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Carrie Kelley ([info]girlwonder) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2008-08-08 23:10:00

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Entry tags:carrie kelley, dick grayson

who. Carrie Kelley [narrative] and Dick Grayson
what. emoing because her daddy left her, that douche
when. tonight
where. NYC, high above the city


There was a cool wind blowing, which seemed much too strange for August weather and all too fitting for the moment. Carrie didn't really feel it. She wrapped her bare arms around herself more for emotional comfort than for warmth and didn't really notice the gooseflesh. Perched on the edge of one of the taller buildings in the city, Carrie was just sitting and trying to get all the tears out of her system at once.

As long as she could remember, she'd never really had any one permanent thing in her life. Her parents hadn't ever really counted, as they'd treated her more like a pet than a child. They'd come and go as they pleased. They'd ignore Carrie as their moods dictated. It had been the same with her friends. Back home, Carrie hadn't attracted the most loyal of friends. It'd been Batman who'd taken her in and taught her. Batman who had been her father and her friend. Carrie had built her life around him at the tender age of thirteen, giving up her normal life for something new and exciting and different. She'd done it with pleasure because Batman could give her forever. As long as she fought beside him, she'd thought she'd have him forever.

It seemed silly and foolish now. Just like everyone else, Batman had left.

He hadn't even said goodbye. Carrie might have respected that, if he'd come to her in the middle of the night and told her that he'd needed space. But she'd found out from a little piece of paper, a neat script that held no warmth or apology. It was all business. Just like Bruce.

For the longest time, Carrie had been Batman's biggest apologist. But she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to forgive him for what he'd done. So much bad had happened in the past few weeks. One of her friends had disappeared without a word and she hadn't been able to find him. Jason and Cassandra were in the hospital. The Joker was here. Even with him rotting in a cell, Carrie was scared.

And angry. Beneath all the tears and sorrow and fear was an anger that was just waiting to be free. Even as she cried, Carrie thought about the angry letter of resignation she would be writing Bruce upon his return. She thought about the new costume she'd make. It would be a fresh start that would cut all ties to Batman.

The one constant in her life was gone. Not only was he gone, he'd chosen to leave her. He could have twisted a knife in her back. That probably would have hurt less. Carrie felt fresh tears spring to her eyes a voice in the back of her head repeated the thought.

He left you.

He left you.

Carrie covered her mouth. There was no one else here. She was far too high up to be heard from the street. Still, she tried to stifle the noises coming out of her mouth. She didn't like to hear herself cry. Even with Batman gone, she was trying to be the good, strong soldier he'd trained her to be. She was daddy's little girl, even if daddy didn't want her anymore.



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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-09 11:19 pm UTC (link)
Carrie fell silent. She pulled away just a bit from Dick so that she could watch her legs dangle over the edge of the building. She stared down at the people below, who looked more like ants from this height. One of her hands went to his, threading their fingers together. She barked out a harsh laugh suddenly. "There's probably going to be a service for Bruce Wayne." She continued to laugh and it grew slightly hysterical. "It'll be the second fake funeral for him I'll attend." She was crying again as she laughed, shoulders shaking and tears streaming down her cheeks. "Isn't that stupid?"

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 12:15 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, there is. An empty casket in a cemetery upstate." He wasn't looking forward to it. There was so much to do in planning a funeral. Alfred was, of course, doing much of the work, but there was a lot that called for the next of kin. And Dick didn't want to burden Alfred besides; he had as much on his plate as any of them, to say nothing of how difficult it must have been to have an angry teenager in the house.

"Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. Doubly so now. Bruce Wayne gets a big public service for people who want to see what celebrities show up, then we'll say there was a smaller one without the press." It was probably sad that he had given thought to this long before anyone had disappeared; it was possible that he would have had to do this if it came to that. Except that Carrie would never be in the dark about it.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 12:28 am UTC (link)
She continued to laugh, quieter and more controlled this time. Her free hand was brushed her cheeks dry. Carrie snuggled close to Dick for warmth and for comfort. "I don't get to dig him out this time," she said sadly. Her lips curled into an empty smirk, her eyes were staring blankly ahead.

