InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Silence is an answer too."

lillie shipton ☄ dean winchester (realboobs) wrote in thereincarnates,
@ 2011-07-09 13:15:00

Entry tags:

cassie macmahon, justin anderson, lillie shipton, shane savage

Who: Lillie White and... any and all Winchesters? Even the fake ones? DON'T CURR, HAVE AT IT.
What: Learning the hard way how to be a real Winchester.
Where: A diner in Lawrence, Kansas
When: Backdated to Friday morning, July 8th, 2011
Warnings: The usual Winchester warnings? Angst, language, more angst, etc.

Sitting in the diner all by herself, Lillie was a picture-perfect representation of completely lost. She sat in the very corner of the booth farthest from the door, back against the wall, feet on the seat, knees to her chest, one elbow on the table with her hand propping up her head while the other idly fiddled with the necklace hanging over her shirt. Her face was glum, her milkshake half drunk and all but forgotten. Never in her life had she felt more out of place. Or less like a Winchester. That was the real problem. She didn't feel like a Winchester at all.

She'd had Dean for a long time now – been Dean in more ways than one, and she'd been okay with that, but she'd never been Dean in the ways that mattered. That much was obvious now. She'd had her issues growing up – her mom dying, running away from school, being more or less homeless until someone cared enough to start looking for her – but even they weren't serious enough for Lillie to get her act together and stop treating life like it was a constant party, and Dean had never really been inclined to convince her otherwise. After all the shit he'd lived through? All of that was practically a vacation. Michael dying, though. Lucifer killing Michael right in front of their eyes. That was different. A wake-up call, if there ever was one. Dean accepted it with his signature Winchester resignation, but Lillie? Wasn't ready for it.

Which was basically why she'd been acting like a total flake the past few weeks. Cassie, Shane, even Justin had been taking everything bad that was happening in the world in stride, while all Lillie wanted to do was hide. They were all trying to help, and Dean wanted to help too, wanted to save the world like he always did, but what did Lillie do? She ran away. Just like she always did. This was the sixth time in her life she had run away from her problems, but this by far the one she felt guiltiest about. She'd been AWOL for four days now, and she knew that they'd be looking for her by now. Her family. Well, Dean's family, really. Either way, she'd let them down. Again. It was only a matter of time now before they realized she wasn't worth the trouble and they'd let her stay gone. Funny how that wasn't reassuring at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. It only made her feel worse.

"Well," she said forlornly to her milkshake, the only company she had at the moment. "This was pretty dumb." You got that right, came Dean's gruff response. At least, for once, they agreed on something. Small victories.

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callmesir
2011-07-09 08:32 pm UTC (link)

Today marked the fourth day that no one had seen or heard from Lillie. Four days? Four days of being missing in action for a Winchester spelled nothing but bad things. One day of going missing was enough to send out the hounds (so to speak) and start a full fledged search, all the while already thinking the worst had happened. Well, they'd definitely been doing the full fledged search party, but for once in her life Shane was trying her best not to panic. John was already panicking enough for the both of them, and her freaking out on top of it wouldn't help anyone. Contrary to popular belief, Shane did have a large amount of self control. ... Sometimes.

She came at this situation like a hunter, because that was the only way she knew how anymore. Not like a friend, or a concerned pseudo father. All that would come later, and emotions only got in the way of the job, John learned that the hard way. The only way she knew how to function in the midst of a full on panic situation was to put on the stone cold guise of a hunter and do what she did best. Find what she was looking for, and find it she did. It took a few days, and with the added help of Cassie, Justin and Stearns, but if there was one thing Shane knew how to do it was track someone down who didn't want to be found. But in Lillie's case? She definitely wanted to be found, which made this even easier once they reached the most obvious of places.

Shane's initial hunch had been right. If Lillie hadn't been taken by an enemy, which up until they found her Shane was still trying not to worry about, then she'd run away. And where did Dean always run to when things got bad, besides the nearest bar? Some place familiar. So that was how the group had found themselves in Kansas and after tracking Lillie through her most recent hits through Lawrence, they found her. Or rather, Shane did. Cassie and Justin were still across the street talking to yet another store owner, but Shane had gone to see if she could sniff out another piece of the Lillie trail when she spotted the brunette inside.

