next I see him, if you'd prefer that he knew. That is if he ever speaks to me again; he's probably throughly embarrassed by what happened. He seemed to genuinely think I was interested in him. We could always make it known by snogging in front of him or something. But not in a mean way, just so he knows I had a good reason to reject him. That it wasn't because of him so much as it was because of you.

I am also excited about seeing you tomorrow and us being absolutely alone and in a private place for a whole two days. Mum told me to remind you to behave yourself; I almost broke up laughing. They are leaving at 10:30, how about flooing over around 11:00? I can't wait to see you! I won't be able to sleep tonight from thinking about you...

Love your very own pantsless man-whore,

Moony

P.S. You got me a surprise from a leather pants, holey jeans and sex supplies shop? Should I be frightened?

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 06:26 pm: 31 July, 1976
Moony,

I'm so relieved. I had no idea what your reaction would be to his letter. Of course I'm not going to contact him again. I have absolutely no reason to. I'm sure he'll never write me again, but if he ever does, you'll be the first (well, second really, as I'd know first) to know. But I'm sure there will be no need for you to give him a piece of your mind. I like your mind just as it is, thanks. All pieces of it (as well as the rest of you) are mine and I refuse to let him have any.

I know this whole situation upsets you. Just the fact that a teacher was carrying on like that with students would be bad enough, but the fact that one of said students was me makes it even worse for you, I'm sure. I know you hate him and think he's a pervert and I know what he did was totally wrong, I really do. But I have to admit that I don't feel like a victim and I certainly don't blame myself for anything. I wanted this, however inappropriate it was. I wanted it, I sought it out and I got it. You of all people know how determined I am once I want something. He made me feel the way girls should have made me feel, and that's mostly what made him so irresistible. I finally felt the things that James had been whining about for so long.

Yes, I know he shouldn't have allowed it to happen, but it did and I honestly can't say I'm sorry about it. I'm sorry he's got this problem and I'm sorry this is causing us trouble, but I'm not sorry that I did what I did. That was the first time I ever realised who I am and what I really wanted. I know I'm thoroughly horrifying you at the moment. I would be horrified as well if this had been against my will, but that was totally not the case. He shouldn't have allowed it, I know. There's no excuse for that. I agree that it's not normal for an adult to be attracted to a fourteen year old; I'm not defending his actions. It would have been so much easier (and legal) if I hadn't been so thick and could have just fallen for you then instead.

I'm sure he's not teaching anymore, and as long as he doesn't do it again, I don't think he should be condemned. A lot of people might have a problem with the things we do too (not that I'm in any way comparing what we do to an adult frolicking with a minor, I can hear you getting all worked up....) and call us wrong....oh balls, I have no idea where I can go with this that will end up sounding right. He's a horrid pervert and should be stoned.

By relationship I simply meant two people who know each other. Now I must do my Remus impression (hold on while I slip on my sweater vest and exasperated look)....your sacred dictionary defines relationship as "a state of affairs existing between those having dealings". I would call classes and detentions dealings, wouldn't you? And yes, I would say you do have a (pardon my dry heave) relationship with Regulus based simply on the fact that you attend the same school. And there is no reason to owl him to ask why he blew you off (pun not even acknowledged) because you both talked about it afterward and the decision was mutual. You got your closure, (even though now it's obvious he wanted your opening) so you could put the whole thing to rest. I couldn't. I had to know exactly what the reason was. It was a big deal in my life at the time and I couldn't just leave it it hanging there with unanswered questions. My insatiable curiosity is part of what you love about me and you know it. Now I have my answers and I can put this to rest too.

Your reassurances mean the world to me, and you're the only one I need to hear them from. Now I realise it was more about the way it ended than about my petty fears of inadequacy. I know what we have is so much better than anything else either of us have ever experienced before. Oh, and me taking you down to the dungeons had NOTHING to do with him. Don't be daft. I just wanted you starkers up against the stone. Just something so deliciously naughty about dungeon sex. In fact, I can't wait to go down there and take you on your hands and knees when we're more...you know....experienced. He never even crosses my mind when I'm with you.

I'm not 'acting' back to normal, I AM back to normal. I just need you to let this one go so we can get on with the good stuff. Will it help if I volunteer to be the one who gets buggered? I mean, I am the woman and all, I may as well play the part. I'm not doing it just because of that either. I really want to and I'm not scared, no wine required. Merlin, I can't wait to have you inside me, I don't care if it hurts (um, the book doesn't mention exactly how much it hurts at first, does it?) Did you ever get those 'supplies' you mentioned? I'm assuming it involves something to make us all slippery, right? Seems like that would be necessary. Too bad our bums don't take care of that on their own like the birds' equipment does, eh?

While we're talking about sex, exactly how slutty was your past? Did you just embellish because you were pissed at me? I don't want names, just a rough estimate, and I swear I won't get mad. I should send them all fruit baskets actually, for giving you all of that practice. It's a good thing one of us knew what they were doing when we first got together. I've learned so much from you. You are undoubtedly the sexiest teacher I've ever had. I suppose I'll allow you to teach Prongs to kiss. You're right, you'd be much better at it than I. But the second he starts to look like he's enjoying it, class is OVER.

I can't believe I forgot to tell you about our shopping trip the last day at the beach! We found this store that had all sorts of leather trousers and things like that in the window, so we went in. When we walked in, the store was mostly clothes, but they had all sorts of other leather things too. Leather PANTS, Moony! Seems that might chafe a bit, eh? Even collars and leashes! What the bloody hell kind of store sells things like that for people? And behind the counter! You should have seen the things back there. All sorts of bright coloured willies and things called 'butt plugs'....it was a bit frightening.

The clerk came round and asked if we needed help. I told him I wanted some leather trousers and he looked me up and down and said, "Oh yes, you definitely do. I know the perfect ones." He led me over to this rack of them and picked a pair out. He was right, they were spiffing. The leather was black and buttery soft. You won't believe it, Moony, but instead of a button and zipper, they lace up the front like trainers!! I went to try them on, assuring him I didn't need any help even though he really wanted to help me (I made sure the door was securely locked, believe me). They were absolutely smashing! They were more of that 'hip-hugger' muggle style, but Merlin, they were even lower! The top of my short and curlies nearly shows! There was no mirror in the try on room, so I had to go out into the store to look at them.

The clerk practically squealed when he saw me. He said my laces weren't tied right and before I could stop him, the crazy bastard untied them and started loosening them up again. Does the beach make all muggles insane? I grabbed the laces out of his hands and yelled, "Where's my BOYFRIEND??? I really need to get his opinion." I looked round desperately for James. You should have seen the look on his face when I came running up to him shirtless and holding my untied trousers in my hands. It was priceless. I can appreciate that now that I'm not running from molestation. I quietly begged him to pretend he was my boyfriend and I told him about the clerk. He didn't believe me, but when he saw the cheeky tosser following me over to him, he played along. I owe him big. He was brilliant, Moony, you should have seen him. I was facing him, because I was just finishing up whispering about my situation. When he saw cheeky tosser approaching he put his arms around me and said really loudly and awkwardly, "CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU OUT OF THESE LATER, YOU SEXY BEAST" and he rubbed my arse!! It was classic. I started cracking up and had to bury my head in his neck (right next to those stunning shoulders, are you jealous?) so cheeky tosser wouldn't hear me.

James whispered that he turned round and went back behind the counter after our display. I went to kiss him, I was so grateful, but he put his hand over my mouth and said, "If you ever try to kiss me again, I'M hexing YOUR lips off!" Of course, I licked his hand and he spent the next 5 minutes acting like he was repulsed and wiping his hand on his trousers. I really should have thought twice before I did that, as his hand tasted very odd and Merlin knows where it had been last.

So with that situation managed, I got to fully appreciate myself in these miraculous trousers. You just try to keep your mouth off of Padikins, James and Other James when you see me in these! James (ungulate James, not testicle James) sneaked into another dressing room when I wasn't looking and came out in the most boring denim trousers I have ever seen. I can't even call them jeans as they are an insult to the name. They were stiff and dark and went up past his belly button, yet managed to sag in his arse like he had crapped himself. I told him to get his hopeless self back in there and I'd bring him something to try on. He yelled, "Don't you make me look like a bloody poofter!" I found this other rack of jeans and they were spiffing. There was this one pair that looked like it was already broken in. They were really faded and had a few very nicely placed holes. I was picturing you in them, but then I heard Prongs yell something about standing there in nothing but his pants feeling gayer by the second, so I went and brought them to him.

He looked at them and immediately said no way. I said the thing that always works with him, "I bet Remus would love these, then. Evans will no doubt be admiring his arse, since he won't look as though he's soiled himself" and he snatched them out of my hands as disgruntledly as he could. He said he wasn't coming out without a shirt, so I grabbed this dark green one off the nearest rack. He finally came out and, Moony, the jeans fit him like a glove! Who knew he could look so good in trousers? I think it's the first time I've ever seen him in clothes that fit. That's quite an arse our Prongsy has, you were so right! It's actually really firm too! I stood in front of him and slid my hands round to his arse and pulled him to me as I checked us out in the mirror. I told him I thought we made a rather smashing couple and I'd be waiting for him once he quit chasing birds. He had the nerve to insult me and push me away! He said he was walking out of the store right then if I didn't quit molesting him, but he knew I was right and he wasn't leaving without that outfit. I told him he has to go pantsless, because it's way sexier to show skin through the holes than bloody pants and you'd give him some tips about it as you are now a crazy pantsless man whore. The green shirt was smashing on him as well. It was snug in all the right places with those not short, but not long sleeves, you know? For some reason, there's an 'M' on one sleeve and a 'K' on the other. Must have been the designers' initials or something. The green looks great on him, especially now that he's all tanned. Where did our little Prongs get all of those muscles? If Evans doesn't jump him in this outfit, I will. (well, not really, but I told him that)

I found this black meshy, see-through tank top that would have looked ace with my new trousers, so I tried it on. I must say, I was one sexy bitch! You could see my nipples and everything, but I was wearing a shirt. What a grand idea! I showed James and at first, I thought he liked it. He said, "Oh that's smashing, Padfoot, but I have a better idea. Why don't you just go shirtless and write 'I'M A POOF' on your chest. It's basically the same thing." Then he told me you and Lily would both hate it, so I decided maybe it wasn't the best idea. Still think I looked bloody good in it....bunch of uptight wankers....never let me have any fun.

I looked round for something for you to wear. I'm afraid the only trousers in your size were the arseless ones I suggested to you a few weeks ago. I got you gold ones to bring out your eyes. I also bought you a surprise, but I'm saving that until next I see you. Can't wait to see you in it. I didn't actually buy you the arseless trousers (although, I still think you'd look so hot in them, especially with your sweater vest) or anything else to wear to the party because I think you'd look absolutely smashing in the jeans Mrs. BH got for me. They really look more like something you'd wear anyhow and the thought of taking you out of my trousers (you'll be pantsless, of course) is enough to send me running for the loo once I finish this letter.

We really have your house to ourselves for two whole days??? I can't wait. Absolutely no awkwardness this time, no matter what. I really am fine, Moony. I hope I didn't set you off into weirdness again with the beginning of this letter. I'm not asking you to agree with me, just to understand my point of view on the whole situation. And let me say again how totally over it is and us continuing to let it have this power to cock up everything we have isn't doing either of us any good. We have to let the past be the past and just move on.

I love you, in all your pantsless, tarty man whoring glory,

Padfoot

P.S. I would have loved to see you unleashing your jealous wrath on CT1. You probably could have just picked her up and tossed her emaciated arse right into the ocean. So skinny, these muggle birds. What's wrong with them?

P.P.S. I will try to contain myself around Prewett. Try. I'm wondering why you didn't tell him about us. Seems if he's a poof it would be ok if he knows, and that way, he'll know exactly why he's being killed if he ever so much as looks at you again.

P.P.P.S. So we're going to be alone. At your house. Alone. For two days. Alone. Yet you say your mouth still shan't journey below my belt. Alone. For two days. No sucky. Whatever you say, my love. I believe you. Guess I'll just have to do it to you enough for both of us. Wee Moony and the boys better get ready.

-S

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 06:23 pm: 30 July, 1976
Okay, I think I'm alright with this, Sirius. Well, your involvement in it at least. As long as you promise me that you will not contact him again. I'm very uncomfortable with that idea; I don't think he is a very moral individual. How could he be when he took advantage of a minor who was under his care? What kind of a pervert is sexually attracted to a fourteen year old boy?(I don't care if he doesn't think of himself as a pervert. Do perverts ever think of themselves that way? Of course not. But he most certainly IS.) How dare he try to lay the blame on you? He was so distressed after having seen you that he felt the need to bugger his NEWT students? What a nasty bastard. I really hope you don't blame yourself for what happened or take any of the things he said to heart, Sirius. It was so far from your fault it's not even in the same realm. You were practically a child, for Merlin's sake! I'd like to write him and give him a piece of my mind but I won't. I'll leave it alone. If he writes to you again I will, though. And you'd better tell me about it. It was you who started the whole 'no secrets between us', so you'd better not keep anything from me.

Also, I can't believe you considered that one night a 'relationship'. Does that also mean that my one night fucking around with your brother in the room for requirement was a 'relationship', as well? And that, perhaps, I should owl him to ask why he blew me off? (pun not intentional, but there you have it.) Sorry, I guess I am a little bitter that you felt the need to get his reassurances. We have experienced a lot more together than just one night wanking in the dungeons. (Although, we have also had that experience. Now that I think about it, is that why you wanted to sneak into that room? God, I feel dirty.) Why weren't my reassurances good enough for you? Why do other people's opinions always hold more weight with you than mine?

I'm feeling very confused. I think it's going to take awhile to feel normal with 'us' again. I'm sure you feel that way, too. Although you are trying to be normal, I appreciate your effort, I really do. It's just going to take time.

I may be a shameless whore but I meant what I said. There will be no 'lipular' (Padfoot, that's not...nevermind, I'm not even going to bother) activity below the belt, and that's final.

I did not spend hours studying James's arse. I spent hours being bored out of my mind watching him and listening to Peter's endless prattle about how wonderful he is (you were right about him being a bit keen on Prongs). I just happened to notice his arse. You can't stare at someone (while nodding and pretending to be paying attention to whatever Peter was saying about his Quidditch abilities) and not notice his arse once in awhile. You would have were you in my position. I will instruct him, not you. That would not go well and you know it. You tire easily when trying to explain things to people and tend to get rather mean and nasty if they don't catch on quickly enough. (Need I remind you of the potions incident with me and the melting cauldrons?) It would only leave poor Prongs feeling terrible and I can't allow that to happen. He must be brilliant at snogging before we go out with Lily. Our very sanity depends upon it. We must get them together.