She didn't really get why there was so much pain. Thoughts of a funeral service just made it all the worse. But Bruce wasn't really dead. He'd even be back eventually. And yet something was different and it hurt. Carrie sniffed. "I'll stop crying eventually." She almost sounded apologetic.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 01:15 am UTC (link)
"Cry until you don't need to anymore. Sadness falls under the 'for better or for worse' part of our marriage." He held her tight as he looked over the city. Their city, now. It had been their city first, long before Batman arrived, but once he got there it was like this place was Gotham and they were just helping in the Mission rather than leading their own.

He wasn't going to ask Carrie to join him for a while. He might not go out for a while. Dick knew that Carrie would get by without him, but he wanted to be there for her as much as possible. Besides, there were plenty of things he could do while sticking close.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 01:28 am UTC (link)
Under different circumstances, they might have renewed their vows and had a real wedding after taking the Joker down. With Bruce gone, celebration was the last thing on Carrie's mind. Still, the mention of their marriage managed to put a small smile on her face. For once, the fact that she was a wife didn't feel surreal. Carrie nodded. There were tears welling up in her eyes which she promptly blinked away.

"You're not ever allowed to leave." There was a slight tremble to her voice. Dick leaving or disappearing would be enough to break her beyond repair, she knew. "If you leave me," she said, rubbing her nose with the back of her free hand, "I will find you and hurt you and then leave you." A pause. "Understand?"

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 01:41 am UTC (link)
"I'll keep that in mind." Sometimes it was still strange to him that it was working with Carrie. Whenever he'd has a relationship last this long before, it ended in some horrible way. The first time, Kory... well, a lot happened in a row. And then with Barbara it had been more a consequence of both of them being someone that the other wasn't quite expecting.

But he and Carrie had been through a lot. Hell on Earth and loss and fear and tragedy. Arguments, fights, near death experiences. And it all still worked somehow. "I was a little bit afraid.... When things like this happen, I always expect something worse to follow. And I automatically thought of losing you." He sighed. "I know you love me. Just... keep remembering that, okay?"

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 01:52 am UTC (link)
"I wouldn't... I'm not going anywhere." She met his eyes when she spoke, trying to reassure him as best she could. "Promise." In the beginning, when they'd found out about the marriage, Carrie hadn't been sure she could handle it. She'd never planned for that kind of life. The idea of her being married had once frightened her badly enough to send her running. But the longer they stayed together, the better it felt. Leaving Dick was the last thing on her mind. Even after finding out about Bruce, the thought of moving away from Dick hadn't really crossed her mind.

She'd come a long way in about a year's time.

Sighing quietly, Carrie brought a hand up to his face and traced his jawline with her fingertip. She guided his face closer to hers so that she could kiss him.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 03:52 am UTC (link)
Dick never minded kissing Carrie, but he was a little surprised. Maybe he shouldn't have been. It wasn't that unusual to reach out for that kind of comfort; he'd done it himself at one point or another. But right here, right now, that was a bit stranger.

Dick decided that this wasn't the place and now wasn't the moment. When she broke the kiss, he put his arm around her. "Come on." Holding tight to her, he picked up what gear was sitting nearby and leapt off the building, firing his line gun at just the right time to swing through the air. Ordinarily he would be showing off. Now he was just getting home.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 11:20 am UTC (link)
Carrie hung onto Dick's side, hoping that the strain of using a line gun while holding an extra hundred pounds in his arms wouldn't strain his stitches too much. She wasn't overly concerned, as Dick could probably hold her up with one finger and not break into a sweat immediately. Still, the nagging worry lingered and wouldn't be gone until they got home.

While in the air, Carrie watched the city fly by underneath them. New York felt emptier. Or maybe she was just projecting her feelings onto the city. Carrie felt her eyes water and told herself that it was the wind in her face that caused the world to go blurry. Blinking it away, she turned back to Dick and buried her face in his shoulder.

"We should use the door," she said mildly, knowing he'd probably enter the apartment through their window.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 10:07 pm UTC (link)
"You're so old fashioned." Dick quickly looked around as they touched down in front of their building. Technically their identities were public knowledge, but with the Joker around, he would prefer that "technically" didn't become "definitely." The security cameras were a non-issue; he'd been hacking them since he moved in. Nightwing and Robin gear was processed through a pattern recognition system and transformed into boring hoodies.

