InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Or maybe its the plumbing"

Eleanor Shellstrop is (teamcockroach) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-04-12 19:49:00

Entry tags:

!network post, eleanor shellstrop, jason todd / red hood (au), jim kirk (aos), kitty pryde (616), megan gwynn / pixie (616)

Okay so when I was alive the first time around, I was basically a horrible person. A dumpster fire. A dirt bag. Being dead and faced with punishment and all that, I started to learn how to be a good person, even though I didn't really think I'd ever get to the Good Place.

Now I'm alive again and the only thing I've been doing for the last twelve years is sell crappy medication to sick and old people to try and weasel them out of however much money I could, but I don't want to do that anymore.

So, crowdsourcing here. What kind of job would a good person get?

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	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:06 am UTC (link)
	Drinking, messing up people's lives, celebrity twitter stalking, supporting misogynistic businesses, and selling fake medicine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:08 am UTC (link)
	Wow. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:14 am UTC (link)
	See my dilemma? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:15 am UTC (link)
	Do you want to turn over a new leaf? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:15 am UTC (link)
	I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:16 am UTC (link)
	What else do you like to do? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:17 am UTC (link)
	I've been getting into reading lately. I like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:18 am UTC (link)
	Is there a library you can work at? Or a bookstore? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:20 am UTC (link)
	I...can check? I could maybe do a bookstore. Selling books can't be that hard, can it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:21 am UTC (link)
	I don't know. I've never done it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:25 am UTC (link)
	So what job are YOU going to go do? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 12:26 am UTC (link)
	I have no idea at all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 12:28 am UTC (link)
	At least I'm not the only one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottiberius 2018-04-13 10:42 pm UTC (link)
	Well, there doesn't seem to be a market for starship captains around here, and that's what I do. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	janetisme 2018-04-13 01:39 am UTC (link)
	In the interest of fidelity, I must point out that this list is misleading, Eleanor. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 01:41 am UTC (link)
	Don't knock my celebrity twitter stalking skills. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

janetisme
2018-04-13 02:03 am UTC (link)

Not what I was referring to, actually. When judged on the effectiveness of your methods for obtaining personal information, as well as the overall level of discomfort your invasive questions cause the celebrity in question, you are in the 85th percentile. That skill can not be disputed.

However, not only does your list include one blatant falsehood, it neglects to mention several of your most distinguishing skills.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-13 02:08 am UTC (link)
	Woohoo, 85th percentile! No way, I'm good at all those things. What'd I forget though? Champion all you can eat shrimp fest winner three years running? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

janetisme
2018-04-14 06:56 am UTC (link)

Incorrect! At no point during your time on earth did you commit any act severe enough to cause any real damage to someone else's life. In fact, on the Christopher Poole Scale of Understated Domestic Terrorism, your objectively worst action ranked only a 'meh' (approximately a 3.625 out of 10, when translated). You frequently came close to committing offenses that would have reached 'sheeyit' (6) and 'actual human garbage' (7-7.5) levels, but always stopped yourself before you could go that far. For example: During your time selling NasaPro, you intentionally botched 29 sales. 26 of those individuals shared that they suffered from severe physical and/or financial difficulties, and two said that you reminded them of their granddaughter, which suggests that you did so out of moral obligation and/or kindness.

Fun fact: You earned your stay in The Bad Place almost entirely through micro accumulation. Very few of your actions were bad enough put you significantly into the negatives by themselves, but you made up for the qualitative deficiency with quantity alone. To put it in human terms: You paid your rent with dimes and quarters, not fifties or hundreds.

Your most distinctive skills include, but are not limited to: doing the hard thing when it matters, acute awareness of your own personal failings, mixing the perfect cocktail, above-average intuition and discernment, reluctance to jump to conclusions, and the ability to genuine compliments at the most opportune time. Your ability to eat copious amounts of shrimp is not so much a skill as it is a manifestation fo your body's desperate attempts to correct a severe selenium deficiency.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-17 03:27 pm UTC (link)
	[...] That makes me sound a lot better than I was. I'm going to have to think about all this. Mostly because I'm not sure how to process it all. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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