Alright, I spoke with Mum and convinced her that it's not a good idea to go see that nutter in Hertfordshire. She's still a little angry about it but realises that I am no longer a child and she cannot force me to go against my will. You can still come here, as arranged. My parents are going to Hertfordshire without me, so they won't be here. This will make things much easier for us (and no, I'm not talking about making it easier for us to have sex), we'll be able to discuss everything face to face. And this time we cannot allow ourselves to get uncomfortable around each other, it's such a waste of precious time. Everything just feels so buggered up this summer and it's only being made worse by our distance.

I love you, despite all of this mess. On both our parts, not just yours. I am to blame as well; but you can keep your sash and tiara, you are still much more of a prat. I feel confident that we'll get over these bumps and be blissfully happy once more.

Love your disgruntled (but getting better),

Moony

P.S. Of course you overlooked the obvious, don't you always? Good thing I wasn't there. That tart would have been flailing for her life in the ocean in two seconds flat. And serve her right, trying to get on MY Padfoot. Hmmpf.

P.P.S. Don't do anything to Fabian. He's harmless. I told him I wasn't interested and he backed right off. It's not as though he knew there was something between you and I. If he had he'd never have done anything. He's much too frightened of you, he's told me that before. Says you're always glaring daggers at him. Wanted to know if I had any idea why you may not like him. Hmmm...I wonder...

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 06:22 pm: 28 July, 1976
Remus, Remus, when will you learn to listen to me when I tell you someone has other than innocent intentions? I am the King of Other Than Innocent Intentions, therefore I know of what speak. And I also know that he will be killed most properly when next I see him, therefore his nancy-boy boots will be in need of a new owner. Next time (and there will be a next time, seeing as you are so delicious), please believe me when I tell you someone wants you for their personal sex crumpet.

Hmm, I suppose I could have just told CT1 that I was involved. Blast! See why I keep you around! The inner workings of my sharp mind are so complex that the obvious sometimes escapes me. I guess it was a good experience for me to be around Muggles, Mrs. BH may have been right. And it was bloody satisfying for me to be able to completely turn Prongs' little revenge scheme around on him by professing my undying homosexual love for him to a whole crowd of people. He didn't fight me at all, thus further solidifying my theory that he's not as straight as he thinks he is. Merlin, the lips on that one. It's just pitiful. They're like pants when the elastic's all worn out, you know, when they just hang there? I think we actually will have to give him lessons, though now that I know you've spent hours studying his arse, I think it will be ME doing the instructing. I must admit, you were right about his tongue ability. Not too shabby. I may have to tell him that since we both agree that he's so talented in that respect, we want him to have a go using it on certain other parts of us. I'll use that as well as your offer to have another snog session with him next time he makes a flea collar remark. He absolutely said you were a good kisser, a fact which I've reminded him of an average of 5 times every day since.

At least you'll only have to think about them as Captain and Mrs. Banana Hammock. Think about me! Scarred for life, I am! I can't look at him and not picture exactly what he looked like in one of those things. Did I mention there was more than one? The first day was red, second was yellow (and I think you could sort of see through it, not sure, I couldn't look directly at it) and the third day, Moony, the third day was STRIPES! Bloody stripes. My poor eyes. Distracting myself by thinking about having my sandy, saltwater-y, good-smelling-yet-foul-tasting-lotion-y way with you right there on the beach was the only thing that got me through it.

And as for you threatening to withhold any lipular activity below my waist.....please, Moony. I know you. Once you get started, you are a shameless whore and your instincts take over, leaving your grudges piled in the corner of your dusty, book-filled brain. I just about guarantee that...I can't say it.....Ickle Padikins....will be ever so deliciously filling your gorgeous, sexy, shockingly talented mouth within minutes of our next kiss. You know I didn't mean that rubbish I said before. No one has ever made me come as hard as you do. As if you couldn't tell since I nearly bloody pass out every time. I love how everyone thinks you're so uptight and prudish and only I know what a dirty, smoldering pile of sex you are (all except for that not letting me watch you wank thing....makes no sense.....I've had Nigel and Clive sitting on my bloody forehead at various times, for Merlin's sake, how much worse could it be?)

I can't stay mad at you, you know that. You never actually do anything that would make me mad. You're infuriatingly rational and stable. Even around the moon, you're only slightly less rational and stable and that's still way more rational and stable than the average person. Everything that buggers us up is caused by yours truly or was something you did accidentally or when you're being too nice to see other people's dishonorable intentions. I win the resident prat contest, so don't even try to take my sash and tiara (sorry, we watched this dreadful muggle beauty contest on the tele at the beach).

Now for the fun part. Not.

I never want to hide things from you, but I don't see how you reading this is going to put your mind at ease at all. I'm scared it's going to totally freak you out and we really don't need that now. I'm completely over him. It's not even an issue anymore. If you had a relationship, no matter how ill-conceived, and the other party all of a sudden broke communication with you, you'd obsess and make yourself sick thinking it was because you were inadequate. I know you, and you would. Well, in that respect, I'm the same way and that's why I had to know. Now I do and no matter what the letter says, I love YOU. YOU, Remus J. Lupin, neuroses, fur, more books than can possibly be healthy, and all. Please let's just let this go and move on. I'm sick of all this drama. I want my old Moony back. I'm completely obsessed with you, you dolt.

Love always,
Sirius

P.S. You can stop. You don't have to read it.

P.P.S. Last chance. Stop now. You're gonna read it aren't you. I'm holding my breath.

P.P.P.S. I'm turning blue, are you happy?

************

Sirius,

If communication between us was discovered, the consequences to be faced on my part would not be pleasant. Dumbledore was kind enough to not turn me into the Ministry. I was very fortunate to have someone so merciful as my accusor. I've respected him greatly ever since I met him. The shame I feel now, knowing the disgust and disappointment he feels for me is worse punishment than anything the Ministry could invoke.

Since you know the risks I'm taking, I am trusting you to be discreet. I would not be replying at all, but I cannot bear the fact that you came away from this with such preposterous theories about the reasons I had to put an end to our association outside of class. I know the circumstances were a bit awkward and I see now that it was a grave error on my part to not sufficiently explain my behaviour. I apologise ceaselessly for letting you come away with the conclusion that my abrupt dismissal of you that evening and subsequent distancing of myself from you was by any token based on your ineptitude. The sole reason I could not allow it to continue was because of your age, or lack thereof. I must admit, since the first time you sat down in my class, I knew you were special. I've had favourite students before, so I didn't think it odd that my thoughts and eyes drifted to you so often. When it became obvious that you were going to great lengths to end up in detention with me, I realised that you felt the same way. Against my better judgment, I selfishly allowed it to continue because I enjoyed our time together. I found I was thinking about you far more than any of my past favourite students and in ways completely beyond the limits of propriety for a student/teacher relationship. And while this greatly distressed me, I felt I was powerless to stop it. I tried desperately to not think of you, but the harder I tried, the more impossible it became. My head was screaming at me to stop the whole time that fateful night, but my body wasn't listening. I was secretly hoping that once my inappropriate fantasies were acted out, that the reality wouldn't be as good. That theory was disproved the second my lips touched yours. I don't know if it was the fact that we were doing something so forbidden or just our cruel chemistry, but I had never felt anything like it. I blame loneliness and some sort of mental lapse on my part for this whole debacle. This is not the kind of person I am and by no means do I consider myself a pervert of any sort. I have taken measures to assure that nothing like this will ever happen again.

I never intended for anything to happen with any of my NEWT students either, but their class was right after yours and I was so distracted after seeing you that things just got out of hand. Several of them made no effort to hide their feelings for me and in my distressed state, I was unable to resist their advances. I'm not sure how you found out about that, as Dumbledore swore everyone to secrecy after the whole nightmare was over. Just know that it was your face I was seeing whenever I was with anyone else at that time. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. Surely it will provide you no benefit, but I'm hoping my confession will bring me the peace I've been seeking. I hope this letter can do the same for you. One always remembers one's first experience, so I don't want you to look back on our misadventure as anything ugly or disgraceful on your part. You were an innocent, beautiful, loving person who was smitten with a teacher and instead of being strong and guiding you to the right path, I let my own weakness rule. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Your 'Moony' sounds wonderful. I'm happy you found an appropriate relationship and I hope he realises how lucky he is to have you.

Best,

Logan

************


Ok, you read it. Happy now? I love you. Please tell me everything's ok.

-P

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 06:19 pm: 27 July, 1976
Oh molested one,

I hope you didn't think I'd be angry with you over your experiences with said 'cheeky tart'. But you know, you could have just told her to sod off because you were already seeing someone. Didn't that cross your mind? It wouldn't have been necessary to tell her that I am a bloke or that you are a poof, if that's what was worrying you (although it mustn't have been, since you shouted it out for the entire beach to hear). But I'd say you got your comeuppance by having to kiss James' fish mouth. HA! Isn't he dreadful? Poor bugger. It was probably much worse with him so blissfully pissed, too. Although, he is reasonably good with his tongue. At least that's one thing he doesn't need to work on. Perhaps I'll have to give him lessons, (with you present of course) as you aren't a very good instructor, you're far too impatient. Did he really say I was a good kisser? Tell him I said that's so sweet of him and I'm available if he wants to have another go. (Merlin, why is he so fun to torture?)

Speaking of James' anatomy, (what? you're the only one allowed to go off on a tangent?) his arse is not flat! I have spent many a dreadfully boring hour sitting with Peter watching Quidditch practise (while you were in detention and unable to entertain me) and having nothing better to do than stare at Prongs, his arse is rather curvy. I'd take another peek if I were you.

Your party clothes sounded rather delicious, I think you should wear them for me. I'd love to run my tongue over your gorgeous browned belly all the way down to ickle Padikins. But alas, my skills are apparently not up to snuff in that department, so why should I even bother to try? My mouth and tongue will have to stay above your waist. For shame.

Banana hammock? That's the most absurdly hilarious thing I've ever heard in my life. I was drinking tea while reading your letter and I'm afraid that when I laughed it flew out of my mouth (and indeed my nose) all over the parchment. My parents thought I was having a fit or something. You realise I will NOT be able to look at either of James' parents ever again without referring to them (in my mind) as Captain and Mrs. Banana Hammock. Gods, see what you have done? How will I keep from laughing? Cheeky little prat.

We will have to go on holiday at the beach somewhere at some point. I'd love to have you in the sand with the water washing all over us. We'll have to find a secluded spot if we wish to partake in those activities, though. You see, I am having filthy, sandy thoughts about you...

Glad you aren't upset with me. That letter I wrote you was terribly snarky. I apologise again. I was already in such a crap mood before your owl arrived and it just escalated after you blew off the fact that I had asked to see Mayfair's reply. I over-reacted completely. I should have waited until I had calmed down before answering. I'm beginning to behave a little too much like you, I think. I'm sorry.

Well, I have a little something to confess to you, as well. Not bad like last time, I promise. You were right about Prewett, as much as I hate to admit it. It seems he has intentions after all. He apparently decided, since his flirting didn't seem to be getting him anywhere, that I might respond more favourably were he to be forthright. He essentially told me he wanted to service various parts of my anatomy in numerous ways. I wrote back and told him to bugger off, but in a polite Remus-like way, of course. You know how hard a time I have being rude, even with people who are downright nasty to me, like Snape. Let alone someone who is in the midst of a pathetic attempt to woo me. You were right about everything, he's such a nancy-boy. I'll show you his letter when you get here (if Mum stops being such a stroppy cow), you'll have a good laugh at it. At least I hope you will, and not get all stupid like you usually do. So you get your wish, I'm no longer writing to Fabian Prewett. Doesn't this make you happy? Gloat away. "I told you that smarmy bastard was after you, Moony."

Of course I would leave you if you cheated on me. I would expect you to do the same were I to do something terrible like that. Exceptions would certainly be made if you were under the imperius curse, that wouldn't be your fault. I just meant if you did it with full knowledge of your actions and the consequences thereof. You couldn't really want to be with me anymore if you were seeking comfort (or merely sex) in someone else's arms, right?

I await your letter upon your return to the Potters',

Moony

P.S. I'm very worried about you purchasing clothing for me, you know. You had better not have bought anything ludicrous. I won't wear it, Padfoot. Arseless pants indeed. You will be the death of me, you do realise this, right?

P.P.S. I love you.

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 06:17 pm: 26 July, 1976
Moony,

I know I shouldn't owl you again from the beach, but in sticking to our tell-all policy there are some events that have occurred that you need to know about. Don't get worried, this was all totally against my will and propagated by your friend (as his status as my friend is still not decided) James (whom I did not injure, but am now wishing I had). Things are even worse here than I expected. And it's not from the baking sun (which has tanned me up like a rather tasty nut, except for the parts that were covered, of course. I hope you like me two-toned.) or the sand that's managed to work itself way farther between my cheeks than it should rightfully be (it's not like I'm dragging my arse through the bloody sand) or the knot in my stomach from forcing myself not to laugh at Prongs' dad (it never ceases to be shocking, the twig and berries right there in your face! I'm really beginning to think I'm not gay, I'm just attracted to you for some reason!), but from these batty muggle girls! I'm getting ahead of myself, let me start at the beginning.....

Yesterday morning, we set out for the beach. I've somehow become accustomed to James' used pants, (and I did mention your menage a trois idea and it made him turn the most satisfying shade of fuchsia, I must say. You're getting very good at this. Remind me to reward you properly. Ohh what I'd give for a glimpse of you starkers after spending all weekend with half naked birds. Those things they wear on the beach! Obscene!....bugger, this went on so long there's really no point in trying to finish whatever thought I started before these parentheses, is there?)

The seven of us (and the other 3 are James' dad's man-parts, because they cannot be ignored no matter how hard I try) walked down to the beach that morning and settled in a spot not too far from the water. It really is nice here and I do love the sound of the waves crashing. You and I really must go to a place like this together, as I've been having all sorts of thoughts of things I'd like to do to you in the sand. Swimming in the ocean is ace, have you done it?