She was in the booth furthest from the door but Shane had good eyes, and she didn't waste any time before walking in. She walked straight to the back where Lillie was frowning over a milkshake, not saying a word as she promptly sat down at the table and crossed her arms. Her face was a stony John Winchester mask of no emotion, now that she'd found Lillie and Lillie was very obviously in one piece, she wasn't going to do the tearful reunion. Not yet. First Lillie needed a talking to. "Come here often?"

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realboobs
2011-07-09 09:16 pm UTC (link)

Lillie was beyond noticing when someone new walked into the diner, but even she couldn't miss Shane's presence, simply because Shane, much like John, was a presence. She commanded your attention whether you liked it or not, which only made Lillie slump further down in the seat, as if that would hide her from Shane's all-seeing eyes. Her cheeks flushed with a combination of shame and embarrassment, and her mind frantically tried to think of something to say, just one good excuse that would explain why she'd gone and flaked out again, but there was nothing. Not a single damn thing. This hadn't just been dumb, it had been monumentally stupid, and now she was going to get it, Winchester-style. Awesome.

Still slumping, Lillie glanced up at her sort-of dad, the knot in her stomach tightening painfully as she saw the ice-cold look in her eyes. Dean noted helpfully that at least she wasn't yelling, but Lillie almost would have preferred that. This was so much worse. "Not really," she replied, voice small, and she looked back down at her hand, which was still messing with her necklace. Dean's necklace. Whatever.

Taking a deep breath, Lillie continued, deciding to apologize before she chickened out completely. "Before... before you say anything, I'm sorry, Shane. I shouldn't have... I mean, I know I fucked up." The corner of her mouth pulled up in a half rueful smile. "That's the only thing I've ever been good at, you know? Fucking up. I'm not good at this. I'm sorry."

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callmesir
2011-07-09 10:48 pm UTC (link)

Shane wasn't here to make Lillie feel worse, at least not intentionally. Unlike John, that wasn't Shane's style. She could be just as firm and harsh as he could but she was better about managing it, at least where it counted. She still alienated almost everyone with or without a pulse, but she kept those close to her and John without reservation or pretense. And she only delved out the abuse when people were actually asking for it. Lillie wasn't. She'd fucked up, but that could be forgiven. Just not without a lecture.

"Yeah, you did fuck up. You're lucky you weren't killed while you were out here soul searching, and just for the record being a fuck up is a pretty shitty excuse." Her tone was as harsh as she looked but after her initial words her face softened just the slightest bit, though her rigid posture sitting straight backed against the booth didn't loosen. Lillie's meek demeanor and constant shrinking back into the leather interior of the booth wouldn't deter her from getting her point across, but she wasn't going to lose her temper either. Yelling never got you anywhere, and it actually made people harder of hearing.

"You made a mistake and it's a relief to know you know that but it could have cost you your life, and ours. That's not cool, Lil. I get that this is scary what we do here, what our life is, but if you're gonna run from it at least give us the damn courtesy of letting us know so we're not out risking our own hides trying to find you in the case that you'd actually been taken. Or worse." If there was one hard truth to Shane, it was that she herself was guilty of forgetting that not everyone was as adjusted to this life as she was. She'd been doing this for four years, and she couldn't expect Lillie to just automatically adjust. At least in theory. She was still John Winchester after all, but the draw back to being John Winchester with girl parts was that her steely reserve was only a facade. If Lillie had been killed, she would have been just as wrecked as John.

"You're allowed doubt. You're allowed time to cope. But we expected more from you then cowardice. I never asked you to do what I do, but running away without so much as a goddamn note? We thought you were dead. And that's not a feeling I ever want to have to experience again. So the next time you feel like freaking out about this? Pick up the phone. Call someone. Don't just run off into the night and expect us to be okay with it. Like it or not, our lives are too dangerous to pull shit like that. So I'm gonna go on good faith here and assume you're done with this kind of stunt, 'cos if you do it again you're gonna get benched. You're part of a unit, Lillie. A family. If we can't count on each other not to get everyone killed, then we've got nothing. Understood?"

