InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Wizwit!"

Janet, your sentient database! (janetisme) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-04-11 19:35:00

Entry tags:

eleanor shellstrop, janet, michael

Team Cockroach

Hi there! This is to inform you all that I will not be staying in the void for the foreseeable future, as I have taken on guardianship of a teenager, and will be guiding her into adulthood in my spare time. This will require me to take up residence in her very large mansion. By my calculation, this will decrease my reaction time by approximately .0341 nanoseconds. Thank you for your understanding, and I’m sorry for your wait!

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	teamcockroach 2018-04-12 12:55 am UTC (link)
	You can do that? How can you do that? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	janetisme 2018-04-12 01:44 am UTC (link)
	I can, yes! Very easily, actually. Starting with the 21st Generation, Janets are equipped with Fun Mom protocol. It’s very popular among Good Place residents that had poor relationships with their mothers, but it’s very conveniently applicable here, as well! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-12 01:34 pm UTC (link)
	Okay first? That would have been good for me back there because my mom was the worst. So was Tahani's. You should have been our moms. Second, I'm not sure you being "Fun Mom" is really the best idea for a teenager who might need more than that. You've never been a teen yourself, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

janetisme
2018-04-14 07:13 am UTC (link)

I'm sorry, Eleanor! Although Janets can initiate certain protocols independently, their use is usually left up to the discretion of the architect as he curates the perfect experience for each individual. Seeing as Michael's intention was to use my skills to manipulate and indirectly torture you, that particular protocol never came up. I can activate it for you now, if you'd like?

As I do not age, no - I have never been a teenager. I do possess knowledge of the experiences and feelings of every teenager that ever existed, though, so I do have many sources with which to expand my knowledge. If possible, though, I'd much rather learn from you, my friend who has been a teenager. Would you mind helping me?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teamcockroach 2018-04-17 03:25 pm UTC (link)
	Nah, it's fine. I don't necessarily want any kind of closure with my parental issues. I'm mostly past that. But yeah - since that's what Michael was using for, it makes sense. [...] Of course I'll help you, but I can't promise I'll be very good at helping you be a mom. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	thearchitect 2018-04-12 01:15 am UTC (link)
	...You're doing what? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	janetisme 2018-04-12 01:36 am UTC (link)
	Acting as a guardian. For a girl. For the foreseeable future. Was that clearer? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thearchitect 2018-04-12 01:38 am UTC (link)
	This is a very bad idea. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	janetisme 2018-04-12 01:44 am UTC (link)
	I disagree, but I appreciate your input. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thearchitect 2018-04-12 01:48 am UTC (link)
	Janet, have you considered the consequences should you get attached? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	thearchitect 2018-04-12 01:52 am UTC (link)
	They're like very ugly puppies. You have to feed them and train them and discipline them. You're needed for much more important things. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	janetisme 2018-04-12 02:10 am UTC (link)
	Given that I am physically incapable of not considering the consequences, yes I have. I just am exercising my newly developed ability to ignore the probability of failure and/or disaster, and proceed anyway. I think people are important things, Michael. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thearchitect 2018-04-12 02:13 am UTC (link)
	Yes, people. As in plural. This community could use our expertise. Have you considered what you might do when your very ugly, needy puppy gets old and dies? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

janetisme
2018-04-14 07:23 am UTC (link)

I am fully capable of multitasking. For example, as I am typing you this, I'm knitting you a beard beanie to hide your unsightly facial skin. And now I've delivered it. You are now wearing it.

I have not, as I was ignoring human mortality. However, I have the perfect solution: When she dies, I'll use my stored memory of her physical features, personality, and genetic make up to make a perfect replica. And since things that I make do not die, it'll never be a problem again!

(Reply to this) (Parent)