After James and I tired of getting knocked arse over teakettle by the waves, we decided to build a sand replica of the castle. (Did you know about this sand construction business? Apparently very popular among the muggle beach set.) Captain Banana Hammock (a delightful new term we've discovered for James' dad's complete flouting of all that is decent. It remains the ONE and ONLY good thing to come out of dealing with muggle girls. Completely round the twist, they are!) helped us by covertly charming the buckets to refill with sand after every time we dumped one to build what would surely be the most excellent sand Hogwarts ever built. (As I'm sure you've figured, Mrs. Banana Hammock's proclamation to do everything muggle-style went out the window as soon as she started cooking dinner the first night we were here.) All was well until this group of birds showed up. They walked past once, and I really paid them no mind, despite the fact that they were nearly loud enough to drown out the sound of the ocean. But then they came back past a few minutes later, then again, and still again. I figured they were probably in awe of the most excellent sand Hogwarts ever built, because it was starting to look absolutely smashing. But then Prongs said, "Merlin, Padfoot, go tell them you're a bloody poof so they'll realise they're wasting their time." Then the trouble began.

After this fourth pass, one of the cheeky tarts (I'll refer to her as Cheeky Tart #1 to simplify things, as she returns later in this tale of woe) broke away from the pack and walked up to us. She introduced herself as Mitzi or Shitzy or some other pink sounding name and said she was having a party that night and did we want to come. Well, as I was about to think of a brilliant reason we couldn't go, these words happened. These words came from the direction of James, sounded like James and sprayed an inordinate amount of spittle like James, yet could not possibly be from James, because they formed the statement, "Sure, we'd love to come." I was in such shock, all I could do was stare, open-mouthed at the increasingly smug face in front of me. When I regained the ability to think, I vowed as soon as hexing him wouldn't get me expelled, his lips would be permanently relocated. They had betrayed me twice now and that could not go without retribution.

Then CT1(further abbreviated for advanced simplification) put her hand on my shoulder and slid it down my back as she said (in the most insipid voice) "Do you need more lotion on your back? I could help you with that (obnoxious giggle)". Prongs was now laughing his flat arse off and I had to decide between getting rid of her and killing him. I chose the less fun of the two. I backed away and told her I was fine, but thanked her for the offer. She let out another hideous giggle and said something about the party, then, thank Merlin, she went away.

The soon-to-be-lipless one stayed very close to Mr. and Mrs. Banana Hammock for the rest of the day. Smart on his part, I must give it to him there. He wasn't safe alone with me. I told Mrs. BH that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to go to a muggle party, but she was no help. She said it was good for us to properly socialise with muggles and she was thrilled that we were invited. Properly socialise? Like we're bloody pups that need to be around other pups so they know how to act when they're older. Yes, I see the flaw in this comparison, thank you, Pointer Out Of The Obvious. Focus on the matter at hand!

Prongs was in heaven. You should have seen him, Moony. He gloated all afternoon and when the BHs were out of earshot he'd start in about how sweet revenge is for everything we've put him through. There was a red-haired cheeky tart in the group of birds today and he had decided to try to talk to her at the party. Some rubbish about practicing on this Not Lily to see if all red-haired females hated him or just one. Not that he'd do anything with her, of course. He said that would be cheating and he'd never cheat on Lily. How you can cheat on someone that's not your girlfriend and very nearly hates you is unclear to me, but I had bigger things to worry about than James' barmy logic.

I put off getting dressed for as long as I could, but then the Traitorous Wench Formerly Known As Mrs. Banana Hammock came in with new bloody clothes for us to wear for the party! She got me jeans, Moony. You know how brilliant my arse looks in jeans! There was no way I could wear that to the party. CT1 would be glued to me all night. Fortunately, she also got me this black t-shirt that was nice and loose, so I could leave it out and it would hide some of the perfection that is my arse in jeans. She got James an outfit too, but you know Prongs, he always manages to make it look like his clothes were stolen from a house elf. TWFKAMBH (got that one?) made us try on our outfits and when she saw my shirt was too big and my jeans were a bit loose, she did a shrinking charm on both before I could protest! This woman will be the death of me yet. The shirt was now so fitted there wasn't even a wrinkle in it. When I stood up straight, a bit of my belly (that is now very brown and sexy.....just some info to fuel those filthy thoughts you'd better be having about me) showed because the jeans are what the muggles call 'hip huggers'. The sun had put some streaks in my hair and my new tan face made my eyes look quite brilliant. I was positively stunning and it was to be wasted on nothing but cheeky tarts!

We walked over to CT1's house, which, it turned out, was only a few houses away. It was lucky for Prongs that this was the case. The BHs could see us the whole way and I had no opportunity to do him the harm he had coming. The door was open, so we just walked in and saw that the house was pretty full, all the CTs from earlier, plus MORE CTs, some blokes, but no adults. I thought at least if her parents were there things would stay reasonable. When CT1 saw me, I saw the look in her eyes and I knew I was in for it. It's that same look you get when you're about to have your delicious, evil, wonderful way with me only not nearly as sexy. She gave me a big hug and then grabbed my hand and led me over to the bar. On the way, she was introducing us and said that we were with the old bloke in the banana hammock. James and I looked at each other in total confusion and then when we realised what she meant, we about smothered from laughing. I laughed until I remembered that he was a filthy, sodding wanker and I hated him.

They had something called a 'keg' and when you pulled the lever this muggle alcoholic foamy drink called beer came out. It wasn't too bad, but it's not as good as butterbeer. There was no way I was getting pissed with CT1 around, so I told her I didn't want any. Prongs was very fond of it and poured himself a huge glass. He was on his own, he had gotten us into this.

It's weird, Moony. I've done the whole bird thing so many times that this should have been easy. I mean, I wouldn't have done anything with her no matter what, but I couldn't even fake it and act like I wanted to. It just made me miss you even more (and I didn't think that was possible). Once you feel what the real thing is like, nothing else will do. Before, when I tried to date girls, I hadn't ever been in love so I didn't know what I was missing. Now that I do, I can't even pretend I want them. Blast! You did it to me again! You'll have to find a new boyfriend, I really am a woman.

The music was pretty good and of course, CT1 wanted to dance. It was a fast song, so I didn't have to touch her too much. I actually like to dance and my dance teacher said I have a natural talent for it (if you ever tell that to anyone, especially a certain back-stabbing ungulate, my lips will join yours on their strike. This could make for a boring time at your house next week, you realise. Yes, the old hag made me and Reg take dance lessons, because "proper wizards know how to dance"). The song ended, then, to my horror, a slow song came on. I tried to get away, but CT was freakishly strong. She pulled me close and it felt odd to have knockers pressed against me. I much prefer having knockerless chests upon mine own. The dance wasn't too awful, I suppose, but she was wrapped around me like a lethifold. I managed to wrench myself out of her bizarre, man-grip and said I had to go to the loo. She bloody followed me, so I had to actually go. I stayed in there as long as I could and even contemplated going out the window. She started knocking on the door and asking when I was coming out. See how cheeky they are!!

Muggle parties really aren't all that different, they just have less interesting decorations and weird drinks. There was some sort of drama where Binky was supposed to meet up with Kip at the party, but that damn Kip brought Biscuit, so CT1 had to go comfort bawling Binky. Those muggles, they have it so hard. Are they all this batty? Maybe my family has the right idea after all. KIDDING, of course, my love. I ran into James, who was well on his way to getting totally pissed. He was trying to be cool and talk to Not Lily, but he just ended up spilling beer all over her, himself and the floor. Actually felt sorry for the poor thing. Not sure which poor thing, I'll get back to you on that one.

A bit later, random other cheeky tart had had too much beer as well, and was hurling in the bathroom. so CT1 dragged herself away from the Binky/Kip/Biscuit drama and went to check on her. I had had enough of this party, but I couldn't find James. By the time I found him, it seemed his progress with Not Lily was going about as well as with Actual Lily. The pathetic bastard was following her around, yelling "WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME, LILY??" She looked like she wanted to curl up and die.

With my reprieve from CT1, I had a chance to go hide until this debacle of an evening ended. I went to have a look round the rest of the house and found an empty bedroom. There were a few books on a shelf, so I grabbed one, sat down on the bed and started to read (wipe that shocked look off your face, mister. I read occasionally!). No rest for the wicked, though, guess who found me mere moments later? Loony bird can see through bloody walls! She said something about hoping to find me in there and she turned the light off. I stood up and tried to leave, but she got in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist. She was talking, but I had no idea what she was saying since I was trying to figure out how the bloody hell to get out of this. She started coming at me with her lips and her hands were sliding lower so I had to say something. She put her hands in the back pockets of my jeans! I KNEW those blasted things would get me into trouble. I had to think fast. Anything to get out of this room. Do you know what the only sodding, wanking, buggering thing I could think of to say was? Do you? It's all your fault you know! I said, in my total desperation,"Hey, let's go play Spin The Bottle."

She thought it was a great idea, so I knew I had cocked this up big, especially since I really had no idea exactly what the game was. I told her I had to find James before we could play. I found him by the keg, completely pissed and he said that Lily was gone and he gave up because she would never love him. He also said (and I use the term 'said' loosely as there was much slurring and slobbering) that I was so lucky because I have someone that loves me and that you were a really good kisser. I told him to shut it and then grabbed him and headed toward the door. We almost made it, Moony, we were so close but she caught me and dragged us over to the room where everyone was waiting with the bloody bottle and explaining the rules. Every time someone spun it, I was willing it so hard to not land on me that I was worried I'd get an owl from the Ministry expelling me. CT1 spun at the same time Prongs distracted me by spilling beer down my side and the sodding thing pointed right at me. Why was I so horrified by this? Why couldn't I just go into the closet, snog her for 3 minutes, with tongue (as were the rules) and be done with it? I just couldn't for reasons explained above. She bounded up, grabbed my hand and led me to the closet. So, in my total desperation, I did what I saw as my only option. Right as we reached the closet door, I announced, "I CAN'T DO THIS!" She looked at me like I had just told her I was a wizard and I went to a special wizarding school. I said, and I can't believe I said it..."I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M GAY. I'M GAY AND I'M IN LOVE WITH THAT BLOKE RIGHT THERE (pointing at James, who was too pissed to really even notice)." I walked over to him, took him in my arms and planted a huge kiss right on his floppy, slobbery, fish-like mouth. You were so right about him being arse at kissing. Absolutely revolting. He was too pissed/shocked to even say anything and by the time he realised what happened, we were out the door and on the way back to our beach house. He left a rather spiffing 'sand pizza' about halfway between her house and ours.

That's it. My beach experience. Today is so much better, we've just been complete lazy bastards. Eating, drinking, snogging (Prongs liked it so much he begged me for more. HAA HAA!! Never. At least not until he learns how to kiss properly) all that rubbish. Incidentally, I did mention to him how arse he is at kissing. It's for his own good, no bird's going to want anything to do with that oral disaster. He thought I was just still hating him from yesterday, which is partially true, so I had to try and convince him that I was being honest. I told him you agreed with me, but he didn't believe me. You'll have to tell him yourself. Not sure how to go about teaching him without either of us having to kiss him. We may have to just think of it as a public service.

I'm sorry I'm not properly answering your letter, but I have to go. We're about to go shopping for our outrageous muggle party wear. Don't worry, I won't forget your arseless pants and mesh tank top.

No apologies, love, I know I can be trying even for someone with infinite patience like yourself. I will send the letter tomorrow after we get home, but only because you insist upon it.

I have to see you next weekend. No matter what.

Thoroughly molested by muggles,
Sirius

P.S. We both know there will be much lippage of each of us by the other next week, no matter what threats have been made. You are MOST talented at 'giving head' as you so unsexily phrase it. I spake out of mine arse and did not meant it one whit. Thine suckage has always been most brilliant.

P.P.S. You'd just up and leave me if I cheated on you? Not even a chance for forgiveness? What if it was an accident or I was imperiused or something? I can't believe you'd be so unforgiving. Not that I'm planning on cheating, mind.

P.P.P.S. I'm really glad you've managed to talk your mum out of going to see that bloke for now (but I don't think it's a bad idea to go see him in the future, what can it hurt?) I have got to see you. Especially after this weekend of being groped by girls and kissing James and having the BH in constant view. I may be scarred for life, you realise. Hope I can still perform properly when we're together again.

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 06:15 pm: 26 July, 1976
Padfoot, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be so short with you. Worse even than that, downright nasty. I regretted what I had written immediately after sending it, that's why I asked James to intercept it. (Poor Prongs, always caught in the middle. You didn't really do anything to him, did you?) I was just sitting there thinking about what I had written and what your reaction would be and I felt so unbelievably guilty. It's not like me to act that way. You really do bring out strange things in me, Sirius. (sometimes good, sometimes bad)

I was so aggravated that morning (because of Mum) and you refusing to send Professor (I use the term loosely) Mayfair's letter only exacerbated things. I also had a terrible hang-over when I read your reply; I know that is no excuse. I'm not so sure about the wine for our rendez-vous. Well, not so much of it at least.

That doesn't mean you are off the hook and I don't want to read that letter, I still do. Not to reassure myself, I am just curious to see what he said. You're obviously worried that it may upset me, so it must be bad. I didn't ask you to send it to me because I thought you were doing something behind my back. I just don't trust that man. I've never liked him, especially after what I overheard in the infirmary that day. Those blokes both claimed that he had told them he loved them and loads of other rubbish. Don't trust anything he says. He's a liar and a pervert.

I don't hate you. I could never hate you, Sirius. Even if you really did cheat on me or did something equally atrocious. I'd leave you, but I wouldn't hate you. Once you love someone, really love them, I don't believe that is even a possibility. There are always feelings that linger.

Of course I remember that day in the Great Hall. How could I forget? I was sure there were sparks flying off us. I nearly kissed you as well, until I came to my senses. We were in public and you were my very male friend who was extremely straight. You'd snogged way too many girls by that point for me to have assumed otherwise. That's why I was so confused by your reaction to me on that day. I was worried you had noticed my feelings for you and were freaked out. How ironic, wouldn't you say? I can't believe it still took us months to come together after that. We are both very stubborn individuals, it would seem.

I wasn't canceling our plans because I was upset with you but because of Mum. She wants to take me off to some crack-pot who thinks he has a cure again. I told her it's a lost cause and not to bother. Things have been loads better lately anyway. Of course she has no idea WHY this is, but it's there all the same. Once I talk her out of it we can resume making plans. I'm sick of being prodded at by these people. Ever since I was bitten they've been dragging me all over hell and back. It never makes any difference, just adds to the list of people who know what I am. That just serves to make me more uncomfortable. Not that I don't appreciate what they are trying to do, but it's a hopeless cause. If it ever happens we'll hear about it from the registry, not from some potty old warlock in Hertfordshire.