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realboobs
2011-07-09 11:14 pm UTC (link)

Lillie listened to Shane's lecture silently, eyes down and her throat so tight she couldn't speak even if she wanted to. This... this was so much different from what Lillie was used to. Whenever her mom used to yell at her, Lillie would yell right back, the two of them screaming until both of their voices were hoarse. She loved her mom and missed her like hell, but they had never seen eye-to-eye, and she was the only family Lillie had ever known. One way or another, even when her mom was alive, Lillie was always fending for herself. She was an only child, her mother was an only child, and her father, well. Mom had gone to her grave with that piece of information. This had been careless, yes, but it had never even occurred to her to let someone know where she was going, simply because she wasn't used to being part of a family. It was a completely foreign concept for her. One that took some adjusting.

But now, after all this? Lillie knew she had no choice but to adjust. Not that she wanted a choice, really. Dean's family was scary, but they had all come looking for her. That was... nice. Mortifying on her part, but nice. She could get used to that, at least. Shane was right. She couldn't be a coward anymore, and she didn't have to be Dean. She had to stop acting like she was the only one in her little universe. She just had to try.

"Yeah. I understand." Lillie peered up at Shane, apologetic but somehow a little braver than she'd been five minutes before. A little more grown up. "It won't happen again. Promise."

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lostmyshoe
2011-07-10 12:25 am UTC (link)

The shop had been a complete bust. The owner, a man well into his sixties with a hearing aid and glasses so thick Cassie wondered how he didn't keel over from the weight, couldn't remember he had customers then, let alone of a girl near Cassie's age had strolled in there recently. And forget it when they got to the weirder questions about flickering lights or smells of sulfur; the man practically chased them out of the shop cursing about 'goddamn Jehovah's Witnesses!' with his cane waving maniacally in the air. It wasn't exactly the warmest send-off she'd gotten in her lifetime, but all things considered? It definitely wasn't her's or Sam's worst.

"Well that got us a big pile of nowhere," Cassie sighed, trying to mask her worry with frustration. It wasn't enough that she was personally worried for Lillie's safety with all the monsters, demons, and wars raging around them, but Sam's panic was feeding into her own. When it came to his brother, Sam's logic and book-smarts went out the door; instead, he ran around killing crossroads demons to save Dean's soul in the most reckless behavior he imparted on--and, of course, it hadn't ended there, but that was a tale for another time. Right then, they had to hook back up with Shane in order to plan their next move.

Since Shane wasn't out yet, Cassie assumed--or hoped, really--that the woman was having better luck at getting information than she and Justin were. It didn't take them long to cross the street and enter the diner, and when Cassie's eyes scanned the room they landed on...

Lillie. Her initial reaction was relief. Lillie was safe and sound, and not a demon's ground meat somewhere. They weren't going to have to mourn another friend the way they had both of their Castiel's. It didn't take long for the shock and relief to ebb away into anger. Not only was Lillie safe, but while they were all beside themselves with worry that something had happened to her, she was chilling in a diner, having a milkshake, and acting as though it weren't completely irresponsible to just run off.

Cassie, don't. Sam warned, but she didn't listen. She never listened when she got this angry. She strolled across the diner with a huff, and before Shane or Lillie could react to her presence her fist was flying into Lillie's cheek. "ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?" Cass, there are people around. "Shut. Up. Sam."

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averagejo
2011-07-10 12:55 am UTC (link)

Justin had been beside himself with worry, and he'd been doing a poor job of not showing it. To the naked eye it might not look like it, but he and Jo had a lot in common that wasn't on the surface. For one? Neither of them were very good at masking emotions. When Jo was upset, everyone knew it. When Justin was upset, he tried hard to stay calm for other people but it was written all over his face and the way he kept wringing his hand and always looking in every other direction while he and Cassie talked to people, in the hopes that he might just see Lillie walking down the street or something.

No such luck, but every time they walked into a new place he always let his hopes rise until they were immediately dashed by yet another clueless shop owner or random passerby on the street. While Jo was furious that Dean had let Lillie run off like this and Justin was a little mad himself, his worry far outweighed any anger or betrayal that he felt. Lillie had run off and hadn't even told him, that really hurt. He knew he shouldn't take it so personally, she was younger than him and impulsive, but even Justin had gotten early on that for reincarnates like theirs being irresponsible meant getting themselves and/or other people killed. Not to mention this wasn't the sort of thing you did to someone you were in a relationship with. If Lillie was still alive, it'd be awhile before he fully trusted her again.

