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Tony Stark/Iron Man (boots_of_lead) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-06-16 19:24:00

Entry tags:

thirteen, tony stark

Who: Tony and Remy
Where: Riding in his car
When: Late last night
Why: He's screwing up their marriage and they need to talk
Rating: R for language because they'll end up yelling at some point

He could be a man about this. He could tell her that, yes, he was in love with Pepper, but he didn't love her any less. Tony knew he felt like this for both of them and had known it for a little while now, but he had buried it down as deep as he could. It was easy to ignore that when he didn't see Pepper aside from her speaking to the other version of himself. But that night, seeing her dying and the face she was so in love with the other had been it. It'd broken him, made him angry and he'd finally admitted every bit of it to himself and to her.

But in turn, he was ruining the best thing that'd ever happened to him. And it was slowly killing him inside that he was destroying the one person he'd promised he wouldn't, despite that he'd told her up front how he was and that old habits died hard with him. He pulled into the parking lot of the motel she'd told him to pick her up at, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel out of nervousness as he spotted her.

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 02:35 am UTC (link)

Oh for god's sake. She looked over at him finally with this bewildered look on her face, "So that's it? Because she's closed the book on you, that's the only reason you're still hitting here? And if she decides to forgive you or .. what the fuck ever else.. for fuck's sake, Tony.." she shook her head and yanked her hand out of his.

"Don't you think you should have fucking handled this before you asked some other woman to be your wife? 'But I'm in love with you too'," she mocked. "You're making it sound like you've just got two really hot chicks in the sack and you can't fucking figure out which one to sleep with because they're best friends. I am your wife. And the mother of your children and that's all you can say is that??"

The funny thing was that she could probably dealt with him fucking around on her much better then this. Then she would have just kicked his ass. This was just so much worse. "The fact.. the simple fact that you regard me and her on the same fucking level is just.. that's what I can't live with." she was angry, and yelling a bit but not screaming.

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 03:01 am UTC (link)

"I didn't handle it because I didn't realize it because she wasn't fucking here!" And he hit his fist against the steering wheel as hard as he could. "She wasn't here...." he said again, more like a soft whispered realization than anything. It had finally dawned on him why this had happened this way. It had been easy for him to not think of how he'd felt all those years when she wasn't there. He loved Remy fiercely, and he never doubted that love for a second, but it grew in the absence of Pepper, and he'd somehow forgotten about the lovely assistant who had been so much more to him. He'd replaced her, pure and simple. But the displacement of feelings for Pepper onto Remy had grown and developed. He'd wanted to marry her, have children with her. She had operated on him, fixed him when no one else had done it. Remy had fixed Tony in ways Pepper had not, could not. Because he hadn't been willing to let go of Pepper, he didn't feel whole like he had before she'd shown up.

He hadn't been allowed to say goodbye without her here. Just like his parents. Tony had issues with abandonment and he felt like he'd abandoned Pepper to an uncertain fate without them side by side. But she had her own Tony now, and she would be well taken care of. He'd see to it she was. He was th Tony Stark she deserved. Not the one who pined for her.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. You're my wife and their mother, and I don't want to lose any of that. I don't want to lose you because my heart just couldn't let her go. I needed to say goodbye and I have when she died." He swallowed thickly and turned his head away from her, though not in time to hide the tear that streaked down his cheek at that moment. He'd been fidgeting with the wedding ring on his finger since the talk started, but now his hand had relaxed from it, leaving it alone.

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 03:15 am UTC (link)

Maybe she didn't get it because she'd never had anyone that she could have not known she was in love with. She knew that he had abandonment issues, but she just didn't have them. She waited forever for her mother to die, and had all the time in the world to come to terms with it. He didn't. She understood that part. She leaned forward in her seat and put her head in her hands, pushing back her hair and sighed. "You just don't want me to leave you because then you'll be alone because she doesn't want you.." she muttered. He might have figured out what his problem was, but that didn't mean he magically didn't love her or something.