Of course you can still joke around with me. You just seemed very sincere about the Prongs being angry thing and I wanted to be sure. I've always been worried that we may take it too far with him and he'll get seriously upset with us. Good thing he is so easy going and such a good mate. He's just too easy to torture, but I think he secretly likes it. It shows that we are comfortable enough with him to be open about everything.

And speaking of kidding around and not being able to take a joke... the whole 'average sized' thing. I was just teasing you, prat. I was drunk when I wrote that letter, you realise. And how dare you say I need lessons from birds on how to give a blow job (even if you took it back). I'm the one with a damn cock, aren't I? You'd think I would know what I was doing better than they would. Funny, no one else has ever complained or suggested that I'm ill equipped for giving head besides you. I'm rather offended by your comments. Hmmph. As punishment my mouth is going nowhere near ickle Padikins or James and Peter ever again (or at least for the rest of the summer). How do you like that?

So, I'm not really that angry with you. Don't fret and enjoy your time at the beach. Fry yourself up like 'sexy bacon'. I look forward to seeing you all tanned (your sweet little bum is going to look so white). That makes for a delightful mental picture, by the way. Although I'd prefer you naked to roasting in James' extra trunks. Tell him that your 'jewels' (as you called them) being where his once were, and mine having been up against yours on many occasions, makes it like all of ours are rubbing together. A ménage à trois, if you will. See how he takes that. I'm afraid your love of Prongs-baiting is beginning to rub off on me. (rub off on me, ye gods...) Whatever will he do if we both pester him?

I know I have to stop smoking, it's a terrible habit. I only do it when I'm really nervous or upset about something, as you are aware. I should just toss the bloody things in the bin and be done with it.

I am a 'truster' of you (although that makes no sense in this context and 'non-truster' isn't even a word) and I love you,

Remus

P.S. Don't starve yourself. Then I'll have to shack up with Prewett, and he really does wear nancy-boy boots.

P.P.S. I wouldn't say James was a bad looking bloke. Hmmm. Very nice shoulders. (Only taking the mickey, don't get your knickers in a twist.)

P.P.P.S. I know your parents are cousins and I shouldn't expect much of you on that account. Actually, quit using that as an excuse for your insanity!

P.P.P.P.S. Don't eat any more of that lotion, and no torturing innocent muggles (however pasty they may be). And try to be nice about James' dad's bikini, no matter how ridiculous it appears. I pity you, trying not to laugh.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I suppose I am YOUR tarty man-whore. So long as you aren't upset with me for having been so slutty in the past. I know you have no problem with it at present time, since all of my carnal activities now involve being entangled with you in various erotic positions.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I still want that letter. Send it when you return to the Potter's.

M

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 06:14 pm: 25 July, 1976
What the bloody hell is wrong with you?

I can't believe this fit is about some meaningless scrap of parchment I didn't send you. I am NOT 'in communication' with him. I merely wrote him ONE letter and he replied. It's common courtesy to reply when one is owled and it doesn't mean he's invited me over for tea and snogging. I have no intention of writing back to him, therefore it cannot be classified as 'in communication'. I'll send you the bloody letter if it means that much to you, but I'm doing so against my will. There is nothing in it that concerns us at all, but if it will make the suspicious, snarky, non-truster of me you have become go AWAY, I'll do it.

The only person I intend to shag is YOU, even though you're acting like an insolent berk at the moment. God, Moony, how can you think so little of me? I haven't had a single thought about groping anyone but you for so long, I can't even remember what it's like. You're acting like I bloody cheated on you or some rubbish like that. This whole insane incident was BEFORE us, remember?? There was no us. There is absolutely no reason for you to be acting like this. I can't believe you're this pissed at me because I didn't send you 'the fucking letter'. TAKE IT. Read it. Shred it or stomp on it if it makes you feel better. Get madder at me because of it if you want to. Bugger all, I don't know what to do.

Oh, and where you got the idea that you were the first person to suck me off, I have no clue. You were just the first boy. Funny how the birds never seemed to have a problem with my 'average size' and they surely never complained about my undoubtedly spastic premature thrusting. You must just be a bit more sensitive. Pity. Perhaps you could get lessons from one of them.

Just so you know, your faithful hoofed confidant did try to steal this letter, at your request, I hear. Did he really think I was going to fall for that one again? Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be all healed up by Lily's party.

I will absolutely never, ever, ever, ever joke with you again. Ever. Never. When exactly did you become a humourless git that can't tell when I'm joking?

I'm sorry. This isn't the way to solve things with you, I know that. I'm just annoyed from the endless car ride, then Prongs trying to steal my letter again and then finding out you're completely mental about all this. I know you didn't want me to read your letter, so you must not be quite so angry anymore. Me getting just as mental as you isn't going to solve anything. Again, I'm sorry.

Even right now when you're mad and hating me, I still love you. You know when I realised that? I mean, I think in some way I loved you from the moment we met, even though I didn't know exactly what I was feeling then. Does that make sense? What I'm talking about now is when I stopped being a total berk (well, in one regard, anyway) and realised that this was going to happen with you and I had no choice in the matter. It was in October of last year. You know how I love autumn. The crisp air, falling leaves, pumpkins and haystacks everywhere make me feel like Padfoot all the time. That morning at breakfast there were pumpkin spice muffins and they were ace. There was one left and we both reached for it at the same time. My hand landed on top of yours and we looked at each other, startled, in my case because of what I felt when I touched you. No one else noticed what had happened so our hands stayed right where they were. I'm not sure I could have moved mine if I had tried.

Do you remember? This is one of those hideously sappy things that would make me retch if I had to hear anyone else say it, but it felt like time stopped. Our eyes locked for what was probably about 5 seconds, but it felt like an hour. It was like we were the only ones in the whole room. I felt like I was going to laugh, cry and throw up all at once (not in the 'bugger! That steak and kidney pie must have been tainted' kind of way, but in the 'what the bloody hell is going on?' sort of way). I've never felt like that before. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. For the first time I noticed the gold flecks in your eyes, your perfectly arched eyebrows and your gorgeous, full lips. Had you always looked like that and I was just too thick to see it? I almost kissed you, Moony, right there in front of everyone. The urge was so strong, I swear, I started to lean toward you before I caught myself. I should have just done it. Since when is Sirius Black so inhibited, right? But I was too freaked out by what I was feeling and too scared that it would freak you out so I tried to put it out of my head. I knew I had to find a way to let you know, there was no going back for me. And there never will be.

What I'm trying to say, as I get caught up and start prattling on like the girl we have decided I am, is that what I feel for you is nothing like anything I felt for him. Everything I felt for him was below the belt. But you on the other hand, my half-eaten pile of black pudding, fill up my entire body and probably about 50 yards on all sides of me. He was nothing but a schoolboy crush, completely one-dimensional and totally unworthy of any more of our time. I am way beyond over him.

What will you reading the letter solve? All it can possibly do is make you hate him even more than you already do. I'm so, so sorry to have brought this on. I shouldn't have written to him. My unquenchable curiosity isn't as hard to live with as the thought of you being mad at me over something so avoidable. I do plenty enough things to cheese you off unintentionally, so for me to do something that I knew you wouldn't like was stupid. But you knew I do stupid things on a regular basis when you signed on for this, right? Part of my irresistible charm, I'd say. Gives me that rebellious air that makes you hot for me even though you won't admit it.

Please don't say you've changed your mind about me coming to visit you. This would be so much easier if we weren't so far apart. Seeing each other can do nothing but help us get past this huge pile of crap. We were so bloody close to normal after the last cock up and now here we are again. I haven't eaten since I got the feeling you were angry (well, ok, I had a little breakfast this morning, but not as much as usual, I swear, and I didn't enjoy it). Do you want to be responsible for my starvation? Think of my public! They'll be so disappointed when my formerly enviable physique degrades into me looking like Prongs. Not the time for me to be talking about other people wanting me, is it? See, I can't help myself. My parents were related, what do you expect? I can't be held responsible. You should be relieved I'm not drooling and discussing spoons with my imaginary friend Bobo.

We got to the beach about an hour ago, that bloody muggle car was so slow, I thought Prongs' dad was going to do his nut. I'm sending Ariadne out with this letter anyway, I don't care. The other letter is back at James' house (see I'm not sleeping with it under my pillow or anything, aren't you happy?), so I can't send it until we get back next week. Please don't wait until you read it to respond. I'm trying to enjoy my stay here, even though we just got here and I've already had my fill of pasty muggles in various states of undress. They really need to rethink the design of their beach wear. Not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

Everyone is ready to go to for a swim, so now I have to go put on James' used pants and rub that foul-tasting poison cream on myself. Wish me luck.

Have I mentioned that I love you?

Please stop being mad at me (starvation, remember?).

Always (if you'll have me),
Sirius

P.S. I love you

P.P.S. You are MY tarty man-whore and don't you forget it.

P.P.P.S. You look hot smoking. But stop it anyway. Bad for you and all that.

P.P.P.P.S. I didn't mean what I said about you needing lessons. What I failed to mention is that even though the birds never gagged, it also took me very nearly hours to 'seal the deal', one might say. Poor things, I'm surprised they didn't give up. You are actually quite amazing at it and it's all I can do to last mere minutes.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh god, Moony, James' dad just came out in the smallest pair of devastated pants I have ever seen in my life. I burst out laughing when he came out wearing them and I had to act like I was choking on my muggle fizzy drink. James quickly told me to shut up and that it's a sort of swimsuit called a bikini. I can't look at him and not laugh, Remus, it's that bad! I can see every outline of his meat and 2 veg!! Merlin, this is going to be even harder (ugh, the puns) than I imagined.

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 06:10 pm: 25 July, 1976
Sirius,

Tarty Man-Whore? Well isn't that hilarious. I know what I did was very wrong and nearly unforgivable but at least I told you about it and I'm no longer in communication with the object of my discretion.

I was already feeling poor when I received you letter yesterday morning and the lack of information it contained set me off even more. I had a splitting headache from the wine the night before and Mum was (and still is) driving me round the twist. All in all, I'm not in the best of moods. So, I'm only going to say this one more time, Sirius. Send me that fucking letter.

Peter said I sounded off? Peter's a dolt, how would he be able to tell, anyway? For the love of Merlin, the bloke can't even find his own pants. How the bloody hell is he supposed to figure out how someone is feeling from reading a parchment? It's not like I wrote, "Hi Wormtail, I'm really bloody upset about something" in the letter. That's how clear it'd have to be, is it not? Not to be mean to poor Wormtail, but come on. Do I sound off to you? Well perhaps I do at the moment, but I'm in a REALLY bad mood right now.

I didn't gag because of your size or because I have sensitive gag reflexes; you shoved your bloody cock down my throat with no warning, you idiot. You have to ease into that, you know. And it may have been a first for you but it wasn't for me, as I am sure you must have gathered by now. Me being a slutty man-whore and all.

In future could you please not make up stories about James being upset with me. It really worried me that I had hurt his feelings and it was all just a load of your usual rubbish. I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again.

Perhaps I should just wrap this up now, don't want to write something I may regret at a later date.

Remus

P.S. Yes, I was drunk and wanton and pantsless and wearing silk pyjamas (well, I put them on afterwards). Too bad I'm no longer in the mood for voyeuristic wanking, or any other type of wanking for that matter.

P.P.S. I'm not sure if you'll be able to come over next week or not. I'll let you know. Especially not if Mum catches me smoking. You've driven me to that again, I do hope you're happy.

P.P.P.S. Don't eat things just because they smell edible, you idiot. You'll bloody poison yourself. And poisoning yourself has the same result as blowing yourself up, so you may want to go and purchase that house-warming gift you were on about.

P.P.P.P.S. Logan, is it? Well, isn't that cozy?

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 06:08 pm: 25 July, 1976
Prongs,

I need to ask you a HUGE favour. I sent Sirius a letter with my parents' owl who, as you know, is very old and slow. Persephone should get to you with this before Athena gets there with the other. As soon as I sent her with it, I immediately regretted it. It was REALLY nasty and I was wondering if you could please intercept the letter before he reads it and destroy it. I know that is asking a lot, but PLEASE! I'm desperate! I should know by now to sit and think something over before just diving right in while I am still so upset. I took it all out on him. He isn't the only reason I'm in a bad mood. I really messed up this time, Prongs.

Thanks for your letter, it made me feel better. I think I need to quote parts of it to Lily. She'd jump you if she knew you could be so bloody sweet. She doesn't like leather trousers much, we've actually had that conversation before. Try some jeans and a tight fitting top. She's commented on how nice your shoulders are and I'd have to agree with her. And by saying that I am definitely NOT coming unto you, ok?

Please try and stop him!

Moony

Tags: remus to james

orgy_nibbles @ 06:06 pm: 24 July, 1976
Remus,

I have to make this quick. We're about to leave for the beach in this ridiculous muggle car my dad leased. Sirius caught a fit when he saw your letter was for me and he's been driving me absolutely batty trying to read it. I've managed to hold him off and I told him I felt a raging case of diarrhoea coming on so he'd leave me alone. So needless to say, I'm writing to you from the toilet. He actually had to stop and decide for a minute whether or not he was going to let me come in here alone. He's nothing if not dedicated to his causes. Nutter.

He told me he was going to tell you I was upset by things you said in your letter, which I did briefly steal from him, but I'll explain why later. He wanted me to read it for myself, but I said I refused if the word 'cock' was used in it. He said it wasn't and why would he use that word when they both have perfectly good names. I really, really, really did not want to know what he was talking about, but then I found out anyway and I must say that I'm quite honoured (in a horrified way) to have a namesake. Guess I don't have to have children of my own now. How could it get any better?

Anyway, he just read me the parts of it that had to supposedly do with me (along with a few things that didn't, but I'm in the process of mentally blocking that out so I can look you in the eye again when I see you next.) I never dreamed you'd actually believe any of that rubbish. You know how he loves to take the piss as often as he can. Even with you. It's his twisted way of showing affection, you know that. I mean can you honestly ever picture me calling you 'sweet' or ' that lovely young boy'? You know you're very important to me and I like you loads, but those words will never come out of my mouth to describe you. You must be in a right state if you really thought I said those things. I'm sorry, Moony, I would have stopped him from doing it if I had known you were already so upset. And yes, despite what you may think, I can stop him if I want to, I just save it for when it's really important. Could be the most valuable thing I've learned at Hogwarts so far.