But as long as she was still alive, that was something he could be grateful for, so when he spotted her in the diner after walking in with Cassie a flood of relief washed over him. Relief that was quickly replaced with disbelief as Cassie strode across the room and punched Lillie square in the face. For a minute Justin was completely frozen in place and then he reacted, just as quickly crossing the room and ignoring all the confused looks as he raced over to the booth and grabbed Cassie by the arms, yanking her back as hard as he could. "Cassie, that's enough," he barked, for the moment not looking Lillie in the eye as he held on fast to the other Winchester, intent on not letting go until she calmed down. "If we're going to do this let's do it somewhere else."

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realboobs
2011-07-10 01:28 am UTC (link)

Lillie should've figured that making her apologies to Shane was the easy part of this little reunion, but right up until Cassie's fist connected with her face, Lillie thought the worst of it was over. She really should've known that Shane's anger would be nothing compared to Cassie's. Dean wasn't surprised, of course, though if he was expecting this, he didn't say a word to Lillie – which didn't surprise her. Someone needed to knock some sense into her, Dean had always thought, and if it couldn't be him? Might as well be Sam.

And he got his wish. Lillie was temporarily blinded and stunned by Cassie's blow, and while normally she might've thrown a punch back, Lillie took it like a pro. Sort of. She knew she deserved it, but that didn't stop her from swearing loudly or cradling her face with her hands and actually whining, "My face!" only to discover that her nose was bleeding. A few tears of pain spilled over onto her cheeks, too, but she kept those hidden as best she could, reaching for a wad of napkins from the dispenser on the table to stem the flow from her nose. At least she was certain of one thing now, Lillie thought ruefully. Even though Sam Winchester was a girl now, he certainly didn't hit like one. Store that information away for later.

"'Sokay, Justin. I'm okay," she mumbled thickly after a moment, blinking rapidly but still noticing the way he wouldn't look at her as he held her sort-of brother back. Which only made her feel worse, but rightfully so. She'd done a lot more damage than she'd realized. A lot more. Groaning, Lillie sat up in the booth, first to reach for more napkins and second for her milkshake. The blood from her nose was slowing now, and she only had to dab occasionally to catch the drops, but she could already feel the skin under her eye starting to throb and swell. Gingerly, she touched the cold glass to her cheekbone, wincing slightly at the pain.

"Jeez, Cassie, just 'cause you missed the apology doesn't mean you had to hit me. I mean, I get it, but I have one for you, too! I mean, not a – fuck, an apology. For b-both of you. I'm sorry, okay? I'm just. I'm really sorry. Christ." Any other time, Lillie would've gone on and word-vomited until their ears bled, but not now. Now she had to clench her teeth and look back down at the seat, letting her hair fall forward to cover her disaster of a face. The last thing she wanted to do was be a total girl and cry for real now. Shane wouldn't, no matter what. So Lillie wouldn't either. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't.

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callmesir
2011-07-10 02:58 am UTC (link)

Well, that was predictable. When it came to the Winchesters if there was some kind of trouble, there was always a fight amongst themselves first. And when it came to Sam and Dean? Cassie definitely had Sam's temper and Lillie definitely had Dean's mouth. Shane barely blinked in surprise as Cassie barrelled into the diner and thew a punch at Lillie. She was about to get up and stop her herself, but Justin mercifully appeared out of nowhere directly after and took Cassie by the arms.

"Oh for fuck's sake, shut it," Shane snapped at the two of them, rolling her eyes powerfully as she handed Lillie another stack of napkins and then rose from her seat, planting both her hands firmly on the table as she leaned forward to speak in a lower tone. Now that they'd attracted a full fledged audience, it was definitely time to go. You never knew who might be hanging around close by. Or what.

"This is so not the place. Are you all trying to get us killed?" Her tone was full of barely controlled aggravation as she spoke under her breath, glaring between the three of them and a curtain of long blond hair. "Justin's right, we need to take this outside. And preferably to the house where we have salt and devil's traps, and no demons to make a scene in front of. So let's get the Hell out of here. Now."