Dick pushed the button for the elevator and waited. He still had his arm around her. He would have carried her, if she'd have asked. It was just easier to touch Carrie than to not touch Carrie right now.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 10:23 pm UTC (link)
"You're injured," Carrie pointed out gently, hand lightly sliding over the spot where his costume covered bandage. The elevator dinged as the door opened and the pair walked inside. Carrie was silent and didn't move from Dick's grasp. His touch was grounding, his presence comforting.

Carrie saw herself in the reflection of the elevator door. Her eyes were dry but red and her cheeks were puffy. She'd seen better days. One of her hands went to her head, fingers combing her hair back. "Thanks for coming to get me," she said once the elevator door opened and they walked out into the hallway.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-10 10:33 pm UTC (link)
"I've been swinging on worse injuries than this since I was four. I can handle a window." He took her hand from his bandage and kissed it. "But thanks for thinking about me."

When Carrie spoke again, Dick kissed her cheek. "You're welcome. You never need to say thanks for that." In truth though, he was glad she hadn't minded that he went to her. There were times when Carrie said she wanted to be alone when she really did want to be alone, and there were times when she thought she wanted to be alone, and sometimes it was hard to tell which was which. Dick was glad to get it right.

He opened the door to their apartment and took off his mask.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-10 10:49 pm UTC (link)
"I know," Carrie said. There was something new to her steps, something heavy hanging over her head. Her voice was lower and slightly somber. She wasn't sure if that would go away anytime soon.

She waited for Dick to finish locking the door before resting her hands on his shoulders and stepping on her tip toes so she could kiss him, slow and deep. When it broke, she didn't really pull away. With eyes closed, she kept her face close to his. "I'm glad I asked you to marry me. I'm glad you said yes. And I'm glad we're still married. I'm lucky to have you." She wasn't very fond of talking feelings normally, but it seemed important to let him know how she felt right then.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-11 12:45 am UTC (link)
"I'd marry you again in a heartbeat." He knew she knew that, but he felt the need to say it again, especially since this was possibly the first time she'd really expressed comfort with the idea of their being married. Most of the time her feelings were closer to acceptance, not really comfort.

He put his arms around her again and held her as close as she was holding him. If not for what had just happened with Bruce, he'd be on one knee right now.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-11 12:59 am UTC (link)
His words put a very small smile on Carrie's lips. For the first time tonight, there wasn't bitterness or sorrow etched into her features. She kissed him quickly. "I know." She almost suggested that he ask again when she wasn't feeling so broken up, but held it back. That discussion was for another day.

"I love you." She kissed him once more. One of her arms snaked around his back. Her fingers found their way to the back of his neck. "Can we go to bed?" Her voice held an edge of tired desperation. She hadn't gotten any fighting in today and yet she felt completely worn out.

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[info]gothamboy
2008-08-11 01:32 am UTC (link)
"Yeah." He tried to walk, but realized rather stupidly that he was still holding on to her. So, rather than face the prospect of letting her go, Dick just picked Carrie up and carried her into the bedroom. It was a habit that he could very easily get into.

Dick hadn't really done much in the way of crimefighting today, and felt a little bit bad about it. But the city had Robin and Starfire and their team, it had Cuddy's kids, it had Ollie and probably Kimber today. Carrie needed Dick more than New York did.

He placed her gently on the bed and kicked off his boots as he took off the top of his uniform. Dick made sure the bandage was all right and the stitches hadn't reopened in the mirror.

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[info]girlwonder
2008-08-11 01:52 am UTC (link)
Carrie's hands lingered on Dick's body as he set her down. She didn't want to let him go, even if it was just so that he check his wound and change out of his costume, but she did. While he was in front of the mirror, she silently watched his back for a few seconds.

When she shifted in the bed, Carrie realizing she was still fully dressed. It took her a few seconds to kick off her sneakers. In a move that lacked her usual grace, she wiggled out of her jeans and tossed them on the floor. She then turned her attention back to Dick.

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