"You said goodbye.. but you're still in love with her. You're still going to go running every time she needs you.. anytime she's in trouble, you're going to go and I'm going to wonder if you're going to come back.. I don't feel like that any other time. I don't feel like.. when you go out to save someone you're going to never come home because I trust you.. I trust you to tell me you're leaving before you go sticking your dick in her.. but I don't know if I can trust you not to give every other part of you to her without me knowing.. she's already got.. more then I ever could.." she fiddled with the seatbelt and opened the door and got out. She didn't go anywhere, she just leaned up against the car and tried not to kick it instead of hitting him.

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 03:39 am UTC (link)

The second she slammed the car door shut, he started beating on the steering wheel, making it honk several times as he yelled in frustration. The car even swayed from the furious motions. After a minute, he got out and slammed his door to walk around to her side. "Is that it? Are you afraid I'm going to go off and fuck her? That I'm going to...to just cheat on you with her? How can you say she has more of me than you ever will? Where am I right now? Where have I been? With you, not with her. Aside from the two times I've left, I have not left your side. I have not abandoned you when I know you're sick, when you choose to tell me you've had an attack. I took a bullet when men threatened your life...the life of our unborn child."

His hands had clenched so hard at his sides he was sure there were marks in the palms. "I will go if she is in trouble, if she needs me but she has one of her own. And you have me, and you're going to have all of me in the end."

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 03:52 am UTC (link)

"I don't know.. maybe that's part of it. I'd hope you'd have the balls to leave me before you start fucking around behind my back, but who knows really.." she didn't move, her hands folded on top of her chest so that she didn't lash out at him or anything. "How can I say that? For god's sake Tony, she was a part of your life ALL the fucking time. You were with her practically your whole fucking life. She was the ONLY one there.. she already had most of you and I was just too stupid to see it.." her head was down, and her words were clipped.

"I tried.. I tried SO fucking hard when she showed up to be okay with her even being here and not to be jealous.. but you're in love with her.. You're in LOVE with her, whatever the fuck you've done with me is pretty much null and fucking void when you LOVE SOMEONE OTHER THEN WHO YOU'RE MARRIED TO.." that part she really yelled at him. She sank down onto the ground, sobbing that time. He was still going to go to her, she just couldn't and wouldn't forgive that. She'd been trying not to give him some stupid ultimatum but maybe she had to. Or maybe she just had to do it herself.

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 04:12 am UTC (link)

There was just part of him that couldn't understand why he wasn't allowed to have Pepper in his life in some capacity and another part that did understand. She didn't trust him anymore. "Fine. In the morning it will all be over. It will be done, and we won't have to worry about her ever again. You'll be able to trust your husband again." He was surprised at how clipped his own words were, but he was deathly serious. He knew what he had to do, and he was thankfully glad there were those here who could perform what he needed. "If you hate me and want to leave after that, then you're free to go. I won't stop you."

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 04:21 am UTC (link)

Remy had no idea what he was talking about. In fact she pretty much thought he meant that he'd had enough, that he was just going to leave, "What?" she looked up at him through tear stained eyes. "I don't hate you.. god.. I love you.. I love you.. me.. I just want you to be here.. with me.. and that's it.. not anywhere else.. I don't want you to wish you were some where else.. I feel like I did something wrong.. like I wasn't enough.. " she wasn't yelling anymore, just crying. "I need you. She doesn't.. if some.. guy came here.. from before.. I wouldn't ever even think to look twice.. do you even want to stop being in love with her?"