Now I'll explain why I stole your letter from him. I assure you, as soon as I saw that the first line read "You allowed James to suck you off," the realisation that this was far more punishment for me than for him set in and I promptly handed the letter over, begging for no clarification of the statement. He deserved the attempted retribution. You should see what he did to me, Moony, just because he was bloody bored or he wanted to see if he could. We were having breakfast and he was staring at me oddly. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling on my forehead. I yelled at him to stop looking at me like that and then he burst out laughing. I ran to the loo to look and he had made hair grow on my face to make it look like I had one giant eyebrow! He didn't even use his bloody wand! He swears he didn't do it, but there's no other explanation. It's more than a little scary that someone as mental as him is capable of such things. My mum fixed me up soon after, so I am now returned to my handsome self.

He is definitely an influence on you, though I wouldn't necessarily say it was a bad one. I think you've smiled more in the past months that you two have been together than you did in the 4 years I knew you before that. And I know you're the best thing to happen to him since getting sorted into Gryffindor. I'm honestly a little envious of how much you two dolts love each other. All the little things you two share; the casual touches in the hallway when you think no one's looking, always having a seat saved for you in class, knowing you never have to sleep alone. I want that too. I hope it happens one day. I tell only you this, Remus, because I know you'll never use it against me like certain others would. If he ever finds out, I shall deny it to my grave.

I'm not asking what information you think he's withholding from you (for same fear of involvement of male genitalia expressed in previous letter), but if he is, I'm sure he's not doing it out of cruelty. One thing you have to give him, Remus, is that there's not a cruel bone in his body, especially where you're concerned. He probably just thinks that whatever it is might hurt you and he wants to protect you from that.

Try as you might, you know you can't stay mad at him. He's not a dog by accident. Who can stay mad at a big, goofy, lovable pup even if he has a pee on the floor occasionally. Yell at him if it makes you feel better, but just know that he'd never intentionally hurt you.

So much for a quick letter, eh? I'd better go now, he's caught on to my ploy and is threatening to break the door down. I may just have to let him read your letter so I can sneak away and get this one sent off. I'm sure we'll figure out a way to still owl even from the beach.

You knew you were in for a challenge when this started . Don't be too hard on him.

Best,
James

P.S. I heard about the ridiculous debate over who is the man and who is the woman in your relationship. Honestly, you're both bloody birds, taking turns having your fits. I tell him regularly that I think he's the woman. It frustrates him so satisfyingly.

P.P.S. If I ever do develop deep-seated homosexual love for either of you, it would be you. Just so you know. Yes, I'm man enough to admit that.

P.P.P.S. I'm nervous about Lily's party. What should I wear? I know we're going to a muggle club, but I'm not wearing any ridiculous leather trousers. What would she like?

Tags: james

orgy_nibbles @ 06:03 pm: 23 July, 1976
Hey Prongs,

Sirius wrote and told me you were very upset about what I had written in my letter to him. I'm so sorry, James. It was just a load of rubbish you know. I didn't mean any of it, really. I know you have no secret agenda or hidden lust for any of us, least of all me. I was just going along with Sirius' stupid joke about you and him doing things to each other, that's all. He told me that he woke up from a sex dream to find you in his bed doing naughty things to him. I knew it wasn't true, so I just teased him back about it. You can blame him for everything, as per usual. I have no designs on you, I promise. I'm still the same 'sweet' boy I was before. Ha! Although I highly doubt it was a direct quote, it was nice of you to say I was 'sweet'. You're rather 'sweet' yourself... Sorry, I'm at it again. He's a bad influence on me, you were absolutely correct. He's rubbing off on me in more ways than one, I'm afraid. Bad mental picture? Gods, I can't stop. I think he's possessed me.

If the tormenting bothers you, I'll never do it again. I can't say the same for Sirius, as he's an ignorant berk and never does what he promises to. I mean, if you asked someone who supposedly loved you to see something to clear your mind about an uncomfortable situation and they not only flat out refused to show it to you but acted as if it was of no consequence when clearly it was, you'd be angry, right? Am I wrong to be angry about that, Prongs? If When you and Lily get together, if she ever kept something from you after promises of telling about all past indiscretions, wouldn't you be the least bit apprehensive? I just told him I nearly banged Regulus, for Merlin's sake. It couldn't be any worse than that, right? Why did I have to fall in love with such an insufferable git? Please remind me of his redeemable qualities again. Besides his beautiful eyes and the way he laughs and it sounds a little like a dog barking. And how he stares at me with that foolish smile on his face when he thinks I'm not paying any attention. Or how whenever you're down about Lily he always finds a way to take your mind off of it without being too obvious. And the mornings after my transformations, how he's always there when I come to, offering quiet comfort and my favourite chocolate. I'm hopeless, aren't I?

Sorry about rabbiting on like that. I'm really upset with him right now. I suppose I should send this off with Persephone and try to answer Sirius' letter. I'm afraid there is no way I'm going to be able to be civil with him.

All my utterly platonic love (although at the moment, I'm loving you loads more than I'm loving Sirius),

Remus

P.S. One other thing, I only named Sirius' stones after you guys to freak him out and get back at him for giving mine ridiculous names. I'm not actually going to call them that or anything.

Tags: remus to james

orgy_nibbles @ 05:56 pm: Tarty, Man-Whore,

Let me get this straight, as I think I have been temporarily blinded reading your letter. You are DRUNK, PANTSLESS and in SILK PYJAMAS??!!!!! You have no idea the pain this causes me, Moony (mostly because my trousers were tight to begin with), telling me of these events when I'm in no position to do anything about them. It especially hurts because I know what a shameless whore you become when you're tipsy, yet I have never had the pleasure of experiencing it first hand (or mouth or....you know). I can see it so clearly, though, you splayed out on your bed, Wee Moony causing a gorgeous little tent to form in the dark blue silk (Is it dark blue? It is in my head for some reason). Your slim fingers slowly unbutton your pyjama top and then you slide your hand down your smooth, pale chest and stomach. Wee Moony is begging for your hand so you give in and start stroking him over the hot silk. I bet your eyes are closed and your hips are thrusting in time with your hand, aren't they? Your other hand is gripping the sheet and your toes are curling because it almost feels too good. Are you moaning, my Moony? I bet you are, there's no way you wouldn't with your inhibitions taken away by the wine. It's all you can to do be quiet when you're sober. Finally, your fingers find the space between your tingly skin and the elastic of the pajama pants and they slide in to finish what you've started. I bet it only takes a few more strokes and you come brilliantly, making a very un-Moony-like mess in your new sleepwear (or, as it shall be known from now on, shagwear). I love the way drunkenness makes you so unbearably randy. Do try to procure some of this wine for weekend next when I am there. Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I have something to take care of.

I hope you realise the great risk you have forced me to take, Mr. Lupin. I have previously been informed that if I wank one more time and a certain fish-lipped ungulate has to witness any part of it, he's going to put me out of my misery and cut it off. I informed Monsieur Poisson Bouche (I've been calling him that since your letter and he has no bloody idea what it means. I'll have to thank the old bat for forcing me to take French lessons if I ever talk to her again) that he would surely be sent to Azkaban if he did, not for the cruel disfigurement of his best friend, but for depriving the rest of the world of the chance to be shagged by yours truly. A crime which one should never, ever inflict on the human (or mostly human) population. I realise that so far, I've only properly shagged one gender, but I managed to perfect that in what some would call an impossibly short time. Therefore, I have no fear that you, my periodically furry little bon bon, are in for quite a ride once I have a few rounds with the only remaining gender under my belt (well, technically, below my belt, har har).

But Prongs' suffering doesn't end there. He had the misfortune of reading your letter before I could stop him and shield him from your vehemence. (He accosted your owl and grabbed it before I could to punish me for something he claims I did to him, but I maintain that I am innocent). He is appalled at your cruelty! Of course, he blames me, "Well, you've managed to turn him from his sweet (his word, not mine), good-natured self into as much of an insolent berk as you are!"

Honestly Remus, what did he ever do to incur such wrath? Lord knows I would never make such foul suggestions of him having anything other than platonic love for me, offerings for sexual favours or, at the most offensive, naming one stone after him. He's crushed. CRUSHED! "Where is the Remus I left at the train station? How I miss that lovely young boy!" he cried over and over. I fear he may never be the same. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Hmm, James is like my brother, you say. Well that would make him a target for you now, wouldn't it? I'll be sure to warn him. (See, you were wrong, I can joke about it. And as soon as I blow myself up as well as decide I don't love you, I'll be the first one to send you two a housewarming gift.)

As for the man-woman, 'You are! No, you are!' debate, it has tired me and I no longer care to continue it. You are the man, ok? You are so manly that I fear I may not ever be able to find Wee Moony, Nigel or Clive underneath your mass of flowing chest hair and floor-length beard. Again, so manly that I'm afraid I'm going to be crushed between your obscenely muscular man-thighs next time I'm sucking (well, probably just licking, really as there's no way my teeny woman-mouth could ever get completely around it) on your 3 yard long super man size cock, that, come to think of it, will have to be called Mega Moony now that you are so manly. Now you are free to go and shag all of the Gryffindor girls that are unquestionably obsessed with you. Make sure Evans is included in that to further your humiliation of James. Too bad they'll all be disappointed when Mega Moony becomes about as firm as a huge, man sized jelly slug in their presence. You are truly the epitome of manliness and I concede, hiking up my knickers and adjusting my bra. Happy now?

Speaking of your trousers (yes, I know I wasn't speaking of your trousers, but it's never a bad time to talk about your trousers, is it? I think not).....you'll really let me watch you? You know how much I want you to do it for me. Knowing that's waiting for me is going to make this next week seem even longer. I want you to wear those pajamas again to properly fulfill my aforementioned fantasy (after proper cleaning, of course) while you do it. I'm looking forward to shaking hands with Wee Moony and The Boys while you're wearing them. I have discovered that I'm completely obsessed by the thought of fondling you over your trousers (pajama pants, robes, towel, you get the picture) while pantsless. (By the by, Clive and Nigel owled me and said they're really chuffed by your decision to go pantsless. They say their new-found freedom is quite invigorating and Wee Moony agrees, but he's too dumb to write to you. I think they're just being mean, he seems brilliant to me.)

We're leaving for the beach in the morning, so I wanted to write to you now because I'm not sure if we'll be able to send Ariadne out with post around all the muggles. I don't think the beach is exactly natural habitat for Great Horned Owls. I'll try, though. I'll have to keep you posted on all of the goings-on at a muggle beach. Do you realise it gets to be over 33 degrees at the beach? We Blacks don't do well in the heat, Remus! We are a balmy weather people!! This could be devastating!!! Although I must say that I do look rather smashing when I get brown all over. Yep, I'll be tanned and glistening (I don't sweat, I glisten), my skin will smell of sea air and the sun will have highlighted my hair with brownish streaks. Hope some stunning muggle beach bloke doesn't decide I should be his and drag me off for a shag in the sand. However will my girly self fight him off?

James' mum just asked me if I had my trunks. What the bloody hell does she mean? I finished packing my trunk. Swim trunks? Well these are the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. Moony, I cannot wear a pair of short pants with bloody knickers stuck inside them. Sirius Black has only ever swam the way God intended and that's completely starkers. Spare pair of James' trunks, my arse. What?? Moony, did you know it's illegal to be on the beach starkers? What's wrong with these muggles? Bloody hell, now I have to spend 3 days roasting in the sun like a bloody turnip (ok, so turnips don't roast in the sun, I'm stressed here!), surrounded by muggles and wearing James' used pants. Brilliant. They better be clean. I don't want any of his Evans-inspired 'residue' touching me anywhere. That doesn't go for you, of course. I'd be happy to wear a pair of your dirty pants on my head, should you ever want me to. The one bright spot of this is that I told Prongs that me wearing his 'trunks' will put my jewels in the same place his were, so it's basically like us rubbing our cocks together. He turned a few different colors while he tried to think of something to say, then came up with the smashing retort of, "NO, IT'S NOT!". Boy genius, that one. Why do I keep him around?

Bugger! Now I'm going to be all tan except for my bum, James and other James (I'm not having anything on me named after Peter), and (choking sound) Padikins (Merlin, was that the best you could do? Have more wine and try again, I'm begging.) Look bloody ace, that will.

We're returning from this little recipe for heat-stroke on Monday, so provided I don't die, owling will resume as normal. I hope this whole beach thing turns out to be less horrifying than I predict it will be. Mrs. Potter is on this 'let's do everything the muggle way since we'll be around them' kick and she says I have to put this 'sunscreen' goop on myself so the sun doesn't fry me up like sexy bacon. How do muggles stand doing everything the hard way? Although I must admit, it smells rather good and coconutty. I wouldn't mind so much if you were here to rub it all over me. You'd think that since it smells so good, it must taste good too, you know, like those Coconut Custards we got at Honeydukes that we discovered were really fun to smash all over each other and lick off. (mmm, that was delicious, wasn't it? We were so sticky after, I could barely peel myself off of you. Coconutty Moony is even more fun than regular Moony). Well, I can tell you that it absolutely DOES NOT. It tastes like evil. I think I'm getting lightheaded from it. It's poisoned me. (Please make Prongs shut up, so I can die peacefully "I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU ATE SUNSCREEN, YOU IGNORANT GIT!!") I knew muggles would be the end of me. It was nice knowing you, Moony. I'll never forget you.

Whew, that was close. Life flashing before my eyes, it was. You were naked in every scene. Fancy that! You were doing some truly obscene things too. If only everyone knew what their little mild-mannered Remus J. Lupin turned into once the bed hangings closed, hmm? One day I shall write a tell-all autobiography and expose you for the kinky, perverted sex god you are.

Really, Moony, the letter I wrote to Logan Professor Mayfair was nothing. I simply asked him why he backed off so abruptly after that night, and how I felt like it was because I wasn't good enough. He said that he had to end it because of my age and because it was the wrong thing to do. I told him about us and he was glad that I was happy. You reading the letter isn't necessary, let's just put this all behind us. We have so much to look forward to. I don't want that horrid awkwardness back, so let's just forget about it.

Numerous non fish-like kisses,
Padfoot

P.S. Maybe I should do Prongs a favour and kiss him so I can tell him how arse at it he is. Never thought I'd feel sorry for Evans. One of the many things she'll have to fix if she ever stops hating him.

P.P.S. Average sized, eh? I seem to recall one of our 'firsts' when you where VERY glad I'm only 'average sized' Mr. Hyperactive Gag Reflex.

P.P.P.S. We got a letter from Wormtail. Not sure what he's on about, but he said he got a letter from you and you sounded upset in it. Was that when you were worried about my reaction to your misadventure? Or is it the Professor Mayfair thing?

P.P.P.P.S. Seriously, Moony, I need to know if something's wrong. Write back to me immediately and tell me you're ok.

S

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 05:50 pm: 22 July, 1976
My lascivious little crumpet,

You allowed James to suck you off? I can't believe this! He asked if he could do that to me and I said no! I would never be unfaithful to you! I feel betrayed by both of you.... And no, I didn't miss your post-script, not that I needed it. Gods. Did you really think I'd believe that rubbish? You're thicker than I previously thought (only kidding, my love). And in order for my pants to need changing I'd actually have to be wearing some (but we'll get to that). James has deep seated homosexual love for ME, not you. You're like his brother or something. That's just, well, wrong.

So you weren't embarrassed by our love in the streets of Diagon Alley? That's good because I believe I've developed a taste for public displays. I think we should shag somewhere very public, don't you? Hmmm.... On the tube? In the cinema? In front of your ancestral home? I have hundreds of ideas!

My accusations of your narcissism are not unfounded, my pretty. The problem lies not within the fact that you are gorgeous, intelligent and witty, but that you know it and you tell everyone all the time. Believe me, I'm not complaining about the way you look, I could sit and stare at you all day (as long as I eventually get to touch). At least your family gave you good genes in the looks department, I really don't know where you inherited everything else from. They certainly don't have any of your redeeming qualities (with the exception of Andromeda, of course). How is it that they are all so attractive? I thought centuries of inbreeding would do the opposite. Hmm.

Poor Prongs. He heard me? That's so embarrassing. He must be devastated. To further devastate him, ask him if he'd like to have a go making me scream like that. Say Wednesday next, round tea-time?

Don't mind me, Padfoot. My father's sister is over and insisted I have wine with them at dinner (and brought me a pair of ridiculous silk pajamas). I'm a little tipsy, to be truthful. Why aren't you here to take advantage of me in this state? I think you could bugger me without much problem right about now. Does that sound enticing?

Onto our traditional girl-name calling section of the letter. Lily doesn't like you because you are an arse most of the time and once hexed her in potions (while taking aim at Snape, but she was hexed nonetheless). Her being my friend and not yours has nothing to do with my levels of estrogen, but everything to do with your being a prat. You are the one who is constantly getting sappy and throwing fits. In future you shall be called Mrs. Lupin, for you are too girlish to even keep your own name. Your poor man-parts are beginning to shrivel up and disappear. Oh, how I will grieve their loss. Poor ickle Padikins, he's always been such an upstanding penis. And your hapless jewels, James and Peter, god how I'll miss them. (I figure a bloke has to name SOMETHING after his best mates. And seeing as neither of us are in the situation to have any sprogs and my testicles have already grown fond of their names, there you have it.)

Now, I must get to the part that I do not wish to write. I don't want to become paranoid like you (although I love you despite this). I try not to be jealous, you know, but sometimes I can't help but be. It's only human, right? (not that I'm exactly human, but that's not the point) What did you write in that letter, Padfoot? And what did that MAN say in his response? There is no way that it can be as bad as what I confided in you. If we are going to have an open and honest relationship you have to tell me. In fact, just so you don't leave out any pressing details, just send his letter to me. I want to see it. I'll give it back to you afterwards. I just want to know what the old pervert had to say for himself.

Since we are keeping with the 'tell all' policy, I just thought you'd better know that Regulus wrote to me. He said that he is secretly in love with me and would like to run off and make wild monkey love. He didn't use that term, of course, for he is far to pure-blooded and stuffy for that. (The wine, remember?) He said that you are a cockless wanker (which is ridiculous, of course, for how could one possibly wank without a cock?) and I'd be better off getting my jollies from him rather than you. I wrote back immediately to tell him that ickle Padikins is in fact BIG (or at the very least, average sized) Padikins (so you are most definitely NOT cockless) and to piss off. But if you ever decide you don't love me anymore or blow yourself up, I'll owl him.

I'll let ickle Padikins know his name next time I'm blessed with the pleasure of his company, shall I? As long as James isn't attached to him, of course.

So, dearest Padfoot, you wish to see me touching myself, do you? I'm sure that could be arranged, but it may be the wine talking again. I am excruciatingly hard at the moment, after reading the tantalizing description of your dream. I think I'd rather like to touch myself now, do you mind? Of course you don't, you saucy little puppy. Well, I guess I'll begin by disrobing, shall I? I have already taken off my shirt as it is exceedingly warm in here and the wine has made me feel awfully flushed. So now I will begin to unzip my trousers. They're those blue ones you like so well, the ones you say hug my arse. Now I'm pulling them down, ever so slowly. That's very difficult to do, one handed, I'll have you know. And guess what? No pants. I decided to try that out and it's rather liberating. I've been going about with no pants all day. How do you like that idea, Sirius? Merlin, I'm so painfully hard. So, just sit there for a few minutes, close your eyes, and picture what I am doing. Can you see me? I have to touch myself, I can't handle it anymore. I'll be thinking of your dream, making you come by caressing you in yet to be charted areas. Oh, how I hunger to do that...

Oh, Padfoot. I promise you'll have a live show soon enough. But I may need a few glasses of wine first. It might be a good idea for us both to have a few drinks to loosen us up, if you know what I mean, calm our nerves. Merlin, I'm getting hard again...

Love you, in so many different positions,

Moony

P.S. 'Miraculousity'? If I bought you a dictionary would you actually bother to use it? Oh, how it pains me...

P.P.S. You know I was taking the piss about the Regulus thing, right? Is it too soon to be doing that? Sorry.

P.P.P.S. I also apologise about the ink everywhere. I kind of knocked my inkwell over when I...you know...oops.

P.P.P.P.S. Now that I've got it in my mind and it will not leave, we really should discuss what's going to happen during our rendez-vous here, when my parents are gone. How will we go about it exactly? Which one of us will be doing the, er, buggering? That sounds so unsexy. But I'm still hard, imagine that. I'll leave you with that thought, as I believe 'Wee Moony' is in need of my ministrations, once more.

Sweet dreams.

R

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 05:48 pm: 22 July, 1976
My recently uninhibited, public-snogging sex monkey,

Before I reply to your letter, I must tell you of something quite amusing that I thought of recently. Who would have ever dreamed it would be me (the virile, promiscuous, lothario of Hogwarts) having to forgive you (the maudlin wallflower bookworm) for misdeeds of the carnal kind? Rather ironic, yes? Especially when said misdeeds involve heinous acts of snoggery with the most loathsome sibling to ever come slithering out of a womb. Now, I'm not trying to bring up all of that again. It's over. Done. Pbbbbffffttttt (that was me doing a raspberry). I'm just pointing out that you, my ever-rule-following, prefecty, steaming cup of love juice are as capable of getting yourself into sticky (absolutely NO pun intended) situations just as well as I am. So remember this the next time I have a bout of youthful, boyish mischief and you consider giving me The Look, Mr. McSmuggins.

Your MOTHER started pawing at you when you got home? Merlin, I can see you, all shaky and flushed and mummy chasing after you. Brilliant, that is. "Wemus!! Wemus!! What did that bad infwuence Siwius do to you now?? What??? He's defiwed my Ickle Wemus!!" Love to see the look on her face if she only knew the truth. Not that I don't love your mum. She's always been ace, but she just needs to unclench a bit where Ickle Wemus is concerned.

Embarrass me? Please. I'd be happy to kiss you anywhere. It's YOU that stops me all the time. I don't give a flying sack of pixie nuts if the whole world knows I'd rather get buggered (soon, I hope) by you than have some simpering bird anywhere near me. Really, Moony, have you ever seen me embarrassed?

I asked Prongs if he heard you wailing in ecstasy right as the clock struck 3. He tried to play it off like he hadn't heard anything, but I pressed him on the matter and he finally cracked. "YES, I heard him, ok?? I heard my best friend going down on my other best friend in a bloody ALLEY, are you happy?? And you must be bloody good at it, because he sounded like he was bloody dying, ok?? Now please do me a favour and let me kill myself so I don't have to hear it in my head every time it's quiet!!!" Poor thing. He'll be so much better off once Evans lets him have a go. He said Peter asked him what that odd noise was and he pretended that he hadn't heard a thing.

My Moony. So book smart, yet so thick at times. Me calling you 'missy' has nothing to do with ME being womanly, but you. My 'man-parts' are staying firmly in place, thank you. You must agree, you are the woman in our relationship. I mean, I'm obviously far more manly than you. See how well you even get along with the birds? Evans hates me, but she loves you (a bit too much for my taste at times) to bits. They all treat you like you're one of the girls. I admit, you do turn me into a sappy girl at times, but that will only ever be witnessed by you, and is due to the fact that you're so completely obsessional (which is the word used when someone causes someone else to be obsessed with them and turns them into said sappy girl). And I know you always say Evans would like me if I ever let her see this sappy girl side of me, but I can tell you right now, Mrs. Lupin-Black, that's NOT happening. Ever. The rest of the school is in awe of me; I can live without her approval. I'll just have to take yours and James' word for her miraculousity.

Of course I've noticed that Peter is annoying. I'm just out of practice dealing with him and I forgot how trying it can be. I think he would have been more than happy to give Prongs a BJ right next to us in that alley. He's a bit eager when it comes to James, don't you think?

I resent the accusations of narcissism! I merely like to look my best, is that so wrong? My looks are the one good thing that came out of being born into my miserable family and you're going to hold that against me? I don't see you complaining about the way I look, MISSY. I believe you stare at me much more than I do. In fact, I think you're just using me for my looks! You don't give a whiff about what's inside! I'm just a pretty shell to you, aren't I? Ohh the shame!! I feel so dirty now! You, Remus Lupin are a superficial, shallow nymphomaniac that is only content when all the boys are obsessed with him. Me, Regulus, Fabian, James and Merlin knows who else you have hiding in your closet that we haven't heard about yet. Hmph. I feel so cheap.

You know that was just total melodramatic, Sirius-is-entertaining-himself blathering, right? Sometimes my quill just takes over and I can't stop it. I know you love me for the whole delicious, statuesque, splendiferous, pulcritudinous bloke that I am.

You cannot convince me that that prancing ponce Prewett's intentions are honourable. But, as I trust you, I won't say any more about the subject. But know this: as soon as I see anything that can be in ANY way construed as more than postulating on painfully pedantic pamphlets (there are no good words for books that start with P, did you know that?), his annoyingly round buttocks may find themselves displaced to the result of Hogwarts having the only violent tree with a rather fit bum. I can attest to your being stronger than you look, having been held down (or up against the wall, ohh, fond memories....) by you numerous times and being unable to extract myself (not that I tried very hard). I will never like the fact that you're friends with him but I'll stay quiet.

I will.

There's The Look again. Bugger! Yes, I will!

I had the best dream about you last night. We were in the dormitory, but no one else was. It was autumn (you know my fixation with autumn)and we had the windows open. I was starkers on my bed and the crisp air was blowing across my body. Then you appeared, starkers also (like you'd actually be dressed in my dream) and walked over to my bed. I watched you approach, taking in every detail of your body. You were hard already and you stopped a few feet before you got to the bed. You slid your hand down your chest to your belly, then lower and you started stroking yourself. I was surprised that you were doing it, since you've always refused to do it in front of me before. I was mesmerised by it. You were watching me, and it only took seconds before I was as hard as you. As I reached to start stroking myself you said, "No." You stopped and walked over to the foot of the bed and climbed up. You took one of my ankles in each hand and spread my legs wide. I loved the mischievous look in your eyes as you did it. Then you ran your hands up the length of my legs, cruelly avoiding the spot that was in desperate need of attention. You moved up me until we were face to face and kissed me hard on the mouth, your tongue occasionally dipping in with teasing caresses. I slid my hands down your smooth back to your perfect little round bum and pulled your hips into me. Merlin, I love the feel of your cock on mine. You started grinding into me and I matched your rhythm. We still kissed feverishly, even with our breath growing ragged from the waves of pleasure moving through us. Then you pulled back and your hips became still. You kissed my jawline, then my neck, down my chest, each nipple, then you continued lower. You rubbed your cheek on my 'treasure trail' and then kissed the fine hairs. You positioned yourself between my legs and kissed and licked the crease where my thigh meets my abdomen. You know how that makes me insane. But as much as I love it, something else needed attention more. I tried to guide your head there, but you were in control of this round. You blatantly ignored my silent request and moved your lips down my inner thigh. I felt your hair brush my desperate cock and I almost came just from that. You looked up at me and smiled as if to say, "Ok, I'll stop torturing you now" and wrapped your lips around the head. Bloody hell, your lips are talented. Your tongue was swirling and stroking and I was trying so hard to make it last. Then, as you took me in completely, I felt your warm finger slide up my inner thigh and then between my cheeks. When you brushed your finger, ever so lightly, against that area we've yet to explore, I came so violently that it woke me up. When I opened my eyes, you'll never believe what I found. JAMES!!! In my bed, Remus! The little perv was sucking on me while I was sleeping!! I knew he was a poof!! No wonder he couldn't stand to hear you come so splendidly yesterday. He looked humiliated and he made me swear I'd never tell anyone.

I have to tell you something now that is really of no importance. But with our new decree of total disclosure, I feel I must. I didn't really go against your wishes, because I did it before you told me not to. You can't un-owl something, right? I wrote to Professor Mayfair back when you told me I wasn't the only one he fooled around with. I thought I had to know why he so unceremoniously ended our relationship, but now I know that it doesn't matter. With everything that's been going on recently, I completely forgot about it until his reply came this morning. I have my answers (again, I realise I didn't need them), so this is no longer an issue. Please let's not make this a big deal. I'm so happy that we're back to normal now and I don't want something so unimportant to mess us up again. It's totally over. You'll never hear his name again.

Thinking of you and drooling,
Padfoot

P.S. There will be no need for you to name my 'privates', as you so stuffily put it. They are not nearly as whiny and pathetic (not in looks, mind, just their general outlook) as yours. Mine are perfectly content just knowing they are a part of the enigmatic love machine that is Sirius Black.

P.P.S. Yes, it is rather nice that we can talk about past mistakes now without risk of fit, hissy or otherwise. One thing I've learned about my family is that they're much like boggarts. Nothing destroys them like happiness, so that's what I'm going to be. And they can kiss my impeccably firm arse.

P.P.P.S. About that aforementioned reluctance to fondle yourself in front of me.....please do work on building yourself up to it. I can't stand the thought of how brilliant you'd look doing it. You have no reason to be self-conscious in front of me. I'm no stranger to seeing you completely undone. You can barely contain yourself when I do it in front of you. I love when you watch me, my Moony, let me watch you.

