InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Riiiiiiiiiiiicola."

Jon Kasiya | Amun (mysteryofset) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-02-25 13:57:00

Entry tags:

amadeus cho / hulk (616), anya corazon / spider-girl (616), betsy braddock / psylocke (616), jon kasiya / amun (616), laura kinney / wolverine (616)

I suppose, now that we are heading back on the ship, we can resume our schedule of mindless diversion.

But I wonder. Has anyone else considered quitting the assassin game?

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	x_facility 2018-02-25 07:03 pm UTC (link)
	When I was 13 but I didn't fully stop for a few more years. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	mysteryofset 2018-02-25 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	I can imagine it would have been hard to fimd the force of will stop then. I suppose now the force of habit is so ingrained though. Might I ask why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

x_facility
2018-02-25 07:12 pm UTC (link)

The people who made me decided to make a lot more, so I killed them all and burned the lab down.

Later I was on X-Force for a while. Then I got kidnapped into an arena run by a lunatic who wanted to watch superheros kill each other. After that I was captured by Purifiers and killed a lot of them while escaping.

Then I came here and don't have any reason to kill people anymore. I haven't had a handler in a long time. I am learning to make my own decisions.

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mysteryofset
2018-02-25 07:23 pm UTC (link)

You speak so plainly of it. Perhaps I will repay that frankness.

Mine is was a religious order. Which makes the thought of leaving disquieting on a more spiritual level.

I have had less trouble turning my back on my Order and masters as I have failed them now in two timelines, home and one before here, which would mark me for Death. ~~Actually, speaking of them publically might make it three timelines now.~~

But I question the implications if I turn my back on Set. Yet then, now working with the groups I have who seem less shall we say open to assassinations. I question the methodology I suppose in a way I have never before.

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x_facility
2018-02-25 07:33 pm UTC (link)

I left nearly ten years ago in my timeline.

I didn't believe in it. I just did what I was told. I didn't know how to make choices or have my own identity. I had a number, not a name, and when my sensei got too fond of me they used a chemical solution to drive me into a rage and forced me to kill him. I wasn't scared when I left only because I didn't know how to be but when I learned I was scared all the time that the people who paid them would find me.

Leaving was not a source of guilt.

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	mysteryofset 2018-02-25 07:42 pm UTC (link)
	But you were good at it, I take. Do you not worry that in walking away you turned your back on what truly made you exceptional for I don't know, office jobs and things you will never quite master to the same degree? Or have you found something as similarly satisfying, if less complicated? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	x_facility 2018-02-25 07:49 pm UTC (link)
	Very good. At home I still protect people. I'll fight people who want to control people for their own ends but I try not to kill them myself, only turn them over to police or SHIELD. Here I'm learning about horses and bartending and running a gym and I might learn to cook more I think. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mysteryofset 2018-02-25 11:23 pm UTC (link)
	I have worked in offices and radio. Am undertaking university. But there is no definitive moment of victory in those fields beyond I suppose patron satisfaction. ~~I enjoyed street figh~~ . Is work with SHIELD or such groups not the same work but for a different force? And that feels authentic? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

x_facility
2018-02-25 11:30 pm UTC (link)

Maybe normal people just don't get it as much or often. Like if we started doing hardcore drugs early and quit them but there's nothing that gives the same high that's more healthy or safe.

Not really. It used to be that I would eliminate a target at any cost. Now I have to think about how it affects the other people and try to avoid collateral damage, and trying not to kill a target limits the number of methods I could employ. It's... There was a certain amount of thought involved, before, but in comparison it was mindless. I didn't consider the whys, or understand enough context to see potential alternatives to solving a problem.

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mysteryofset
2018-02-25 11:46 pm UTC (link)

Perhaps a chip is not the worst recourse. Those endeavors that have come closest to the thrill of assassination have not been much better for safety or legality. Street fights, anti-Maggia work, the like.

I would never have called assassination thoughtless. There are considerations of messaging and client wishes, the game of access and exit, personal branding. Though there is far less personal, perhaps, and more resource intensive operating alone.

I suppose where I find I was thoughtless is less in regards to actions and more, personal will perhaps?

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	x_facility 2018-02-25 11:50 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, personal will. I think that's what I mean. I didn't consider why I was doing anything. I didn't really know how. No one tried to tell me it was a holy duty, I was just a tool that they spent a lot of time and money to make and that's what I was used for. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysteryofset
2018-02-26 12:04 am UTC (link)

The holy duty line goes far in both giving an assassin a purpose and resolving qualms. 'We serve as a tool of the justice of Set bringing people to their cosmic justice they richly merit. The weak are found failing of Anubis' measure and culled from existence.' It gives a quite solid direction.

But, my father was of my Order, as his before him and so forth, and killed by my Order, so I suppose there was always some disconnect in accepting that which, when I fell afoul of them on my own rights, I found that.. I too did not want to die?

It is difficult to see oneself as a tool of justice in a system that seemed ever more unjust. But, without that framework, I do not know how to see myself at all.

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	x_facility 2018-02-26 12:09 am UTC (link)
	It sounds like it might be easier to just get a baby and never let them around anyone else. When I escaped I didn't know how to interact with anyone so they almost caught me a few times. I stood out a lot. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mysteryofset 2018-02-26 12:17 am UTC (link)
	Then they would suck at infiltration. You were not also trained socially? At least enough to pass as a student, or aide, or servant for so long as a job took. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	x_facility 2018-02-26 12:24 am UTC (link)
	Briefly, for missions. I was never expected to need to pass for more than a few hours, and normally I would be told what to expect. There are some areas I was more adept in and others that I knew nothing of. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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