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 04:33 am UTC (link)

"You didn't do anything wrong! God! I have been saying all along it's my fault for feeling this way, that it hasn't been anything you've said or done to me or haven't done. You're not the one lacking. It's me! What have I got to do to make you understand that? Huh!?" And now she was crying even harder, and he didn't know what to do with himself or her. All of this was just a big fucking mess and every time they opened their mouths it got worse. "I won't love her anymore. I'll have it taken care of. I'll be your Tony again and no one else's and you'll never have to worry about me ever because I'll won't remember any other love but yours. If that is what ti takes to make me the right man so that I stop hurting you, then that is how it will have to be. The name Pepper Potts won't even ring a bell anymore."

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 04:44 am UTC (link)

"You.." she began and then just shook her head. "You can't go around messing with your mind like that.. you don't know what will happen.." but it wasn't like she was going to forbid him to do it. She put her hands in her lap because they were shaking. She didn't know if she was just really stressed out or whether it was happening because she was stressed out and it had to do with her condition. "You'll resent me.. because eventually.. you'll realize you should have memories and not remember maybe why you don't have them.." she sighed. "Is it too hard to just stay home with me and the baby and focus on that.. instead of anything else?"

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 04:58 am UTC (link)

"Doctor Strange is capable of it. He'll know what to do, what not to touch and what should be altered." Though Tony knew messing around in his head would be the worst thing ever, he knew Doctor Strange could be trusted with that task. But then he saw her hands shaking as he looked down at her, and he knew it was his fault this time. He crouched down on front of her and took her hands in his to hold them, that maybe he could still them somehow. "No, it's not too hard to do that." But bad things happened all of the time, and it didn't take much for Tony to fly off if he felt he could do good. "I love you very much and I'm going to do this for us. Because it has to be done because I don't trust myself to let go like I should. I can't stay home forever just so you don't think I've gone off to her." He picked up her hands and kissed each one. "It's the only way."

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 05:11 am UTC (link)

Remy was so tired, and so weary and done with the fighting. She didn't want to argue or fight or anything else. When he took her hands, she looked up at him. He couldn't even trust himself. She should have just given up then but instead she leaned forward and put her arms around his neck and cried into his neck. "I'm sorry..." she muttered. She didn't want him to have to do something like that, but she didn't want to do this anymore. She just wanted him and that was it. Her face was buried against his neck and she kept muttering over and over, still crying. "Don't go.."

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 05:26 am UTC (link)

Tony was exhausted himself. He hadn't slept at all in a long while and his body was starting to hate him for pushing it so hard, but the stress of the situations had done a number on him. He didn't want to fight any more. He wanted things to be as they were more than anything. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, he, in turn, put his around her and lifted her up from the ground. "It's not your fault and I don't want you to believe that for a second," he said as he ran a hand over her back. "I love you," and he tilted his head to kiss her on the temple softly before leaning his head against hers as he just held her.

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 05:38 am UTC (link)

She slid into his lap, still holding onto him as tightly as she could. "I love you too.." she mumbled against his neck, trying to get herself to stop shaking and to stop crying. Him holding onto her was helping a bit though. "Whatever you want to do is okay with me.. I'll.. deal with it.. either way.. as long as you don't go. I don't care.. as long as you stay.." because apparently him leaving was worse then being in love with another woman.

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boots_of_lead
2008-06-17 05:58 am UTC (link)

He just sort of collapsed on the ground with her, holding onto her tightly and rocking the two of them back and forth a little. "I'm not going to leave you," he said, still hugging her tight. Still holding her, he got up off the ground as best he could. He needed to get them home. Sophie was probably worried about them, and he didn't like leaving the baby like that, either. "Sweetheart, let's go home. I've missed you not being there." He hadn't slept without her in the bed beside him; he kept reaching out and feeling for her only to find out she wasn't there.

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notunlucky
2008-06-17 06:10 am UTC (link)

Remy nodded a little and finally unwound herself from his grasp so that she could get up and get into the car. "Yeah okay.." being home would be good. She'd have to apologize for running out in the first place, but Sophie had already reamed her out for that one. Being away from him for those two nights was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. "Sleep would be good.. really good.." she got into the car and let him go ahead and drive them home.

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