P.P.P.P.S. You didn't really believe that rubbish about James after my dream did you? Did I pull the wool over your dreamy amber eyes? The dream was mouth-wateringly real, but the aftermath consisted only of me having to clean up a huge mess. How I'd love to see the look on your face right now. Haaaa!!! Do you need to change your pants, love?

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 05:47 pm: 21 July, 1976
Darling Padfoot,

Wow. I think I've finally caught my breath! That was quite a day!

Sorry I had to rush off like I did. I didn't want to get into any trouble that might cause the cancellation of your visit here. I NEED you here with me, now more than ever. Mum was pacing in front of the fireplace when I flooed in and she lost it. "Remus Lupin! You are late!", she's a right stroppy cow. Then she noticed how flushed and disheveled I was and really did her nut. She was worried I was hurt or sick. She started touching me trying to see if I had a temperature. Gods. I was still shaky from the orgasm and the last thing I wanted at that moment was to be touched by my MOTHER! I feel dirty just thinking about it. It makes me want to curl up under my blankets and die. Of course she blamed you for my obvious discomfort; but this time she was quite right, for a change. "Not that I don't love Sirius, but that boy is always getting you into the worst predicaments!" HA! If she only knew, eh? Then she'd really flip her lid.

I know that it was extremely awkward at first and I apologise for keeping you at a distance. You know how I do that when I am uncomfortable. I was worried about what you would say to me, I suppose. After the first while, once James and Peter left us, I was beginning to wonder if things could ever possibly go back to how they were before. It felt so strained. I'm surprisingly glad I got molested by that owl and that your wanker ex-brother came by right at the exact moment we stepped out of the shop. Something had to break the agonizing silence between us. I hope that I didn't embarrass you by kissing you in the street like that, I couldn't help myself. You were shaking with fury and I didn't know what else to do to calm you down. Snogging always seemed to get your mind off of horrible situations in the past, so I thought I'd give it a try. Worked a little too well, wouldn't you say?

Once my lips and tongue were on you there was no possible way I could have stopped. You looked so unbelievably magnificent. That angry look upon your gorgeous face, oh how I wanted to rid you of it. Make you forget about everything that had happened, forget that Regulus was even alive. He's not worth getting infuriated over, he was just trying to get a rise out of you. But only I can get a proper rise out of you, isn't that right?

I'm glad Prongs was there to bring us to our senses, who knows what kind of show we may have put on for the patrons of the Magical Menagerie. Now that I think about it, I wonder if anyone else we know saw us? That could come back to haunt us. If it does; I'm sorry, entirely my fault. Well, yours a little. But only for being such an utterly ravishing git, and you can't help that.

When we went into that alley I could think of nothing else but how much I have craved your body against mine. That's the way we should always be, pressed up against one another. I was upset when you pulled away from me, I thought perhaps you were regretting what we had just done. But when you started to move downward, my first instinct was to stop you. I mean, it was absolute madness! We were in a public place, anyone could have happened upon us! But the rest of me was egging you on; yes Sirius, do it NOW! When I felt your mouth on me, even through my trousers, I almost came undone. Gods, when you actually reached your hand into my pants and touched me I had to bite my lip, hard, in order to keep from crying out. Your hot breath against my skin was nearly too much to bear. That's when I told you to get on with it, sorry about that. I can be a right bossy bastard, can't I? The moment you took me into your exquisite mouth I knew I'd had it, there was no way I was going to last. I don't think I've ever come so hard in my entire life. I didn't scream that loudly, did I? Merlin, that's so embarrassing.

When I heard that blasted clock and realised how late I was, I nearly cried. The last thing in the world I wanted was to leave you. I wanted to hold onto you forever and say all of the things I'd been holding back all day long. Damn, we can never catch a break, can we?

You call me 'missy'? Really, Sirius. You are becoming so mushy and girly I do believe you'll begin composing poetry for me soon (not that I would complain). You'll have to trade your man-parts in for a fanny and breasts. And then what will I do with you? I certainly have no interest in fannies and breasts. I will be bereft, in love with a man-woman. How tragic.

Leave poor Peter alone, will you? He's a good sort. I know he can be hard to take at times, but he's still our mate. How can you be just now noticing how annoying he is? Have you been paying absolutely no attention for the last six years? Of course you haven't. Poor narcissistic Padfoot.

Well, it's only a short while until you will be here and we can be together again. Until that time, I have a new memory of you to fuel my dreams.

I love you.

Your Moony

P.S. Clive and Nigel? Gods you are exasperating. You do realise I'm going to have to come up with ridiculous names for your privates now to get back at you, right? And I will not cease wearing pants just to appease you, I do apologise. I will not risk discomfort for your lewd purposes.

P.P.S. Merlin, I don't know how safe it will be to allow you to pick out my clothing. God knows what you'll end up purchasing. No arseless pants, you great prat. And no damn sweater-vests!

P.P.P.S. James said he looked jealous? Really? That's very odd, indeed. He couldn't possibly have a thing for me, I'm the half-blood Gryffindor, remember? I've been wondering about his level of intoxication, actually. I may ask him about it, next time I'm unfortunate enough to cross his path. Haughty bastard.

P.P.P.P.S. I'm really glad we are alright again and can actually discuss what happened. I guess all we needed was to be together. I think that's all I'll ever need for the rest of my life. Being with you can mend anything.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I was just re-reading your letter and need to add one more thought. 'Favouritest' is NOT a word, Padfoot. And by the way, I so miss your puppy whimpering. (Have I really reached the ridiculousness of five post-scripts? I'm beginning to ramble more than you.)

R

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 05:42 pm: 21 July, 1976
Moony,

I just wanted to send you a quick note (yes, I know I'm incapable of that, as you have pointed out my tendency to ramble on numerous occasions) to talk about today. I hated that you had to run off so quickly to floo home before your mum came to collect her fragile Ickle Wemus-Poo. I was looking forward to really being able to talk to you today, but we managed to waste all of our talking time being awkward with each other. At least it ended well.

Seeing you again just snapped everything back into place like I hoped it would. I know things wouldn't have gotten as out of hand as they have lately if we had been together. I forget how much seeing you in person and being able to touch you keeps me sane ("When were you sane, and how did I miss it?" Don't think I can't hear you, missy). I know I always tell you you're boring and predictable, but the truth is, I need you to be boring and predictable. I call it boring and predictable to hide what a sappy bird you turn me into, and you know I don't mean it in the regular way. I mean boring as in I know you'll always listen to me, no matter how cocked up my ideas are. Predictable as in when I crawl into your bed at night, you'll be there waiting for me and welcoming me into your arms. Boring as in having a knack for calming me down almost immediately when I get upset about something (and you know that's not easy). Predictable as in knowing that the way you kiss me completely undoes me, no matter what mood I'm in at the time. I'll take that kind of boring and predictable any day.

I was glad we got our shopping for Evans' birthday out of the way first. That was a great idea to go get her those muggle music things you said she wanted. Were you there when the clerk asked James and me if we needed help? I threw my arm around him (Prongs, not the clerk) and said, "Yes as a matter of fact we do, my good man. My boyfriend and I were looking for some new music. You know, something to shag to, and we wondered if you had any recommendations." Oh, how our Prongs has perfected turning purple. He managed to cover all the various shades, from magenta to puce. He spent the next fifteen minutes explaining to this poor bloke that he was absolutely not gay and he was actually shopping for a girl he was wooing (yes, he actually said 'wooing'....must mock him later), like the poor thing gave a toss. Of course, Evans will know you told James what to get her, but at least we know she'll like the gift and that will give her reason to be nice to him. He really does deserve that. Prongs shouldn't have to be tortured by her and me, and since I have no intention of stopping, she must.

Has Peter always been that annoying or am I just not used to him anymore?

I was trying to see how 'we' were the whole time we were out shopping. You were very quiet and I don't think we even made eye contact for more than a second. I think James saw what was going on and that's why he suggested we go back to Diagon Alley. I was relieved when he took Peter off to Quality Quidditch right when we got back.

When we sat down at Fortescue's, I didn't know what to expect. It was easy to be bold and pretend things were back to normal in letters, but face to face is always harder. One thing I was totally unprepared for was the moronic small talk that ensued. "How are you today, old chap? That goiter's going down a bit, I see. Jolly good. Nice weather we're having." Well, not that exactly, but just as idiotic. You know how idle prattle pains me, and the pain is magnified greatly when said prattle is with you. I can't stand when we have to search for things to say to each other. That's not us. Even silence is usually comfortable for us, but this time it wasn't. I just wanted to reach out and touch you so badly. I was mentally berating myself, "This is your Moony, you've touched him so many times and it was so natural. Just get off your pathetic arse and DO it." My hand still didn't move. What if you pulled away? What if you had come to your senses and realised that you were better off without all of my drama? I couldn't risk the rejection.

You weren't helping either. You were being so coolly cordial I wanted to scream or throw things or have a fit just to get you to stop. I've seen your trademark "Remus Lupin Keeping Someone At A Distance" act thousands of times. To have it used on me was too hideous to describe. I was starting to freak out, but I was trying desperately to keep it together. Was this how it was going be from now on? Us walking on eggshells around each other? I couldn't sit there one minute longer. That's why I suggested we go to the Magical Menagerie, I just had to walk, had to take my mind off of how wrong things were. I guess that wasn't the best idea. I really didn't mean to scare that owl. I had no idea she'd be so jumpy and take it out on you like she did. Sorry she ripped your shirt, but I liked the way she messed up your hair. Looks ace like that, it does.

When we got outside, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Regulus walking towards us. Of all the streets in London, he had to be on that one. And then he had the nerve to speak to you! That sodding git, it's just like him to say something so cocky to you. "Well hello, Remus. You're looking smashingly disheveled." That bastard, all sneering and haughty. I didn't even go for my wand, did you notice that? I wanted to hurt him with my bare hands. But I never even reached him, did I? I barely heard you yell, "SIRIUS, NO!!!" as I went for his throat. Next thing I knew, you had me pinned against the bricks. You have the most amazing reflexes, did you know that?

And then when you brought your face an inch from mine and whispered "Don't, love, he's not worth it," so calmly into my panting mouth, suddenly all was right in the world once again. All I could do was stare into your eyes, feel your breath on my cheek, feel your body pressed against mine. I couldn't even remember why I had been so angry. This was what we needed, Moony, this was all we ever needed. To be together. I tried to move. I wanted to touch you, but I always forget how strong you are and I couldn't. The way your body held mine against the wall and your hands had my wrists pinned was brilliant. It was like a dream, all hazy around the edges and when you leaned forward and kissed me, the world spun like I had drunk too much firewhiskey. Merlin, I didn't even realise how badly I needed you to kiss me until you did it. And you did it right there on the street in front of everyone! Sod anyone who had a problem with it. No one can hurt us when we're together. We were back.

I would have been fine staying right there and continuing to snog you where we stood. Now I realise that we could have gotten into trouble if we had stayed there, so we can thank James and his ungulated prattishness for coming to our rescue. "As much as I enjoy watching you two snog, the rest of the street doesn't share my twisted fascination. You'd better go find someplace more private." That back alley was perfect. Don't tell me how you knew about it. I loved the way you dragged me there by my arm, you know I love it when you're bossy.

I hope you didn't whack your head too hard when I slammed you against the bricks, but I had to get my lips back on yours as soon as possible. Brilliant the way you slipped your leg between mine. Merlin, I was so hard already. I couldn't help but grind my hips into you and before I knew it, I had come. I didn't mean for it to happen that quickly, but after almost a month of wanking alone, feeling you against me was too much to take. The thought that things were ever uncomfortable between us seemed absurd. My Moony.

I didn't want to pull my lips off of yours, but I had plans for my Wee Moony. I loved the way you got all pissy when I backed off you. God, you looked stunning. Your lips were all wet and red, your hair was even more messed up than before and that 'what the bloody hell did you stop for' irate look on your face made me even more determined to carry out my plan.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw the look on your face change as I slid down your body to my knees. It was a combination of "Bloody hell, you can't do this right here in public" and "Bloody hell, you BETTER do this right here in public." I love kissing my Wee Moony over your trousers when he's standing at attention. The way you moaned when I did it made me want to see him in person that instant, but I wanted to go slowly. I knew I didn't have you for long and I wanted it to last. That's the reason I undid your belt so slowly and it seemed like it took me ages to get your zipper down. Well, that and the fact that I refused to take my mouth off of you the whole time I was doing it. I especially liked your reaction when I ran my teeth down the length of you. But as fun as all of this over-the-trousers business was, the best was yet to come (and so were you, not the time for a bad pun, sorry).

I was seconds from coming again when I slid my hand into your pants and felt you for the first time, skin on skin. And it was intensified by the growl you let out when I did it. I love the way you put your hands in my hair, it's very encouraging. As much as I wanted all of you in my mouth that instant (my preoccupation, remember?), my hands weren't ready to let go. God, I love the way you feel in my hand, it's a perfect fit. I could tell you were close by the growing wetness that I was more than happy to lick away and your tightened grip in my hair (you weren't hurting me, I loved it). "Fuck, Sirius, do it already!" I know it means you're completely undone when you curse; it's so bloody hot.

I wanted to see your face as I took you into my mouth. I looked up at you and you opened your eyes right then, like you knew that's what I wanted. "Sirius, I can't take it any more, fucking do it now." Yum, more cursing, you naughty boy. How could I refuse you? With that I took you in as deeply as I could. The taste of you on my tongue was even better than that trifle James' mum makes at Christmas (and you know that's my most favouritest dessert). I would have sold my soul for you at that moment if someone had asked me for it.

I knew you were almost there when I couldn't hold your hips still anymore. I sucked you as hard as I could and slid my hands around to your arse to pull you into me as far as you'd go as I felt my throat coated with your release. I bet Prongs heard you even though he was all the way out on the street. (note to self: must ask him about that just to see the look on his face) I must say, you do come quite brilliantly, my love. Always let a bloke know he's done a good job, you do. I hated sliding you out of my mouth. I wish we could stay like that forever, but that might complicate things in our classes. I swallowed most everything, but there were still traces of you on my tongue. I love when we kiss right after. It's like our own version of the childhood spit/handshake pact that bonds us together forever.

Then the sodding bell that reminded you that you were very late had to start chiming and took you away from me again. I know how your mum is and I understand why you had to run off, but that doesn't make me like it. I actually miss you more now than I did before. I guess I sort of forgot what I was missing. I don't know how long I can go before I see you again. It's torture already.

Who ever would have thought that the pathetic, sniveling wanker formerly known as my brother would have helped get us over all of this? I'll have to thank the rotting pile of kneazle vomit next time I see him. I asked Prongs what became of him and he said that at first, he made some comment about me being a weak tosser for letting a scrawny git like you overpower me so easily. Then, after we started kissing, he watched us for a bit, then turned round and walked away muttering something about 'sodding shirtlifters'. Said the little poof looked rather jealous if he had to put a name to it. Guess you were right about him. Are you sure he was intoxicated that night?

I know we never went shopping for muggle clothes for Evans' party today like we planned. No worries, James and I will go shopping when we're at the beach next week. I'm sure there will be loads of muggle stores there, so I'll just get something for you to wear. Hmmm, so many options.....maybe some trousers with the arse cut out? How spiffing would you look in those? Leave it to me, I'll get you all ready (for me to molest).

Well, you've done it, Remus. With this sappy letter, I am officially a woman. I can't believe I let you do this to me. I must go now, I have to slay some dragons and pee standing up and scratch myself.

Whining pitifully because I miss you so much,
Padfoot

P.S. Your stones wanted a word when I was down in their neighbourhood today. They said that ever since Wee Moony got his name, he's been unbearable to be around. Apparently, being named went straight to his head (pun not intended, yet hilarious) and he has been treating them like second class testicles ever since. Well, who am I to keep fine, upstanding testicles at the mercy of, well, a cocky cock? I informed them that you had said there was to be no more naming of your anatomy, but then they started in with that, "no one ever listens to a dangly sac of mush" song-and-dance that testicles always prattle on about, and I, for one, didn't want to hear it again. So, to appease them, I named the left one Clive (left as in if I were you, not if I were facing you, just for clarity. They're very particular about this) and the right one Nigel. This is between them and I and you have no say in the matter. They were quite pleased as they had names of their own and not just your name with a 'wee' added onto it. I heard of their cruel plans to mock Wee Moony as soon as he was available again. Oh, and they also requested that you cease wearing pants altogether. Wait, that may have been me....I was a bit distracted during the conversation.

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 05:39 pm: 20 July, 1976
Dearest, most wonderful, beautiful Padfoot,

I'm so glad you are beginning to sound like your old self and am relieved that you are not angry with me. You are allowed to be angry with me, you know. You have every right to be. I hope that you haven't got the notion in your head that since I've forgiven you for being a prat on many occasions, that you shouldn't get upset with me for anything. This was a lot worse than any of the silly things you have done to anger me. Your feelings are allowed and encouraged. Throw a fit at me if you must. As long as it will make you feel better.

I know James cares about me, as well as you. He is a very caring individual. I just didn't want to further complicate things, is all. If we broke up and were no longer on speaking terms, I wouldn't want him to be stuck in the middle. And I know you are more important to him than I. It's not me being down on myself, it's the truth. You know it. I'd rather lose James as a friend than make him miserable, I guess. Just trying not to be selfish.

About my 'werewolf' comment. You know how I can get when I am feeling down. You'll never hear me utter the words again, as long as we both shall live, I swear. Thanks for caring enough to threaten me with one of your secret desires, you pervy little bugger. I think I need to have a bonfire with my sweater-vests before you have your wicked way with them. Really Sirius, I'm beginning to become jealous of your attraction to them.

As for Fabian, he is just a friend. He has no interest in me (as far as I know) and I like talking to him about books and things; everything that you find insufferably boring. I'm really sparing you a lot of pain by discussing said 'utterly dull things' with him. Then you don't have to listen to me rabbit on about it, right? Listen, even if he were interested in me, (which I highly doubt) I am not interested in him. Not in the slightest. If he ever tried anything I could handle myself. Just because I don't hex people at the drop of a hat like you and Prongs doesn't mean that I can't. I'm very well-versed in all forms of hexes and curses (I am top of the class in defence, after all) and I am a lot stronger than I look, you know that. He's much too nice to ever try anything, anyway. But you seem to want to see the worst in anyone who pays me the slightest bit of attention, so I thought I would reassure you. I just wish you would trust me, is all. I know you have reasons not to, at the moment, but hopefully time will repair that wound. I'm not expecting it to just go away. It was a terrible thing that I did, I know. Things will feel off for awhile, especially with us apart like we are. We need to spend some time together and talk it over.

Speaking of which, the 'flitting warden' (formerly known as my mother) said I can floo into The Leaky Cauldron to meet the three of you. Around 11 o'clock? Does that sound alright to you? I know how difficult it will be to drag yours and Prongs' lazy arses out of bed early enough to pretty yourself up and floo over to meet me. You really are a vain little bugger. I'll be there waiting. Dying to see you again. Do try and be on time. Mum had strict instructions about me returning at a pre-scheduled time, you know how she gets. She acts like I'm a glass vase that may break if stared at the wrong way. I love her but she drives me up the wall sometimes.

I'm in Sirius withdrawal right now (and I didn't mean that in the bad pun sort of way.) I need you here with me so badly, Padfoot. Yes, I want to be with you in every way possible. It would have been alright had you gathered the courage to touch me THERE. In fact, I want you to. I've been thinking about it a lot, lately. Even before we left school. I want us to take the next step. I know we've joked about it before but I'm serious, we should make plans for when you come here. My parents will be gone on a short holiday week after next, I've already told them I have no interest in going. I'll convince them that I need you here to keep me company while they are away. They won't think anything of it. We will need some, er, preparational items. Maybe we can get them in London.

I love you, in all your forgiving glory.

Remus

P.S. Don't bother kissing Prongs, he's not very good at it. He has a bit of a saliva problem, actually. Don't tell him I said that, don't want to hurt his feelings. Not too bad with his tongue but his lips are too slack and fish-like. I don't know. I'm sure Lily can fix him up.

P.P.S. Now that I think about it, he does tend to linger when he catches us (in various states of undress). Now I definitely don't want you kissing him, he may enjoy it! But I'm sure you will not. (For drooling reasons mentioned above.)

P.P.P.S. Yes, yours is definitely the only full moon that I enjoy. Can't wait to enjoy it in new and exciting ways. A whole new naughty realm will soon be open for our perusal.

P.P.P.P.S. 'Wee Moony'? Please do not name parts of my anatomy. Merlin.

Tags: remus

orgy_nibbles @ 05:37 pm: 19 July, 1976
Remus,

Ok, no more apologies, explanations or guilt allowed. I'm going to try really hard to put things back to normal, even though I know they're still a bit off. This is our first summer together (well, not together together, but together in the sense that you're mine. MINE I SAY! (said jokingly, not psychotically) and I don't want the whole thing to be spent with each of us holding our breath until we get replies to the letters we send. From now on, happiness will ensue!

Yes, yes, yes, I will absolutely meet you in Diagon Alley on Wednesday. James' mum isn't nearly as batty as yours about us flooing there so I'm sure she'll say it's fine. I know he'll want to go too, as he is unable to stop bloody worrying about what to get Evans for her birthday. Although, I'm sure he'll find some other Evans-related rubbish to be unbearable about even after the gift is purchased.

I know I should give him a break. I'm glad you had him to write to while I was gone. He's a great friend and I do love the stupid git. You didn't actually believe that he'd stop being your friend if you and I weren't together anymore, did you? He'd never do that to you. I know you think that he's only friends with you because of me, but I should think you'd realise now, after all this, that he really cares about you too.

We should be grateful that he's still with us after all the poor bloke has had to inadvertently witness. Although, I must say he does seem to 'accidentally' witness a lot of our adventures, don't you think? One may start to wonder how accidental it really is. We are both rather smashing, if I do say so myself, so how horrifying could it really be to see us in action? Although I can see how he'd be scarred from that one time he opened the curtains on my bed and got a faceful of my shiny white bottom. Remember? I was on my knees, bent over you and I was sucking on you most intently when the poor thing had the misfortune to have to ask me a question about the uses of hemlock. He threw open the hangings, thinking I was napping (thanks to a brilliant silencing charm on your part) and instead received a full moon (and for once, it was the kind you like). He lingered a bit longer than necessary, if I remember correctly. I think our little Prongsie may not be as repulsed as he pretends.

Bloody hell! I was just going through your last letter to me as well as the ones you sent James. Remus John Lupin, if I ever, EVER hear you refer to yourself as 'just a bloody werewolf' again, I will be forced to steal all of your clothing and leave you with nothing but your sweater vest to wear all day. I mean it. No trousers, no pants, no shirt, no robes. You can have socks, I suppose. The castle floors are rather chilly. Wee Moony (not that you're small, just a term of endearment) will be out there for the whole school to see (not that you have anything to be embarrassed about, mind, he's quite smashing).

I really do appreciate the ego boost from your last letter. I'm glad to know that all of the moaning and grunting and other odd (in a good way) noises I have coaxed out of you have been authentic. Snogging you is absolutely my favourite pastime too, and if I don't get to do it again soon, I may take total leave of my senses and start kissing James. Actually, I might do it just to see the look on his face (ahh, my second favourite pastime rears its ugly head again). I assure you that the overconfident, obnoxious, utterly irresistible pup you fell desperately in love with is back to stay. Save your cauldrons for your pathetic attempts at potions, love. You have far more interesting ways of punishing me when I'm naughty.

Is your 'hissy fit' definition in your special Words That Only Moony Uses dictionary? So maybe I am prone to outbursts and so-called fits (I cannot handle the 'hissy' part, but 'fit' I suppose is tolerable). Sometimes you just need to yell and throw things and make empty threats, it's good for you. Engage in a smidgen of name-calling one day, it's rather liberating. You could do with a little of that, my emotionally constipated man-toy. If feelings were carbon, Moony, you'd have an arse-full of diamonds. My mind does seem to keep going for the back door today, doesn't it. Yours in particular. I wanted to touch you there the last time I was lucky enough to have your gorgeous cock in my mouth (funny how your cock is in my mouth in all of my stories...one might think I'm a bit preoccupied), but I didn't want to freak you out. Would it have been ok? Merlin, I'm so hard right now, see what you do to me? Do you think we're ready to shag for real? I mean, I love what we do, you know I do, but what if that's even better? I have to stop thinking about this, it's killing me.

I'm going to go now. Prongs' panic is reaching the nervous breakdown stage and I fear he may begin weeping if I don't go smack some sense into him. I suppose I'll help him pick out a gift, so he doesn't go there with something moronic that will make her hate him more. I'd leave the gift-buying to you, since you're really part woman, but I think she rather has enough books. We all must definitely get some brilliant new muggle clothes for the party. We might go shopping at the muggle stores when we go to the muggle beach next muggle week. I think I fancy some of those leather trousers. Sound good?

I lied. One more apology. I'm so sorry for everything I put you through. I know you must have been mental the whole time I was gone and you don't deserve that. All you did was make a mistake and everyone knows I'm way ahead of you in that department. You forgive me every time, no matter how much I cock things up, so I'd be the world's biggest hypocrite if I couldn't forgive you for making one. I was never mad at you. I love you. I have a feeling that once I have you in my arms again, everything that's buggered up will slip right back into place. Wednesday can't come soon enough. What time will your flitting warden let you out?

Forever,
Sirius

P.S. Stop blaming yourself. Nothing was your fault.

P.P.S. No one is allowed to call you a sodding man-whore but me (that also excludes you). Those times are designated by and limited to situations when we are in the throes of passion and shockingly filthy dirty talk is bloody hot.

P.P.P.S. Devoured by a manticore? You call ME a drama queen?

P.P.P.P.S. The sorting hat put you in Gryffindor so I could more easily molest you, silly.

P.P.P.P...whatever.... Tell me you're not still writing to Prewett. You may think it's all innocent, Remus, but I've SEEN the way he looks at you. He practically bloody drools on his nancy-boy boots he's always wearing when he's close to you. Stay away from him. I don't trust him. You're too nice to him and he's taking it the wrong way. Not everyone has to like you. He's a smarmy git and he's trying to take advantage of you.

Tags: sirius

orgy_nibbles @ 05:36 pm: 18 July, 1976
Sweet Sirius,

I'm so relieved that you came to your senses before getting to London. Merlin knows what would have happened to you. I was so frightened that they would hurt you. He's not worth your getting hurt or sent to Azkaban over. Come to think of it, neither am I. This is entirely my fault, I'm such an idiot. I should have waited until we were together to confess to you about that night, I knew you would react badly. I was so afraid to tell you, though. It just seemed simpler to tell you in a letter. I'm a coward.

Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. It was NOT your fault AT ALL. It was completely my doing, I don't even blame Regulus, really. He was just as messed up as I was. Even though I thought that he was you, I still shouldn't have done anything. If he had been you, I'd still have been taking advantage of someone who was not in their right mind. Not that I was in my right mind, either. I don't know. It's all so confusing. I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to understand how I could have let something like that happen, and I've been remembering little things. I'm sure I called him by your name before the morning. Didn't he notice that? Why did he not say something then? I'd like to know exactly what type of potion he had taken, I tell you that. But I guess I should just leave it. Finding out won't undo what has been done, right? We have to just try and move on, salvage our relationship. I hope this is possible, Sirius. Because I love you more than anything in the world and if I lost you, I don't know what I would do.

If he ever throws it in your face there will be no need for you to kill him, for I will. One of the details of our agreement was that he would leave you alone. Didn't you notice that he didn't sneer at you or speak to you for most of last year? I made him promise. He doesn't want any of his pure-blood friends to know what happened between us. I have leverage and he knows it. Who can he tell but you? And you already know. His bargaining tool is now gone. If he ever makes a snide remark to you about it, or anything else, for that matter, tell me. I will deal with him.

I promise you that I didn't shag him. It went quite far, I'm afraid, but not that far. Even if the events of that night are a little foggy in my mind, I am sure on this point. Neither of us were, well, particularily uncomfortable the next morning. So I know we did not. I never want to be with anyone but you, ever. When it happens, it will be perfect and it will be ours. I love you so much.

I understand completely that you are extremely upset, I was expecting as much. Well, perhaps not that you would take off to London, but I should have known you'd do something like that. I'm very relieved that you don't hate me for this, although I would deserve it if you did. We do need to see each other and discuss this face to face, very much. I so need to see you, it's becoming painful.

I was wondering if you and James want to meet me at Diagon Alley on Wednesday. I invited Wormtail, as well. We can go clothes shopping and look for a gift for Lily. I'd feel more comfortable if I were present at the purchasing of said gift. We don't want to frighten the poor girl. Maybe we can ditch Prongs and Wormtail for a little while and have a long talk. I'm sure we could find somewhere semi-private to assure that we aren't interrupted.

So, let me know if you want to see me yet.

I cannot put into words how sorry I am, Sirius. Just remember that somewhere near Bristol, there is a sodding man-whore who loves you.

Remus

Tags: remus