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lostmyshoe
2011-07-10 07:22 am UTC (link)

Cassie was vaguely aware of Sam lecturing her through the pulse beating in her ears at the moment. Luckily for her--and to the big guy's great annoyance--she'd become used to the Sam Winchester Lecture Hour a long time ago and primed herself for tuning him out. He knew that's what she was doing, and while other time she would point out how much he really did sound like Dean's portrayal of him in 'Tall Tales,' right now she was too angry to even take any fun in that. The idea that she had spent a good four days worrying and fretting for nothing festered in the pit of her stomach, and for a second she contemplated attempting to pull away from Justin to clock Lillie once again.

She was seething, but she didn't say another word at first. There wasn't a response to Lillie's apology other than a hard glare; right then she wasn't in the mood for apologies or forgiveness. Look, I get you're angry. I'm upset, too. But we can't just-- Can it. While she was no longer struggling against Justin's grip, it was very clear that she wanted nothing more than to make Lillie's nose bleed again.

"Whatever," She hissed, jerking out of Justin's grip. "Most of what I want to say can't be fucking said here anyway."

She shook her head, and stormed past the diner's voyeurs to yank the door open unnecessarily hard. The small bell attached to the top dinged and clunked with the force, and the petite angry brunette was the first of their clan to make it down the street. Right then a little distance was a damn good idea.

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averagejo
2011-07-10 10:38 pm UTC (link)

Justin tried his hardest to hold onto Cassie but when she finally tore herself out of his grasp it was only to storm out, which while still making a bit of a scene was much better than the alternative. He really didn't want to have to get in the middle of a full on Winchester cat fight with Shane as a referee, the blond hunter scared him more than most demons did.

With a sigh of resignation he watched Cassie storm out, looking back to Shane and Lillie for help. Shane just shrugged and started out after Cassie so Justin waited for Lillie to get up and out of the booth before he fell in step with her to walk out of the diner, scratching the back of his head for lack of anything better to do.

Now he really understood how Jo felt. When it came to demons and hunting things, he felt much more at ease doing that then being in this situation right now. He was completely out of his league here. "So... you're okay then? Punch to the nose aside. You really just... ran away?"

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realboobs
2011-07-11 01:27 am UTC (link)

Lillie didn't have the energy to return Cassie's glare – she didn't even have the energy to look at Cassie, let alone retaliate in any way, shape, or form. And how could she retaliate, anyway? She didn't have an excuse for this. There were no words, none at all, that could explain away the past four days, and even if there were, Lillie wouldn't be able to find them. So instead she just sat there and bit her lip, glancing up just once to watch Cassie storm out before she resumed fixing her gaze on her lap. That was easier. Almost.

Once Shane left, Lillie dutifully crawled out of the booth and followed, walking next to Justin but not really with him. She kept her distance, unsure how to act now that it was just him and her. He seemed to be keeping his distance too, but Lillie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She wasn't sure of anything anymore, not after that punch. Before they left the diner, she paused to pull her wallet out and leave some bills on the counter, probably a lot more than she should've, but after the scene she'd caused, it was the least she could do. "Sorry about the mess," she mumbled, and almost as an afterthought, she set the glass down, too. It wasn't cold anymore, and she didn't really want to leave with it. She looked ridiculous enough.

Outside, Lillie's attitude didn't change much. She kept her head down and her hands close, arms crossing her chest, and she stayed silent for a long time after Justin spoke. She didn't know what to say to him. If she told him the truth, would he really want to stay with her anymore, knowing she was a total coward and not like Dean in the slightest, even if she promised to try and get better? Justin was the one thing she'd tried not to screw up, but one impulsive act and four days later, it looked like she had anyway. At this rate, she didn't have anything left to lose. "Yeah. I did. I'm... I'm sorry, Justin. That I didn't tell you, that I did it in the first place – you know, all of it. And I wish I had an excuse, one that would make this all make sense, but I don't. It was just stupid. I'm stupid. And I'm sorry."

She peered up at him uncertainly through a curtain of hair, then looked back down. "I don't expect Cassie to forgive me for this. You don't have to, either. That's okay, I mean, I understand – I wouldn't forgive me. But if it helps, I'm not... I won't do it again. Any of this. I won't."

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