InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Disgruntled Pelican"

james buchanan barnes (whatthebucky) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-01-19 18:22:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes / winter soldier (ph), gwen stacy (ph), james rogers, johanna mason (au), john murphy, maya lopez / echo (616), natasha romanoff / black widow (mcu), rogue (616), sam wilson / captain america (616), snow white, steve rogers / captain america (mcu), tina cohen-chang, wanda maximoff / scarlet witch (mcu)

Found the tavern. Someone come get me for when it's time for me to patrol.

[ FILTERED TO TINA COHEN-CHANG ]
So. I fucked up. Remind me to stop doing that, will you?

[ooc; Triggers for talk of death, depression, and suicide in comments.]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Re: MURPHY/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-01-20 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	Then make sure I don't try to find Steve and make stupid ass decisions with him because I blurred the lines. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	MURPHY/BUCKY. uprise 2018-01-20 07:14 pm UTC (link)
	You know the lines are never ever clear. If there's a line, it will get blurred together at some point. Did something happen because you two were having a good time when I drank with you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: MURPHY/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-01-20 08:01 pm UTC (link)
	This one can't. It'd be too fucked up. We talked, less superficially than normal. Things go away from us and now I don't know what's happening. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: MURPHY/BUCKY. uprise 2018-01-20 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	I guess the you only live once doesn't apply to this situation? Yeah, well, small gets old real damn quick. You're 100 years old, I know you know what the hell is happening. You're hoping for your Steve to come through the portal. I get it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: MURPHY/BUCKY.

whatthebucky
2018-01-20 08:17 pm UTC (link)

Ha. Yeah, it doesn't apply.

Of course I do, some of my people recently came through so I have hope he might too. But I know that he may never come through either, seen that happen to people. So I've been trying to come to terms with that. Deal with never seeing him again and deal with the fact there's going to be another version of him around, with his own memories, feelings, and life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

MURPHY/BUCKY.

uprise
2018-01-21 05:54 am UTC (link)

Yeah, it's a tough fucking call. You can wait and your Steve never coming through that portal. And then you'd have missed all those opportunities to find love and be happy. On the other hand, you can cross those blurred lines with this Steve and then your Steve shows up.

Man, you are fucking complicated. How long have you been waiting? Finn only waited a few days and hooked up with ~~Clarke~~ someone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: MURPHY/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-01-21 06:04 am UTC (link)
	I'm not crossing those blurred lines with him. He's not the one I'm in love with, you know? It would completely fucking selfish of me to do that when he has actual feelings for me and I'm just projecting mine. Little over two months. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	MURPHY/BUCKY. uprise 2018-01-21 06:12 am UTC (link)
	~~Don't you get lone~~ Yeah, I get what you're saying. You just going to avoid him? That'll be tough as fuck on a boat. I'm sorry, Buck. I wish I could pull him out of thin air for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: MURPHY/BUCKY.

whatthebucky
2018-01-21 06:18 am UTC (link)

Best way to grieve what I lost and not get shit confused, I think. It'll be easier to avoid him with us at port, I'll just stick to the suites whenever I can when we're not. I'll make it work, it's what I asked for.

Don't be sorry. It's the nature of our lives. I lived the way I wanted to live with him, when we were together. It was to the fullest and I have no regrets.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	MURPHY/BUCKY. uprise 2018-01-21 06:29 am UTC (link)
	I tried to kill myself at my lowest, so whatever you're doing ain't too bad. What about the meetings? You're not going to go to them? I won't go if you're not going to show up. I don't say sorry a lot, so you should feel honored. [...] That was sarcasm. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

MURPHY/BUCKY. - TRIGGERS

whatthebucky
2018-01-21 06:39 am UTC (link)

I had some lows too. One day I went from being a soldier from the 40s stuck in some weird Hawaiian future, the next I had memories of being an assassin shoved into my brain along with my first set of memories. A whole other lived, a terrible one full of torture and murder. It fucked me up and I lost who I was. But before I could do something stupid, a foul mouthed preteen talked some sense into me and brought me back to who I was. Saved my life. So I've been there, but this isn't going to push me there. Steve and I, we always knew it might not be forever. We had learned to come to terms with that when we decided to get married. I just got to keep remembering that.

Anyway, I'm still coming to the meetings, so you're not getting out of it easy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	MURPHY/BUCKY. - TRIGGERS uprise 2018-01-21 06:48 am UTC (link)
	That doesn't sound like a fun ride at all. You been through a lot of shit, Buck. I know I don't even know the half of it. I see it in your eyes sometimes. You're a good boy, Buck. Remember that. Damn. Thought I got a get out of jail free card. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: MURPHY/BUCKY. - TRIGGERS whatthebucky 2018-01-21 07:03 am UTC (link)
	You're a good boy too, Murph. I won't burden you with more. You'll hear more about the Winter Soldier stuff at group anyway. Pick something to do while we're at port. I've been told in no uncertain terms by two different people that I can't lived in the tavern. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -