orgy_nibbles @ : 24 July, 1976
Remus,
I have to make this quick. We're about to leave for the beach in this ridiculous muggle car my dad leased. Sirius caught a fit when he saw your letter was for me and he's been driving me absolutely batty trying to read it. I've managed to hold him off and I told him I felt a raging case of diarrhoea coming on so he'd leave me alone. So needless to say, I'm writing to you from the toilet. He actually had to stop and decide for a minute whether or not he was going to let me come in here alone. He's nothing if not dedicated to his causes. Nutter.
He told me he was going to tell you I was upset by things you said in your letter, which I did briefly steal from him, but I'll explain why later. He wanted me to read it for myself, but I said I refused if the word 'cock' was used in it. He said it wasn't and why would he use that word when they both have perfectly good names. I really, really, really did not want to know what he was talking about, but then I found out anyway and I must say that I'm quite honoured (in a horrified way) to have a namesake. Guess I don't have to have children of my own now. How could it get any better?
Anyway, he just read me the parts of it that had to supposedly do with me (along with a few things that didn't, but I'm in the process of mentally blocking that out so I can look you in the eye again when I see you next.) I never dreamed you'd actually believe any of that rubbish. You know how he loves to take the piss as often as he can. Even with you. It's his twisted way of showing affection, you know that. I mean can you honestly ever picture me calling you 'sweet' or ' that lovely young boy'? You know you're very important to me and I like you loads, but those words will never come out of my mouth to describe you. You must be in a right state if you really thought I said those things. I'm sorry, Moony, I would have stopped him from doing it if I had known you were already so upset. And yes, despite what you may think, I can stop him if I want to, I just save it for when it's really important. Could be the most valuable thing I've learned at Hogwarts so far.
Now I'll explain why I stole your letter from him. I assure you, as soon as I saw that the first line read "You allowed James to suck you off," the realisation that this was far more punishment for me than for him set in and I promptly handed the letter over, begging for no clarification of the statement. He deserved the attempted retribution. You should see what he did to me, Moony, just because he was bloody bored or he wanted to see if he could. We were having breakfast and he was staring at me oddly. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling on my forehead. I yelled at him to stop looking at me like that and then he burst out laughing. I ran to the loo to look and he had made hair grow on my face to make it look like I had one giant eyebrow! He didn't even use his bloody wand! He swears he didn't do it, but there's no other explanation. It's more than a little scary that someone as mental as him is capable of such things. My mum fixed me up soon after, so I am now returned to my handsome self.
He is definitely an influence on you, though I wouldn't necessarily say it was a bad one. I think you've smiled more in the past months that you two have been together than you did in the 4 years I knew you before that. And I know you're the best thing to happen to him since getting sorted into Gryffindor. I'm honestly a little envious of how much you two dolts love each other. All the little things you two share; the casual touches in the hallway when you think no one's looking, always having a seat saved for you in class, knowing you never have to sleep alone. I want that too. I hope it happens one day. I tell only you this, Remus, because I know you'll never use it against me like certain others would. If he ever finds out, I shall deny it to my grave.
I'm not asking what information you think he's withholding from you (for same fear of involvement of male genitalia expressed in previous letter), but if he is, I'm sure he's not doing it out of cruelty. One thing you have to give him, Remus, is that there's not a cruel bone in his body, especially where you're concerned. He probably just thinks that whatever it is might hurt you and he wants to protect you from that.
Try as you might, you know you can't stay mad at him. He's not a dog by accident. Who can stay mad at a big, goofy, lovable pup even if he has a pee on the floor occasionally. Yell at him if it makes you feel better, but just know that he'd never intentionally hurt you.
So much for a quick letter, eh? I'd better go now, he's caught on to my ploy and is threatening to break the door down. I may just have to let him read your letter so I can sneak away and get this one sent off. I'm sure we'll figure out a way to still owl even from the beach.
You knew you were in for a challenge when this started . Don't be too hard on him.
Best,
James
P.S. I heard about the ridiculous debate over who is the man and who is the woman in your relationship. Honestly, you're both bloody birds, taking turns having your fits. I tell him regularly that I think he's the woman. It frustrates him so satisfyingly.
P.P.S. If I ever do develop deep-seated homosexual love for either of you, it would be you. Just so you know. Yes, I'm man enough to admit that.
P.P.P.S. I'm nervous about Lily's party. What should I wear? I know we're going to a muggle club, but I'm not wearing any ridiculous leather trousers. What would she like?
Tags: james
Remus,
I have to make this quick. We're about to leave for the beach in this ridiculous muggle car my dad leased. Sirius caught a fit when he saw your letter was for me and he's been driving me absolutely batty trying to read it. I've managed to hold him off and I told him I felt a raging case of diarrhoea coming on so he'd leave me alone. So needless to say, I'm writing to you from the toilet. He actually had to stop and decide for a minute whether or not he was going to let me come in here alone. He's nothing if not dedicated to his causes. Nutter.
He told me he was going to tell you I was upset by things you said in your letter, which I did briefly steal from him, but I'll explain why later. He wanted me to read it for myself, but I said I refused if the word 'cock' was used in it. He said it wasn't and why would he use that word when they both have perfectly good names. I really, really, really did not want to know what he was talking about, but then I found out anyway and I must say that I'm quite honoured (in a horrified way) to have a namesake. Guess I don't have to have children of my own now. How could it get any better?
Anyway, he just read me the parts of it that had to supposedly do with me (along with a few things that didn't, but I'm in the process of mentally blocking that out so I can look you in the eye again when I see you next.) I never dreamed you'd actually believe any of that rubbish. You know how he loves to take the piss as often as he can. Even with you. It's his twisted way of showing affection, you know that. I mean can you honestly ever picture me calling you 'sweet' or ' that lovely young boy'? You know you're very important to me and I like you loads, but those words will never come out of my mouth to describe you. You must be in a right state if you really thought I said those things. I'm sorry, Moony, I would have stopped him from doing it if I had known you were already so upset. And yes, despite what you may think, I can stop him if I want to, I just save it for when it's really important. Could be the most valuable thing I've learned at Hogwarts so far.
Now I'll explain why I stole your letter from him. I assure you, as soon as I saw that the first line read "You allowed James to suck you off," the realisation that this was far more punishment for me than for him set in and I promptly handed the letter over, begging for no clarification of the statement. He deserved the attempted retribution. You should see what he did to me, Moony, just because he was bloody bored or he wanted to see if he could. We were having breakfast and he was staring at me oddly. All of a sudden, I felt a tingling on my forehead. I yelled at him to stop looking at me like that and then he burst out laughing. I ran to the loo to look and he had made hair grow on my face to make it look like I had one giant eyebrow! He didn't even use his bloody wand! He swears he didn't do it, but there's no other explanation. It's more than a little scary that someone as mental as him is capable of such things. My mum fixed me up soon after, so I am now returned to my handsome self.
He is definitely an influence on you, though I wouldn't necessarily say it was a bad one. I think you've smiled more in the past months that you two have been together than you did in the 4 years I knew you before that. And I know you're the best thing to happen to him since getting sorted into Gryffindor. I'm honestly a little envious of how much you two dolts love each other. All the little things you two share; the casual touches in the hallway when you think no one's looking, always having a seat saved for you in class, knowing you never have to sleep alone. I want that too. I hope it happens one day. I tell only you this, Remus, because I know you'll never use it against me like certain others would. If he ever finds out, I shall deny it to my grave.
I'm not asking what information you think he's withholding from you (for same fear of involvement of male genitalia expressed in previous letter), but if he is, I'm sure he's not doing it out of cruelty. One thing you have to give him, Remus, is that there's not a cruel bone in his body, especially where you're concerned. He probably just thinks that whatever it is might hurt you and he wants to protect you from that.
Try as you might, you know you can't stay mad at him. He's not a dog by accident. Who can stay mad at a big, goofy, lovable pup even if he has a pee on the floor occasionally. Yell at him if it makes you feel better, but just know that he'd never intentionally hurt you.
So much for a quick letter, eh? I'd better go now, he's caught on to my ploy and is threatening to break the door down. I may just have to let him read your letter so I can sneak away and get this one sent off. I'm sure we'll figure out a way to still owl even from the beach.
You knew you were in for a challenge when this started . Don't be too hard on him.
Best,
James
P.S. I heard about the ridiculous debate over who is the man and who is the woman in your relationship. Honestly, you're both bloody birds, taking turns having your fits. I tell him regularly that I think he's the woman. It frustrates him so satisfyingly.
P.P.S. If I ever do develop deep-seated homosexual love for either of you, it would be you. Just so you know. Yes, I'm man enough to admit that.
P.P.P.S. I'm nervous about Lily's party. What should I wear? I know we're going to a muggle club, but I'm not wearing any ridiculous leather trousers. What would she like?
Tags: james